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Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:22 PM

Breaking: Paul Ryan Nominates Joel Osteen to Be New House Chaplain

In a surprise move during the weekend, Speaker Ryan proposed that Prosperity Gospel champion, Joel Osteen, become the new chaplain for the U.S. House of Representatives. In a brief comment, the Speaker said, "America needs to become more prosperous. It needs a new approach to individual wealth. Pastor Osteen carries that message and shows us the way. Working Americans should be grateful to pay more taxes to the Federal Government. As Jesus, himself, said, 'It will be returned an hundred-fold.' Joel, my good friend, suggests that the road to a more prosperious America will come through even higher taxes on low-income citizens, who will benefit in the end, of course. I agree with the good Pastor, and will be introducing new legislation to that effect soon."


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Reply Breaking: Paul Ryan Nominates Joel Osteen to Be New House Chaplain (Original post)
MineralMan Apr 2018 OP
Vinca Apr 2018 #1
MineralMan Apr 2018 #2
groundloop Apr 2018 #44
Honeycombe8 Apr 2018 #59
MineralMan Apr 2018 #82
AlleganCarpenter Apr 2018 #61
MineralMan Apr 2018 #83
LAS14 Apr 2018 #94
MineralMan Apr 2018 #95
thegoose Apr 2018 #53
politicaljunkie41910 Apr 2018 #96
hlthe2b Apr 2018 #3
A HERETIC I AM Apr 2018 #4
CentralMass Apr 2018 #5
lunatica Apr 2018 #6
MineralMan Apr 2018 #8
lunatica Apr 2018 #9
MineralMan Apr 2018 #10
Iggo Apr 2018 #7
workinclasszero Apr 2018 #11
nolabear Apr 2018 #12
JDC Apr 2018 #13
FM123 Apr 2018 #14
MineralMan Apr 2018 #22
Clarity2 Apr 2018 #15
Docreed2003 Apr 2018 #16
NightWatcher Apr 2018 #17
Takket Apr 2018 #18
MineralMan Apr 2018 #19
smirkymonkey Apr 2018 #52
ProudLib72 Apr 2018 #20
northoftheborder Apr 2018 #21
northoftheborder Apr 2018 #23
MineralMan Apr 2018 #25
OldHippieChick Apr 2018 #24
northoftheborder Apr 2018 #26
Civic Justice Apr 2018 #27
MineralMan Apr 2018 #28
Yonnie3 Apr 2018 #29
onecent Apr 2018 #30
onecent Apr 2018 #32
sandensea Apr 2018 #31
MineralMan Apr 2018 #33
sandensea Apr 2018 #34
MineralMan Apr 2018 #36
Tavarious Jackson Apr 2018 #35
struggle4progress Apr 2018 #37
Sam McGee Apr 2018 #38
trusty elf Apr 2018 #39
ChubbyStar Apr 2018 #43
DFW Apr 2018 #40
MineralMan Apr 2018 #54
FakeNoose Apr 2018 #41
lsewpershad Apr 2018 #42
bucolic_frolic Apr 2018 #45
True Blue American Apr 2018 #46
MineralMan Apr 2018 #56
NBachers Apr 2018 #47
GoneOffShore Apr 2018 #48
Anon-C Apr 2018 #49
shraby Apr 2018 #50
shadowmayor Apr 2018 #51
bitterross Apr 2018 #55
MineralMan Apr 2018 #57
onetexan Apr 2018 #58
Nitram Apr 2018 #60
lillypaddle Apr 2018 #62
MineralMan Apr 2018 #68
Fritz Walter Apr 2018 #63
jmowreader Apr 2018 #64
George II Apr 2018 #65
MineralMan Apr 2018 #70
keithbvadu2 Apr 2018 #66
MineralMan Apr 2018 #72
RKP5637 Apr 2018 #67
Johnny2X2X Apr 2018 #69
RKP5637 Apr 2018 #71
guillaumeb Apr 2018 #73
mercuryblues Apr 2018 #74
MineralMan Apr 2018 #75
malaise Apr 2018 #76
MineralMan Apr 2018 #77
DoctorJoJo Apr 2018 #78
47of74 Apr 2018 #79
The River Apr 2018 #80
JustABozoOnThisBus Apr 2018 #81
yorkie77 Apr 2018 #84
MineralMan Apr 2018 #85
Rebl2 Apr 2018 #86
Shoonra Apr 2018 #87
MineralMan Apr 2018 #89
Lucky Luciano Apr 2018 #88
MineralMan Apr 2018 #90
Lucky Luciano Apr 2018 #91
MineralMan Apr 2018 #92
LAS14 Apr 2018 #93
samplegirl Apr 2018 #97
keithbvadu2 Apr 2018 #98
uppityperson May 2018 #99

Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:23 PM

1. Perfect example of what's wrong with the Trump era. Is this real or parody? Could be either.

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Response to Vinca (Reply #1)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:24 PM

2. The :evilgrin: emoticon indicates parody.

Reality indicates that it's very close to not being satirical, however. It's a fine, fine line.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #2)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:41 PM

44. In these times it can be difficult to tell parody from reality

Spanky has certainly given political cartoonists and comedians plenty of material to work with.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #2)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:16 PM

59. No, it doesn't. The emoji "sarcasm" is the indicator to be used.

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Response to Honeycombe8 (Reply #59)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:16 PM

82. There are no rules.

Truly.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #2)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:30 PM

61. Irony

is difficult in these trying times.

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Response to AlleganCarpenter (Reply #61)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:17 PM

83. Many things are.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #2)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:49 PM

94. Where's the :evilgrin: emoticon??? nt

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Response to LAS14 (Reply #94)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:51 PM

95. At the bottom of the OP.

Maybe your device doesn't show them.

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Response to Vinca (Reply #1)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:56 PM

53. And media continues to take over this insane White House

 

Fux Snooze and the Enquirer are Dumpie's mouthpieces, and this phony televangelist would fit right in the swamp...

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Response to Vinca (Reply #1)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:58 PM

96. This is blasphemy. Paul Ryan should be ashamed of himself.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:25 PM

3. Actually that's about what I'd expect-- the Ayn Randian "prosperity gospel" types

are his idea of religious leaders. I hope the Catholic members, both Rs and Dems absolutely skewer Ryan for this.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:25 PM

4. ...

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:26 PM

5. :-)

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:28 PM

6. Is the link you didn't include from Borowitz?

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Response to lunatica (Reply #6)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:28 PM

8. Nope. It's my own dabbling at things.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #8)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:30 PM

9. I'm impressed!

Excellent satire!

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Response to lunatica (Reply #9)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:31 PM

10. It's a hobby of mine.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:28 PM

7. Lock the doors!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:31 PM

11. Lol

 

You had me goin there for a second

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:32 PM

12. You're a beast.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:32 PM

13. Woundn't surprise anyone with a move like that

He'd cite all the great work he did during Harvey.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:36 PM

14. And this is why I enjoy your posts so much! Bravo MM

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Response to FM123 (Reply #14)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:49 PM

22. Thank you kindly!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:37 PM

15. Im so glad you were joking

But you know its going to be some other right wing evangelical faux christian.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:38 PM

16. The perfect religious mouthpiece for these people!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:44 PM

17. He'd never play a place as small as the Capitol.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:45 PM

18. the sad thing is how completely believable this is.................

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Response to Takket (Reply #18)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:45 PM

19. There are many, many sad things associated with the GOP.

Yes, indeed.

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Response to Takket (Reply #18)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:53 PM

52. I actually bought it for a minute.

 

It would not surprise me if it was true.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:47 PM

20. If it had not been for the evil grin, I would have believed every word

You need to use this emoji:

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:48 PM

21. OMG

There are no smilies to express my distaste; razors on a blackboard could not make me cringe any more at the prospect of this person leading? addressing? exhorting? Congress in prayer.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:50 PM

23. OK - Mineral Man - you got me! My first reaction was a horrified belief in the truth of the post.

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Response to northoftheborder (Reply #23)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:51 PM

25. Tee-hee!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:50 PM

24. I nearly vomited on my

keyboard. This would be exactly what those repukelicans would want, but hopefully the Catholic Ryan won't go this far.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:52 PM

26. Please let me to the Irish coffee to get through the afternoon!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:52 PM

27. In a surprise move during the weekend, Speaker Ryan proposed that Prosperity Gospel champion,

 

It just goes to show, they care nothing about "Gods Truth For the Conduct of Mankind with respect toward other mankind... they only want to "talk prosperity" because their mentality is about "Greed and Money".

The care for general society has no concern for these Republicans.... if they could, they'd change money to read-- "In Money We Trust" !!!! Screw everything and everyone else. They have the mentality of Slaver's.... one in which nothing matters except money... and no act is to vile in the pursuit of money.


Anyone who talks of honor, ethics, truth and fair play... Republicans will want to incarcerate them and if they could, they'd order them before a firing squad.

They figure they've force fed PLUTOCRACY DOWN THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THROAT....!!!! they've insulted and denigrated the justice system....so now... REPUBLICANS... figure all they got to do, is keep pushing and the rest will submit to PLUTOCRACY.

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Response to Civic Justice (Reply #27)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:53 PM

28. Say It Loud!

Uh...

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:58 PM

29. Shh!

Ryan shouldn't hear about this.

Excellent, MineralMan.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:59 PM

30. OMG THIS MAKES ME SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Response to onecent (Reply #30)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:00 PM

32. You were joking...???? good.......

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 03:59 PM

31. Just the guy for today's kleptocracy

Or as Republicans refer to it, the prosperity gospel.

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Response to sandensea (Reply #31)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:00 PM

33. It's the ultimate in trickle-down economics, really.

From on high, so to speak.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #33)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:01 PM

34. Praise the Lawd that's good!

'From on high'

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Response to sandensea (Reply #34)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:02 PM

36. Tee-hee!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:02 PM

35. You scared me.

 

I believed it. Anything is possible in this administration. Lol

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:08 PM

37. "We just won't tolerate those communists who pray for us to be fair and remember the poor!"

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:17 PM

38. If this is not satire . . .

 

If this is true and not satire, I may just drink the rest of the day. And much of tomorrow.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:28 PM

39. Osteentatious!

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Response to trusty elf (Reply #39)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:37 PM

43. Spot on! Love it

In this day and age it is absurd that anyone with a pulse takes these grifting charlatans seriously. Joel and Nordstrom Barbie need a quick toss to the curb.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:32 PM

40. That was funny and all, but just too over the top for me to fall for it

That was no more believable then, say, naming Ben Carson as Secretary of HUD.
Or Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education.
Or Scott Pruitt as head of the EPA.

Oh. Wait.

Never mind.

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Response to DFW (Reply #40)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:58 PM

54. I know, right...

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:35 PM

41. I would have believed this, except

... Joel Osteen is a multi-multi-millionaire. He's got a good thing going in Texas, and no reason to give that up for a no-thanks job in Washington.

This is definitely believeable though. Good job Mineral Man!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:37 PM

42. Might as well

He truly believes in the self aggrandizing "ryndian" teachings of self.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:42 PM

45. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Creepy!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:43 PM

46. Borowitz?

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Response to True Blue American (Reply #46)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:59 PM

56. What? That chump?

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:48 PM

47. If only Reverend Dimmsdale from The Scarlet Letter was available.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:49 PM

48. Osteen has the same dead eyes as Ayn Ryan

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:51 PM

49. I CANNOT BREATH!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:52 PM

50. You had me till about half-way thru. Then I'm looking for

borowitz or onion link.
You sure picked the perfect photo for it.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:53 PM

51. Well Done MM

In the event of a catastrophe, the doors will not be opened for the suffering until the authorities tell us the time is right!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 04:59 PM

55. Damn! That was good! I fell for it - hook, line and sinker.

 

Kudos to you for really good satire. Good satire, of course, is so close to the truth it's believable.

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Response to bitterross (Reply #55)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:00 PM

57. Thanks!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:07 PM

58. GAG

Disgusting

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:23 PM

60. That is so Repubican.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:30 PM

62. PLEASE identify parody posts

So those of us who have NO appreciation for them will not waste our time.

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Response to lillypaddle (Reply #62)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:43 PM

68. Sorry. No.

There would be no point to them, then. It cost you little enough, and others enjoyed it.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:34 PM

63. I was going to suggest others

Franklin Graham assuming his mourning of dear-old-Dad Billy (not to mention probate) has concluded.
Creflo Dollar his name says it all, but its hard to imagine Republicans of (ahem!) European descent bowing their heads when hes on-stage, at-mike, in-the-Capitol-pulpit.
An Orthodox Rabbi who would preach and invoke prayers for the return of Jerusalem to its biblical position (and Im talking Old Testament, pre-Roman Empire glory here).

Or, just for hits and giggles, just about any holy roller, including the tent-revivalists, serpent-handling, or hellfire-and-brimstone preaching charlatans who curries favor with RepubliCONs.

I'm past caring at this point. Even this guy would not surprise me.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:36 PM

64. Hope he doesn't see this

Making Joel Osteen, or one of the other prosperity preachers, the new House chaplain is something he'd do.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:39 PM

65. Is this for real?

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Response to George II (Reply #65)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:45 PM

70. As real as anything, these days...

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:41 PM

66. Prosperity Gospel rolls downhill

Prosperity Gospel rolls downhill

The only reason I doubted the tale was that Joel would not deign to such a low-paying position.

It would be a waste of his earnings time.


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Response to keithbvadu2 (Reply #66)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:47 PM

72. LOL!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:43 PM

67. Yet another fucken misfit! n/t

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:44 PM

69. Vile, evil, and disgusting

Joel Osteen is sick, he bilks the elderly, the infirm, and the ignorant out of their money so he can live like a king. Sick, disgusting vile trash. One of the worst human beings in the planet.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:45 PM

71. Ryan in his forthcoming departure wants to make sure things are fucked up at all levels! n/t

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:47 PM

73. Truth in parody.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:49 PM

74. do you

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Response to mercuryblues (Reply #74)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:53 PM

75. Several have. SUCCESS!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:53 PM

76. You never fail to catch DUers

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Response to malaise (Reply #76)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:56 PM

77. It wouldn't be fun otherwise.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 05:58 PM

78. Good One: But Even Better ....

 

... would be the ultimate religious buffoon, and Trump licker, Pasteurized Mark Burns!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:05 PM

79. Wouldn't suprise me if that worthless fuck Ryan did call for Father Rub One Out to be chaplain...

 

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)


Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:10 PM

81. "The horror! The horror!" nt

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:18 PM

84. I told my husband a few hours ago

Watch him appoint Joel Osteen, who obviously has very little concern for those who are poor. Hope this does not happen.

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Response to yorkie77 (Reply #84)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:20 PM

85. Unlikely. Ryan's a Catholic, and retiring.

But, we both had the same idea.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:24 PM

86. True or not

Cant stand Osteen. Hes no different than these other money grubbing tv preachers.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 06:25 PM

87. Is this a joke??

Joel Osteen is fabulously wealthy, with a truly palatial home, in the (IIRC) Houston, Texas area. He has an enormous church, that used to be a sports arena, that is filled two or three times every week.

For him to move to Washington to give 90-second prayers for just the Representatives in Congress, for civil service pay, is absurd.

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Response to Shoonra (Reply #87)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:30 PM

89. What do you think?

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:27 PM

88. Is this Borowitz?

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Response to Lucky Luciano (Reply #88)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:31 PM

90. Uh, no.

See the thread.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #90)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:45 PM

91. Haha! Well done then. You straddled the fine line well.

It was actually hard to discern the truth of this OP!

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Response to Lucky Luciano (Reply #91)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:46 PM

92. Thanks.

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 07:48 PM

93. Yikes!!! This would never pass in a script for a play or movie.... Too unbelievable!!!

"Joel, my good friend, suggests that the road to a more prosperious America will come through even higher taxes on low-income citizens, who will benefit in the end, of course."

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sat Apr 28, 2018, 08:11 PM

97. I'd rather burn in hell

Last edited Sat Apr 28, 2018, 09:43 PM - Edit history (1)

Than follow a rich bullshit speaker like Osteen!

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Response to MineralMan (Original post)

Sun Apr 29, 2018, 01:42 AM

98. Judas got 30 pieces of silver, but just once, for selling Christ.

Judas got 30 pieces of silver, but just once, for selling Christ.

Pat Robertson, Joel Osteen and their ilk get millions of dollars repeatedly for selling Christ.

Judas was a fool for doing a one-time sale.

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