The Zoo Was Full Of Animals...and not the kind you would expect.

[Snoutport]

Today was an eye opening experience.

I took my class to the zoo today. I had quite a few graduates this year so it was a small group of remaining kids. One student walking, two friendly sweet boys in wheel chairs. It has been a stressful year so it was really wonderful to get out with my class and educational assistants.

I'm working on a book about special needs students accessing public events and places so I was kind of lagging behind taking lots of pictures. Because I couldn't get the faces of the general public in the pictures I was often standing, camera to face with my shot lined up, watching the faces of the people around my students and waiting for them to look away so I could snap a photo.

And I saw something disturbing. VERY disturbing and it brought to my mind that interview of Ayn Rand when she said children should not have to see people with disabilities. That society should hide them away because children should not have to see such an awful thing.

Time after time today I saw people who I think would probably agree with Ayn Rand.

As we got to the elephant cage a space at the front opened up and we moved the boys up to the bars so they could see an elephant. They were so excited and happy. I was standing back ten feet waiting to get a shot when the mom next to one of the wheelchairs turned and saw she was standing next to a handicapped boy. A look of disgust flashed across her face and she moved her kids away. I told myself that maybe the chair had startled her but as she walked away with her kids she shielded them with her body so they wouldn't see my student. I was kind of stunned. I know prejudice abounds for people with special needs but I had always thought it would not be blatant. I thought people would at least have the decency to be subtle with it.

But time after time I saw people looking away quickly, people stepping away as though standing next to a kid in a wheelchair would ruin their sea lion-viewing experience. I saw a few kind smiles from grandmas more at my staff than at my kids but, during our entire time at the zoo I did not see one single person smile at or make eye contact with my students who were in wheelchairs and not once as we tried to maneuver through the crowded rooms of animal exhibits did anyone help us with a single door. People watched us struggle to get through some of them (There were lots of grates to catch wheels in the floors near the doorways) but there were no offers of help, no one jumping over to hold open a door. People pushed around the chairs with no concern--mostly just annoyed a wheelchair was making it harder for them to get to the naked mole rats.

We were walking up a ramp and in front of me there was a man walking with his son. I was looking at the son's body and recognized, even from behind, what I guessed was Down Syndrome. The boy was tired and hanging on his dad and starting to fuss a little bit. And I realized that there were people passing by them and then looking away in the same way they would not meet my student's eyes. As we passed by him I looked over and met the dad's eyes. He looked tired and embarrassed, urging his kid to keep walking, "Keep going, we're almost there" and I gave the kid (yup, Down Syndrome) a big grin and a knod and then I did the same with dad and he looked at me with such gratitude and gave me back a real sweet smile. Then he saw my kids coming up behind me, laughing, having fun and I know he realized I was probably a teacher and I hope when he saw my kids it gave him some hope for his own journey.

But I was very ashamed of my city today. The zoo staff was friendly and super nice to my kids, but the general public left me feeling pretty danged horrible. I know my guys have a tough road ahead of them. I ache for them sometimes and I make sure they get a lot out of their day with me to make up for what I can. But as I left the Zoo gates I was distressed by the reception the people had given my students.

And then, as we were walking through the parking lot, we passed a family coming in. Mom, Dad, Grandparents and three little blond boys. Mom sort of shepherded the family over to give the wheelchairs room and the 7 year old boy steps away from his family so he was right next to us and as I went by, he waved at my student, smiled at him and said "Hi!"

My student said hi back and grinned like it was Christmas. I love that little kid, whoever he was. He gave me some faith in the human race.

All those animals at the zoo today and my favorite was a little blond kid who had a smile and a hello just when we needed it most.

Happy Weekend People. Remember, when you see a person in a wheelchair, they might really, REALLY love to see a smile. It gets lonely down there, I think.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. You really rock, my dear Snoutport...

What a great story, as all of yours are.

Such good writing!

I will make sure to smile at someone in a wheelchair. I too am sure it gets lonely.


Recommended.

:hug:

[Snoutport]

3. lol...I had to edit it...such terrible grammar!!

Have a great weekend Peggy!

[Stuart G]

2. K and R...you are doing great work..thank you..nt

[WinkyDink]

4. You are a good person.

[Peacetrain]

5. K&R...Sometimes the idiots of the world seem to congregate at one place

Hang in there :hi:

[Snoutport]

31. Hey, wait, I was there too!

It was pretty crowded...I'm just hoping people were just a bit frazzled.

[JanMichael]

6. K and R

There is a church 3 blocks from us that has some type of day care for special needs folks. We see them out with their care givers all the time. We always say "Hi" or "Good morning" to everyone. Some say "hi" back..some can't. It doesn't matter to us if they can or can't. :)

[Snoutport]

14. You're the kind of people I like!

:0) Everyone knows what a smile means. "Thank you" from the ones who can't say hi back! (I'll speak for them today)

;) :7

[Wait Wut]

7. I hope your students had a wonderful time,

and didn't notice the ignorance of their surroundings.

