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geardaddy

(24,926 posts) Mon Mar 26, 2018, 02:48 PM Mar 2018

John Bolton Warns War With North Korea Wont Be Cakewalk Like Iraq

https://politics.theonion.com/john-bolton-warns-war-with-north-korea-won-t-be-cakewal-1824031861

WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that total war with a personality cult ruled by a nuclear-capable despot will be a harrowing commitment posing many unique challenges, newly appointed National Security Advisor John Bolton promised the American public Friday that the upcoming war with North Korea certainly won’t be a cakewalk like Iraq. “You have to admit, things in Iraq were pretty cut-and-dried—we went in there, we deposed the leader, we installed our own government, we never even had to think about the long-term consequences, and certainly no hordes of soldiers were forced to fight the tens of thousands of American teens we’re going to throw at them in great, meat-grinding, human-wave attacks like we’re about to see in North Korea,” said Bolton, who noted that as one of the architects of the “ultimately painless and remarkably successful” 2003 Iraq invasion, he knew what he was talking about when it came to planning a massive land campaign in Asia. “It’s a good thing we have regional, expendable allies, because after the first 90 minutes of this war, somewhere around 2 million South Koreans are going to be a thin layer of greasy soot in the stratosphere, if my plan goes correctly. Then we simply commit an entire generation of young Americans to dying in numbers so great that they will permanently change the geography of the Korean peninsula. As will North Korea’s nukes and our fission weapons, of course. Believe me, this war is going to be an absolute mess.” Bolton also warned that further delays in mobilizing for war with North Korea would inevitably push back the start of the U.S.’s upcoming war with Iran.

Please note, this is from The Onion, but it almost reads true.

27 replies

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John Bolton Warns War With North Korea Wont Be Cakewalk Like Iraq (Original Post) geardaddy Mar 2018 OP

Iraq was a cakewalk? What a fucktard blake2012 Mar 2018 #1

It's The Onion geardaddy Mar 2018 #2

hard to tell these days. nt Javaman Mar 2018 #4

They got me. First time in 20 years of reading them blake2012 Mar 2018 #6

I'm not sure what the purpose of "The Onion" and "The Borowitz Report" are. The funny, gotcha... brush Mar 2018 #15

Almost sounds like Bolton. damn riversedge Mar 2018 #3

A cake walk for him tazkcmo Mar 2018 #5

Dammit onion! backtoblue Mar 2018 #7

Yeah. I nearly crapped my pants also. nt Blue_true Mar 2018 #27

Alright, you got me genxlib Mar 2018 #8

He calls Iraq a success...the entire middle east is in flames because of it...that guy Demsrule86 Mar 2018 #9

This 100% true story absolutely cannot be from the Onion. Oneironaut Mar 2018 #10

Somehow I dont think other countries will stand by and let us go to war with North Korea kimbutgar Mar 2018 #11

15 years is a cakewalk? sarcasmo Mar 2018 #12

Mr President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed... FarCenter Mar 2018 #13

Spot on! geardaddy Mar 2018 #14

Uh John, we didn't win in Iraq gopiscrap Mar 2018 #16

Got me, too. How nuts is it that we think this is real... TreasonousBastard Mar 2018 #17

My first reaction was "this can't be serious" DFW Mar 2018 #18

In The Onion One Week SoCalMusicLover Mar 2018 #19

the 2nd bolton onion piece was good as well. pansypoo53219 Mar 2018 #20

And there are still soldiers in Iraq dimwit MiniMe Mar 2018 #21

This is your warning: He's ready for war with North Korea. kentuck Mar 2018 #22

One of the few times the parody paints a picture of how it should be, you know the REAL Bolton A. ck4829 Mar 2018 #23

Yep. geardaddy Mar 2018 #24

I thought it was real ! kentuck Mar 2018 #26

Last time we visited the Chosin Reservoir, we were ill-equipped. JustABozoOnThisBus Mar 2018 #25

blake2012

(1,294 posts)

1. Iraq was a cakewalk? What a fucktard