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TheBlackAdder

(28,076 posts)
Fri Mar 23, 2018, 08:43 PM Mar 2018

President Trump Awards $120M Pneumatic Vacuum Elevator Contract for Air Force One.

President Trump Awards $120M Pneumatic Vacuum Elevator Contract for Air Force One.

March 23, 2018 5:28 PM EDT
Royters News Agency
Staff Writer

President Trump boards Air Force One, leaving Joint-Base Andrews for a weekend trip to his Mar-a-lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida. He traveled solo, from The White House to Marine One to the below-belly stairway located towards the aft of the aircraft, foregoing the traditional use of the ceremonial stairway. Today’s flight manifest included his wife, Melania, who was noticeably absent—fueling further speculations over recent extra-marital events plaguing the First Family.


President Trump Boarding Air Force One Alone, As His Hair Attempts Escape Too.


President Trump now exceeds former President Obama’s eight-year use of Air Force One’s rear stairway, in just fourteen short months. Rumors circulate about his fear of stairs, the recent embarrassment of his quaffed comb over malfunction, and the isolation of leaving the capital alone. News broke today that the president authorized a $120 million contract for telescopic Pneumatic Vacuum Elevators (PVE) for the two Air Force One aircraft. As recent at last month, there was public outcry over the $24 million refrigerator replacement contract on these planes, seen as excessive pork for Boeing. Each PVE, controversially awarded to the Russian firm, Rosneft Lifts, pales that award by magnitudes.


Sample Office PVE unit


While these lifts are exclusively installed in upscale designer homes and offices, the telescopic feature would allow its retraction within the fuselage. Not surprisingly, its use would remedy the aforementioned concerns the president may harbor. This clear plexiglass elevator eliminates bth stairs and wind, while only allowing single person use. The contract, which is pending a full FOI release, is rumored to contain a $2 million mirrored exo-coating that emulates a two-way mirror—preventing casual observers from viewing inside the unit, while being able to look outside. Lights will encase the exterior, presenting a futuristic science fiction transporter effect.


Sample Residential PVE unit


We will update this story as more details emerge.






(parody post)
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President Trump Awards $120M Pneumatic Vacuum Elevator Contract for Air Force One. (Original Post) TheBlackAdder Mar 2018 OP
Use the fucking stairs like a normal person sunonmars Mar 2018 #1
Low Energy, No Stamina, Weakling, Soft Little Office Hands Submariner Mar 2018 #2
Note at the end..."parody post" angstlessk Mar 2018 #3
This message was self-deleted by its author GReedDiamond Mar 2018 #4
Royters is much better than Associated Punks jberryhill Mar 2018 #5
If President Obama did this ornotna Mar 2018 #6
Believed it for a second. That would be a hilarious image. Oneironaut Mar 2018 #7
What the fuck my comic book villain president is getting himself a tube to suck him up into planes. Corvo Bianco Mar 2018 #8
He'd be more like that kid getting sucked up the tube in that Willy Wonka movie. TheBlackAdder Mar 2018 #9
Royters eleny Mar 2018 #10
Definitely "Real News" TheBlackAdder Mar 2018 #12
Where are those deficit hawks jazzcat23 Mar 2018 #11

Submariner

(12,485 posts)
2. Low Energy, No Stamina, Weakling, Soft Little Office Hands
Fri Mar 23, 2018, 08:49 PM
Mar 2018

Howz about a driverless golf cart at Mar A Shithole that has a stuck accelerator that drives him into the water hazard at the Par 4 5th hole.

Response to TheBlackAdder (Original post)

Corvo Bianco

(1,148 posts)
8. What the fuck my comic book villain president is getting himself a tube to suck him up into planes.
Fri Mar 23, 2018, 09:59 PM
Mar 2018

I hope this is a joke and stays a joke.

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