Bruce Tinsley is the picture perfect Republican (Mallard Fillmore)
Bruce Tinsley has been using his duck plagiarizing strip to rail against those who would take his soda straws away. Obviously he's continuing his exaggeration that everyone on the left wants to end ICE in this one too, but the straw thing has been eating at him for weeks.
He'd claim that it's the libertarian in him, but the government under Trump has nothing to do with this (duh). Instead, he's upset with private companies who would offer a biodegradable straw when he exercises his right to antagonize Michelle Obama with a Speedway Keg-O-Cola. It's apparently the straw that broke the duck's ass, so to speak.
Clearly, the real reason he and other conservatives are angered is that they're doing it for the wrong reasons. If businesses said they were doing away with straws because of cost, Tinsley would commend them for increasing profits by taking away straws from skateboarders and coke heads. But no, it's only to make the Earth a better place, and republicans come down firmly against any such measure, and that pointless pettiness is what makes Bruce Tinsley the perfect republican.
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