Televangelist Warlock Pat Robertson Casts Spell on Hurricane Florence

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

As you know, the Southeastern United States is bracing itself for Hurricane Florence, a category 4 storm that could cause "catastrophic" damage once it reaches landfall this Friday. Millions of residents have been ordered to move inland, and Imbecile-in-Chief Donald Trump is keeping himself busy by arguing with Puerto Rican officials about how he didn't botch their hurricane disaster, like, at all.

But if you're concerned about the life-threatening conditions those in the South are facing... don't be! Because televangelist warlock Pat Robertson has cast a spell on the hurricane, which has forbidden it from touching America! (Note: Normally in times of national crisis, self-proclaimed Christians such as Robertson pray for something good to happen and then go on about their business. However, this must be a pretty serious situation, because Robertson has apparently shunned his religion's historical hatred of the dark arts and has turned to witchcraft in order to stop the hurricane, casting a "shield of protection" over his home state of Virginia.)

Let's watch! Stone-cold witchery starts at 1:10.

https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/09/12/32227486/televangelist-warlock-pat-robertson-casts-spell-on-hurricane-florence

Didn't work Pat

[still_one]

1. wouldn't it be something if Florence stopped in its tracks and went straight toward the headquarters

of the 599 club

[GReedDiamond]

2. He looks just like a zombie...undead...but he doesn't want to...

...eat your flesh, he wants to eat your $$$ if you are unfortunate to be a dimwit religious nut/trumphumper.

[smirkymonkey]

3. Oh, well, I'm certainly relieved.

It amazes me how many people actually believe this senile old goat.

[Crunchy Frog]

4. "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."

Or something like that. He kind of seems to be going against that a little.

[Thekaspervote]

5. Hey pat, sounds like what you EVILGELICALS call a pact with the devil..oh but you know all about it

Conjuring up hate for those that don’t sound like you or look like you. GOOD job ol buddy... I’m sure there’s a special place at Lucifer’s table just for you.

[ProudLib72]

6. Are you sure that's Pat and not the crypt keeper?

I can't tell them apart nowadays.

[Meadowoak]

7. He must be at least 100 by now.

[pretzel4gore]

8. Master baiter

I must share! Back in reagan era, Ron jr had latenite talkshow which tilted left. One night guests included Rev Falwel. Jerry. Somehow discussion became about sex etc...and Ron asked Guests if they...self abuse! All admitted, but Falwel, who tried dodge question until finally he also admitted! It was fantastic. Pat probly indulges also, hypocricy being his fort!

[Ilsa]

9. I guess if his spell/prayer goes wrong

and they don't get their wishes, it must be because no one else sincerely prayed with him.

[Generic Other]

10. The last time I heard the term "shield of protection"

I was looking at a panty liner ad!! Super absorbent with angel wings no less.

[Iggo]

13. Last time I heard it I had to roll 2d12 to see if it worked.

[oasis]

11. "Go north"?

Translation: "Destroy those race mixin' liberal baby killers in New York".

[sakabatou]

12. He thinks he's Harry Potter now?

[workinclasszero]

14. I believe Pat said Katrina hit New Orleans as

judgement from God on account of gay people living there.

So what offense against God sent Florence against NC, SC and Georgia, Pat???