I'm surprised Trump did not claim to have authored the "Snake" story. The first time I heard

[Atticus]

that tale I laughed so hard I kicked a slat out of my crib.

[hlthe2b]

1. As he told it, it is word for word the lyrics from "the Snake" by Al Wilson (also Johnny Rivers)

Lyrics
On her way to work one morning
Down the path along side the lake
A tender hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake
His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew
"Poor thing, " she cried, "I'll take you in and I'll take care of you"
"Take me in tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman, " sighed the snake
She wrapped him up all cozy in a comforter of silk
And laid him by her fireside with some honey and some milk
She hurried home from work that night and soon as she arrived
She found that pretty snake she'd taken to had been revived
"Take me in, tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman, " sighed the snake
She clutched him to her bosom, "You're so beautiful, " she cried
"But if I hadn't brought you in by now you might have died"
She stroked his pretty skin again and kissed and held him tight
Instead of saying thanks, the snake gave her a vicious bite
"Take me in, tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman, " sighed the snake
"I saved you, " cried the woman
"And you've bitten me, but why?
You know your bite is poisonous and now I'm going to die"
"Oh shut up, silly woman, " said the reptile with a grin
"You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in
"Take me in, tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman, " sighed the snake
Songwriters: Robert S. Kelly / Darian Morgan
The Snake lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

I always liked the Johnny Rivers version:

[world wide wally]

2. Why the fuck does he even tell that story?

I keep seeing his face on the snake.