The Onion pulls NO PUNCHES in its reaction to "the summit." (EXTREMELY GRAPHIC)

[Miles Archer]

WASHINGTON—Promising citizens that they would finally take action if the President crossed this new red line, GOP leaders announced Monday that they were moving their goalposts for opposing Trump to him being filmed masturbating on an American flag in Arlington National Cemetery. “After today’s attack on U.S. intelligence agencies, we have officially moved our line in the sand to President Trump being caught on video, vigorously pleasuring himself to completion amid the graves of fallen U.S. soldiers,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who claimed that in order for Republican officials to begin blocking Trump’s nominations or voting against his policies, the video must be at least a half hour of the president with his pants around his ankles, humming the national anthem, and giving the middle finger to the Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier. “Unless we see clear footage of President Trump looking into the camera, his face twisting in pleasure as he climaxes, we will refrain from taking any concrete measures to reel him in. If Trump is masturbating on a flag anywhere other than Arlington, or if he does not ejaculate directly on Old Glory, we will continue to stand behind him. And if fewer than 100 eyewitnesses see him engaged in the masturbation, we will dismiss it as hearsay. Of course, it goes without saying that if he claims it was a joke, all will be forgiven.” McConnell added that Republicans would stand firm on their new line for President Trump except in the extraordinary circumstance of another open seat on the Supreme Court.

https://politics.theonion.com/gop-leaders-move-goalposts-on-opposing-trump-to-him-bei-1827640709

[BSdetect]

1. This will be official GOP policy.

[dalton99a]

2. Highly accurate.

[smirkymonkey]

3. Sounds about right.

[BumRushDaShow]

4. My eyes!

[Maraya1969]

5. That is not worse than what he did today

[Marie Marie]

6. Nah - not even THAT would make them act.

And his base would love it.

[certainot]

34. limbaugh is making it clear this morning that trump did nothing wrong so

republicans opposing him are helping dems/hillary/deep state/liberal media

[NoMoreRepugs]

36. Didn't Limpballs go insane over BHO's tan suit?

[TheCowsCameHome]

7. What's "extremely graphic" about it? McConnell's picture?

[dalton99a]

8. +1

[Ilsa]

10. Possibly to induce vomiting. nt

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

18. Lol, 🐢 man is pretty scary. n/t

[Pacifist Patriot]

32. The stuff of nightmares! Graphic warning appreciated.

[Ilsa]

9. This is what should be faxed to our gop

Congresscritters. Thousands of them. Tell them, "this is what your patriotism looks like."

[calimary]

28. But... but... but... the civility!

HAH! The minute they start whining about civility, that's our cue that it's EXACTLY how we should respond. With about as much civility as is observed outside ANY of the remaining Planned Parenthood clinics in America. Yeah. THAT.

[mcar]

11. K&R!

[vlyons]

12. Definitely Today's Winner

[peggysue2]

13. O.M.G.

Profane but too true.

[uponit7771]

14. K&R

[Ohiogal]

15. Sounds pretty accurate to me.

[emulatorloo]

16. Kick and Rec

[marylandblue]

17. Putin may have that tape.

[spanone]

19. Spot on. But if that happens there are always new goalposts

[Gothmog]

20. I love the Onion

[Ferrets are Cool]

21. Way beyond time to take off the gloves. Kudos, Onion. nt

[mountain grammy]

22. The Onion is officially true.

[angrychair]

23. While mumbling

“Touch me Big Daddy Putin! Vlad the Impaler is the very best!”

[rainin]

24. Yep, about right. The onion is now news.

[Leith]

25. The Onion Is No Longer a Satire Site

It should now be considered straight news.

[lapfog_1]

26. There is NO red line in the sand

except possibly Trump siding with Democrats.

[byronius]

27. How does one lampoon a Joke Reality?

Well, this was quite good.

[Honeycombe8]

29. That is, sadly, close to the truth. nt

[IronLionZion]

30. He'll take that as a challenge

Nothing he does would surprise me anymore. And when it happens, I wouldn't think it would be the onion. That's what it's come to.

[Scurrilous]

31. K&R

[ProudProgressiveNow]

33. KR NT

[Pepsidog]

35. Creative but not nearly enough to turn R's. Maybe jacking off onto Confederate Flag will turn some

Republican rejects from the South. Or maybe Jacking off onto the crucifix onto Jesus’s face, is that enough? Nah, remember the religious right didn’t vote for a Saint, they take their guy just the way he is.

[Toorich]

37. I can no longer.....

.... sit back and allow Russian infiltration, Russian indoctrination, Russian subversion and the international Russian conspiracy
to sap and impurify all our precious BODILY FLUIDS. - Gen. Jack D. Ripper

[BlancheSplanchnik]

38. Yep, exactly mcCONnell's M.O. n/t