Trump Orders Oval Office Redecoration, New Staff Rules*
Visitors to the White House since the Thanksgiving holiday have noticed a startling change in the Oval Office's decor: The "Resolute" desk has been covered in gold leaf and now sits on a foot-high raised platform, also covered in gold leaf and featuring a two-foot golden eagle figure at each corner. Behind the desk on the platform, the conventional office chair has been replaced with what appears to be a replica of a Louis XIV-style throne. An alert observer also noticed that the legs of all the visitors' chairs in the room have been shortened by about four inches. When queried about the changes White House Communications Director Bill Shine replied, "the President felt that the old decor in the Oval Office did not sufficiently reflect the dignity of the Presidency."
Protocols for White House staff have also undergone revision. A leaked document describing the new staff rules contains the following directives regarding the appearance and behavior of all White House personnel:
-Male staff may be no taller than 5'10" without a written waiver.
-Male staff must wear red neckties at all times. The neckties must extend at least 3" below the belt buckle.
-Female staff must wear skirts or dresses. Skirts must be no longer than 2" above the knee.
-Necklines of all garments worn by female staff must extend at least 6" below the collar bone.
-All female staff must wear shoes with at least 4" heels.
-When entering the Oval Office or any other location where the President is present, staff must bow their heads and refrain from looking directly at the President.
-White House staff must always remain standing when in the presence of the President.
-Staff must not turn their backs on the President at any time, with the exception of female staff at the direction of the President. When leaving the Oval Office or any other location where the President is president, staff must back out of the room with their heads bowed.
-Before leaving the presence of the President, staff must always thank the President for the privilege of serving Him.
-All written documents, including emails, must use capital letters in all pronouns referring to the President, e.g., You, He, Him, His, etc.
While a few West Wing employees privately expressed concern about the unreimbursed expense of a new wardrobe, most agreed that the measures were appropriate and necessary under the circumstances. A source told this reporter that the President is "batshit crazy" and "the only way to keep him from smearing his own shit on the walls of the Oval Office is to humor him by pretending he's some kind of fucking king."
https://www.washingtonpoot.com
*Satire, as if it wasn't screamingly obvious
= new reply since forum marked as read
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observations from the gut
