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no_hypocrisy

(45,771 posts)
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 02:30 PM Sep 2018

Generally, Trump reminds me of my father when he was 92.

Example:

Dad had to have two cataracts removed, obviously one at a time. He chose to have the surgery in NYC, about 45 minutes drive from our home in NJ. His status post-op would be one eye with a cataract, one with an eye patch, and effects of anesthesia.

I offered to drive him there and back. He refused outright. I asked if he were ordering a car service. Nope. How did he intend to safely return home as he wasn't staying overnight? Taxi? No, he intended to drive to the hospital and drive back.

I outright told him he wasn't going to do that as his vision would be severely compromised, he wouldn't be alert, and he'd be attempting to drive Midtown during midday during midweek. And three major highways. There would be a great chance of an accident with injury(ies) of other cars and/or pedestrians.

While I was in the bathroom, he snuck down to the garage, got in his car, and drove to the hospital. While I wasn't going to call the Police, I did the next best thing: I called the surgeon's office and advised them not to release him as he didn't have a driver. I further advised the office if they did let him drive home and there were an accident, I'd call the victim's (victims') attorney and give the law office the surgeon's name, address, and phone # to add to the Complaint.

To my horror, the surgeon and hospital released my father and he drove home himself. How he managed NOT to hit anyone or anything still amazes me.

My point: My father was a dangerous driver even without the surgery. But short of a court order and/or an arrest, you couldn't keep him from driving. My siblings and I knew he was dangerous and felt helpless. Like Trump, out father had poor judgment and impulse control. And a mercurial temper.

Epilogue: Dad died because he rear-ended a van at a gas station, hitting his chest on the steering wheel (no airbag). He didn't tell any of us about the accident. For one week, he internally bled from a torn aorta, thus suffering a fatal heart attack.

32 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Generally, Trump reminds me of my father when he was 92. (Original Post) no_hypocrisy Sep 2018 OP
He reminds me of my nephew when he was 4. cos dem Sep 2018 #1
+1 dalton99a Sep 2018 #3
I'm sorry to hear about your Dad leftieNanner Sep 2018 #2
Same here. If no driver, I would be forced to live in the surgery center until I found one. n/t Tess49 Sep 2018 #17
My Dad was like that, though towards the end, he finally accepted it MiniMe Sep 2018 #4
I wondered about that, too Ohiogal Sep 2018 #5
That is happening with my oldest brother. Blue_true Sep 2018 #9
He's Cartman in real life Runningdawg Sep 2018 #6
My mom with dementia. ginnyinWI Sep 2018 #7
You do know you just described Trump? True Blue American Sep 2018 #20
Yes ginnyinWI Sep 2018 #26
Yes, Narcisstic True Blue American Sep 2018 #27
Your dad sounds like an onery, tough dude who was prone to bad decisions. Blue_true Sep 2018 #8
Sounds like my father mommymarine2003 Sep 2018 #10
I sincerely hope True Blue American Sep 2018 #21
My Grandpa was a lot sharper at 89 than fornicate face ever was. 47of74 Sep 2018 #11
Taking your parent's keys away is the hardest thing a child has to do FakeNoose Sep 2018 #12
Oh, dear lord. PoindexterOglethorpe Sep 2018 #13
Sorry about yr Dad Marthe48 Sep 2018 #14
Sorry about your dad. They sneak out sometimes, onecent Sep 2018 #15
I can't believe the hospital let him drive. BigmanPigman Sep 2018 #16
Should be the rule all over True Blue American Sep 2018 #28
Good analogy. However: maddiemom Sep 2018 #18
Jesus, I wish it WEREN'T true. I still feel the outrage 4-1/2 years later. no_hypocrisy Sep 2018 #19
your specific example of needing others to help control or stop him may be similar but i assume your JI7 Sep 2018 #22
Actually my father was domineering, controlling, and authoritarian. no_hypocrisy Sep 2018 #23
oh, well, that's totally different than i thought JI7 Sep 2018 #24
Trump actually invokes PTSD with me. no_hypocrisy Sep 2018 #25
No, your father does not True Blue American Sep 2018 #31
It is hard to get True Blue American Sep 2018 #29
The blessing is that he didn't kill anyone else. roody Sep 2018 #30
Im so sorry about your father.. my dad is still alive at 93 and samnsara Sep 2018 #32

leftieNanner

(14,997 posts)
2. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 02:35 PM
Sep 2018

When I had cataracts, the surgery center told me that they would not do the surgery unless I was dropped off by my driver and showed that I would have a ride home. Very strange that your hospital did not do the same.

We had to take my father's car keys away when he was 92. It was rough.

And I agree with your assessment of Trump. Take that description and add deep cruelty.

MiniMe

(21,676 posts)
4. My Dad was like that, though towards the end, he finally accepted it
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 02:43 PM
Sep 2018

Mom was in a car accident, her car was totaled. And Dad insisted that we replace it because he wanted to have a car for him. Luckily, they could afford it. He ended up never driving again, but he wanted to have a car available.

So sorry about your dad, but you aren't the only one with stubborn parents.

Ohiogal

(31,658 posts)
5. I wondered about that, too
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 02:44 PM
Sep 2018

When my mother had cataract surgery, the surgery center required her to have a ride home.

But many older men, it seems, absolutely don't want anyone to think their life skills have diminished in any way, it's almost like the worst thing they can imagine, other people thinking they are weak in any way. I'm sorry about how your dad ended up. It's tough. I can relate -- I had two very stubborn parents and could write a book on the subject.

Blue_true

(31,261 posts)
9. That is happening with my oldest brother.
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 03:04 PM
Sep 2018

There is a big gap in age between him and the other kids. He can't accept that he has lost a lot of steps and does not have the physical dexterity that he had as a younger man.

ginnyinWI

(17,276 posts)
7. My mom with dementia.
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 02:46 PM
Sep 2018

She was 86 and had vascular dementia. (she could be pulled out of it by hospitalization and getting her numbers all perfect so it wasn't Alzheimer's).

She was forgetful and that got worse as her health declined. She would get very angry--had been a tempermental person all her life but it got worse the more stressed or frightened she was, and the more she didn't understand something and nobody could reason with her.

She'd get fixated on some small problem, such as where was that book she always liked--who borrowed it or who threw it away (and it was right on her bookshelf). She'd go on about the same thing for several days before letting it go in favor of the next thing.

She'd forget that she said that she didn't want to do something like attend a family reunion, and then get mad later when she missed it.

If there was a problem we couldn't solve, we'd just wait and she'd forget about it.

I'm thankful that until the end of her life she at least knew who she was and who her family members were and could enjoy their company. Even though she wouldn't remember it for very long.

True Blue American

(17,972 posts)
20. You do know you just described Trump?
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 05:59 AM
Sep 2018

Fixated-on one Subject. Hillary’s crookedness and how he still won big, over and over.

I took a friend to have both her cataract surgeries. Her DIL, who lived with her claimed she had to work. She quit the job a couple of days later.

But,I did not mind,she was a good friend.

ginnyinWI

(17,276 posts)
26. Yes
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 07:46 AM
Sep 2018

I was told that there are over 80 different kinds of dementia. Trump or is surely suffering from one. But he has more mental and emotional impairments than that.

True Blue American

(17,972 posts)
27. Yes, Narcisstic
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 08:32 AM
Sep 2018

Delusions of Grandeur, insecurity,anget, hate, all tied into one.

His insecurity comes out when he is critisized or proven wrong..

Just saw him get on the plane, very subdued. He knows his many wrong doings are catching up with thim.

That is also why Republicans are trying to push Kavanaugh through. He was not on the list until Mueller was appointed.

The only hope we have is that all this will blow up in their faces. Last ditch fight for the angry old men.

Blue_true

(31,261 posts)
8. Your dad sounds like an onery, tough dude who was prone to bad decisions.
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 02:59 PM
Sep 2018

Trump is a pure freaking moron and criminal.

mommymarine2003

(258 posts)
10. Sounds like my father
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 03:22 PM
Sep 2018

My father was a retired Marine colonel, veteran of 3 wars, law degree, etc. My sister and I noticed that his behavior was changing, and he was diagnosed with early dementia. He refused to quit driving and would come home with dents in his car always stating that someone hit him in the parking lot. Meanwhile, my ex-brother-in-law had weaseled his way back into my father's life. He got my father an attorney and a "counselor" who gave my fathers tests where he determined my father had the body and mind of a 25-year-old. He was 96 at the time. We were working with a guardian ad litem and going through the courts. My sister was going for guardianship. Her ex-husband was going for power of attorney and my father's estate.

My father fell in his home one morning and broke his hip. He had turned off the heat for some reason the night before. He laid there all day. I called my father every night to talk to him, as I lived in Oregon and he in Washington State. That night I called and called and finally the paramedics answered the phone. My father actually died of Hypothermia in his own home as it was only 16 degrees outside. This once proud, educated man died because of his stubbornness (he wouldn't wear his Life Alert), but also because his mind was not well. There are some aspects of Trump's behavior that remind me of my father's demeanor towards the end of his life.

True Blue American

(17,972 posts)
21. I sincerely hope
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 06:03 AM
Sep 2018

Your BIL did not succeed.

Trump has enablers who are covering for him in both the WH and Congress. Such hateful,greedy people. Much like your BIL.

 

47of74

(18,470 posts)
11. My Grandpa was a lot sharper at 89 than fornicate face ever was.
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 03:31 PM
Sep 2018

The day before he died Grandpa was more with it than that orange fornicate face has ever been. He was very hard of hearing at the end but he was still mentally sharp right up until he went to sleep for the last time. He had a bit of a temper too but wasn't a blowhard idiot, and unlike fornicate head he actually served in this here country's military.

I despise that orange fornicate.

FakeNoose

(32,338 posts)
12. Taking your parent's keys away is the hardest thing a child has to do
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 03:55 PM
Sep 2018

I get it, we went through the same thing in my family. And it was both parents - at different times.

The children in the family need to all agree to take the step together, and it should happen like an intervention. You need to confront the parent as a group and say that it's not safe for you to drive any more, and we're not allowing it. If one child doesn't agree with the others, the parent will sneak behind all the others and take advantage.

I'm surprised that the surgeon's office let your father drive home, it sounds like gross negligence. I don't believe they could get away with it today, so it must have happened several years ago. Your father may have been suffering from impaired judgment in the form of mild dementia (Alzheimer's) that was never diagnosed.

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,746 posts)
13. Oh, dear lord.
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 03:57 PM
Sep 2018

When I had cataract surgery the place I had it done insisted I have a driver to and from, taxi or ride service not acceptable, and made sure that person accompanied me to the surgery and stayed there the whole time.

Unfortunately, there are too many dangerous drivers out there like your late father. And apparently irresponsible surgeons also.

Marthe48

(16,690 posts)
14. Sorry about yr Dad
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 04:21 PM
Sep 2018

My mother-in-law had an older cousin. The cousin's children wanted her to stop driving, but she wouldn't. So got got a boot and put it on her car.

BigmanPigman

(51,430 posts)
16. I can't believe the hospital let him drive.
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 05:04 PM
Sep 2018

Twice I was told that I WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED to drive after I had a two separate 30 min procedures to look into my stomach and was 100% conscious and fine afterwards. It was literally 1 1 1/2 mile drive from the hospital to my home. They would not release me either time until they saw a cab or someone pick me up. They are legally responsible, like a bartender allowing someone to drive home when they obviously had too much to drink. At least that is the rule in my city.

maddiemom

(5,106 posts)
18. Good analogy. However:
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 05:31 PM
Sep 2018

Is yours a true story? As far as I know, hospitals won't allow you to drive ANYTIME you've been under anesthetic and/or had same day surgery. They usually want your driver to stay around to be sure.

no_hypocrisy

(45,771 posts)
19. Jesus, I wish it WEREN'T true. I still feel the outrage 4-1/2 years later.
Sun Sep 9, 2018, 06:20 PM
Sep 2018

New York Eye and Ear Infirmary of Mount Sinai

JI7

(89,173 posts)
22. your specific example of needing others to help control or stop him may be similar but i assume your
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 06:06 AM
Sep 2018

dad was a far better person and probably very stubborn to the level of ending up being dangerous as it did take his life .

but i assume he was the type that always did things himself which is why he refused help later on life when he needed it.

in that way he is nothing like trump.

no_hypocrisy

(45,771 posts)
23. Actually my father was domineering, controlling, and authoritarian.
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 06:51 AM
Sep 2018

You couldn't tell him what to do, let alone reason with him.

In his later years, I exhausted myself trying to mitigate damage and potential damage. He set our house on fire and lied about it.

JI7

(89,173 posts)
24. oh, well, that's totally different than i thought
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 07:03 AM
Sep 2018

i thought he was the type that always did things so he had a hard time dealing with not being able to do things on his own anymore. there are many older people who go through this .

but based on this i can see how he would remind you of Trump then.

True Blue American

(17,972 posts)
31. No, your father does not
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 09:06 AM
Sep 2018

Remind me of Trump. It was just a part of the description.

The man has many more problems than senility,or dementia. It just seems things are progressing rapidly now that he has no idea what he is doung. And we are paying the price for him and Congress.

A friend that watched Trump make a speech at a Hearing Aid convention in LV said, when he saw him campaigning.” That is not the man I saw. That was 10 years ago.

True Blue American

(17,972 posts)
29. It is hard to get
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 08:59 AM
Sep 2018

Them to stop,.

A family member goes next month to get hers renewed. She will be 95, in a Retirement Community.

On a walker, but still goes places.

There are different problems,who knows?

roody

(10,849 posts)
30. The blessing is that he didn't kill anyone else.
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 08:59 AM
Sep 2018

My dad totaled 2 vehicles and damaged a third in a parking lot. Thank goodness he lost his license. I'm so glad he didn't kill anyone.

samnsara

(17,570 posts)
32. Im so sorry about your father.. my dad is still alive at 93 and
Tue Sep 11, 2018, 09:22 AM
Sep 2018

..he tries to go out and start the dang riding mower! His license expired and we didnt tell him about it we just said its gone. he thinks his ID card is now a drivers license. Theres a book called What To Do When I Get Stupid.. or some title like that. hubby bought it and its helping us plan our old age so our only child wont be saddled with our stupidity. The trump kids should be sent a copy!

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