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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBREAKING: Immediate success of First Lady's Anti-Cyberbullying Campaign causes Social Media Layoffs
Breaking News...no link yetMOUNTAIN VIEW, CA - First Lady Melania Trump's "Be Best" program and its related Anti-CyberBullying Campaign had such an immediate, far-reaching impact on Social Media that Facebook and Twitter have announced layoffs of their entire "Acceptable Use Policy" teams.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg told reporters on Saturday that "I have never seen anything like it since launching Facebook in 2004. Within 24 hours of the First Lady announcing her bold new program, virtually all instances of CyberBullying ground to a complete halt. She had a clear vision, she worked tirelessly on implementing her program, but we never expected such spectacular results. Because of this, we are immediately terminating the services of our full Acceptable Use Staff. We had intended to reassign them throughout the organization, but we are running at full capacity in terms of staffing, so we wish our former employees well in their job searches."
Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey expresses similar thoughts. "It has been an ongoing struggle to provide a safe and civil forum for our users, but we have logged zero instances of CyberBullying in the last 48 hours. The First Lady's program has clearly exceeded all expectations and performed magnificently. We hate to lose valued employees, but perhaps they will see this as a success on their parts as well. They played a winning game, but it was the First Lady who scored the winning touchdown and spiked the ball for all of us."
First Lady Melania Trump discusses her "Be Best" program in the video below.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg told reporters on Saturday that "I have never seen anything like it since launching Facebook in 2004. Within 24 hours of the First Lady announcing her bold new program, virtually all instances of CyberBullying ground to a complete halt. She had a clear vision, she worked tirelessly on implementing her program, but we never expected such spectacular results. Because of this, we are immediately terminating the services of our full Acceptable Use Staff. We had intended to reassign them throughout the organization, but we are running at full capacity in terms of staffing, so we wish our former employees well in their job searches."
Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey expresses similar thoughts. "It has been an ongoing struggle to provide a safe and civil forum for our users, but we have logged zero instances of CyberBullying in the last 48 hours. The First Lady's program has clearly exceeded all expectations and performed magnificently. We hate to lose valued employees, but perhaps they will see this as a success on their parts as well. They played a winning game, but it was the First Lady who scored the winning touchdown and spiked the ball for all of us."
First Lady Melania Trump discusses her "Be Best" program in the video below.
Yes, it's satire. Yes, I wrote it.
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BREAKING: Immediate success of First Lady's Anti-Cyberbullying Campaign causes Social Media Layoffs (Original Post)
Miles Archer
May 2018
OP
The Wielding Truth
(11,411 posts)1. Onion worthy.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)2. Great satire, and she's a f-ing idiot
Thanks for the reminder of how much I despise her.
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,483 posts)3. LOL, at first glance I said "this is Andy Borowitz".
So, congratulations on your good satire.
Suggestion - Add something like this: "Thousands of CyberBullys immediately tore up their CB membership cards and immediately signed up to be apprentice CyberAccoladers."
....... .........
ooky
(8,889 posts)5. Your satire is the most action her anti-bullying campaign has seen.
Takket
(21,425 posts)6. Melania being married to drumpf and having this "campaign"
Is as hypocritical as it gets. Clean up your own house before you lecture others!