The Official State of the Union Drinking Game Rules!
Good news, America! January 30th, 2018 is upon us, which means President Donald Trump (repeat that aloud if you didn't experience enough joy just reading the words) will be delivering his first real State of the Union address.
If you already have a substance-abuse problem, don't let this event alter your routine significantly! Just dial back or forward slightly, depending on your habit. If you're into uppers, you might want to take the night off, learn Serbo-Croatian, build a 20-foot bottlecap pyramid, or have anonymous sex in an alley – anything, just don't turn on C-SPAN, CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox, Univision, CNN, FOX News, MSNBC or PBS. Meth users especially, do not go near your television, unless it is hard-wired to the Cartoon Network or Qubo.
If your thing is downers, tonight is easy: just take more. Don't put your faith in things like kava, though, no matter how trendy it makes you feel. Make sure your whole evening can be blotted out using something with real street value, something that comes either in a baggie or a prescription bottle – perhaps even your own. Obviously, death is an eventuality to be avoided, but more sluggish nervous responses and/or unconsciousness may not necessarily be bad things on this occasion, unless you happen to be working late and piloting a jetliner.
As for the speech itself, we can expect a few things. President Trump will likely not bother trying to "reach across the aisle" as presidents in the past have often used this tradition to do. After a year of relentless confrontation and mad tweets, Washington looks like the Maginot Line. A significant number of Democrats will not attend; many will go to Chicago instead for the opposition response, which will be delivered by Joseph Kennedy III. It's more likely that Democrats will get up and walk out on Trump mid-speech than they will applaud with real enthusiasm (a fact reflected in the game rules). So the prez will be left to do what he mostly always does, which is talk aimlessly about his awesomeness and dwell inappropriately and at length upon the treasonous unfairness of his critics.
https://www.rollingstone.com/taibbi-state-of-union-drinking-game-rules-trump-edition-w516079?utm_source=rsnewsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=013018_17
