ICE Opens New Supermax Detention Center For Most Hardened Toddlers

[Zorro]

CORNUDAS, TX—In response to growing issues with its population of juvenile detainees, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency reportedly announced on Tuesday the opening of a new supermax detention center to house its most hardened toddlers.

“The Hudspeth County Maximum Correctional Facility is designed to provide secure and controlled incarceration of the most disruptive and difficult young children under ICE custody,” said ICE acting director Ronald Vitiello of the facility, which will hold up to 450 of the system’s most intractable and dangerous toddlers in single-cell solitary confinement for 23 hours per day, with minimal access to staff and other detained children, indefinitely.

“These are the real criers and tantrum-throwers. We can’t put our guards at risk every day by allowing these kids who routinely incite mass screaming to remain among the general population. Look, a lot of these toddlers have been locked up for half their lives; they haven’t spent time in the outside world, and they have significant behavioral issues. We need to recognize that some of these truly hardened 12- to 36-month-old migrants are just beyond rehabilitation by our justice system.”

Vitiello added that ICE was also hoping to expedite the reunification of parents and children who had been separated by the agency’s detention policies by updating the Leavenworth Detention Center with a family execution chamber.

https://www.theonion.com/ice-opens-new-supermax-detention-center-for-most-harden-1827838332

[Ferrets are Cool]

1. K and R because you just never know anymore . nt

[Hortensis]

4. Yes. Parody is exaggeration of reality after all.

[Joe Chi Minh]

8. Not today. Parody has become euphemism. The truth defies parody. I doubt

if Jospeh Heller could write a political satire today. Any satire would read like Jack and Jill (or whatever the toddler's book is called), compared to the reality.

[Hortensis]

11. Way too much truth to that. The Onion had to turn

them into toddlers for satire. Eight-year-olds and teens wouldn't do, and it's too close to truth with toddlers as well.

[erronis]

12. And fantasy is reality to some - destruction to the others.

Just like Jules Verne and the other SF writers, we're in another world. Hopefully the infinite other universes has at least one sane one.

[lpbk2713]

2. Yup. Tough guy if I ever saw one.

Hard core.

[Wwcd]

3. Once again, The Onion becomes the voice of the people

When MSM fails, The Onion steps in.

[Wwcd]

5. Yup. ICE can spot the troublemakers by the music they listen to

[TheBlackAdder]

6. Don't let those innocent eyes fool you, he's MS-26. Twice as badass as those in MS-13.

[Joe Chi Minh]

9. Yup. You can already see Tuco in him. Maybe even Indio....

[world wide wally]

7. That'll teach them to seek asylum in the good ol' US of A

[IronLionZion]

10. Any toddler could be MS-13

just like any white toddler could be a Nazi. Right? Round up and imprison the white toddlers just in case?

[Proud Liberal Dem]

13. In this day and age

there's only a very fine, very thin line between reality and The Onion.

[superpatriotman]

14. MS ages 1-3

[aggiesal]

15. I smell an onion ... n/t

[sandensea]

16. The Trump regime are like toddlers: Don't give'em any ideas.

Next thing you know, they'll actually do it.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

17. Other related news on this topic...

from the Onion:

* Immigrant Child Still Hoping To Achieve American Dream Of Better Cage

* Picky Refugee Just Expects To Be Reunited With Exact Same Family As Before

* New ICE Agent Establishes Dominance By Beating Up Biggest Child Prisoner On First Day

One one side of the coin, I feel lousy for making light of this atrocity but on the other, we need some humor just to stay sane. IMO, we owe these families a lot of reparations for this injustice.

Thanks for posting!.........

[karin_sj]

18. You know things are bad...

... when you think, "This has to be from the Onion" when you first read it, but in the back of your mind you're thinking that maybe it's not.

[KelleyKramer]

19. I had to click on this just to see if it was the Onion

That says a lot about how bad the Trump administration is