I accidentally slammed a door on a young man (late teens/early twenties) in a wheelchair last weekend. I caught it before it made full impact, but it made some impact. I felt fucking AWFUL!!! He looked up at me with the sweetest smile and said, "It's okay, I'm used to it." "Gee, thanks. That makes me feel better." He genuinely laughed that time.

I'm really not normally that oblivious to my surroundings. I was deep in conversation with the husband and didn't notice anyone behind me. What you experienced, or your students experienced, was intentional. I'd be happy to slam the door in their faces for all of you.

[Snoutport]

15. My students think those kind of crashes are funny

I must run into their wheelchair handles ten times a day and trip on their feet at least once. They think it is hilarious. They also think it is very funny when they run over your feet.

[Odin2005]

22. A friend of mine has a bad habit of running over people's feet with her electric wheelchair.

She always is joking about "driving like a maniac"! :rofl:

[Snoutport]

24. THOSE THINGS ARE HEAVY!

Have you ever had to push one when the battery is dead? OMG.... you need a tow truck!

[mrs_p]

8. there should be a pulitzer for DU writing

you have been simply stellar for the last few months.

and on topic - my heart goes out to your students. thanks for being a positive presence for them.

[Snoutport]

18. I'm going to hold out for the DU Peace Prize!

But I very much appreciate your kind words. :0)

[lumberjack_jeff]

53. +1

[tabatha]

9. Happy Weekend,too.Thanks you for what you do.

When I was in elementary school, I was the only friend of a girl who had polio.
We sure had fun after school with her chemistry set her parents gave her.
(I hope I never got mercury poisoning after holding it and watching how it moved.)

Here is video made by a woman who is wheelchair-bound after being shot in South Africa.
She worked for the disabled after that (in Mandela's cabinet).

http://youtu.be/dIoRaEEcYtI

http://www.temple.edu/instituteondisabilities/news/topstories/201101/walking201101.shtml


Whole
i am whole
i will not shatter like fragile bone
i reshape/remake/reconstruct
a constantly evolving me

– © Shelly Barry

[hedgehog]

10. Sort of related, and I'd like some feedback - we walked past a

father and mother comforting an adolescent with autism at a busy thruway plaza (restaurant/gas station/shop etc). My guess is that it's just the kind of place that's very difficult for those with autism- too many people, loud noises, activity, smells, etc. As we passed, I sort of waved and told the woman "You're a good Mom".

I wanted to express support for those parents without causing distress for their son. Did I do the right thing, or was I being patronizing?

[Book Lover]

11. If you did that to me, I would appreciate hearing it

The only thing I would change is to change "Mom" to "parents", because you say both Mom and Dad were there.

Now something you may not want to hear. I simply ignore everything people around me say when my child and I are out. My "Fire!" filter works, but casual conversation, I just ignore. All I need is to hear some crap, and be a terrible example for my child of someone losing her temper.

[Snoutport]

17. Do you have a special needs child? nt

[Book Lover]

29. Yes, an 8 year old (nm)

[Snoutport]

32. Do you see much of what I was talking about in the OP?

As a matter of course I always try to smile and say hello when I see a family struggling with a child with special needs. Otherwise I just usually smile at the kid and say hello.

I hope the teachers in your life are being supportive and helpful. :0)

[Book Lover]

109. I had to think about your questions for a little bit

I notice it happens once every two or three months - that may be because I don't look for it and, as I said above, I tend to shut out the world around me when my child and I are out. I notice expressions of kindness much more often. I don't really see people acting sanctimonious either; you know, "Oh you *poor* dear, how brave you are to manage your wold child..." blah blah blah. And I thought there'd be more of that.

on edit: The teachers so far have been friendly, supportive and capable, but with the poor pay in our local schools, they are in the revolving door, which I see as sad for them and the kids. The aides are angels. The therapists have been more of a mixed bag, but the one who works with my child now is effective and compassionate. I guess I'd say long-term, it's the staffing instability that limits the overall effectiveness of the IEP implementation. Each individual him/herself has been pretty good so far.

[lumberjack_jeff]

57. Yes. Or get lost in a conversation resulting in inattention.

When my son was little, parental distractions were unacceptable.

[Snoutport]

16. I think that was awesome!

I usually just go for the smile and nod of encouragement.

I once had to carry a kicking and screaming student up a HUGE flight of stairs in the middle of a department store. OMG... it is HORRIBLE to be that kind of center of attention--but the looks of encouragement really do mean a lot to parents.

[jillan]

23. Hedgehog - As a special mom, you probably made her day.

We get as many weird looks as our kids do - it's sad.

