"Ann Coulter", a little ditty by nostamj

[JHB]

I was looking through old bookmarks and found something I'd like to repost: call it a small effort at cutting the tension around here lately.

Longtime DUers will remember nostamj, who among other things started the TOON posting tradition here.
His real name was Jeff Matson, and he died suddenly on April 2, 2005 of a bacterial infection. He was a long-time writer and director in NYC's cabaret scene, and among other things put on the "Question W Revue" in 2004.
In fact, I just found out there's even a "Jeff Matson Award":
http://cabarethotlineonline.blogspot.com/2010/06/dottie-burman-jeff-matson-award.html

He was a graphic designer too:

(his website's expired, so most of the good stuff can't be found anymore, at least not easily)

So without further ado, originally posted March 7, 2005:

now, I would never SAY anything BAD about ANN COULTER....

but, I might SING something. I might!

ANN COULTER
(To the tune of "(How Do You Solve A Problem Like) MARIA" from THE SOUND OF MUSIC)

SHE LOVES TO FIB
AND RILE THE LIBS.
HER SKIRT IS BARELY THERE.
SHE'S CHUMMY WITH SEAN HANNITY
WHO LOVES HER LONG BLOND HAIR
I HATE TO STOOP TO RUMOR
AND THOUGH THIS MAY BE UNFAIR:
I'VE EVEN HEARD SOME PEOPLE SAY SHE'S MANLY...

SHE'LL BROWN HER NOSE FOR BUSHIES
BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY HER FIRST
SHE'S FULL OF HATE FOR SWARTHY MALES
AND BEST WHEN AT HER WORST
SO SOMEONE HAS TO SAY IT
'CAUSE THE EVIDENCE IS CLEAR
ANN COULTER IS A FASCIST OR A NAZI!

I'D LIKE TO ADD MY OWN LITTLE REBUKE
ANN COULTER...MAKES ME...PUKE!

HOW DO YOU STOP A HARPY LIKE ANN COULTER
HOW DO WE STOP THIS CLOWN AND SHUT HER DOWN?
WHAT KIND OF SLUR'S TOO MUCH FOR OUR ANN COULTER?
A 'SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY? A FEMALE DOG? A WHORE?

LOOK FOR HER LIES SHE HIDES THEM IN HER ENDNOTES
LOOK AT HER THIGHS, SHE'S FLASHING THEM AGAIN
BUT SHE'S SUCH A RIGHT WING TOOL
BELIEVING THAT HATE IS COOL
HOW DO WE FLUSH THIS COCKROACH DOWN THE DRAIN?

OH, HOW DO YOU STOP A SHREW WHO SPEWS SUCH VENOM?
OH, HOW DO WE END THE COULTER KIND OF PAIN?

WHEN SHE'S ON THE AIR I CLICK
OR HER SCHICK WILL MAKE ME SICK
AND I'M TEMPTED TO IMPLODE THE TV SET.
SHE'S A FAN OF JOE McCARTHY
AND UPFRONT ABOUT HER BIGOTRY
SHE'S A DEMON! THE RIGHT'S DIVA! SHE'S ROVE'S PET!

PUT THE LEFT UNDER ARREST
AND ADMIT THAT BUSH IS BEST
OR SHE'LL THROW A PETTY TANTRUM THAT'S PROFANE
SHE'S NOT SUBTLE. SHE'S NOT WISE
SHE'S UNBALANCED. CHECK THOSE EYES!
SHE'S A SYMPTOM. SHE'S AN ILLNESS.
SHE'S INSANE!

HOW DO YOU STOP A HARPY LIKE ANN COULTER
HOW DO WE STOP THIS CLOWN AND SHUT HER DOWN?
WHAT KIND OF SLUR'S TOO MUCH FOR OUR ANN COULTER?
A 'SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY? A FEMALE DOG? A WHORE?

LOOK FOR HER LIES SHE HIDES THEM IN HER ENDNOTES
LOOK AT HER THIGHS, SHE'S FLASHING THEM AGAIN
BUT SHE'S SUCH A RIGHT WING TOOL
BELIEVING THAT HATE IS COOL
HOW DO WE FLUSH THIS COCKROACH DOWN THE DRAIN?

OH, HOW DO YOU STOP A SHREW WHO SPEWS SUCH VENOM?
OH, HOW DO WE END THE COULTER KIND OF PAIN?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=2803136

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Octafish]

2. Thank you for reposting nostamj's outstanding ditty on a ditz.

nostamj was tops.

Brave, too. Mr. Matson put together a show about the spawn of Barbara Bush during a time when criticism of the roil family was taboo.

His work will always be tops.

[JHB]

4. Cool. I didn't know the CafePress site was still up. n/t

[nadinbrzezinski]

3. I remember him, RIP

and yes those were the good days in many ways.

[noamnety]

5. I'm sorry that he's being remembered here

with a piece that is sexist and transphobic.

There were probably other things he wrote that spoke to higher values.

[mdmc]

6. I got to see "Question W Revue"

:toast: