HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » The News is So Gross This...

Thu Sep 20, 2018, 10:00 PM

The News is So Gross This Week OF COURSE We Got Sexy Handmaid Costumes. OF COURSE We Did.(Ferret/SC)

Well, I'm blasted out of my mind on allergy meds again, Shower Captives, so I can't strictly vouch for my accuracy tonight. If I write a paragraph about Mazie Hirono riding a griffin to Capitol Hill and letting it eat Orrin Hatch...just double-check my work, is all I'm saying.

As always, this post is available, with all sortsa news links, at: http://showercapblog.com/the-news-is-so-gross-this-week-of-course-we-got-sexy-handmaid-costumes-of-course-we-did/

Before we go any further, we need to get the mushroom thing out of the way. I know we all wish it didn't happen, but it did. Look, I've never been on the “Female Ghostbusters ruined my childhood” or "A black stormtrooper ruined my childhood” train, because that train is a dumbfuck train.

But Stormy Daniels, YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PLAY THE SAND LEVELS IN SUPER MARIO BROTHERS 2 NOW? THE LITTLE BOING NOISE TOAD MAKES WHEN HE JUMPS WILL SEEM SO GROSS AND SINISTER!

(Dry heaves for a bit) Anyway. Moving on.

The Big Dumb Trade War escalated again, with Strawberry Shartcake levying tariffs on an additional $200 billion in Chinese goods, and China retaliating. The President wants YOU to do your part, but he doesn't need to worry, because YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE, since prices are going up on all kinds of shit you use, whether you like it or not!

Don't worry though, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, the kind of dude who periodically loses track of how many mansions he owns, says you'll barely notice the gouging! And if there's anyone alive with his fingers on the pulse of the working class, surely it's a doddering money-launderer.

Ted Cruz, faced with the admittedly-Herculean task of Getting Re-elected Despite Being Ted Cruz, suggested his opponent (some guy named Beto, you probably haven't heard of him) would make BBQ illegal if he won. The only remaining question is, when Cruz and Mike Huckabee launch their comedy tour, how will they decide who headlines?

(Let me just say, if Democrats ever DID try to ban BBQ, I'd switch parties before the grill could heat up. I mean, I'm all for equality and progressive taxation and protecting the environment and gun control and health care and all that stuff, but if you start messin’ with the really important shit...I'm from Kansas City, y'know.)

Easily the simplest part of the whole POTUS gig is the “Consoler-in-Chief” role. When something shitty happens, just pop up, demonstrate a little empathy, say something kind and hopeful. Admittedly, it's probably a lot harder for a sociopath, as we've already seen.

So when Tangerine Idi Amin went down to the Carolinas to visit areas damaged by Hurricane Florence, he congratulated one resident on the sweet-ass boat that crashed into his house, and then he asked if his golf course was ok. I think he thinks he was being all wily and subtle about the golf course thing, too. Sigh.

He also evaluated the hurricane's...wetness. It was super fuckin’ wet, according to America's first meteorologist President.

And President Crotchvoid happily proclaimed, for all the world to hear, that he based his recent decision to declassify shit he has no business declassifying because three Fux Nooz hosts without half a brain between them, Hannity, Dobbs, and Pirro, told him to. Lord. The Three Stooges of Malice. We'd be safer if he was getting advice from a strip-mall fortune teller, a Magic 8 Ball, and a Teddy Ruxpin doll.

Then again, will we ever be truly safe from a drooling man-child who thinks somebody should build a wall across the entire fucking Sahara Desert? Who's gonna pay for THAT, genius? Jawas? Sand People?

Elaine Chao is the latest Cabinet goon to get caught burning through fat stacks of taxpayer money on expensive travel, because the spirit of Pruittism is alive and well on Team Treasonweasel. I'm starting to understand why Republicans are always advocating for massive cuts to safety net programs; they're worried all that spending on hungry children and sick people might cut into their travel budget.

The President and his Attorney General (if such a thing truly does indeed even exist) are fighting again, and I for one appreciate the way that whenever this shit happens, ol’ Jefferson Beauregard always goes out of his way to remind you he's a racist, lying, sack of human garbage utterly undeserving of any sympathy whatsoever.

There ain't no good guy. There ain't no bad guy. There's only Jeff and Don and they're just two of the biggest, smelliest, assholes in human history.

