Hello, I find you perfectly toxic, By Mark Morford

[madokie]

You spend some time with a person. You go out for a drink, you go to a ballgame, you get matching tattoos, you buy a timeshare in Vegas, you suck at the same giant blue margarita from the same giant pink straw, you howl at the moon and dance 'til dawn and have three unruly kids and regret only one of them.

You take that person to dinner, loan him or her a copy of "Jitterbug Perfume," you hang out after work, you talk about the thrum and pulse of time, sex, dim sum, the universe. It doesn't really matter.

What matters is what comes next. You exit said person's company and you go home, sit down, take a breath, gaze inward and check the gauges. You ask yourself: How do I feel?

Are you energized or depleted? Drained and bleary or a little bit amped and pulsing in the core, ready for more? If you are more tired, you have been poisoned. If you are energized, you have been nourished. Simple, no? ...


(Full URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/08/10/notes081011.DTL&nl=fix)

[Enrique]

1. i'm hearing this attitude more and more lately

maybe we're headed into a more mean-spirited age, who knows.

I grew up in the sappy, humanistic 1970's, learning about life from Mr. Rogers. I learned that not everyone gets along with each other. It doesn't mean that the people I don't get along with are "toxic".

[Lance_Boyle]

2. look at it like allergies

Peanuts and shellfish and strawberries are not toxic to me, but they are to some. Relationships with people can be like that, too. The good thing is that there are very few people out there who are toxic to *everyone* else - Earth has more peanuts and shellfish than cyanide.

[Lex]

6. He just means stay away from people who drain *you* of energy

which makes perfect sense. That person may not have the same effect on other people.

[valerief]

3. I thought this post was going to be about the toxic cologne people wear.

Anyway, I've read extroverts feed off the energy of other people and introverts have their energy fed upon. Introverts self-generate their own energy, so they need "alone time" to recharge. Extroverts can't be alone or their energy is depleted. How true is that? I dunno.

I do know that depressed people drain me. Suck the life right out of me. They may not seem depressed to others, but I can tell. I can tell from the effect they have on me. Hmm, so are depressed people extroverts? Ack, stupid labels! Who cares!

One thing I know is I hate being around people with stinky, toxic cologne. They make me choke.

[Enrique]

4. i thought it was going to be about giant African rats

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x82000

[valerief]

8. They're cute little killers, aren't they? nt

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. I'll admit I only had time to skim, but at first glance I call bullshit.

I'm an energetic, out-going, personable introvert. Off the scale introvert actually. Which essentially means people who don't understand the word assume I'm an extravert because I can work a crowd or stand up and be the center of attention with apparent ease.

Interacting with people depletes my personal energy, pure and simple. I don't care if it's George W. Bush or the Dalai Lama. If I have to engage with another person, I need to recharge my batteries with some alone time. It has absolutely nothing to do with their toxicity. My husband is the classic extravert and is exactly the opposite. Interacting with other people fires him up and he gets either antsy or lethargic when he has to be by himself for an extended length of time. Interesting marriage, but we make it work. :-)

The assumption in this article would seem to indicate introverts will see toxic people every where they turn.

I also don't like the phrase in general.

Relationships can be healthy or harmful. That's what needs to be evaluated. If someone is influencing you in ways that make you feel manipulated or engaging in behavior contrary to your values, that's a harmful relationship. If you feel pangs of shame, guilt or dismay during or after interaction with a person (or relief when they're gone), that could be a sign the relationship is harmful and needs to be terminated.

Energized or depleted? Bullshit. It's the emotional field, not the degree of energy that needs to be examined more closely.

[Lex]

7. No, he's just saying avoid people who drain you of energy.

That's all.

[Pacifist Patriot]

9. In my case, I'd have to avoid everybody though.

Oh hell, maybe that means I'm the toxic person. :-)