A wonderful FU New Year's greeting to Dolt45.

[GoneOffShore]

The only thing missing is a reference to the tiny hands.

Penned by Aldous J. Farthington on Daily Kos:
"Dear Fucking Lunatic,
I read with interest your recent interview with The New York Times. I couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of fucking China — a country that’s only 2,238 years old, give or take.
Do you know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me” — only 10,000 times crazier and less self aware.
You are fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to crawl up my own ass with a Union Jack and claim my sigmoid colon for HRH Queen Elizabeth II.
We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.
You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the fuck does that help?
You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.
You attempted — with evident fucking glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance.
You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite.
You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL FUCKING NAZIS!
Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.
Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper towels?
Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally civil — to say?
You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage.
You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.
So happy new year, Mr. Pr*sident. And fuck you forever.
Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. Fuck you, too.
Sincerely,
Everyone

[shraby]

1. Did he forget anything? Good rant!

[GoneOffShore]

2. Possibly a reference to being the Misogynist In Chief.

[jodymarie aimee]

3. already posted

here.

[procon]

4. Wasted my time on this juvenile humor that reads like a teenager's fanfic.

If Aldous J. Farthington, the purported writer, was trying to imitate the funny genius of commentators like Wonkette or the Rude Pundit, this was an epic fail. The posted screed if far from "funny, and relies heavily on tiresome, cliched bathroom humor and unoriginal crude sexualized wisecracks in an attempt at contrived comedy. Between the C&P entries, it's predictably boring with nothing original or redeeming that would make it worth the effort to slog through this rubbish.

[GoneOffShore]

5. And yet you did.

Personally, I thought it a marvelous use of the language.
But, as the saying goes, YMMV.

[Deb]

6. "rancid paella" was a first for me

I rather appreciated that apt description, quite rememberable.

[procon]

10. But even that is an error. The word rancid applies to

old fats or oils that have oxidized and give off a rank, unpleasant smell or taste. First rule in good writing is to write about the things you know, and the writer obviously doesn't even know that Paella is a dish made from fresh mussels, not fats and oils. While seafood can turn bad, they cannot become "rancid", so the contrived phrase "rancid paella", makes no sense because it's an impossibility.

[Deb]

24. Perhaps, but it did elicit an involuntary physical response on my part

Even my gut knew what the writer meant and that is good enough for me. rancid paella

[procon]

7. Yes, to my chagrin, I did get hornswoggled by another tempting,

but deceptive title; thus my scornful critique. Yes, to each their own, but I've become more cautious in choosing praiseworthy writers, precisely because of loutish fellows like this wretched writer, none of whom should be led to believe that they have any appreciable talent beyond their dorm rooms.

[mreilly]

8. Good Lord, MOVE ON!

Jesus, you spent more time complaining and sneering than you did reading the original screed.

You didn't like it.

We GET it.

Now quit wasting bandwidth on this drivel!

[procon]

11. Oh, I read it the whole pitiful tirade, and its well deserving of a scathing review.

Opinions are all equal, so yours is no better or worse that mine, I have no issue with that at all. My critique should rankle, that was the intent, because all too often we settle for spiritless mediocrity and bypass the really good writers, the true craftsmen of their trade, who get us to think and ponder, and even chuckle, over their well writ words.

[mreilly]

18. Most pretentious thing I've ever read on DU.

... way to be a condescending showboat. Well done!

[procon]

20. Just different company we keep, friend, and a more discerning palate, yeah? nt

[dchill]

19. I recommend Preparation-H.

[procon]

21. I demure to the voice of experience. nt

[dchill]

22. It's demur. And yes, my experiences with Preparation-H...

we're all positive. Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it. "Demure" is a different part of speech, altogether. It means meek, retiring.

[procon]

27. Either will do, but rest assured, Auto Correct will be severely punished.

I should turn it off for good, but it is somewhat useful on these little devices.

[kag]

23. Here's a well writ word for you...

"it's" -- a contraction of "it is"

as opposed to what you wrote:

"its" -- a gender-neutral possessive

Also, punctuation is your friend. Use it. Run-on sentences make your comment almost unreadable.


If you're going to bitch about someone else's use of language, best to make sure your own is unimpeachable.

[procon]

28. If you're reduced to spell checking boo-boos, have you run out of any other

defence of this writer's hackneyed effort? I don't take it personally, why do you... say, are you two perhaps related?

[kag]

29. Who's taking it personally?

I guess you can't see me smiling .

And besides, I wasn't trying to defend the post. I just liked it. I don't care if you like it or not.

All I'm saying is that if you are going to criticize it as being "juvenile" you might want to do your own spell-checking and re-read Strunk & White. You know, so your comment will sound all grown-uppy.

[SpankMe]

9. "off-brand butt plug" - awesome!! n/t

[Control-Z]

12. My favorite line! eom

[dchill]

17. Mine, too. Close second, "Sincerely, Everyone."

[Control-Z]

25. Lol. Yup.

[cwydro]

13. That was pretty good.

Hope the shitgibbon sees it.

[mehrrh]

14. And he didn't even say it all!!

A diatribe quite fitting for the POS in the white house.

[heaven05]

15. NICE!!!!!

examined and found wanting on all levels....the POtuS is also a sexual predator that likes to see naked teenage girls....and he walked through the dressing areas of the teenage pageant contestants and the adult pageant contestants and that is common knowledge as it was admitted and spoken from his syphilis encrusted lips...he's a pervert

[calimary]

16. Saw that! A huge delight! With a cherry on top!

[captain queeg]

26. Pretty good rant

I see some criticism and some likes been mentioned; everyone is entitled to their opinion. For myself I don't care for nonstop butt jokes, but have to admit concerning the orange dunce its hard not to go there.

My only wish is that somehow that traitorous fool would read some of this stuff. Or more likely someone would have to read it to him. Or more likely than that someone would have to produce a video that captured his attention long enough that he could hear some of this. He'd of course need an interpreter of any four syllable words, but if someone could shove a sock in his mouth and play this stuff full blast into his ears, he might get the gist of it. Of course he'd immediately dismiss any and all thoughts that didn't fit his bubble world.