The funeral I can't get out of my mind this week

[dsc]

Last edited Sat Sep 1, 2018, 09:07 PM - Edit history (1)

First this is by no means meant to denigrate either Aretha Franklin nor John McCain both lived long full lives which touched many people. Both got send offs worthy of their lives. Both funerals helped focus the mind on what a moral midget we have in the Oval Office. But neither funeral fully has my attention today. Instead, it is a funeral that had no tv coverage if it even happened. No Presidents, former or current eulogized him, no famous musicians played, no sad children or grandchildren cried for their parent or grandparent lying dead before them. Jamel Myles had no children for he was a child himself. If you aren't sure who I am talking about don't worry I had to google it too. He was the 9 year old child who came out to his mother in the summer, to his 4th grade classmates when school started back up, and then killed himself 4 days later. He won't have a prom, won't walk a stage at graduation, won't find a husband to love him and share his life with. We have no idea what service he might have provided our nation. Instead he is dead and gone.

In the wake of his death, many are asking how could a kid know he was gay at age 9. I think the proper question is why did his classmates hate him so much at age 9. It is the beginning of a new school year for me. On Tuesday a student and her parent will be meeting with my principal to, one hopes, get approval for a gay straight alliance at my school (it will be the first in my county). I have agreed to advise the club if it is approved. I can't help thinking of Jamel's funeral as I go forward with this school year. He got attention for his suicide due to his age. The fact is for LGBT high school students suicidal thoughts and even attempts are common enough to be a near rite of passage. I can only hope, and fight to be sure, that I don't have to go to such a funeral for one of my students.

I hope Jamel is resting in power today along with John and Aretha they all deserve it.

[Solly Mack]

1. K&R

[Atticus]

3. Thoughtful posts like this are what sets DU apart. Thank you. nt

[dsc]

4. that is amazingly kind

thank you.

[trickyguy]

5. Thank you for recognizing the value of the life of young Jamel. It is as worthy as John and Aretha.

And just 9 years old and in 4th grade. I think many of my fellow DUers don't realize that
a child of his age can be very aware that they are different, that they are gay.

And yes, the big question is why did his classmates hate him so much?
For me the answer lies in learned bigotry. At home and in our culture. Why else would
children of that age act like that.

My heart goes out to his family and my hope goes with those who are trying to right
this wrong by starting a gay straight alliance and by beginning to educate those 4th graders
and the communities in which they live.

R.I.P. Jamel

[dsc]

10. we gay teachers have to stick together

this story broke my heart. It goes to show we opened the champaigne too soon.

[bsiebs]

6. Thank you. That is truly remarkable and puts things in much better perspective.

[trickyguy]

7. You're very welcome. I'm a gay teacher and I work with children a lot.

I also realize the urgent need for education and empathy when it comes to
very young kids realizing what their sexuality is and what it means to them but
also what it means in the larger context of those around them.

Jamel wasn't given a chance to be who he truly was. I just hope that the adults
and especially his classmates realize what a terrible mistake they made.

[Danmel]

8. Thank you dsc for posting this

It made me cry, as it should. We should vow to remember Jamel. And vow to honor his memory by teaching our children to love each other and be kind.

Many years ago, a young child, maybe 3 or 4 years old, was found dead in the garbage disposal chute in a large housing project in Brooklyn.
No one had reported him missing. No one noticed he was gone. It broke my heart. I tried to wrap my brain around what a small child like that must have felt. I tried to wrap my brain around what parent could care so little for such a small defenseless child. I tried to wrap my brain around why the hundreds of other residents of the large apartment building where this poor child was found, dead, in the trash, didn't know he was missing or who he was.
I vowed to remember him so someone would, even though, obviously, I never met him.
His name was Keyshawn Blackledge Poole.

[dsc]

9. how heartbreaking

and sadly a not uncommon story either.

[Srkdqltr]

11. Sad

I am an older woman and through my life I have heard of people who do hateful things to others just because they are different. I do not understand the mindset that makes people do this. When I read about this boy I felt such profound sadness that it has happened again.
I do hope in the future our grand children will not be bothered by this. I hope they will be accustomed to gay, black, asians, in wheelchairs, on crutches whatever difference there is and see them as people.
I will never understand. Bless Jamel's family and I hope they find peace.

[LakeArenal]

12. You have wonderfully made see why I'm having a hard time being gracious on McCain's death.

It’s for all those unknowns that suffer and will never have a National funeral.
The other folks who passed this week of brain cancer who will only have their loved ones to share the grief. The children who see a future so cruel that they give up too soon.
But you have made me realize that I can think of those unknown folks and be at peace with some political figure’s huge funeral-a-thon.

[Trueblue Texan]

13. Yes, completely heartbreaking.

[CaptainTruth]

14. Wow, thank you for bringing this to our attention. So, so sad.

[BigmanPigman]

15. Last weekend a 9 year old boy spoke to hundreds of people

at the Stop Kavanaugh protest I attended. The boy was transgender and spoke with such confidence and poise. I don't know when I heard such a wonderful speech delivered in such a profound way. Afterwards I made my way through the crowd and shook his little hand and his mom's and told them how impressed I was.

I was an elementary school teacher and never had to deal with this issue in my classroom but I am glad that you are will be there for students at you school. The closest I came to this was when I taught 6th grade and half of the class harassed a new student who was smart, talented and beautiful but she had a slight personality disorder that wasn't diagnosed properly at that time. One day in my room I was eating lunch at my desk (I never had time to take a real lunch break) and this girl came to me and asked me why she had to live. I went home that weekend and called my principal and master teacher for advice. I was afraid she would kill herself if the bullying continued. They both told that the other kids were bullies who picked on her since they didn't like themselves. I wrote a speech, which I worked on for a whole day. I kept half the class in at recess and gave them my speech. Most of them ended up crying. The bullying stopped and at parent conferences their parents told me they heard what I had done and thanked me. My student moved away after the school year but managed to get in touch with me through My Space. We became pen pals and she dedicated a book of poetry to me. I know you will make a difference to a student's life by doing what you are already doing. Thank you for being a good person and teacher.

[Duppers]

18. Thank you!

What a wonderful story that can teach everyone of us that we can help, that we should never excuse ourselves for not attempting.
🙏

[dsc]

20. that is amazing

I know at that age no way no how I could have been so forward.

[samnsara]

16. the photo of his parents at his gravesite was THE MOST HEARTBREAKING photo ever.......

...so sad... I was a high school counselor and I had many students coming to me for various issues and I took every single one of them seriously...

[brer cat]

17. Thank you.

K&R

[Duppers]

19. 😭

This poor child.



We all have opportunities to speak up and must do so to stop this deadly bigotry.

Thank you for this poignant post. 🙏

[catrose]

21. I was crushed by this.

He told his mother before school started that he was going to come out to his "friends."

I wondered if school counselors could help, as in, a child could go to her or him BEFORE coming out, for support and navigation through the swamp.

I guess if I had a child today, one of The Talks would be about how to treat children coming out, not that my child didn't see me come down like a ton of bricks on kids calling other kids "fags."

[Harker]

22. Well put.

I was deeply saddened to hear of this.

The hate spewing, bullying, and bigotry has its hero in OUR White House.