[Snoutport]

26. Hi Jillan

So it wasn't my imagination?

I'm one of those people who smiles at most people I pass, so when I'm out with my students I'm either watching them like a neurotic hawk or I'm smiling at people we pass--and because of that I don't think I've noticed the funny looks. In fact, usually when we are out I have a person or two (usually grandmas) who say something like, "You are wonderful for working with these kids"--that sort of thing. So I've only had good experiences.

But now I think I've just been either blind or really busy.

Do the weird looks bother you?

[lumberjack_jeff]

56. As the dad in your story, it would have bothered me - for several reasons.

A smile would be better received.

[hedgehog]

64. I'll keep that in mind.

[Book Lover]

12. Thank you (nm)

[Old Codger]

13. That sort

Of stupidity should hurt the carrier.

[TBF]

19. On my daughter's last day of school we joined her best friend across

the hall - and they have a child in their class in a wheelchair. I don't know if he is there for every class or just part of the day, but he certainly was part of their last day celebration. I noticed many of them hugged him and made a point of saying goodbye to him. They were finishing up 2nd grade and obviously had a good teacher this year.

[Snoutport]

20. :0) Thank you for sharing that!

I hope inclusion has made a new generation of people who don't think twice about handicaps and just accept people as people.

[jwirr]

79. The day we got these kids out of separate rooms and into the mainstream

was the day we started educating another generation regarding attitudes toward disabled persons. Not all student can be mainstreamed. My daughter would have gained nothing from it. However, our children are not the only ones who are learning. Their classmates are learning from them.

Thank you for the post.

[TBF]

86. You're right about that -

When I saw all the kids hugging as they left, including the child in the wheelchair, I was incredibly touched and wished my daughter had been in that class all year.

[Snoutport]

90. After reading more of the responses, I'm so glad you shared good news!

[Odin2005]

21. Wow, attitudes are A LOT different, and much better, here in Fargo

That kind of bigoted BS is very rare here.

[Snoutport]

25. I am pretty shocked, to be honest

But I kind of realized, a lot of times when you are pushing someone in a wheelchair people look at you and smile like you are doing something special...but they don't always look at the person in a chair.

But, you know, my partner pointed out that he was raised not to look--that it was rude to stare and it would make the person feel bad.

[NOLALady]

45. You know,

I was also taught to not stare for the same reasons as your partner. But, I do smile at anyone and everyone, wheelchair or not. I am an equal opportunity smiler. I am also a hugger. One of the best huggers this side of the Mississippi!

[Lucky Luciano]

71. I think what your partner said is accurate.

I was told not to stare, so I avoid eye contact so as not to be a rude ogler - or be perceived as one. I will take your OP strongly into consideration though. Maybecthe public just needs better awareness, so that they understand better the difference between staring and friendly smiles that will actually make someone's day.

[Snoutport]

87. At my school the receptionist is super friendly, shouts the kids names

is super friendly even to new kids coming in and they love it. They gravitate towards her like nobody's business.

I figure, if someone is in a chair then they might not get out as much, especially if they have multiple disabilities or high needs. So how many opportunities to get a smile or a hello from people other than their family.

:0) Better to err on the side of being friendly? (But, I'm a teacher and I'll usually say that up front to the parents so they don't have to worry I'm some nut...just a teacher who knows what's up and is connecting--families and teachers often are teams when you are dealing with special needs.

[Maraya1969]

27. When I was a kid I was afraid of people who were different from me. I think it is

the job of the parents to explain things like this. I'm not afraid anymore and I always smile at people with disabilities and in wheelchairs.

[Snoutport]

30. I've never had a kid be anything but nice

It was the grownups that I was kind of surprised by!

[robinlynne]

106. exactly!

[kickysnana]

28. The latest misinformation broadcast by someone speaking

for the disabled said to wait for the disabled person to ask for help or else you are insulting them. I read that in a major newspaper article this year. I am guessing you did run into some disagreeable people but I am guessing you ran into more who are just plain confused by the stupid things they read in the newspaper. We are also not to approach children we don't know and children are not to interact with us, another gem that was not thought through.

I hope you enjoyed your day in spite of the others.

[alcibiades_mystery]

33. I think you've landed on it

Probably also some self-reinforcing observation, where perhaps an initial rudeness makes all subsequent actions appear as rudeness, even where innocent.

[Snoutport]

37. I was kind of worried about that

But I have a journalism degree and a keen eye...and I was usually back away from the group taking pictures.

Granted it was a busy day at the zoo, lots of strollers, lots of kids running and screaming. So some people were probably overwhelmed. But, rude is rude...

I wish there were some DUers in wheelchairs who would talk about their experiences. That would be really helpful to me right now--just to help me bend my mind around it.

[Snoutport]

34. Hmmmmmmm.... I help people all the time who don't ask for help

I open doors, I've carried boxes...

