"I Was Never This Blatant," Says Benedict Arnold in Hell

[kpete]

By Andy Borowitz

https://media.newyorker.com/photos/5b50af770f24b42870b0d98a/master/w_649,c_limit/Borowitz-BenedictArnold.jpg
Photograph from Library of Congress / AP

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“I was brought up to believe that betraying your country was something you’d do very secretively,” Arnold, who now resides in Hell, said. “If you were going over to the enemy side, you’d do everything you could not to be detected. You wouldn’t go around announcing it to the world like a jackass.”

Although Arnold understands why commentators have been using the word “treason” to describe the alarming spectacle they have witnessed this week, he said, “Throwing the word ‘treason’ around like that is very unfair to traitors, and I would even say hurtful.”

“Traitors put a lot of thought, planning, and subtletly into every one of their actions and utterances,” he said. “When I look at these so-called acts of treason, I have to ask, Where’s the professionalism? Where’s the work ethic? The sloppiness and sheer idiocy of it all is jaw-dropping.”

Speaking of his treasonous colleagues in Hell, including Judas Iscariot, Vidkun Quisling, and the entire Vichy government, Arnold said, “Every traitor down here is shaking his head.”


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/i-was-never-this-blatant-says-benedict-arnold-in-hell?mbid=social_twitter

[uponit7771]

1. K&R

[rurallib]

2. Benny is probably embarrassed to be in the same class as Fascist Don.

[Stuart G]

3. I can see why most "traitors" would not want to be connected in any way with Trump.

[world wide wally]

4. They sure don't make traitors like they used to.

[dalton99a]

5. Donald Trump is the best

[dameatball]

6. Benedict Arnold never let bone spurs keep him from becoming a brilliant commander.

His treason came after becoming convinced he would never get the recognition he deserved. Traitor, yes. Ego problem, yes. Coward, no.

That's a bit different than Trump.

[whistler162]

7. Yes... if Arnold had died of his

wounds from Saratoga he would have been up there with Washington, Pulaski, or Ethan Allen

[flying_wahini]

8. Andy B just get better and better!

Love this