Pence Asks Jesus to Rapture Him Up Before Mueller Can Indict Him

[nycbos]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.

Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.The source characterized Pence’s request to be raptured up as “urgent” but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials. “Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons,” the source said. “Jared, for example.”



https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/pence-asks-jesus-to-rapture-him-up-before-mueller-can-indict-him

[Gothmog]

1. I love Andy Borowitz

[MaryMagdaline]

2. "the early Rapture proposal"

Priceless

[smirkymonkey]

3. I knew this was Borowitz or the Onion.

Pretty funny, although I wish it was true. In fact, I wish the rapture would take them all up and leave the rest of us in peace.

[GWC58]

4. Christ to Pence

“Rapture you!? That’s funny!! Not on your life!”

[smirkymonkey]

5. Ugh! I'm afraid we are stuck with him!

[lindysalsagal]

6. Jesus is the leaker!!!