Last month I was at the store and a lady in a wheelchair had dropped her purchase on the ground. Other people walked right buy but I headed over to pick it up. It was obvious that there was no way she could reach it. It seems wrong to me to make her ask for help when it was so obvious. If it was a lady with no disability I would have done the same thing, walked over and said, "Let me get that for you".

But, my parents were like that...always say hi, always open the door (for men or women).

And, thank you for asking, my students had a really good time at the zoo. Giraffes were the favored animal of the day.

[hedgehog]

35. I think it's on the able bodied to say "May I be of assistance?"

and then to allow the other person to say "No, thank-you" or else "please hold the door " or whatever.

NEVER just walk up and grab someone's arm or wheel chair!

[lumberjack_jeff]

84. If I offer help and it's rejected, I'll feel bad.

If I don't offer needed help the person who needed it will feel bad.

I risk the former.

[chrisa]

36. "The general public" .... /thread

Especially Americans, due to years upon years of Rand-ian desensitizing. We don't care about each other, only the next shiny thing to buy.

[Worried senior]

38. We have

a small family run zoo not far from where I live. When they have baby animals they introduce them to the public and everyone is encouraged to interact.

We were there one Sunday not long ago. They brought out two baby tigers and the owner of the zoo noticed a young man that had a disability. He took the baby tiger right to the young man and even tho he was somewhat afraid this man hugged him and treated him like a king. That meant a great deal to my family but this is the way this man treats everyone as well as his animals.

I always tried to teach my kids everyone is the same and deserved the same respect. So sorry this isn't what everyone does.

[JDPriestly]

39. The other day, there was a group of disabled children at our grocery

store. I'm never sure whether to go out of my way to be friendly or to just treat them like everyone else. What is the answer?

[Snoutport]

46. Well...you could start going out of your way to be friendly to everyone...then you are treating them

just like you treat everyone else. :0)

Since I know that there are many people who don't interact with people with disabilities, I see no reason why people who are aware of that fact don't tip the balance the other way by making sure that someone interacts with them.

One thing I must say, is I take my class out a lot and except for once we have always been treated really well by businesses. Though, one day at lunch the counter guy said he liked "retarded people" but then went on to say he didn't like serving black people. That was pretty crazy!

[JDPriestly]

70. Thanks. That is very helpful.

[jerseyjack]

40. First of all, I agree, you are wonderful.

Why do people behave the way many of the zoo patrons did? There are at least three explanations. One is that they have the Ayn Rand point of view. The second is that they recognize their own vulnerability when seeing someone disabled or in a wheelchair.

Thirdly, they are not comfortable with saying or doing anything that might make the person in the chair uncomfortable. So they act as if the person is invisible.

[catrose]

41. I understand

I had emergency surgery while on a business trip, and I went through the airport in a wheelchair to return home. As you stay, the staff was kind and helpful. But my IQ must have dropped by two-thirds by the way everyone else treated me--no eye contact, frustrated sighs over the wheelchair person taking up extra room and time (making it harder for them to ignore me). Even my (now ex) husband was disgusted when I asked him to throw my restaurant trash away because I couldn't hold the tray and maneuver through the tables to the trash cans.

Yes, it did change the way I viewed other people. I thought I might be having some success when my son invited his whole Sunday class (which included a boy in a wheelchair) to a party. They were going to hang out upstairs in his room. I looked at Preston's wheelchair as he came through the door, and before I had time to think, a bunch of teenage boys grabbed the chair, held it over their heads, and ran up the winding stairs with it, everybody screaming and laughing. Fortunately they didn't drop the boy on his head, which looked likely. I felt proud of all of them that night. A few years later, after Preston's death, his mother and sister told me how much that party meant to him. Definitely that night he was part of the crowd.

[Odin2005]

91. That last paragraph put a HUUUUGE grin on my face!

[Snoutport]

104. mine too ;)

[robinlynne]

42. I was in a wheelchair for seven years. Everyone looked away, usually in pity.

It made me learn to look people in the eye and say hello, homeless people, all people. I remember thinking all the time, guys it's just a wheelchair. I'm a person just like you. I remember I was the ahppiest ina rehab center where we could have wheelchair races.
and didn't have to look up at everyone. and could go to the bathroom without help.

[blackbart99]

43. I'm glad your doing better robin....

Thx Snout....for the story. I'm so glad you encountered the blond kid at the end, so you could go home
with a little hope in your heart.O8) :thumbsup: :fistbump: :yourock:

[robinlynne]

59. I'm fine. I was hit by a car and had 17 fractures. years ago. but I wore leg braces

so everyone thought I had polio. Hence the aversion of eyes. I know it is exactly how homeless person must feel when people look away.

[Snoutport]

89. yeah, he's my new hero. :0)

[Snoutport]

88. Hi there--

Oh man...I was really hoping it was just a cranky day at the zoo.

