I am 50 miles from JFK in a Boeing 777, and ATC sends me to a holding pattern ..

[DemoTex]

ATC: "Pan World 123, hold southeast of NEPTUNE intersection, left turns, at 15,000 feet. Expect further clearance in 55 minutes."

Capt. DemoTex: "NY Center, Pan World 123, I understand hold NEPTUNE, left turns, at 15,000 feet. Sir, why are aircraft holding going into JFK?"

ATC: "Pan World 123, JFK down to one runway due to snow removal. We have lots of jets ahead of you for landing."

Capt. DemoTex: "Copy"

DemoTex to co-pilot: "This sucks, Mitch. I have a hot date with Stormy tonight. What say we declare a low-fuel emergency and jump to the head of the pack going into JFK?"

F/O Mitch: "I'll support you in that ill-conceived, career-ending decision Captain D.!"

Capt. DemoTex: "NY Center, Pan World 123, I'll tell you what. I don't like the terms or structure of your holding clearance, so I think I'll just declare low-fuel emergency and request immediate landing clearance at JFK."

ATC: "Roger, Pan World 123. Cleared direct JFK, expect straight-in approach with no delays."

Capt. DemoTex: "Roger suckers .. er I mean NY Center. Thank you. This is really not an emergency. I didn’t need to do this, but I’d rather do it much faster."

[Dennis Donovan]

1. Great analogy!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. ATC: "Cleared to land, any runway."

Captain Don: “We’ll take the one closest to the terminal.”
ATC: “It’s closed for snow removal.”
Captain Don: “You said any runway. I want that one.”
ATC: “Land at your own risk.”

[DemoTex]

4. "And get those stinkin' snowplows off MY runway!"

"Copy?"

[Arkansas Granny]

3. You've nailed it.

[evilhime]

5. want to share this

May I???

[DemoTex]

6. Yes, thanks.

[2naSalit]

7. K&R!!!

[rurallib]

8. You little stinker. I hope Stormy spanks your bottom

with a magazine with your picture on the cover.

[trof]

9. Oh man, does that bring back memories.

I could hear it in my head.

[Staph]

11. I'm a huge fan of a British radio show called Cabin Pressure.

When the pilots Martin (the cautious one) and Douglas (the talented one) are stuck circling Fitton, their home field, Martin wants to divert to Bristol (They have a lovely suspension bridge!). Douglas has a better idea.

. . .

DOUGLAS: Of course, Martin, if you say we divert, then divert we shall.

MARTIN: Thank you.

DOUGLAS: Unless of course we were to smell smoke in the flight deck.

MARTIN: What?

DOUGLAS: I’m just saying: if by any remote chance we smelled smoke in the flight deck, we would of course be duty bound to land at the nearest available airfield with immediate priority – in this case, by a happy coincidence, Fitton.

MARTIN: Yes, maybe; but I don’t smell smoke in the flight deck.

(Sound of a match being struck.)

DOUGLAS: How about now?

MARTIN: What are you suggesting, Douglas?

DOUGLAS: We tell the Tower we smell smoke, which we do. We get to land straightaway. They check the aircraft, don’t find anything; “One of life’s little mysteries, but jolly good boys for taking no chances.” Everybody’s happy and there’s jam for tea.

[DemoTex]

14. Crew logbook writeup: "Pilots smelled smoke in cockpit."

Maintenance lookbook signoff: "Ground ckecked - OK"

Jam for tea, indeed! Spot on.

[nolabear]

12. Nicely done!

The Air Marshalls will be waiting for you when you deplane, Cap’n.

[Dorn]

13. This is 100% wrong - DT DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO LAND.

Both branches of congress turned down his request. FULL STOP.

Try landing without permission at a major airport, you'll lose your ticket in a big hurry.

Try landing at a military airport without permission (even for an emergency), you'll be in jail -- or dead.

[bluevoter4life]

19. Want to call an ATC facility for a tour?

Try shooting an approach without a clearance. You'll get a phone number to call real quick

[Aviation Pro]

15. Would Kennedy Steve approve?

Man, I miss that guy directing traffic.

[CaptainTruth]

16. Damn, that's good!

[c-rational]

17. Thank you for that laugh.

[BSdetect]

18. ATC: There are a few dozen strangers within a thousand miles of the runway.

[burrowowl]

20. Good analogy!

[47of74]

21. Captain Donnie would be in such a hurry that

He’d forget to lower the landing gear.

[ProfessorGAC]

22. Beauty, Tex!!!

Fun bit!

[Rabrrrrrr]

23. LOL! Perfect!!

[jrellis]

24. me2

I have a national emergency too. Do i call 911 or is there a special number?
... but seriously folks...
forget that the wall will accomplish nothing good, or that it will be lucrative for trumps personal interests...
i think it sad that the animals will not be able to go back and forth like they have for millions of years. its really none of my business, but i think its sad.
i can't believe he is still president
does it matter what he did to get elected
does it matter how corrupt and cruel his business dealings have been
isn't it enough for what we have all seen him do in office
its more than enough for me
what is wrong with the people of this country
i really really don't get it