Wingnuts Rewriting the Bible to Make it Less "Liberal"

[ccharles000]

Let's get this out of the way right off the bat: no, this is not satire. It's absolutely true.

The good folks at Conservapedia ("The Trustworthy Encyclopedia") have embarked on The Conservative Bible Project to remove all traces of "liberal bias" from the Good Book.

Since the facts have a well-known liberal bias, a bunch of wingnuts decided in 2006 to create an alternative to Wikipedia, a liberal cesspool of fact-checking, sources and citations. They called their new venture Conservapedia, whose chief mission was "to educate advanced, college-bound homeschoolers". No longer would young, impressionable minds be corrupted by empirical evidence and so-called "facts". With that mission apparently accomplished, they have now turned their attention toward the Bible.

Declaring that "Liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations", they have embarked on an ambitious project to strip all Christian principles from the Christian Bible.

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/10/5/789941/-Wingnuts-Rewriting-the-Bible-to-Make-it-Less-Liberal

[xultar]

1. Well they're gonna have to kill off Jesus in their version cuz he was a hippie.

[roguevalley]

12. They are even throwing out YHWH. Amazing. They are throwing out

the name of God.

Toss the New Testament then, dumbasses.

[Vinnie From Indy]

66. They probably will accuse Jesus of being "gay" as well.

After all, he spent most of his time with long haired men in robes.

[CJCRANE]

2. Why don't they just create

their own parallel universe? They don't seem to like the laws and morals of this one.

[tanyev]

52. Seems like they already have.

[newspeak]

73. maybe Moon is their new god

Because ya know Jesus didn't get it right by Moon's standards. Since Moon has funneled money to some of these, in my opinion, power hungry ignorant self-righteous loons, they're going off on the deep end. Of course, if they really read the aramaic translation, it would be a whole new perception of the Bible, anyway. They're just making their own shite up, so it conforms to their narrow, little prejudices.

[niyad]

but, but. . . it's supposed to be the word of god, true in every word. they are smarter than god?

[BrklynLiberal]

10. posted the same th ought before I saw your post.

We agree on the totally absurdity of this proposal....even if WE do not believe that the Bible is the words of God...those idiots are supposed to believe it is.

[BlooInBloo]

3. Watching historical proof in the making that BibleIsWordOfGod is complete and utter bullshit...

People *ALWAYS* write and rewrite the falsely named "word of god" whenever and however it suits them.

And always will.

[KansDem]

6. Agreed...

I wonder how they're going to work "taser" into this version...

[TexasObserver]

4. Everyone knows Jesus is a Republican living in Mississippi.

[shadowknows69]

15. He's a stoner and he lives in Red Banks NJ.

Buddy Christ!!!

[BrklynLiberal]

25. Jay and Silent Bob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Actually Asbury Park, and S/he loves Skee-ball!!!

If you have never seen "Dogma", you have not truly lived.

[TexasObserver]

29. "Tell us something we don't know!" --- Jay

"You're thinking about guys." --- Chris Rock

[BrklynLiberal]

31. LOL!!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[TexasObserver]

44. It's a wonderful movie.

Chris Rock is great, too.

[BrklynLiberal]

51. Virtually every scene has a classic line in it.

The characters, and those that play them are truly inspired. Alan Rickman and George Carlin...no words to describe them.

Here is a small collection..
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120655/quotes

Can't watch it enough.

[TexasObserver]

60. The more one knows about the mythology of angels and such, the more sense it makes.

[shadowknows69]

65. I love the disgust of Rickman's Metatron

Paraphrasing here "Tell someone you're the Metatron and you get a blank stare, but say something from a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone's a theologian. May I continue please?"

[TexasObserver]

69. It's a treasure trove for life long cynics of religion.

[BrklynLiberal]

70. and how annoyed he got when his clothes kept gettingt dirty from spraying blood and such..

[shadowknows69]

30. You are correct. And yes, Dogma is one of my favorite movies.

I was thinking of Kevin's comic shop which my wife and I went to Red Banks to visit. They have the Buddy Christ statue in the shop along with a bunch of other props and pics from the movies.

[BrklynLiberal]

33. Kevin Smith is a genius.....

[tabbycat31]

53. LOL I can just see this

I'm sitting here posting this 1 mile away from Red Bank

[niyad]

5. by the way, which one of the roughly 500 versions out there will they be editing?

[BrklynLiberal]

11. not to mention the variations in translations.......

[niyad]

18. did you ever hear the old joke, to which the punch line was, "the word was CELEBRATE"

[BrklynLiberal]

24. LOL...Yes :D

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

7. Why not just rewrite the Bible as the Delomelanicon?

Or get a copy of the De Umbrarum Regis Novum Portis to take them to the Ninth Gate? It's where they really want to go, anyway.

[BrklynLiberal]

8. uh...excuuuuuse me..but how can one rewrite something that is supposedly

"the word of the Lord"??????? DUH???!!!

This could be the makings of a Monty Python movie if it were not so f**kin scary!!!!

Their hold on even their OWN beliefs is very tenuous....

[gatorboy]

9. Just rip out the new testament and keep the old.

There's enough war and murder in there for them, I think.

[niyad]

16. but they apparently don't know that. a couple of weeks ago, I got into it with a couple

of people who were ranting, in a very public place, about obama quoting the koran, and, and, therefore, he must have READ it. . .the horror of reading that evil, hate-filled book.

I really thought about just passing by in silence, but as the two went on and on, I finally said, "the koran is a bible, just like yours. by the way, talking about hate and murder--your holy book is filled with murder, rape, genocide, pillage and destruction. but I guess that's okay with you" the two of them screamed that there was no such thing in the bible. I suggested that they might try reading it, if reading were something of which they were capable, as opposed to just listening to the hatemongers of the reichwing.

[HillbillyBob]

46. Oh and don't forget the incest! Lot and his daughters after the

destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Gotta love the fat woman in the seafood restaurant one time trying to quote Leviticus at me.
So I rounded on her, I said I can see 4 deadly sins and I have hardly looked at you. 1 your are wearing mixed threads, polyester, leather belt cotton shirt (polyester should be a deadly sin all by itself). 2 You are eating shrimp and scallops. 3 gluttony you have a pile of food big enough for 3 people. 4 Judging others, that is Gods place. She just sputtered.

[jeffbr]

20. Too much porn in the old

Just keep Leviticus 20:10 "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife... both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death", and let them use that on themselves.

[Engineer4Obama]

13. It finally happened the fundies reached a paradox

I was wondering what was going to happen when they actually got around to reading the new testament.

Wonder if I can find a good cartoon of Jesus giving the Sermon on the mount and Joe Wilson yelling "YOU LIE" at him.

[AspenRose]

17. I like your cartoon idea.

:rofl:

[elocs]

14. "Jesus is a Liberal"

http://www.jesusisaliberal.org/index.html

Welcome to "Jesus is a Liberal"

We created this website because we believe the historical, Biblically documented teachings of Jesus
Christ clearly show that Jesus is a Liberal. His philosophy, based in compassion, equality,
inclusion, forgiveness, tolerance, peace and - most importantly - love, is 100% Liberal.

For 20 years we have seen the growing domination of the radical right wing evangelicals on TV, on
the radio and in the news, newspapers and magazines and in politics - claiming to own a virtual
monopoly on Jesus. They have redefined what He meant and used His name to advance their
radical right wing social, business, governmental, political and military agenda - or as President
Bush calls it their just and righteous Crusade. We strongly object and disagree.

We reflect the views of over 150 million Liberal, Progressive, Tolerant and Independent thinking
Christians, Catholics, and others of all spiritual paths, religions and traditions in the USA and
Canada. Together, we reject the radical right wing Republican evangelicals' claims that they alone
represent the will, expression and blessing of Jesus Christ. We believe it is high time someone
stand up for the Liberal, Progressive, Tolerant and Independent thinking majority's position that any
plain reading of His words, any genuine interpretation of His intent, outline a Liberal, Progressive,
Tolerant, Loving and holistic world view.

Our Mission is to promote the Integral Koan (TM), holistic meme, and the original belief and
understanding that Jesus IS a Liberal, and to their very core His teachings outline a Liberal,
Progressive, Tolerant, Loving, open minded, holistic, and sustainable vision for our World.

Surprise DU! There are Liberal, Progressive, Tolerant and Independent thinking
Christians. Who would have thunk it?

[BrklynLiberal]

26. EXCELLENT website. Has been fomenting the truth for years!!

and this site has been around for a while as well...also excellent

http://www.liberalslikechrist.org/

[niyad]

28. this is one of my favourites--definitely makes the little fundies's heads explode:

http://www.moonsweb.com/ifjesus.shtml "if jesus were alive today, he would be a witch.

(for some reason, cannot copy any of it over)

[BrklynLiberal]

37. cool site. thks. You might enjoy this book

http://www.amazon.com/When-God-Woman-Merlin-Stone/dp/015696158X

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_God_Was_a_Woman

http://books.google.com/books?id=hI-nMhUxXNcC&dq=when+god+was+a+woman&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=oXLKSqbWKMqvlAfFmZmSAw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#v=onepage&q=&f=false

[niyad]

41. got it when it first came out some 20 years ago. another you might like is

"the great cosmic mother" by monica sjoo and barbara mor.

and, of course, "the woman's bible" by matilda jocelyn gage

[BrklynLiberal]

Thanks. Will look into them

I have two copies of WGWAW...Have read it and recommended it over and over in the past 20 years.
:thumbsup: :hi:

[BrklynLiberal]

36. LiberalsLike Christ.org

http://www.liberalslikechrist.org/LLC_JavaMenu.htm

Click and "What OTHERS think about this site, and then
Scroll down to find link to DU discussion thread from 10/31/01-11/01/01 posted by Liberator_Rev

[Cant trust em]

19. Instead of feeding 5000, Jesus developed a business plan to sell the fish. nt

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

27. The Good Samaritan charged 25% interest to the man he helped in the road

and to whom he lent money to put him up in an inn. And because he was of the hated and inferior race of Samaritans, the man he helped later reported him to the authorities, who promptly had him deported.

[Cant trust em]

32. We could be here for days. nt

[Swamp Rat]

21. LOLOLOL!!!

:rofl:



"to educate advanced, college-bound homeschoolers" :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: using 'Conservapedia'... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[buzzycrumbhunger]

22. They will never beat this bible. . .

Lolcats!

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs:

[niyad]

38. a post here on DU yesterday turned me on to that site--after I cleaned off my monitor

and quit laughing, I emailed it to all my friends.

[State the Obvious]

23. (Book) Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why

.....is an excellent book about this very same thing.

Ancient scribes would rewrite biblical text to PROMOTE their own interests and theologies. (Just as Conservatives are trying to do now.) The author and theological scholar wanted "to access how ignorant or theologically manipulative scribes may have changed biblical texts."

[BrklynLiberal]

35. As they say about History..It is written by the winners. I think the same applies here.

The versions that still exist are the ones that were most successfully promoted.

[cynatnite]

59. Excellent book. Jesus, Interrupted is another good one of his. n/t

[Zorra]

34. And thereupon, the lord revealeth to the prophet Rush "The Book Of Moron", n/t

[niyad]

39. I love pointing out to these little cretins that their bible is the first work of political

propoganda, as referenced by merlin stone in "when god was a woman"

and, living down the road from two of the biggest fundie groups around, I have a lot of fun with that. which reminds me, since ted is back, I wonder if he is helping with this project.. . . oh, I forgot, he is starting a "spanish" ministry near one of the local malls.

[Xolodno]

40. I find this as scary stuff...

They plan to re-write Pharisees as "intellectuals" (thereby implicating just about anyone college educated). Then next raise the required reading level (thus making the Bible less accessible for everyone to understand)and of course confusing more who must now go to their local fundamentalist church to get a "proper understanding". Its like the dark ages slowly creeping back.

[niyad]

42. are there any reliable stats, by the way, on just how many of these fundie homeschoolers ever make

it to a REAL college, and, if so, how they do?

[BrotherLove]

43. All I want to know is will they stick their head in a hat before reading each conservative verse to

be written down?

And will South Park do an episode on it?

[HillbillyBob]

45. nuckin futs

nt

[BlooInBloo]

47. It's all sofa king stupid. Gawd please make it stop.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[fascisthunter]

48. lol... they worship what christians consider the "devil"

good luck you phony basket cases

[Dirtyhairy]

49. I suppose it was only a matter of time.

[walldude]

50. Again?

How many times are they going to re-write this book before someone figures out that all of Christianity is based on the biggest game of telephone ever played?

[Kablooie]

54. A wonderful and wise thing they do.

[ladywnch]

55. I have to say, I'm not the least bit surprised by this

the ignorant and the arrogant are far more qualified to rewrite/translate than linguists and scholars who have devoted their lives to this.

[BlueIdaho]

56. Maybe they can call it the "King Clusterfuck" version... nt.

[marmar]

57. They're going to reinvent Jesus as a Hedge Fund Manager......

nt

[TorchTheWitch]

58. so, the supreme being they insist everyone bow down to is a fuck up?

mmmm... kay.

:crazy:

[democracy1st]

61. K & R

[krispos42]

62. It's the immutable word of God*

*this version supercedes all previous immutable words of God

[Proud Liberal Dem]

63. Will it include

Al Franken's "The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus"? Seems like that would be appropo for the modern conservative interpretation of the Bible. :eyes:

[AspenRose]

64. The life of Christ is supposed to change those who profess faith in Him

Not the other way around.



What else do they plan to change?

*Jesus forgave a sinful woman and halted her execution. *bzzt* That's got to go.

*Jesus helped and healed those who were different from him. *bzzt* That's got to go, too.

*Jesus implored us to help those who were different, without asking for anything in return.
(Good Samaritan) *bzzt* That's DEFINITELY got to go.

*The parable of the Prodigal Son *bzzt* Nope, that's about forgiveness.

*Jesus said those who worked for peace were blessed. *bzzt* No, they're just wusses.

*Jesus questioned laws that didn't help people or make sense (healing on the Sabbath) *bzzt*

*That "easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle" thing.... *bzzt*

*"Sell all you have and give to the poor..." *BZZT*

*"When you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the blind, the lame..." (Luke 7 : 13-14)
*BZZT*

*Jesus forgave a thief dying next to him, while going through his own execution (selflessness) *bzzt*



These people don't want to follow Christ; they want to change him to suit their purposes.

[Warren DeMontague]

67. When Jesus said "Love Your Neighbor" he meant "...By Puttin' A Boot In His Ass"

[gkhouston]

68. And smiting. Their bible will definitely have a lot more smiting. n/t

[AspenRose]

71. It just dawned on me

A lot of liberals (especially Christian liberals) have been quoting the Bible back at these people. Especially regarding the health care debate, and issues of peace and poverty.

So I guess they thought the solution to that was to change the Bible.

That's ballsy.

[and-justice-for-all]

72. An how many times have they done that over the centuries?? nt

[bdamomma]

74. what sick a$$ people if they do not like something they try to re write it

unbelieveable.