I'm really sorry for your experience.

I'm kind of freaking out because it really was disturbing...and I'm kind of... upset that my students were subjected to that.

I think it is time for me to write a kid's book about people in wheelchairs. Any suggestions?

[robinlynne]

105. great idea!!! But it is just being "different". Prejudice is the same no matter

what the reason for it. In my case I think it was the leg braces much more than the wheelchair. I'm surprised a wheelchair alone could even provoke that. but I know it happens to poor people constantly.... People just wouldn't look in my eyes. They were afraid. Maybe they are afraid for themselves, that it, be it a wheelchair, or poverty, or anything, might happen to them.

[WatsonT]

108. I think that's partly just an overreaction based on "not wanting to stare"

[HopeHoops]

44. Where was this? My niece is severely disabled and I've always been proud to push her around.

She has a rare disorder where her body doesn't produce ketones. Her development was severely retarded within the womb and it continued after birth. Her eye sight (best anyone can tell) is blurs. She hears fairly well but unless you know her well you would never consider any of her seemingly random noises to be "communicating". We can interpret a lot of her "requests", but not always accurately.

Her wheel chair is sort of an SUV type thing with all-terrain wheels and quite necessary body supports and restraints. She drools, she thrashes her arms around, and she randomly blurts out noises. People just stare and back away. I smile, rub her shoulders, run my hands over her hair, and hold my head high as I push her chair. Fuck everyone else.

[PassingFair]

47. Sometimes Moms are afraid of what their KIDS will say to or about someone....

Kids blurt out things sometimes that can be embarrassing
or hurtful.

I can remember times when my kids were little that I
would be thinking "Don't say anything, don't say anything,
don't say anything...."

You cannot prepare them for every situation.

That being said, they are capable of learning, after
a certain age, appropriate behavior..not STARING for
instance.

My kids usually learned from lectures after inappropriate comments made
to ME, ie. "Hey mom, your butt looks like a new bowling
ball in that bathing suit!"

[Taverner]

48. I remember the NIMBYs when they tried to build a Developmental School out here

Developmental School being a school for the severely handicapped so that they may learn life skills, etc

The residents in the area fought this school tooth and nail, with a wide variety of execuses

"The kids will rape our kids!" (yes, this was actually an objection made)

"This will ruin the neighborhood!"

"This will bring crime into our neighborhood!" (I never knew there was a Down Syndrome Mafia...)

But the real reason was the reason you stated above - Many Americans do not want to "waste their beautiful minds" on acknowledgement of the severely handicapped.

You're a saint, dude! Thank dog there are people out there like you, Snoutport :thumbsup:

[dana_b]

49. I've had similar experiences

I used to be a teacher's aide in various classes of kids with special needs. Whenever we went out on a field trip I definitley noticed some attitudes that were less than friendly towards the kids. I usually tried to ignore it because I didn't want the kids to notice and thankfully the kids seemed oblivious.

The time that it bothered me the most was towards the end of my mom's life. We went out to go shopping for my wedding dress and I was pushing her in her wheelchair. You would think that we were trying to get a bulldozer down the sidewalk with the stares and unfriendly glances that she/we got. I have to admit it pissed me off a lot.

I'm glad that you are their teacher. People like you (and my sister-in-law, who is also a special needs teacher) are appreciated and so needed.

[TygrBright]

50. Snoutport, have you ever considered doing a blog?

You write so well and eloquently about your work and your students.

appreciatively,
Bright

[Snoutport]

92. I've just been using this as a blog...sorta...

but it has been fun! I don't spend much time online except on here so don't really know of anywhere to post.

[TygrBright]

51. I remember when I was a child, being told "not to stare"...

...at people with disabilities.

My parents were trying to instill manners in me, and they believed that the only reason able-bodied people ever looked at people with disabilities was with pity or contempt. They were trying to "save" the people with disabilities from "embarrassment."

I'm quite sure that they never realized that it was their own embarrassment that was building a wall to keep the people with disabilities separate.

It wasn't until many years later when I worked with a woman who alternated between braces/crutches and a wheelchair (depending on how bad her MS was at any given time) and got to know her somewhat that I had the courage to ask a few questions about what she felt was good social manners. She told me it was far worse to be treated as though she didn't exist than to be stared at or pitied or even asked impertinent questions.

She was also the one who told me she appreciated being asked if she needed help, as long as it wasn't a "big deal." I learned to glance at her and say something like "Can I give you a hand with that?" (Door, or obstacle, or item to be carried/moved, etc.) and to just nod and keep going if she said "No, thanks."

By now this seems intuitive and "well, duh!" to me, but given my upbringing and many years of believing that I was "saving them from embarrassment" it took some adjusting to.

