If Trump asked you to be part of his legal team,

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

assuming you agreed to it at all, would you impose any conditions? If so, what would they be?

Aside from demanding a hefty fee up front, my retainer agreement would contain the following conditions:

1. Trump must not comment publicly on the investigation or any of the people involved, under any circumstances or in any medium, including but not limited to Twitter, press conferences, rallies, and interviews on Fox News. If asked for a statement his only response must be "No comment."

2. Neither Trump nor anyone acting at his direction may leak any information relevant to the investigation to the press.

3. Trump may not take legal advice regarding the investigation from Fox News or from anyone else who is not part of the legal team, both WH and personal.

4. Trump must not fire Mueller, Rosenstein, Sessions, or any other person involved in investigating or prosecuting the Russia investigation or the Cohen investigation in SDNY, or publicly threaten to do so.

5. Trump must not communicate, directly or indirectly, with any of the other subjects or targets of either investigation.

If any of these conditions are violated the agreement is null and void. I keep the up-front retainer and won't offer any further advice or assistance.

I think Emmet Flood will be out of there within weeks because all of these things will happen, regardless of what conditions, if any, Flood might have imposed on his representation.

[S.E. TN Liberal]

1. If he asked me, you bet your ass I would jump on the chance.

I would tell him I am the greatest lawyer ever.

I would tell him I will buy off the opposing lawyers and the judge.

I would guarantee him a win.

I would be every bit as honest as he is.

[Lint Head]

2. I would lie like a dog and pretend I was a lawyer who was on his side.

Then I would undermine his orange ass. I would be very inept. Probably lose a law license but it's better than losing the country. Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices. I want to see this self-serving arrogant prick go down hard.

[jberryhill]

3. Only if the retainer agreement identifies me as Peggy Peterson

And every time he does any of those things you listed, I get a million dollars.

[marylandblue]

4. I offered my services to him already

Based on my total lack of qualifications and ethics, but he didn't accept because I refused to bend the knee and declare him King of the Andals and First Men.

[Croney]

5. I would jump at the chance!

My only requirement would be that he TRUST ME COMPLETELY.

I have watched every Perry Mason and Matlock rerun. How hard can lawyering be?

[grumpyduck]

6. I would only have one condition

Two, actually:

1. My full fee up front,

2. I don't have to show any loyalty.

Of course, I would write up the contract in undecipherable, obfuscated legalese but make it sound like "See Jane run."

[LanternWaste]

7. My two requirements would be 75% up-front, and

I think Trump is actually stupid enough to ask me. I have two history degrees and draw maps for a living, so I think I'd have the experience to represent him.

My two requirements would be 75% up-front, and if I ever catch him using Arial or Helvetica under any circumstance, I get to box him up, and mail him to the Democratic Federation of Northern Syria from where he finishes out his term.

[Kablooie]

8. Flood will be representing the office of the president, not Trump personally.

Since he replaces Ty Cobb.
This means he won't be directly involved with the Mueller investigation except as it impacts the office of the president.

There also is no attorney/client privilege involved.
He and Ty Cobb will be both be free to testify regarding Trump's criminal activities if called to do so.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. "Except as it impacts the office of the president."

Which it completely does, which is why Ty Cobb was up to his moustache in trying to figure out what to do about an interview with Mueller. John Dean was also Nixon's White House counsel, not his personal attorney, and we saw how that turned out. Since the attorney-client privilege didn't work they tried to claim executive privilege, but that didn't work either.