Stop in for a hug if you're hella triggered this week, I am peak triggered.

[bettyellen]

And could use each other’s support.

I went to a fair amount of frat parties from the ages 14-17. Probably a dozen. I never stayed late, knew some were going to get crazy so we were careful and left early.
I feel bad for the ones that stayed, or drank too much punch.
Someone really ragged on me about not staying and stopping it. I saved a lot of tipsy gals from sketchy situations over the years. But yeah, I’m not proud I went those places becasue I was dead broke and wanted to drink and was very young and stupid. And my own me-too moments, all years later.
Still, this week is so triggering AF for many. How exhausting it was to feel safe sometimes.
You too? If so....

Hugs y’all.

:

[FirstLight]

1. ...

[bettyellen]

5. Thanks FL! Maybe I'll see you tomorrow on a thread for the hearings.

[suffragette]

2. Hey sweetie

[bettyellen]

4. Hey friend! Thanks for stopping buy w a hug. Well received.

I’m not sure how I can sleep tonight. It’s got me so riled up.

[Cha]

3. Hugs to you, bettyellen, and all us

who are triggered by Brett Kavanaugh's sexual predatory history.

[bettyellen]

9. Thank you Cha. You're the best! Are you getting up extremely early for the hearing?

[peacebuzzard]

6. Hugs....

thanks for helping fallen angels, bettyellen.

[bettyellen]

10. Hey, long time no see! An excellent addition to the group hug!

[Solly Mack]

7. ...

Yeah.

[bettyellen]

11. Yep. We made the best of some real shit, didn't we?

[Solly Mack]

19. I've tried to.

It's all we can do.

[sheshe2]

8. Hug.

I know.

[bettyellen]

29. I know that you know that I know. We know. :bigTIGHThug:

This atheist is praying again.

[oldtime dfl_er]

12. Lordy I need a hug

I am so triggered I've been on the verge of vomiting for three days now, and tomorrow will likely be worse. I've been bursting into tears at inappropriate times, and my fight or flight is in full throttle.

[susanna]

16. YES. So much yes.

All the hugs in the world to you, oldtime dfl_er.

[oldtime dfl_er]

88. Thank you!

[bettyellen]

21. Biggest warmest hug I can muster becasue I have felt much the same way

alll week. I’m incredibly anxious about tomorrow.
We will both need to take some deep breaths and hug it out!

[oldtime dfl_er]

89. Getting thru

and so proud of Dr Ford!

[bettyellen]

92. As am I. Am hoping we see glimpses of the ugly come outnumber in Kav. I know it's there.

I hope he had a few belts this morning to loosen up, and we get to see Mr. Hyde.

[OhNo-Really]

41. {{{{ HUGS }}}}

PTSD is aweful. I wrote many many letters to perps to cathart. I immediatly burned them. It helped some.

May you find peace.

Meditation helped me tons. And breathing techniques

[oldtime dfl_er]

90. Yoga

helps too!

[PA Democrat]

65. Wish I had more than a virtual hug to give you.

You are not alone. I have found myself alternately crying and screaming at the TV all week.

[oldtime dfl_er]

91. virtual hugs back at you

[HipChick]

13. Trigged, and can't even talk about it..

[bettyellen]

22. That's okay. I feel like we sit here solidarity now. Thanks for that

Let’s hope for some joy before he weekend. For an end to this crap.

[HipChick]

36. When I think about situations I have been in..

and so far away from family, friends...

[bettyellen]

38. Eerily similar to some of my old memories.

[OhNo-Really]

42. So true. I gave up on joy. Inner peace is my goal. To quiet the PTSD chatter

[susanna]

14. OMG yes.

I can't articulate much more.

[bettyellen]

24. Also speechless and preoccupied.

[Pachamama]

15. Triggered and a wreck

My whole body literally hurts and I can’t talk about it.

But I’m with all of you and thank you for posting.

[susanna]

17. I am with you too.

Many, many (((hugs))).

[bettyellen]

31. Thanks for the solidarity. And multiple posts of love and empathy here.

Well done you!

[susanna]

33. Thank you so much for this thread, bettyellen.

I needed this tonight more than I ever realized...and I know others did too.

It's hard navigating alone.

(((hugs)))

[bettyellen]

37. Oh good. I kinda felt like a dipshit w this OP, but you nailed it. We're navigating ...

its new territory and mean so much in the immediate moment but also a whole generation. I’ll need to come back here tomorrow, no doubt. Thanks!

[susanna]

50. Navigating tires us.

Recognizing each other navigating empowers us.

You did a good thing tonight...so many needed it.

Much love and many (((hugs)))

[Pachamama]

46. Thank you Susanna

I got tears in my eyes when I read your reply ...

We are all connected somehow and need to be supportive of one another.

[bettyellen]

25. Oh honey I am so sorry about that. Lots of self care should happen Fri-Monday.

We need to take good care of ourselves. Thanks for posting anyway.

[Pachamama]

48. Thank you Bettyellen

I am grateful you posted what you did and as you can see from the replies, so many of us are being triggered and it’s very difficult.

DU is a community and there are so many wonderful women (and men!) here that support and feel for one another.

[GeoWilliam750]

18. Group hug

[bettyellen]

30. Thank you. We needed that.

[OhNo-Really]

20. Been triggered for months!

Hugs dear sisters. This whole 2 years has been emotionally stressful. The bullying, child kidnapping, and sexual assaults are taking a toll.

I was orphaned twice, three moms and two dads up til age five, finally adopted. So the separated border kids was a huge trigger.

Now,the heinous sexual assaults. Three of those, age 3, 13, and 18. The last was violent including a weapon. Like Ford, fear of dying while being raped at knifepoint is a lifetime nightmare. I lock my bedroom doors every night. Yes, I have two doors just in case.

I can't eat much. Lost 11 pounds the past two weeks.

What I will never understand is the demonization of victims.

If Kavanaugh is given a free pass to sit on SCOTUS, I will live the rest of my life fearful for my daughters and both male,and female grandchildren.

Increased BP meds and started Wellbutrin to quell the worst anxity attacks of my 70 year life.

I wrote many articles warning of encroaching facism in 2010 - 2015. I was sadly correct and rejected as a doomsayer.

Dear abused brothers and sisters, we must stand up together. Our children deserve a modicum of safety at a minimum.

VOTE TO SAVE OUR PROJENY!

[bettyellen]

27. Thank you Oh No Really! Anxiety and PTSD are real and debilitating.

and more prevalent since 16.

[OhNo-Really]

43. {{{ HUGS }}}. We can lock arms and feel safe.

May you find peace.

The triggers are so real.

[susanna]

28. You are so right.

This fight seems like it is always just beginning...we must be ever vigilant.

I will vote as if my life depends on it, because I know deep in my heart that it does.

Peace to you...I am with you, sister.

[OhNo-Really]

40. Thank you, Peace to you, too.

I forgot to mention, meditation has really helped too. Highly recommended.

I adopted (no pun) an attitude to get better, not bitter.

I ended up growing up with the entitled 1960s rich preppies. Honestly, these kids are so emotionally deprived by parents more interested in golf and drinking than the kids. Private schools the yacht, and country clubs were where the kids ran free and had tabs to charge meals and drinks.

Paradise with hardly any parental love, just huge expectations was a set up for all hell to break lose.

The amount of alcohol was astounding. Every home had practically a full bar of the good stuff. I was a Grand Marnier fan. I was 13 and my brother was 10 the first time we got drunk with our parents and their friends at a big home party.

Some parents regularly threw keg parties for us. No adults. I am amazed I didn't die driving home. I aimed for the middle of tripple vision, no joke.

They drank so much! We drank so much. Swimming in alcohol. I quit drinking at age 20! My brother became a high functioning alcoholic, but he NEVER ASSAULTED ANYONE. He died at age 52 from a massive heart attack.

Parents were probably also emotionally deprived by their rich, too busy for kids, parents as well. Generational emotional deprivation.

Kids didn't have behavioral limits/boundaries except in classes. Parents bought us out of any "problems" like tickets etc.

From the sounds of the news, the DC burbs in the 1980s reached new heights of extreme behaviors we didn't experience in the 1960s in snooty, old money New England. Even drunk, it sounds like we had more class.

Just some thoughts about priveleged kids as I experienced them.

[Hekate]

23. It's weird, but the lesson I took from being molested for a year was to be hyper-vigilant...

...and dress like an old maid for much of my youth. As if that would retroactively keep me safe, you know?

Donald Trump's very existence triggers me. Watching him stalk Hillary across the debate stge made me want to scream. Maybe I did scream at the tv. Everything about him screams "abuser."

[bettyellen]

26. Same reaction to his stalking during the debate. So ugly.

And yeah, we had a million ways to be hyper vigilant.

[OhNo-Really]

45. Me to! I WASN't in touch until you mentioned it. I can't watch him at all.

This too will pass,

[DoBotherMe]

32. Yes

It's been difficult

[bettyellen]

35. I agree, for so many women.

[pbmus]

34. I cannot say I am sorry enough for what you all have been through....

I AM TRULY SORRY....

[bettyellen]

39. I feel like I can't sleep till it's over. It's not good.

[OhNo-Really]

47. Thank you. I cried reading your tender comment.

I don't know about others, but I failed at bonding. Tender jestures have been so few, they overwhelm me and I cry.

Anyone else?

The punishment the oerps get falls so short of the damage they caused. imho.

[Silver Gaia]

44. I'm glad you're all here.

Yes, I've been crying for days, weeks, months, years... It's especially bad right now, but I haven't slept well since the night of the 2016 "election."

Thank you for this space for us.

[OhNo-Really]

49. {{{ HUGS }}}

It is 2 AM here. Worrying for Dr. Chris Blasey Ford

[Silver Gaia]

57. {{{HUGS}}} returned

It's almost 2:30am here... gonna TRY to sleep a few hours (that may or not happen.. kitty is trying hard to purr me to sleep, though), so zI can be awake in a few hours to watch the hearing.

[bettyellen]

74. Thank you for sharing with us.

[vlyons]

51. I'm full up

Full up and ready to throw up. My own father abused me when I was 16, and he was a cop. I didn't tell anyone until I was in my late 50s. Of all the women you know, probably 1/3 have been sex abused -- if not more.

[bettyellen]

56. Oh jeeze, I'm so sorry. :hug:

[Lady_Chat]

52. Think a lot of women need hugs tonight, so thank you, bettyellen

So hugs to you and all of them too. What a dreadful week, it has brought back many horrific memories, I wish I could forget. But I know I'm not the only one who feels like that, especially after reading the posts at DU, so thank you all for that too. I'm hoping Dr. Ford knows how many of us feel her pain and support her, she really has my admiration and respect, there is no way this hearing won't be difficult for her. I believe you and I stand with you!

Hugs and love to all!

[bettyellen]

53. Yes..... It helps to hear from all of you. I'm keeping good thoughts for Dr Ford too.

It can’t be easy. I’m hopeful the Dems will impress us all.

[betsuni]

54. I've been thinking about my sister.

At her 10th high school reunion (she graduated in 1983), a guy apologized for raping her. They'd both been at a party in high school, my sister passed out and woke up in a closet with the guy, who was a friend. She thought something had happened but he denied it.

She went to a lot of parties, drank in the morning before school, had pregnancy scares. I'd left home already and didn't know any of this until later. We weren't close, I was busy with my own life. My parents were going through a divorce and she had to deal with our nutty mother. My sister was a perfect target.

The summer after graduation, she visited me with her boyfriend. I knew all her friends hated him but didn't know why. He was upper middle class, headed to an Ivy League college in the fall. A lower-level Brett Kavenaugh.

I lived in a studio apartment. I was in the kitchen making dinner and at one point turned around to see them having sex on the sofa. He'd been pawing and groping her and although he seemed aggressive, I thought it was just Young Love. Turns out this is why her friends hated him, he treated her like a plastic fuck doll. There's no way my sister would do this willingly, have sex in front of me. Thinking, "Well, this is happening," I continued making dinner. Then after it was over, he complained to my sister that she had just laid there like a dead fish. LIKE A DEAD FISH. I still hear the words. Like a dead fish.

I don't remember if I discussed it with her, she's quick to irritation and anger and I didn't want to set her off. The boyfriend didn't stay for dinner. He went to college and she never heard from him again.

[bettyellen]

73. Oh lord, was an awful thing.

I’m so sorry.

[spooky3]

55. .

[Silver Gaia]

58. Feeling hopeful?

gonna try to sleep some before the hearing...

[bettyellen]

59. I am very hopeful. Thanks for asking. But still nervous.

[DinahMoeHum]

60. I feel like shit as well. . .

. . .though, thank G*d, I've never ever experienced sexual abuse as others here have.

It has, however, dredged up old memories of being taunted and teased by schoolmates to a point where I felt like killing one of them. and getting suspended half a day for it

Add in a neighboring couple with 2 young brats running around, screaming and whining; and I feel like doing something very very drastic and very very physical to the brats should they EVER come my way.

Luckily, I was at an Indivisible meeting last night where we discussed plans for helping certain candidates cross the finish line in November. That helps somewhat.

Sorry to feel so pissed.

[bettyellen]

68. Don't apologize for being pissed off! We are entitled to be disgusted!!

[RockCreek]

61. Yes. N/t

[bettyellen]

70. Thanks for your support this morning.

[Quayblue]

62. What bothers me the most

is most times, we are not believed when we finally get the courage to speak up. It's had me really thoughtful these past few days.

What has given me hope is my male customers bring up Kavanaugh with disgust in their voices.

I tread carefully anyhow, and probably will for the rest of my time on this planet.

Peace and hugs to you...

[bettyellen]

69. I've thought about that a lot too. Appreciate the hopeful report too.

I needed that.

[Squinch]

63. Oh, boy, Betty. I'm in knots and so are so many women I talk to.

Thanks for this.

[bettyellen]

67. Me too. :hugs:

[PA Democrat]

64. I carried the secret of my sexual abuse for more than 50 years

It has only been in the past two years that have told my husband, my therapist and a friend.

I could not give you a date or even my age (my guess is I was between the age of 5 and 7) but I have vivid memories of the fear, the nausea, the shame I felt when I was abused.

To hear people dismiss Kavanaugh's accusers because of the time that has elapsed, I am enraged. These events have triggered feelings that I worked for years to suppress.

[bettyellen]

71. It's true of so many women. Thank you.

:hugs:

[Qanisqineq]

66. Absolutely triggered

I've been on edge for the last week or two.

[bettyellen]

76. Me too, it's been building.

[GoCubsGo]

72. I just want to vomit.

Hugs are better.

[bettyellen]

75. You're not alone w the nausea, not even close. And hugs are better.

[rurallib]

77. victim of of a priest here - it happened to boys, too

I will never understand what it is like to be a woman, but her statement is making me cry and remember..........
hope I didn't hijack your thread.

[bettyellen]

79. Absolutely not hijacking, thank you for being here and sharing our grief and anxiety.

A burden shared is hopefully halved. Or something like that. You’ve helped me.

[dlk]

78. Hugs to You and All the Women

[bettyellen]

83. And to you as well, thank you.

[BlueIndyBlue]

80. I have been really triggered these last two weeks

I have a similar story as Dr. Ford except my assault didn't occur at a party. I was in high school and a classmate after school hours chased me into a deserted hallway. He pinned me down and groped me. After doing that he let me up and laughed. I was ashamed and humiliated. I didn't tell my parents and I continued on as if nothing happened. I knew that no one at school would believe me and that I would be tormented if I said anything. Years later I ran into my attacker and he apologized for what he did. I was astonished to think that he felt that would make it all better all these years later.

I put myself in Dr. Ford's shoe in that if my attacker had attained a measure of success equal to Kavanaugh I would hear the same dismissive attitude that she has received. It was not okay, boys don't all act that way and girls should not have to worry about being attacked at parties or at school. He said/she said is bullsh*t!

I believe her!!!!!

[bettyellen]

84. You'd be tormented if you said anything, I know the feeling too.

I’m sorry.

[JHan]

81. Hugs back at you betty.

[bettyellen]

82. Much appreciated JHan.

[bettyellen]

85. The way she described them laughing seared through me.

[zentrum]

86. Giant Hug.

[bettyellen]

87. I needed that. Right back atcha.

[zentrum]

95. Be well.

[NewJeffCT]

93. I'm sorry you went through that

[bettyellen]

97. Love you, buddy!

[cry baby]

94. Having a fair bit of trouble keeping myself together this week.

Hugs to you bettyellen.

We'll get through like we always have.

[bettyellen]

96. Kavanaugh's total melt down has pepped up my spirits.

[yuiyoshida]

98. backatacha

[bettyellen]

106. And right back at you!

[ismnotwasm]

99. I'm not exactly triggered as fucking furious

These piece of shit motherfuckers sitting there, and everyone complicit in Trumps election.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

100. So angry.

My selfcare is not watching tv! I’ll find out what I need to know here...and finding it out here gets me enraged enough. So effing enraged.

[backtoblue]

101. I feel like exploding.

I've gone from sadness to horror to PISSED OFF. This has to be a nightmare. I cannot breath.

[bettyellen]

105. Yeah. It's shitty thing.

[shenmue]

102. Lord Jesus

[bettyellen]

104. You said it. I can't believe he hasn't crashed and burned today.

Such an awful performance. He’s like Mini-Trump

[LiberalLoner]

103. .....

[bettyellen]

107. Yup!

[marlakay]

108. I am on my second vodka and cranberry

And like the senator whose father had alcohol problem mine to so I don’t drink often.

I thought I would watch a few hours and got sucked into the whole day. I feel dirty even after bath I took.