We have a long way to go yet, in teaching able-bodied folk how to be welcoming and inclusive.

thoughtfully,
Bright

[eppur_se_muova]

69. Yes, we are told "not to stare" so insistently that we overcompensate ...

then we end up trying not to be obvious that we are not staring ... only it's obvious that we are trying not to be obvious ... with several layers of recursion. :crazy:

I think there is *much* more of this, than of people deliberately shunning people in wheelchairs. Unless you actually make the acquaintance of someone disabled, it's hard to get over this.

I think the best advice is to just look where you're going. :)

[Flying Dream Blues]

52. Thanks for sharing this, Snoutport. I'm so sorry

your students weren't welcomed as they should have been. I think sometimes people feel awkward and afraid of people they don't understand, and it's a shame. Groups like Miracle League have done a lot in our area to help bridge the gap of understanding and compassion for our kids, but it's never enough. I'm so glad your kids have you in their lives!

:hug:

:hi:


:yourock:

[lumberjack_jeff]

54. This is the main good reason for inclusion.

Kids who grow up with people with disabilities will see them as persons.

When my son was young, I absolutely identify with the dad you described. You live in "deal with it" mode, all the time.

"All I know is the child is my warrant and if he is not the word of God, then God never spoke." - The Road

And put me on your preorder list for your book.

I used to volunteer with the SpEd Physical Therapy class at the local YMCA pool, and I saw what you describe frequently.

[Snoutport]

94. You are a hero!

Thanks for the help.

Teachers and parents have a bond but they have such different roles. Teachers are choosing to work with kids with special needs because they are drawn to it. (and maybe really good at it) but parents have a long difficult journey with a lot of emotional pain to work through. I see so many parents dealing with it differently--some good, some poorly (at that stage) and I have learned that they need to see a smile, hear that they are doing a good job, share some little triumphs with them that will show some growth.

I hugged a foster mom this week because she needed it so badly.

[lumberjack_jeff]

107. No. Not everything that is difficult is heroic.

You just... deal with it. I thank my lucky stars that I'm not a single parent.

But you're right that a little encouragement can go a long way.

[RebelOne]

55. That was a wonderful post, but it made me feel so sad.

I was almost crying at the end.

[Snoutport]

96. Dang...I'm gonna have to write a funny story then to make up for it

sorry to make you sad but thank you for the kind words. :0)

[Cleita]

58. Hey Snouty, the Nation needs more teachers like you.

Let's hope in the future, our Nation turns from war and towards improving health care and educational opportunities to all. You will be in the forefront of showing the rest of them how to do it.

[barbtries]

60. it is sad

we're so mean, we're so sick, anymore. i'm glad your students have you and hopefully loving families at home.

[awoke_in_2003]

61. K&R....

we are such a selfish society. It sickens me.

[nolabear]

62. I must admit I'm kind of surprised.

I'm not doubting a word of what you're saying but I have often had very different experiences, particularly in the South where I grew up. Yes, people get kind of embarrassed and strange sometimes and some don't seem to know what to do, but when I've been about with people with obvious special needs, particularly physical ones, we've expreienced a great deal of kindness and accomodation. I don't count staring as mean or rude; I think given the alternative people should look and get used to the sight of people who are different than they are.

I'm very sorry you had such a bad experience. Here's hoping a lot of better in the future.

[Greybnk48]

63. You are such a sweetheart!

I've seen people react that way to kids with severe C.P. I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it makes some people unsure how they should act--look at them, look away, what ever. I think kids with disabilities make many people uncomfortable out of lack of exposure and ignorance. So, these kids need to be MORE visible not less.

For the record, Ayn Rand was a psychotic fuck and a really lousy philosopher. A joke really.

[Aerows]

67. She openly admired and wrote glowingly

About a man who kidnapped a 12-year-old, held her for ransom, raped her, and when he got the ransom, he sent the body in pieces to the police. She admired him because "he acknowledged no morality but his own, and refused to bow to societal mores." She thought of him as a "superman".

She was a very fucked up individual who died alone save a paid nurse. She also got social security and medicare, and her generation didn't pay very much into it.

It makes perfect sense that the disaster capitalism that was openly advocated came from one of her devout followers - Alan Greenspan. She wasn't a philosopher, she was a cult leader that openly advocated capitalist fascism (which is sort of a redundant term!).

Anyone that advocates Ayn Rand really should be informed that she worshiped a psychopath, and that she herself was an extremely damaged individual. In the Fountainhead, her "protagonist" raped a woman, and her explanation was that he felt that he owned her, and that he deserved to have her. She thought it was just fine. She was an extremely screwed up, sociopath. She ADVOCATED having zero conscience, which is what sociopaths are, literally - people with no conscience.

[BrklynLiberal]

76. i.e. typical repukes

[green917]

65. Thank you for all that you do for your kids!

As the father of a young daughter with Down Syndrome, I want to say thank you for all that you do to brighten the days of the kids in your care. I'm fortunate that my daughter's care givers and teachers have the same attitude that you do but, many are not that lucky. These children do have a hard road ahead but people like you pave their way for them with kindness, love and appreciation for who they are as people and I'm certain that they will all be eternally grateful for having a beautiful presence like yours in their lives! It's hard to see how some people view people (and, particularly, children) with disabilities because it reminds them on a very visceral level of their own frailty and, perhaps, simply brings out their prejudices. I wish that we could educate them en mass to the reality of what wonderful people some of those with disabilities are. Your beautiful words are certain to help. Thanks again! =)

[brewens]

66. I had a nasty incident with a special needs teacher that was way

out of line awhile back. One of her students was encouraged to donate blood. I began by registering him like anyone else but immediately realized he was going to have some problems filling out the form and answering the ques tons. This isn't unusual and we know how to work with people that are impaired for whatever reason.
I discretely called over my supervisor and got her to take the kid to a privacy screen to help him. Even so he was unfortunately not able to understand and answer some of the questions. Our regulations say that everyone has to be able to do that on their own. Some of the questions dealing with high risk behavior, even a mother or teacher could not know the answer with absolute certainty. They might think they would and it might be highly unlikely that a handicapped kid in high school would have a yes answer to some of them but they can't know that for sure.
The kid was deferred for not being able to finish the donor history questionnaire. A little while later his teacher comes back in with a real nasty attitude, questions why he can't donate and accuses us of rejecting him just because he's handicapped. I told her point blank that that was way out of line! Our supervisor came over and took over and went off with her to explain the situation.
I have a feeling that may not be the end of it and we may have some trouble with this woman again. Just by the snotty attitude I think this will become a thing more about her getting her way than anything else. We'd like to be able to make an exception for a kid like that. In all likelihood the testing of the samples and everything would be just fine. The FDA regulations and our procedures say we can't do that.

[Odin2005]

95. Wow, what a jerk!

[brewens]

99. We never said anything about it to anyone from the school. I

know it's her job to do everything she can to get her kids to participate in everything everyone else does. Her first reaction is her kid is being discriminated against so she marches right over with him to do something about it. That's probably the right thing to do most of the time.

[knitter4democracy]

68. WTF? What's up with that?

Why would they act like your students are any different than anyone else? I hate that kind of crap. I smile at all children I see, try to help when needed (like with doors or whatever), and I try to always say something positive to parents who are obviously doing a good job (especially when the little ones are giving them a hard time). My ex-bf used to say I was a kid/baby magnet, and he asked me a few times why I'd say something or help out, and I'd remind him that I've been there. My kids aren't always angels in public, and when I had my pain, it was darn difficult to get through the zoo or whatever.

Still, your students are just like any other kids at the zoo and should be treated as such. What the hell is wrong with those people?

[Tennessee Gal]

72. Thank you for your post.

As a grandmother of a Down Syndrome little boy, I greatly appreciate your devotion to those children.

So far we have not had the unfortunate experience of anyone treating our little one with uneasiness or cruelty. He is 7 years old - almost 8 and we are truly blessed.

[BrklynLiberal]

73. It is sad that in so many situations...until they are in it, they have little compassion.

Would it be unkind to say that compassion is missing in many of the people of this country...and it has been demonstrated over and over and over. "I got mind. Screw you!"

There are, of course, exceptions...but sadly, they are few and far between, and mostly happen during major disasters.

[badgerpup]

74. Got sensitized to wheelchairs with my ex-sig other...

Guy had spina bifida and was a very LARGE man to boot...accessibility for wheelchairs really came on my radar screen then.

I try to make a point of making eye contact and giving a smile to people in wheelchairs...and offer assistance with doors or reaching something high or too heavy to move easily.
"Give you a hand with that?"
Usually they're very nice about it :pals:...only had one person who resented the offer.:yoiks:

Now I work for a company that runs group homes for DD residents. If I run into some of my coworkers with their clients out in public I'll high-five the clients (even if I don't know them) and ask how they're doing, if they're having a good time.
They put a LOT of enthusiasm into those high-fives (my hand stings for a bit afterwards), and the smiles are wonderful.
The look of 'thank you' on my co-workers' faces don't suck either.

I was uncomfortable at first working with this particular population...my problem, not theirs.
Out of my comfort zone...I'd worked with the elderly and handicapped all my life, but rarely with DD.
I had a lot to learn about how they process things, for one thing.

Still learning, but like my job very much. Kinda makes my day when one of my autistic guys (to whom his 'personal space' is important) comes up and spontaneously gives me a hug. :hug:

[Odin2005]

97. You folks are absolute saints.

This autistic person gets some help 3 days a week with cleaning, running errands, and getting to appointments through a company that also runs several group homes in town. Twice a month we have a "supper club" where people from both group homes and folks like myself that get in-home help go to different restaurants and chow down. I love being with all those people. :)

[Snoutport]

98. my hat is off to you!

I work with group home parents. Unsung heroes, i'll tell you!

[badgerpup]

75. Got sensitized to wheelchairs with my ex-sig other...

Guy had spina bifida and was a very LARGE man to boot...accessibility for wheelchairs really came on my radar screen then.

I try to make a point of making eye contact and giving a smile to people in wheelchairs...and offer assistance with doors or reaching something high or too heavy to move easily.
"Give you a hand with that?"
Usually they're very nice about it :pals:...only had one person who resented the offer.:yoiks:

Now I work for a company that runs group homes for DD residents. If I run into some of my coworkers with their clients out in public I'll high-five the clients (even if I don't know them) and ask how they're doing, if they're having a good time.
They put a LOT of enthusiasm into those high-fives (my hand stings for a bit afterwards), and the smiles are wonderful.
The look of 'thank you' on my co-workers' faces don't suck either.

I was uncomfortable at first working with this particular population...my problem, not theirs.
Out of my comfort zone...I'd worked with the elderly and handicapped all my life, but rarely with DD.
I had a lot to learn about how they process things, for one thing.

Still learning, but like my job very much. Kinda makes my day when one of my autistic guys (to whom his 'personal space' is important) comes up and spontaneously gives me a hug. :hug:

[Arugula Latte]

77. It seems like there is a lot of social cluelessness around.

This is on a much lesser scale than what you're talking about, but it seems I'm often in the grocery store and people are just standing around blocking the aisles. They will look right at you and not move over. You're forced to say "excuse me" to try to squeeze your cart by, when it should be second nature for them to just scoot over a bit.

on edit: I wanted to make one observation about the lack of smiles. I know that sometimes I'm afraid a disabled person will think I'm "staring" at them if I try to make eye contact, so I get self-conscious that they're going to feel I'm singling them out as "different," so I just don't look their way for fear of offending them. That might have been the case with some of the seemingly rude people at the zoo (not talking about the ones who didn't hold the door, etc.).

[Liberal_in_LA]

78. %$#@ those people!

[Enthusiast]

80. I like you, Snoutport.

I don't suspect you of being a stealth Republican, not in the least.

[Snoutport]

100. Yay! Me? A stealth republican? Heck no!!!! But I can be sorta centrist sometimes

But you would think I WAS a stealth lurker by the way some people get really upset if I say something negative about schools. I've been called a liar for what to me is everyday stuff.

[dog_lovin_dem]

81. How sad that

the people behaved in that manner toward your students, but, unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me. I have seen the same type of behavior toward my partially paralyzed brother-in-law, who suffered a traumatic brain injury many years ago. Though he is ambulatory, he walks with quite a limp due to the paralysis. Many people look away when they see him coming toward them, while others look straight ahead as if he were invisible. Medical workers have been the only population that I haven't noticed the lack of eye contact in, though many of them begin by speaking directly to me when meeting with us for his medical care (I am also his caregiver). I always turn the focus back to him by encouraging him to answer questions, etc. to the best of his ability, then filling in info at the end if necessary. The most blatant rudeness took place at a department store where the cashier leaned out around my BIL, told me the total, and asked me for his phone number. Meanwhile, he stood there holding out his credit card to pay for his purchase. I gave her a glaring look and told her to "Speak to your customer. It's his purchase."
I don't come out of lurkdom often, but felt the need to share with you and to voice my admiration of your compassion. It takes a special kind of person to do the job you do. Keep up the good fight!

[otohara]

82. Polio Survivor Here - Didn't Know This About That Weirdo

creepy, and downright ugly woman.

I'm glad she's dead.

[bettyellen]

83. When my Mom was chairbound, those that smiled and helped out got me through the day more than once.

I was fortunate that many people were kind and helpful, especially the younger ones. I realized a lot of it came from being raised in a multigenerational household, or being raised by grandparents. They totally got it, and it meant the world to me every single time.
great PSA for us here, Snout P!

[Snoutport]

101. Yeah, but I was hoping it was an anomaly!

I'm really sad to hear other people relating similar tales. :0(

[mailman82]

85. Wow!

You are such a great person! You are my Hero, Today! If there were more people like you, it would be a much better place. You warm my heart. Thank you for what you do!

[Forkboy]

93. One of the best posts on DU in a long time.

:thumbsup:

[Snoutport]

102. wow

very kind, thank you.

[Forkboy]

103. No, thank you.

I have nihilistic streak in me that wants out badly some days, and often the urge to give into that is very powerful. Posts like yours counter that better than anything else. That feeling of hope that that little boy gave you is what you gave to me with this post.

[JanMichael]

110. Yep

agreed!