President Andrzej Duda of Poland, angling for an American military base, casually suggested, “Hey, why don't we call it something like, I dunno, Fort Trump, maybe?” and Orange Julius Caesar practically shat himself in glee at the thought, because when a cripplingly insecure narcissist runs the most powerful nation on Earth, diplomacy-by-ego-fluffing is a valid tactic. I think it's maybe a little depressing that the Internationally-Known Playbook for Manipulating the American President fits on one notecard, but then again, I am a cuck.

So, because everything is disgusting nowadays, I guess tonight's blog needs a whole “Conservative Pedophiles” subsection, because there are so many different stories about conservative pedophiles. You can go fetch a barf bag real quick, I'll wait.

Ralph Shortey, a former "family values” Republican state senator, was sentenced to 15 years for child sex trafficking. Hey look, here's a picture of him and his chum, Donald Trump, Jr. Yeah, he was the campaign's Oklahoma state chair, just one more example of criminals drifting into the Trump family's orbit. Coincidence, I'm sure.

And the “free speech activist” who's been pushing for the right to distribute plans for 3-D printed murder weapons you can assemble in the comfort of your own home is on the lam, allegedly in Taiwan, for sexually assaulting a child. Why yes, he's a big Ted Cruz donor, why do you ask?

Oh, and there's also a Roy Moore story coming later, but I've decided to put that in the Kavanaugh section, instead of the GOPedo section, so go ahead and take a break from your projectile vomiting.

Freedom isn't free, and neither, it turns out, is keeping little kids in cages. But don't worry, the white nationalist assclowns running your government will find the money somewhere, even if they have to raid Head Start and the National Cancer Institute! That's right, friends...locking children up is more important than curing cancer to these abominable people. Betcha Stephen Miller isn't diverting any funds from cure-for-baldness research, though.

Hey, National Rifle Association, are you sitting down? Cuz I've got some really terrible news. Your tests came back, and you have cancer...of the wallet! Membership dues are down, and you're bleeding money...almost as if you'd been shot by a marauding lunatic. I guess America is finally tired of you murder-shilling rat-bastards. And if you think this news is bad, wait 'till you see the electoral drubbing your stooges take in the midterms.

Ron DeSantis, bless his heart, insists he isn’t racist. He just says racist shit, takes money from dudes who say even more racist shit, runs racist Facebook pages, and speaks at racist conventions. Me, I think he's really monkeying up his chances this November. Yup yup. “Monkey up” is still a super-common colloquialism that folks use all the time. Yup.

And of course the Kavanaugh confirmation debacle continues to churn stomachs from coast to coast. Republicans squirmed for a bit, but they figured that the one-two whammy of imposing a ridiculous artificial deadline and refusing to allow an FBI investigation into the accusations would frighten Christine Blasey Ford into silence, and they'd get away with everything with NO COMEUPPANCE.

Yes, the Withered, Chalk-White, Hate Raisins on the GOP side of the Senate Judiciary Committee seem to have settled on a strategy of You Have One Week to Present Yourself to be Grilled by Powerful Professional Rhetoricians Who Will Do Everything They Can to Destroy You, or it Doesn't Count Anyhow in the Meantime Enjoy the Death Threats.

Didn't take ‘em long to get weirdly cocky about the whole thing, actually. South Carolina CongressJag Ralph Norman told a super-hilarious sexual assault gag he'd been saving up for just such an occasion, perhaps auditioning for spot on the Cruz/Huckabee comedy tour. One of Chuck Grassley's staffers took what might generously be referred to as an “unseemly victory lap” before locking his social media accounts. A handful of truly choice scuzzbuckets are even pushing some magnificently ill-conceived conspiracy theories about, I kid you not, a Brett Kavanaugh lookalike.

And in the middle of it all, there's Roy Moore, urging his colleagues to dig in and fight back! With Alabama's leading serial child molester waving the flag, how can they fail?

Anyhow, Ford has now said she'll testify next week, under certain conditions and not on Monday, so the GOP is back in freak-out mode. They're frantically searching for a way to get a woman in the room to conduct the questioning, thus avoiding the spectacle of 11 ancient white dudes attacking a victim. Putting a woman on Judiciary in the first place does not seem to have been an option that occurred to them at any point.

Meanwhile, Littlefinger is all proud of himself for not assaulting Kavanaugh's accuser like some common Gold Star family, and let's pause to appreciate what it means to live in a time when “Hey, the President didn't behave like a raging bag of dicks for once” is headline news.

French MegaBigot Marine Le Pen has been court-ordered to undergo psychiatric testing, and shit, kids...if we could arrange some sort of Freaky Friday scenario where we trade legal systems with France, just for like, a few days...that'd be SPECTACULAR.

You may be wondering what our ol’ chum Michael Cohen has been up to since confessing to multiple felonies. Is he saying farewell to old friends before his sentencing? Taking up new hobbies he can enjoy behind bars that won't require anyone to smuggle contraband up their ass? Eating raw cookie dough while binging American Dad?

Well, it turns out the Sensei of Sez-Hoo has been spending a whole lotta time with his special new friend...Rugged Robert Mueller. They've mostly just been talking about boys and clothes, but also about Russia and collusion and pardons and obstruction of justice and stuff.

Mikey's even talking with New York state authorities about his former boss’s fake charity scam. Wow, you make all KINDS of new friends when you confess to a lifetime of crime!

Late-breaking reports suggest Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is quite the stickler for commas, ho ho! Human rights violations? Less so.

Lordy. So much bat guano hurled at me today, I went through three sets of windshield wipers. And then, yeah, I found the sexxxy handmaid costumes. Throwin’ in the towel for the night, Resisters. Going to bed. Wearing a helmet.

If you've read this far, let me direct you to Cap's Action Guide for the Goddamn Midterms. We're fighting to take our country back, and we need YOUR help: http://showercapblog.com/vote-goddamn-midterms/

33 replies, 4694 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 33 replies Author Time Post
Reply The News is So Gross This Week OF COURSE We Got Sexy Handmaid Costumes. OF COURSE We Did.(Ferret/SC) (Original post)
TheFerret Sep 2018 OP
Cha Sep 2018 #1
volstork Sep 2018 #2
Cha Sep 2018 #4
yardwork Sep 2018 #21
underpants Sep 2018 #3
Solly Mack Sep 2018 #5
PunkinPi Sep 2018 #15
Solly Mack Sep 2018 #20
NewJeffCT Sep 2018 #29
Solly Mack Sep 2018 #30
NewJeffCT Sep 2018 #31
Solly Mack Sep 2018 #32
MontanaMama Sep 2018 #6
calimary Sep 2018 #33
smirkymonkey Sep 2018 #7
Lugnut Sep 2018 #8
murielm99 Sep 2018 #9
Vinca Sep 2018 #10
BannonsLiver Sep 2018 #11
ismnotwasm Sep 2018 #12
voteearlyvoteoften Sep 2018 #13
CaliforniaPeggy Sep 2018 #14
babydollhead Sep 2018 #16
bdamomma Sep 2018 #17
Ilsa Sep 2018 #18
treestar Sep 2018 #19
alfredo Sep 2018 #22
lunasun Sep 2018 #23
SunSeeker Sep 2018 #24
love_katz Sep 2018 #25
JHan Sep 2018 #26
tblue37 Sep 2018 #27
Fred Sanders Sep 2018 #28

Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Thu Sep 20, 2018, 10:09 PM

1. Mahalo, Ferret, for the Mazie fantasy.. lol

My Senator Rocks!

Yes, the Withered, Chalk-White, Hate Raisins on the GOP side of the Senate Judiciary Committee seem to have settled on a strategy of You Have One Week to Present Yourself to be Grilled by Powerful Professional Rhetoricians Who Will Do Everything They Can to Destroy You, or it Doesn't Count Anyhow in the Meantime Enjoy the Death Threats.

Epic! "Hate raisins"

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Cha (Reply #1)

Thu Sep 20, 2018, 10:27 PM

2. "Crotchvoid"

is my favorite this week!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to volstork (Reply #2)

Thu Sep 20, 2018, 10:43 PM

4. Ferret comes up with some Classics!

I'm definitely stealing "Hate raisins". Everyone will know what or who you're talking about.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to volstork (Reply #2)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 10:23 PM

21. Mine too!

Tangerine Idi Amin is another favorite, back for a repeat performance this week.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Thu Sep 20, 2018, 10:33 PM

3. Doesn't everyone wear a helmet to bed?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Thu Sep 20, 2018, 10:46 PM

5. Those costumes. I'm livid.

K&R

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Solly Mack (Reply #5)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 05:54 PM

15. They've now been removed thankfully.

PHOENIX -- An online retailer in the United States has removed a sexy "Handmaid's Tale"-style costume from its website after backlash on social media.

https://www.cp24.com/entertainment-news/movie-tv-news/online-retailer-removes-handmaid-s-tale-style-costume-after-backlash-1.4104356

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to PunkinPi (Reply #15)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 10:14 PM

20. Thanks!

Good!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Solly Mack (Reply #5)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 03:34 PM

29. Interesting

so, sexy nuns, sexy angels or sexy native Americans are okay, but sexy handmaids are not?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to NewJeffCT (Reply #29)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 04:09 PM

30. Did I say that?

Because since I didn't say that there is absolutely no reason to frame your question as if I did other than to attempt to make a point you obviously want to make.

Make your point. Just don't piggyback it on me to do so.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Solly Mack (Reply #30)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 06:35 PM

31. OK

my point was, we have all these people that got upset about Sexy Handmaids Outfits, but sexy anything for Halloween costumes have been around for nearly as long as Halloween. Were people similarly upset about Sexy Nuns? Sexy Angels? Sexy Native American women? Why just Handmaids?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to NewJeffCT (Reply #31)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 08:22 PM

32. Why presuppose it is "just" the "sexy" Handmaid costumes that people find offensive?

Why assume the other so-called "sexy" costumes aren't just as offensive to someone?

Your original question was premised on your thinking that the other so-called "sexy" costumes were not objectionable to people, when they are - I assure you, they are. Even if they don't announce it to the world.

The Handmaid's costume was the costume in the OP - which is why I commented on it. Never seen one before and I find any glorification of/or the minimizing of rape to be offensive. Anyone with the fantasy that screwing a Handmaid is a turn on is someone I would rather not know or ever run into - and I'd say the same about any women who would wear one.

The costume is not about taking the power back either. Taking the power back would mean dispensing with the yoke. Playing on fantasies of a female (not woman, not person - but only female, like a woman is some sow) at your beck and call for sex - and not even sex - but rape - rape - for the purpose of forced conception is offensive.

Some so-called "sexy" outfits are in poor taste and some, like the Handmaid's costume, are offensive. As are other so-called "sexy" costumes.









Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 12:03 AM

6. Hate Raisins!!!!

Epic mic drop.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to MontanaMama (Reply #6)

Mon Sep 24, 2018, 03:14 AM

33. I know! I LOVE that!

Hate raisins!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 12:30 AM

7. K&R

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 01:46 AM

8. K&R n/t

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 01:11 PM

9. K&R, Ferret.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 01:23 PM

10. Fabulous as always . . . and already out of date.

The tiny, orange fingers are twittering away about the victim this afternoon. It had to happen.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 01:29 PM

12. K&R

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 01:42 PM

13. Kick 🎃 🍄

Thanks and love your work.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 05:45 PM

14. Another KICK for TheFerret!

Wow, you really got into it this week!

Well done!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 07:12 PM

16. Eloquent as always. Thank You!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 07:34 PM

17. Wonderful

theferret you touched upon every subject of disgust.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 08:14 PM

18. Still laughing, no wait, crying,

over "Tangerine Idi Amin" and "GOPedo."

I am so glad Tangerine Idi Amin hasn't visited the Sahara Desert. Or the Grand Canyon. I can't imagine he would use a thesaurus to find a replacement for "tremendous" as an adjective. He has the vocabulary of a four year old.

I can't find my helmet. I guess I dropped it at the Resistance meeting.

Oh yeah: I heard that Ted Cruz's wife is a vegetarian (or vegan) and that she is from California.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 09:05 PM

19. kick

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Sep 21, 2018, 11:33 PM

22. Funny and interesting from start to finish.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 01:02 AM

23. Hate Raisins

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 03:33 AM

24. K & R

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 02:47 PM

25. Huge kick and rec.

Love, love, LOVE TheFerret.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 02:50 PM

26. K&R

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 03:06 PM

27. K&R and thanks! nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 03:28 PM

28. Republicans appointed zero women to the judiciary committee...fun fact and totally karma.

Thus comes this:

"Anyhow, Ford has now said she'll testify next week, under certain conditions and not on Monday, so the GOP is back in freak-out mode. They're frantically searching for a way to get a woman in the room to conduct the questioning, thus avoiding the spectacle of 11 ancient white dudes attacking a victim. Putting a woman on Judiciary in the first place does not seem to have been an option that occurred to them at any point. "

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread