DU is filled with people who understand their purpose. I'm asking: How do you find your

[Mike 03]

purpose?

Currently, I'm doing this program to answer this question, but the answer is basically about self-actualization, which I appreciate. I love that, and I "get" it.

But deeper down, I know that there is something more than just "being" that I need/want to do in order to be fulfilled, even though it might be scary for me.

If any of you have been scared or afraid to move forward and find out what the hell it is you are supposed to be doing, please, I'm practically begging you, share your experience.

The happiest times of my life were volunteering at an animal shelter. That was the high point of my existence, but I've lost traction, and for the last few years I have done nothing productive and I'm losing self confidence, and I am desperate to actually do something that matters. I know that is the only way I'm going to be able to boost myself up and re-learn how to help others and remember what it feels like to do something positive for other people.

I miss it so much, and I have no explanation for why or how I lost this. But for whatever reason, lately I just live in a state of fear.

The goal is to reverse this totally as soon as possible and do something positive.

Thank you.

[nadinbrzezinski]

1. The answer is in your post, go volunteer at that animal shelter

or the local food bank, or what have you.

You miss that service to others.

And yes, it is scary at times to do that, to even go back to what once we did. It might feel like going backwards.

You are also dealing with dad, and that is probably the source of that fear

:-)

Hugs

[dbonds]

2. Purpose seems to imply there is a grand plan you are supposed to find your position in.

You just do what makes you happy and try to grow as a person.

I did discover the meaning of life - it is whatever you make it to be.

[Ohio Joe]

3. Advice my dad gave me as a child

Whatever it is you love to do, there is a job out there that you can do. Do that.

I think my old man is pretty smart.

[wroberts189]

5. Hmm.. good advice. nt

[wroberts189]

4. Learn to meditate ..insight or mindfullness meditation.

It takes some practice but you will get results soon enough. You will find what you are looking for. It may be the only way.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation#Health_applications_and_clinical_studies

[KittyWampus]

6. Group I study with begins lessons by asking each person to decide on something tangible you want

and then visualize it and then work for it.

Much more practical than looking for "purpose".

Of course, what we want may change. That's okay.

A lot of people have never really stopped to think "what do I want". Many just go about their lives bouncing from one experience to the next.

[NJCher]

7. maybe I'm mistaking you for another DU-er

But aren't you a college or university teacher? If you are, I think just being a knowledgeable DU-er in a position to affect young people is a contribution right there.

Of course, if you're not feeling that you're fulfilling your purpose, then you are probably not doing so.

In that case, I'm with the poster who recommends meditation. Also the poster who suggests going back to volunteer work with the animal shelter.


Cher

[saltpoint]

8. This weekend, Mike, start with something really basic, like

moving the furniture. Whip out the lemon Pledge and the Mr. Clean and turn your physical dwelling into something that's been changed. Self is tougher to change, of course, than sofas and other furniture, but susceptible to the same benefits once it's re-arranged.

If you have prints or paintings on the wall, order from a cookie jar fund from one of the on-line print services and change what you see on those walls.

Put up some holiday lights of all one color in the bathroom and don't use the regular overhead electricity white lights when you shower. Works for the bedroom as well.

Call the animal shelter and see if there's any room for an additional volunteer. Make 3X5 cards volunteering your services as a pet-sitter and hang the cards in every laundry mat in town.

If there is a college or university nearabouts, enroll for a course this fall. Spend some library time leading up to the first scheduled class and build a knowledge base. Choose a course on sheer interest.

If there is a close friend or two in your immediate area, ask him or her if they would like to enroll in the same class. That bolsters your involvement by having it endorsed by someone you value. And it's more fun, too.

Rent Franco Zefferelli's ROMEO AND JULIET on DVD. I saw it when I was quite young and fairly unfamiliar with Shakespeare. It packed such an emotional wallop that I could barely believe how it made me feel. It's not famous because it's famous, but famous because it is magnificent.

If what you feel you are experiencing is anhedonia, don't hesitate to pick up the phone and schedule an appointment with a supportive therapist. Many have sliding-scale fee structures and most are happy to have an intelligent soul walk through their doors asking insightful questions. You deserve an ally if you want one.

Not least, consider a trip to a botanical garden and also to an art museum. They are venues of deliberate beauty and it is an underestimated pleasure to let that beauty wash over you.

PM me if you want anytime. I'm often out for days at a time but just as often I'm here night and day.

All good wishes.

[Warpy]

9. You answered your own question

If your health no longer enables you to volunteer doing physical things, think about volunteering at the information desk at the hospital, think about reading to wounded kids at the VA.

You'd be surprised how fast simple service to other people, even an hour a week if that's all you can do, will rebuild your sense of purpose and self esteem.

It helps them, too.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

10. DU is filled with people who understand their purpose, you wrote.....

Now, look at my annotated version of your post below.

It is all about what you can do to make you feel better about yourself.

This may be a particularly obnoxious way for me to make a point, but I've never been accused of being subtle when I think there is a point to be made.

Do you have your health?

Do you have a steady income?

Do you have a secure roof over your head?

Do you always have enough to eat?

When you go to sleep, are you sure that no one will come in and force you out of your home?

Well, guess what?

Lots of people have none of those things, and can hardly take them for granted as much as you - as we all - do. But, your plaint is that you don't feel good about yourself. You live "in a state of fear." You liked helping at an animal shelter.

How about getting your head out of your head and going out into the world to do something for those less fortunate?

There are children who need Big Brothers, or foster parents, or just someone who might provide a hot meal, or a tutor to help with homework.

There are senior citizens who can't get out to go grocery shopping or to a doctor's appointment, and could use a ride. Maybe they could use someone who would be willing to spend an hour with them on a long afternoon, just chatting, maybe listening to their stories.

Here's how you "get," which is what you're looking for:

You "get" by giving.

And if you have all the things I enumerated above, then you have a responsibility to give. Otherwise you end up as an emotionally constipated being, with no rewarding connection with anyone else, taking all your gifts for granted, and squandering them by spending your time lamenting what you don't have.

Harsh? Perhaps, but this is a public message board, and you have to be careful of what you ask for.


I'm asking: How do you find your purpose?

Currently, I'm doing this program to answer this question, but the answer is basically about self-actualization, which I appreciate. I love that, and I "get" it.

But deeper down, I know that there is something more than just "being" that I need/want to do in order to be fulfilled, even though it might be scary for me.

If any of you have been scared or afraid to move forward and find out what the hell it is you are supposed to be doing, please, I'm practically begging you, share your experience.

The happiest times of my life were volunteering at an animal shelter. That was the high point of my existence, but I've lost traction, and for the last few years I have done nothing productive and I'm losing self confidence, and I am desperate to actually do something that matters. I know that is the only way I'm going to be able to boost myself up and re-learn how to help others and remember what it feels like to do something positive for other people.

I miss it so much, and I have no explanation for why or how I lost this. But for whatever reason, lately I just live in a state of fear.

The goal is to reverse this totally as soon as possible and do something positive.

Thank you.

[Cid_B]

11. Simple test...

Think about a few decades from now lying in your deathbed surrounded by wife, kids, grandkids etc...

What would you be most proud of? most satisfied with as an accomplishment? If that old man in the bed was you as you are right now, what would you most regret not accomplishing?

I always knew I couldn't file TPS reports from a cubicle. In the end I ended up doing military service and even in a few months of work here in Afghanistan Ive got a few stories of people whos lives are significantly better of because of my presence and that of my Soldiers. As time goes on I expect to add to the list over the course of my career and a dozen or so odd deployments.

I'm not saying that you have to join the military but the deathbed test was the simplest and most effective one for me.

[MADem]

12. I am retired and I LOVE it.

I do a bit of volunteering now (old people and the homeless are my "schticks," as well as a bit of political farting around), something that fourteen hour days and seven day weeks made impossible for much of my life. But I still find plenty of time to just screw off. It's like summer vacation for me, and I'm not tired of it yet.

If you're in "high anxiety" land, you might want to see a doctor. Think about doing that, and in the meanwhile, go volunteer at an animal shelter.

[roody]

13. I believe our purpose is to be happy.

Go back to the shelter! I volunteer at our shelter, and I love it. If nothing else, go pet cats. Go for a walk also.

[Oregone]

14. Life is purposeless

Stop looking for purpose and start enjoying your life

[paulsby]

15. much like steve martin in :"the jerk"

i have found my special purpose