Dying ain't easy.

[Botany]

My 90 year old dad took a fall on thanksgiving 2018 and broke his hip. He refused any
rehab care after his hip replacement and so I had him taken back home for hospice care.
My 86 year old mom has been a road block @ times, he fights me when I try to help him
get up after a fall, and now it looks like he might not see the next month but ....

...it is what it is and in the end you gotta do the right thing.

BTW back in the day as a kid I met or knew of some wonderful people who were republicans
through my Dad .... Chuck Percy, Ray Shafer of PA, Bill Miller of Goldwater Miller, Ike, Margaret
Chase Smith of Maine, Norm Ornstein, Russel Baker, Bill Scranton, Mark Hatfield of OR, and others.

After his fall the nurse @ the hospital asked him questions to judge his lucidity and when asked
who is the President he said, "Do I have to answer that?" The nurse laughed and said no we hear that
all the time.

Oh well.

[Siwsan]

1. I went through that with my 97 year old aunt

She fell on New Year's Day, 2015 and broke her hip. After her surgery, she started rehab, but decided it was 'stupid' and 'childish' and refused to go. I had to move her from the rehab center, back into assisted living. She developed an absolute terror of falling again, and fell into depression. She died 9 months later.

When my Dad was ill, my Mom was a real road block to us making their lives easier - because that would have entailed her admitting that Dad would never get better.

She later developed Alzheimer's. During one of our visits to the Neurologist, he asked her if she could name the President. Mind you, this was just a few months before she died, of the disease. She said - clear as can be - 'I don't remember his name, but he's the black guy. I didn't vote for him.' We all couldn't help but laugh.

My heart goes out to you.

[Delmette2.0]

2. I'm truly sorry about your Dad.

My Mother passed in September under Hospice care. They helped a lot, especially in the very end.

It's never easy, even when the end is expected. Hugs and love.

[Botany]

3. One big help is that one of my best friend's in the world wife ran some hospice work for 20 yrs.

She answered questioned before I asked them.

[Delmette2.0]

5. It sounds like you have some good friends to lean on. nt

[malaise]

22. It's so hard but as you say

it is what it is. I was speaking on this topic with an old friend today. His mom is 97 and doesn't have long either.

[SergeStorms]

10. My 90 yr. old Mom departed...

two weeks ago in Hospice. She'd been there for 6 months, and over that period of time it was heart braking to see the deterioration of a once-vibrant human being. The people at the hospice were wonderful and gave her a level of care no nursing home could even approach. I'm so grateful for being able to make sure her final months were in a nice, comfortable setting. Hospices do great work, and there isn't enough money to pay those people for what they do. I'm sincerely sorry for your Mom's passing as well, so you should know what I mean about the Hospice.

[Delmette2.0]

21. My city does not have a inpatient facility.

They helped me and my sister care for Mom in her last month's, 24/7 they were available. The last four days were in a nursing home, but they were still in charge. On her last day they were a god send. Our Mother was 92.

[SergeStorms]

30. Oh wow!

That was an incredible amount of work for your sister and yourself then! A labor of love. I could never have done the work the nurses and aids in the Hospice did, both physically and mentally. I guess both of our Moms are better off now. The pain and suffering are gone anyway.

[malaise]

23. Deepest sympathy

[SergeStorms]

31. Thank you.

It was expected, and we'd known it for about 6 months that she didn't have too much longer on earth. It wasn't as hard as losing my Dad who had a massive heart attack. No time for even a final goodbye and thank you there. Hey, we're all just visiting here.

[2naSalit]

4. That's so true.

My 92 yo mom is in a facility after falling several times over the holiday week and ended up with a fractured pelvis near a replaced hip. Her Parkinson's affliction makes it hard to carry on conversations and she has little control of her body now. The last year has seen rapid decline.

My youngest siblings are caring for her and her estate, keeping me informed as I'm far away, are not expecting her to hold on much longer as she can't go back to the house because it's no longer a safe place for her and she is terrified of being in an assisted living arrangement so she may let go if she can't go back to the house. We all just hope it's rather quick and simple since her quality of life is falling away from her like clumps of snow on a warm day.

