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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsJim Bakker: A Packet Of My Coffee Will Get You A New Car When The End Times Come
Citing the passage in the Bible in which Joseph was put in charge of Pharaohs palace in order to prepare for a coming famine, Bakker reiterated his claim that God made Donald Trump president in order to give Christians an opportunity to prepare for the End Times by buying Bakkers survival products.
God has spoken to us to prepare for whats coming, he said. I believe Donald Trump was given by God to give us a respite and give us a time of prosperity. Do you think the evil Antichrist spirit is sitting back? Theyre fighting tooth and toenail. Their fighting the president, they want to kill him and, believe me, if they get one open shot, someone will kill our president.
When the End Times arrive, Bakker said, a bucket of coffee is going to be worth its weight in gold.
What do you think that is worth if the sun dont shine? he asked. What will it be worth if the power goes out and theres no trucks running [due to an] EMP bomb or whatever theyre talking about for these Last Day events? This two gallon bucket of packs of coffee, you could trade them for whatsoever you want. You could probably get a new car for one packet of coffee.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jim-bakker-a-packet-of-my-coffee-will-get-you-a-new-car-when-the-end-times-come/
You get a car! You get a car! And you get a car! Everybody gets a car! Everybody gets a car!
Sherman A1
(38,958 posts)Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)Context, for the young 'uns:
spanone
(135,791 posts)safeinOhio
(32,641 posts)it cost to get a Jessica Hahn?
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)Likely think young women will be falling over each other to get loaded up with his old dog seed. Afterall, he talks to God, he's special. WHO believes such shit??????
Vinca
(50,236 posts)and the rest of us evil beings to remain on the earth consuming all the coffee and driving all the cars.
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)Their heads are so far up their asses that it would take a mule team a million years to pull their heads out.
Floyd R. Turbo
(26,544 posts)Generic Other
(28,979 posts)"Look Ma, this coffee is gold." Bubba scratches his belly. "I traded some for a car."
"Did you get any gas?"
"No, that road kill possum you cooked last night didn't bother my gut none."
"You aint too bright, are ya boy?"
"By the way, I can't get this 666 off my head."
on edit: never google "People with 666 tattooed on their heads." They are Bakker's base. And kinda scary.
Gothmog
(144,919 posts)Generic Other
(28,979 posts)and he's already wearing that.
haele
(12,640 posts)Gasoline goes bad after a couple months without some serious stabilizers, and even then, that only extends the lifetime of gas in a regular tank a few more months.
If you're lucky and are the only person with access to a deserted service station, you'll be able to go maybe as long as a year on that old gas sitting at service station tanks before your brand new engine is totally trashed with contaminated gas, even if you're still able to rig up a pump to get it in your tank and only be driving occasionally. Diesel and propane last somewhat longer - about a year, but not much longer
Nor would there be any electricity - unless you have a crapload of liberal solar cells or wind turbines to provide it.
So once you trade that bucket of coffee for a new off the showroom floor 'Vette or camper van, you're probably going to have to hitch up your family to move that brand new car to where you want it to go.
Unless you're lucky enough to have a real draft animal to pull it.
Personally, in a post-apocalyptic survival situation, I'd be looking for a 1970's conversion van or small trailer, gut the hell out of it, raise the axels and fix up the wheels to prevent blow-outs, put up some solar panels and a converter for a quality marine battery - and get a pair of Clydesdales or beefy cow and bull pair to pull it around as a tinker's wagon/carter with an on-board fix-it shop for what's left my neighborhood.
Still included. Alcohol will be a better trading commodity than a can of coffee would. Most people, even "rural folks", have never cracked open any sort of survival book, and don't have clue one on what to do when the lights and the TV don't come on anymore.
Religious whakka-nut-jobs looking to kill off every single human being they can't exploit anymore until they are the last ones starving in a ditch. Whatever these idiots are smoking, I don't want any.
Haele
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)They watch a lot of zombie apocalypse shows. And those dang prepper shows. 3.7 million preppers.
But hold your human horses, here!
When Mr. Trump won, sales started a downward decline, Mr. Allbee said. In short summary, what we understand is when the left is in power, the right panics.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/11/business/prepper-survivalism-north-korea.html
So, I guess we are breaking poor Bakker's heart just by not being in power. All those buckets of coffee and no customers? That's pretty funny. Next week: he'll be offering a time share in a bunker along with the coffee.
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)They aren't. To use a MineralMan image coupled with my commentary. If the Sun explodes, once we get the warning that it has, ALL OF US (you too xians), should use the remaining 3 seconds of our existence to double over and kiss our asses goodbye.
3catwoman3
(23,946 posts)...raptured need a car of any kind, new or old?
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)In other words the moon bleeds, famine and drought, a white heifer in Jerusalem, testing of faith with the 666 rule...if you stay pure you rapture. It is a test because the Bible says 144,000 will be saved. That is a relatively small number thus the competition to prove oneself more holy than thou. And all those ones who believe in proserity doctrines believe their wealth has bought them one of the coveted spots as the elect. They don't want to blow it all over the temptation to drink coffee.
3catwoman3
(23,946 posts)...the rest of us alone? I would be happy to be "left behind."
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)This is why they have "grace" and a "get out of jail free card." It is hard to imagine what doctrine one must bend to make a place for Trump. Now, I enjoy an underdog story with lots of twists where a sinner is redeemed, but bookmakers in Vegas are saying the odds are pretty good that he rots in hell instead.
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)The Genealogist
(4,723 posts)I'm guessing you can make your own for a fraction of the cost. But his kookachoo followers probably fall all over themselves to get their hands on one.
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)Initech
(100,038 posts)Because in the apocalypse, our gas will be contaminated and electricity won't be operational! So how are those cars going to work exactly, Jim?
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)laughing.
Initech
(100,038 posts)Response to Initech (Original post)
Name removed Message auto-removed
tavernier
(12,368 posts)There will be people out there who will actually buy this.
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)Jimmy is counting on a lot more being born.
Initech
(100,038 posts)Response to Initech (Original post)
Name removed Message auto-removed
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)screwed over. I can't believe that anybody really buys into this insanity.
Blue_true
(31,261 posts)There are a lot of fools out there buying into his shit. He doesn't care how badly he rips them off when they do.
Donkees
(31,332 posts)Freddie
(9,256 posts)If I can't get coffee ☕️ in the AM.
This stuff better not be that burned Starbucks swill.
sakabatou
(42,136 posts)GulfCoast66
(11,949 posts)milestogo
(16,829 posts)Initech
(100,038 posts)Takket
(21,528 posts)peekaloo
(22,977 posts)I tell ya Jimmy........
CanonRay
(14,084 posts)What the fuck do you need a car for?
NickB79
(19,224 posts)If the shit really were about to hit the fan, stock up on some ammo. A few bullets and a dead Bakker follower later, and you'll have all the coffee he had.
Also, does it strike anyone how un-Christian this obsession with worldly possessions right up to Armageddon is?
brooklynite
(94,333 posts)dflprincess
(28,072 posts)Last edited Tue Jul 3, 2018, 12:00 PM - Edit history (1)
(from above "Their (sic) fighting the president, they want to kill him and, believe me, if they get one open shot, someone will kill our president."
when it would be ever so much more satisfying to see him wearing an orange jump suit (that clashes with his complexion), in chains, being led from a courtroom. I get misty eyed just dreaming of that.
Initech
(100,038 posts)Bettie
(16,071 posts)so they won't need any fucking coffee.
Algernon Moncrieff
(5,781 posts)Buy gold. Buy dried food. We like our neighbors, but we know we will be forced to kill them to defend this Spam and these MREs when the time comes.
These people are secretly dying for the economy to collapse so they can tell everyone "I told you so!" Ditto their cousins, the survivalists.