Miss Manners & "the world of civilized behavior"

[kpete]

Link to tweet

[MineralMan]

1. It is a powerful tool, but only when used by many.

The "cut" is used far less often that it used to be. In the history of etiquette, and in current practice, it has diminished in actual use. At one time, when etiquette was used primarily by the privileged, a "cut" from someone in a high station in society was tantamount to a death sentence, socially, for the person who was "cut."

Today, it is more of a tool to use when one's outrage is so serious that it might lead to poor behavior toward someone. Rather than be openly and directly rude, "turning on one's heel and walking away" is a way to avoid serious rudeness from yourself. It has less impact now on the person being "cut."

Since I'm working right now on an etiquette book for the 21st century, it's one of the minor things I'll be addressing.

[Hekate]

5. Maureen Dowd referenced Edith Wharton in her op-ed about Ivanka...

Would that the cut-direct was still in use for such persons!

In any case, I was startled to see that Miss Manners has a Twitter account -- but in this coarse rude world, I am heartened to see her keeping up with the times.

Best of luck with your book.

[MineralMan]

10. Thanks.

Yes, Judith Martin is still around, dispensing her ascerbic advice on etiquette.

I read my first etiquette book when I was just 13, almost 60 years ago. It was one of the 40s editions of Emily Post. I got hooked. Over the years, I've read dozens of them, most of them 19th and early 20th-century editions. A few from the 18th century, too. Did you know that George Washington once wrote one? It was really more or less a translation of a German one. Pretty boring, withal.

Dozens. I've read maybe 100 of them. I had quite a collection of them at one time, but eBayed most of them a few years ago.

A few years ago, I decided to write one of my own. I have an outline, and wrote the first few chapters back in 2013, but put the project aside, due to my workload. I'm back at it again. The fun thing about writing an etiquette book is that there are really no experts on etiquette. It's not a field of study, really. A guy or gal becomes an etiquette expert by having authored a book on the subject. The readers decide.

Mine will be a bit (or miles) off the beaten track, and won't be a "Here are the rules" sort of thing. It's more of a "Principles of Etiquette" book than instructions on precisely how to comport oneself. Fortunately, there's Amazon and Kindle, so when it's done I can just publish it and see what happens. I can't imagine presenting an etiquette book to a publisher today. I have no newspaper column, and nobody's ever heard of me. So, I get to say whatever I want in it.

It won't sound like "Miss Manners," either. It's serious, with humor only sparsely present. You won't find instructions in it for responding to a dinner invitation from the White House, either, nor will there be details on planning a wedding. It's not going to be that kind of book at all.

Who knows? I'm on a chapter every two days schedule right now. We'll see how well that holds up.

[Solly Mack]

2. Growing up, it was used - the back turn and the walking away.

Less so as I've gotten older and, well, moved away from the South.

Common weapon where I grew up. Common in as everyone knew what it meant and a lot of people used it at one time or another.

[Thomas Hurt]

3. Not sure this will have any affect...

turning your back on a christofascist is just seen as weakness as they see themselves as hero patriots at war with the great enemy.

[mulsh]

11. One is at time surprized how wrong one's assumptions can be. For instance, even ill mannered boors

seem to know when they've been slighted. At last as far as my experience has shown me. In any event it is certainly worth doing when appropriate.

[Orsino]

4. It may not be so much a weapon as a defense mechanism.

If one values one's reputation, one chooses not to associate or even to be photographed near any Hitlers.

Rather than saying aloud, "I disdain you," one can silently convey that even a momentary association is repugnant.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

6. Of course this refers to Hungry Sarah. Refusing service same as refusing to shake. . . nt

[ToxMarz]

7. Hungry hungry Huckabee

[Bernardo de La Paz]

8. Hungry Harah Suckabee Slanders. . . . nt

[BarbD]

9. How does one deal with barbarians?

I'm 80 years old and grew up in Milwaukee. I was polite to the red- baiters of the McCarthy era. During the Vietnam era, I worked with the League of Women Voters to get out the vote which was non-partisan and non-offending. Later I realized voting was not enough and became very involved in getting Obama elected believing in "Yes we can!". Now I feel much like the Germans around Dachau when Patton released the inmates from the concentration camps and forced those complicit neighbors to walk through the horror facilities. We are way past the time for being civil.

We need to find the children. We demand this government find the children. I am not going to say, "Please". I am not going to say it nicely. I am going to scream it from the rooftops. FIND THE CHILDREN1