News Ink-Splattered Trump Boys Counter Media Bias By Hand-Printing Own Newspaper In White House Base
WASHINGTON—While using brightly colored magic markers to write articles in a makeshift bullpen deep beneath the White House, an ink-splattered Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. said Wednesday they had made it their mission to fight bias in the mainstream media by hand-printing their own newspaper.
According to the brothers, the inaugural issue of their paper, called The Trump Boy Times, covers the most pressing issues of the day, with front-page stories such as “The Time Dad Saved The Country In Porko Reeco From A Hurricane” and “Dad Again Tops List Of 100 Best American Pretzeldents.” Though fingerprints and smudges rendered much of the text unreadable, the content inside the paper appeared to include obituaries of “dumb Democrats” the boys wished were dead and a comic strip depicting the misadventures of a character called Little Eric.
“When we heard the stuff those mean news jerks were talking about, we knew we had to find a way to get a whole bunch of the actual truth out there,” said Eric Trump, who held up a copy of the issue to show how hard he had worked to decorate its construction-paper pages with stickers and glitter, continuing on with the project even after a misapplication of rubber cement resulted in his hand being stuck to a table for more than an hour. “Unlike those lying germalists [sic], when we make up the news, we don’t use any bias. We are doing lotsa good work.”
“After all, President Dad is counting on us!” Eric added.
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