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I have done extensive research and have found that instead of the traditional pronunciation of the name "Matthews" as "Maa-thues" with the accent on the first syllable, the REAL pronunciation is...
---drum-roll---
"MATCHOO"
as in the rhyme for a sneeze. This would explain the flecks of saliva which emanate from his mouth nightly, since the genetic pressure of his phenotype is clear to all. His former "boss" Tip O'Neill knew this when he hired him as an assistant (read: coffee-gofer) and his former boss Jimmy Carter knew this when he hired him as a speech writer (read: coffee-gofer) and his present boss at MSNBC knew that when he hired him as an on-air talent (read: hypersalivating shithead cum Cheeney "pronunciator"). In fact, I guarantee you that Matchoo's Wikipedia entry after he's 'gone' will state the fact that his greatest contribution to society was his elocution lessons concerning the pronunciation of former VP Cheney's name.
(Cross-posted from another thread since "I WANTED TO".)
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