It's sad but I can't bear to watch her suffer any longer. We have made arrangements for her care for some time but it will go quickly if she is in a facility. It's hard to make all the decisions and to let the things that are inevitable happen.

[samnsara]

6. we are here for you when you need to talk ((hugs))

[Phentex]

7. No but

that last part made me smile.

Best wishes to you and your family.

[bobbieinok]

8. Hard to read this and the comments. Experience with parents, my own future.

Dad (1908-1995)died during 2nd hospital stay. We think he just decided it was time--he knew it was impossible for him to go home again.

Mom (1913-2005) died in assisted living after several months of mental difficuties.

And I'm now 79. Doing pretty well except for nasty rheumatoid arthritis and a walker.

[gristy]

32. :hugs:

Not much I can say, so I'll give you a

[sprinkleeninow]

9. For you:

We went thru, without a precedent, my mom's major stroke in '09. Hospital then skilled nursing before she passed. Six months of it. You go through like you're being pulled along not knowing if it's how you should be doing everything.

From my heart to yours...💙

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

11. Not, it's not.

When an older person falls and breaks something, it's usually just a matter of time.

My mother was 82 when she had a fall. They never could find a break, but the doctors said that she had enough arthritis that it probably just wasn't showing up. And it was clear she was in a lot of pain. She wound up in and out of hospitals and rehab, and died about three months after the fall.

We kids felt we were spared a lot, because she did not have dementia or any chronic illness leading up to the fall and her death.

I know this is hard.

[LisaM]

15. I read a theory somewhere that sometimes the bones break first, then the fall occurs..

I can't remember where I heard that, but it made some sense.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

24. Sometimes that would be true, but not always.

And it probably wasn't the way it happened with Mom. It was Christmas Eve, she was up on a ladder inside her house putting up some decorations and fell off.

[LisaM]

25. Yikes.

That's terrible.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

26. She didn't fall very far, but some kind of damage was done.

[handmade34]

12. Hospice is wonderful...

they were so good with my Dad last year and husband 20 years ago...

[rurallib]

14. I will surely second that. My MIL died in August and hospice

was fantastic guiding us through the process. Angels!

[MontanaMama]

13. You are correct. Dying is not easy.

My sister and I took care of both of our parents at the end of their lives, they died about a year and a half apart. We were fortunate that they had pre-paid their cremation expenses and had placed their home, car and investments and the names of my sister and me. Losing parents isn’t easy. I find myself missing them more as time goes by. It’s funny, that even though I’ve made a life for myself, have a family and would be considered somewhat successful, not having parents is an odd feeling… Kind of like a boat with no rudder. We all go through it, but it doesn’t make it easier. I wish you peace and an easy passing for your father. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

[HipChick]

17. This is tough..

Going through this now, with the exception that I don't have a good relationship with sister. She's a narcissistic chip off Trump shoulder, and my only concern is with my parents, her only concern is what she is going to inherit from the parents, and not interested in helping out with any of the care.

[MontanaMama]

20. Good grief. I hear you.

That makes it doubly tough. We have a RWNJ for a brother...and it was the same, he would not help with any care for our folks...he was only after money. He was and is a a genuine psychopath according to my therapist. Little did he know, our parents knew who he was and changed their will to a 40/40/20 distribution for the three of us. He called me names I can’t repeat...it was a horrendous few months. I wrote him a check when I sold our parent’s home and car and haven’t heard from him since and neither has my sister. This shouldn’t be how it is. I’m very sorry about your folks.

[Harker]

16. It's hard.

You'll find strength in and around you.

Please let me know if there's anything I can help with.

[Miigwech]

18. Ain't easy for your Dad

gonna be hard for you. So sorry.

[volstork]

19. Sending good vibes your way.

My dad turns 90 next month, and you are so right that it ain't easy. Not easy on anyone: the one going through it, or the ones of us who have to watch.

[redstatebluegirl]

27. I met Chuck Percy through my Grandpa he was a

Really nice man.

[Blue Owl]

28. "Who is the president?"

Please Lord, take me now...

[EarthFirst]

29. It's a tremendously difficult event.

Just remember that the wonderfully compassionate Hospice program is available not only for your father; they can be amazing emotional support for the family as well.

I wish there were more I could say; so I’ll leave you with a hug: