Rapists Explain Themselves on Reddit, and We Should Listen

[justiceischeap]

I've always felt Reddit was a cess pool (and I apologize ahead of time to any Redditors here but I've never seen anything really positive on that site and this just takes the cake).

Rapists and would-be rapists are opening up about "the other side of the story" — theirs — on a massive Reddit thread about the motivations behind sexual assault. The conversations range from exasperating to disturbing, and the whole of it may make you want to roll your eyes in disgust. But you shouldn't dismiss the thread as mere rape apologia. There's plenty of that, sure, but there's also a lot more to it.

Yesterday, a Redditor solicited stories of sexual assault from assailants. "Reddit's had a few threads about sexual assault victims, but are there any redditors from the other side of the story?" he asked. "What were your motivations? Do you regret it?"

... snip ...

Nothing will change if we discuss rape culture in a vacuum. Taking the discussion beyond that vacuum, however, means opening it up to a wider audience that isn't necessarily sympathetic. Reddit may not be the best place for that, but it's certainly a start — and that's important. It's in these less-protected, less-sacred spaces where the conversation is needed the most.

http://jezebel.com/5929544/rapists-explain-themselves-on-reddit-and-we-should-listen

Here's the Reddit thread that's being referenced:
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x6yef/reddits_had_a_few_threads_about_sexual_assault/c5jtt3p

[Brickbat]

1. It's chilling to see the entitlement, but so, so important to have the discussion and try to educate

educate people on what rape is and who rapists are. It's not the scary unknown guy in the alley, it's the nice guy at the party, the new boyfriend, the boyfriend's best friend, the guy you've always known but think of as a brother.

[msanthrope]

2. I think you should self-delete this.

The sociopath, narcissistic ravings of a serial rapist, and his nauseating account of his crimes are best explored in a setting where he is not getting narcissistic feedback.

I don't fault you for posting....just doubt the 'good' it does.

[randome]

3. I think all information is good.

No matter where it comes from.

OTOH, it is an anonymous posting on the Internet so...

[msanthrope]

5. I think you are seeing it as information given to women by a rapist for their benefit....

but that's not how I see it.

I'm a criminal defense attorney.

And I read a shitbag sociopath who has reached a time in his life when he needs to 'share.'

There could be many reasons why---but they are all inherently selfish reasons designed to ultimately widen his victim pool.

There is some 'good' information on the rest of the thread....but also lots of rape-trollers, IMHO.

[Igel]

13. Perhaps "for their benefit" ("there" = rapists)

Perhaps not. Don't see how it helps widen the victim pool. Could be to intimidate or annoy.

On the other hand, I was hoping to hear what they saw their reasons as and assume that while there'd be some psychological neediness there'd be more than a dollop of honesty and accuracy. For decades I've heard it's just "power" that leads to sexual assaut and that, in turn, is usually made into some sort of "defending the patriarchy" motive. Even if it's just, "That girl dissed me", ultimately that male and the incident is made into the exponent of some large societal conflict or overarching gender oppression.

That always seemed ill-thought-out to me.

At the same time the definition of "rape" expanded all over the place, and in more than one case "defense of the patriarchy" seemed really unlikely to me. The women that overheard it started from there and built a case for it, but that's "building a case" and clearly not the same as "categorizing the different types of attitudes that lead to various classes of sexual assault." One seeks to put something in a box; the other seeks to design the box.

[TalkingDog]

4. I disagree. We are not giving him feedback. His "peers" are.

I have a friend who is an engineer in his 40's (read: adult with a good education) who couldn't wrap his head around the idea that A) 25% of women had been/ will be sexually assaulted B) Rape was NOT just strangers in dark alleys.

In his world those things were just inconceivable. And even then, once I convinced him of the reality of date rape, it took slogging through a whole slew of misconceptions about "miscommunications" and "signals".

People really don't sit around and discuss what constitutes rape, who it happens to and how the rapists may or may not perceive the situation.

If we did, I think both men and women who have been sexually assaulted would not feel so conflicted about coming forward.

[redqueen]

6. Well said.

K&R

[msanthrope]

9. I think you are conflating narcissistic supply and feedback...and I should have been clearer in my

post. The friend you describe seems capable of self-reflection, cognitive dissonance, etc...i.e., human emotion. Therefore he is able to take feedback, and shape his worldview appropriately and more empathetically.

The rapist reading the replies to his posts isn't having that reaction. He's getting off. He's feeling good about the cathartic release of bragging about his crimes, and knowing that he is triggering victims. That's narcissistic supply. The place for his confession isn't an Internet thread, it's therapy or the courts.

[TalkingDog]

11. But nobody here is responding to him (unless they have a Reddit account)

I'm being quite literal. We aren't giving him feedback. He (or as it turns out They) can't know how many non Redditors are looking at their words. We aren't supplying anything for them. We are giving the website a lot of traffic, but the specific posters can't know that.

So, as a means of instructing other people like my well-meaning but clueless friend, I'd say it's a good resource to use as an example of the realities of sexual assault. Although I agree there probably is a bit of rape fantasizing and fetishizing going on. But, that in and of itself is useful to know.

[msanthrope]

12. This thread is the #7 when I google the link to the serial rapist's first post.

All that bastard has to do is google his own reddit post to find the trackbacks.

Think he isn't?

The Internet connects us all, my friend.

[redqueen]

7. FWIW, this person agrees with you.

http://www.jimchines.com/2012/07/why-i-cancelled-my-reddit-qa/

[msanthrope]

10. He's right. This is a way for rapists to exercise power. nt

[Fawke Em]

8. Hmmm... I think I met him in college.

And I only weighed about 100 pounds, but I still left him with a deep, deep pain in his crotch.

College women should take some time to enroll in the simple defense classes most college police departments sponsor.

And college men need to understand that conquest isn't a game.