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Thu Jun 27, 2019, 08:29 AM

I have to vent. I have a big problem.

Yesterday my wife and I had to go to a meeting some two and half hours away, so we carpooled with two friends. We're in the back seat on the way home, and our friends are up front talking. My wife is checking her Facebook feed on her phone. She hands the phone to me and what do I see; a post about a Survey for Donald Trump, and there's sits my brother's name and my niece's name.

Now my niece, I can and have written off. She's racist. No if ands or buts, so I cut connection to her. Goodbye. She lives 2000 miles away.

My brother is another story. We lost our older and only brother earlier this year to Parkinsons, so it's just me and him left, our parents are long gone. He is 3 years older than me. We were at college together for a year. He is very, very different from me, but I have always loved and supported him, even when he made dumb-ass life decisions. I helped him with his kids' tuition in high school and college, because that's what family does and he's always broke. He recently retired but was what I'd call working poor. Or at least working broke. But what the hell, kids can do that, right? He always been a nice, simple, likable guy, dealing with life on a day to day basis.

But this? He's a Trump supporter. I woke up at 3am thinking about this. He's NEVER been interested in politics. Even when he was about to get his ass drafted, he was against the war in a mild sort of way; I was out in the streets. I'd call him a-political, but he voted, as far as I knew, for Democrats, for as long as I can remember. We don't talk politics because I know he's totally uninterested. So this a.m. I get up and go to his Facebook page because this put a maggot in my brain and I look at his likes; Donald Trump. Melania Trump. Ivanka Trump. Shit. I think his kids would kill him if they knew.

How fucked up is this. Now, you have to understand, he has been living with a black woman for over twenty years. He has two children, 23 and 20 (really bright, nice kids and very liberal) who consider themselves as black. He gets along well with his kids' black aunts and cousins. He lives in a majority black neighborhood. By every measure I can see, he doesn't have a racist bone in his body. In fact, quite the opposite. He has Hispanic friends and co-workers whom he likes and talks about. I been with him in south Texas and seen how he acts around people who speak Spanish. He totally enjoys the culture and people. He never rants and raves about immigrants, or anything, for that matter. He sometimes mildly bitches about how corrupt Illinois state government is, but shit, it is and has been our whole lives (I left at age 31). There's no sign. None. If someone told me he was a MAGA I'd laugh. But I saw it.

Folks, I just can't square this circle. Now I can get past someone who voted for Trump the first time around. You got duped. You got conned. You were pissed about something and you took it out in the ballot box. Whatever. But after two and a half years of this shit, you still support this racist, fascist, lying, thieving, hate monger, then frankly I want nothing whatsoever to do with you.

On top of all this, his birthday is in early August and he's coming out for a visit. For a week. How the hell am I going to deal with this. How do I get past this? I'm trying and failing to pretend I didn't see what I saw. I do not want to lose my last remaining close family. Should I confront him? If he acknowledges it, I swear I don't want him in my house. Should I pretend I didn't see it and just talk sports like we usually do? Is this too circumstantial?

Friends, I cannot fucking deal this this. I need a shrink. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I know others at DU have been in this fifth circle of hell. Thanks for listening. Rant temporarily over.

14 replies, 3535 views

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Arrow 14 replies Author Time Post
Reply I have to vent. I have a big problem. (Original post)
CanonRay Jun 2019 OP
Phoenix61 Jun 2019 #1
get the red out Jun 2019 #5
JudyM Jun 2019 #2
woodsprite Jun 2019 #3
WhiskeyGrinder Jun 2019 #4
CanonRay Jun 2019 #7
WhiskeyGrinder Jun 2019 #8
CanonRay Jun 2019 #12
brooklynite Jun 2019 #6
LuvNewcastle Jun 2019 #9
Bayard Jun 2019 #13
uponit7771 Jun 2019 #10
treestar Jun 2019 #11
MineralMan Jun 2019 #14

Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 08:53 AM

1. Pretend you didn't see it and talk sports

like you usually do. There is nothing to be gained by pushing the point and a lot to be lost. Cognitive dissonance is common with Trumpsters so I doubt youíll be able to change his mind.

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Response to Phoenix61 (Reply #1)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:11 AM

5. Agree!

The propaganda masters have been taking control of a lot of people, in different ways (white supremacy, religion, misogyny, hatred of LGBTQ people, touting "law and order", for decades now. They appeal to people's weaker points and pick at them, then they feel like they are part of a community of like minded folks being told what TO think on every issue, not just the issues (or single issue) that led them there.

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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 08:55 AM

2. Find out why. And how HE squares it with how you've viewed the larger picture of his values.

Maybe heís doing it to connect with your niece but hasnít really bought in...

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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:02 AM

3. You have us to vent to.

You can do what some of us in a similar situation do - ignore politics and try to enjoy the family time. My husband, kids, myself, and my brother are the only Democrats and gun control advocates out of a large extended family (4 whole branches of extended family). We just steer away from politics when we're together and try to concentrate on each other and sharing stories and memories. It works for the most part - even with the elitist Republican relatives to the redneck mouth-breathing ones who had their Christmas card picture taken with every single one holding their gun of choice.

Now, that being said, I'm 100% positive that my BILs and SILs have me on "ignore" on FB. But that's OK with me. FB and DU are my online political venting outlets. I do have a FB subset of friends marked as "No politics". I tell people up front that I will move them to that group so they won't see my politicala posts if they would prefer.

Thankfully, my husband and I have a rather large set of friends from church that are of the similar views/opinions as ourselves. That gives us other people to vent to in real life. Our group has participated in the Women's march, March for science, and a few other protests in DC, Dover, and in Newark (Trump impeachment, Immigration, and support of the Mueller investigation). It always been somewhat politically active, but grew out of desperation the night of the 2016 election.

Best of luck to you re: your brother. Try not to let it interfere with your relationship since you have other things in common, shared memories and experiences. I will say that while I have tried to keep interactions and relationships the same, all of this HAS resulted in a change of how I view some of these relatives. Not necessarily loss of respect, but I do view them through different lenses now.



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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:11 AM

4. Is there a reason you can't ask him about it and listen to what he says? It sounds like you love

him dearly and have a rich shared background. Can you not start there?

And do I have this right, this is based only on three "likes" on Facebook?

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Response to WhiskeyGrinder (Reply #4)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:28 AM

7. Yes, so far that is all I know.

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Response to CanonRay (Reply #7)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:32 AM

8. Then I encourage you to step back from the brink.

People "like" things for a variety of reasons on Facebook, some of which have nothing to do with actual affection. The algorithm has also been known to add likes when a person hasn't told it to.

Don't let an app tell you something about your brother that you believe doesn't fit, before you talk to him.

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Response to WhiskeyGrinder (Reply #8)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 10:12 AM

12. Thanks!

I think I'm leaning in that direction. He is going to have some Rachel exposure, can't be helped.

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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:20 AM

6. Before you disown him...

Has it occurred to you that he knows you're interested in politics and thought you might be interested in what showed up in his feed?

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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:43 AM

9. Don't let Donald Fucking Trump come between you and your brother.

You've loved him for all these years and the two of you have been close. Fuck politics. Right now it seems like the Trump nightmare is going to last forever, but it will end just like they all end. He'll be voted out or he will die or whatever, but your relationship with your brother is for a lifetime, and if you and your brother can't agree on politics then you two need to forget about politics when you're together. Trump does not deserve to have that power over your life and your brother's life.

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Response to LuvNewcastle (Reply #9)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 11:11 AM

13. Agreed and well-said

Same situation between my younger brother and I. We don't discuss politics anymore, other than me occasionally asking him if he's learned to speak Russian yet. I can out-argue him with facts and figures, and he gets pissed. Not like his usual laid-back and humorous self.

Out of 5 kids, he and I are the only ones left. Parents are gone. Can't let go of so much love and history. He's always been there for me, no matter what, and some truly horrendous situations.

I attribute his attitudes to the people he works with, his in-laws, and Fox News. Our Mom was a hard-core Dem to the day she died (she loved Hillary, even before she ran for office). Our Dad was apolitical.

He's my brother, and I love him dearly. Even when he's wrong.

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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:49 AM

10. BOTH of your need to agree on credible information sources you BOTH can get behind !!!

Then make him stick to it, go off those information sources when talking about Benedict Donald and The Kremlin KKKlan so at least you have a bases of reality to talk about.

IMHO

People ***STILL*** think Thanos wont snap his fingers and kill half of the universe so they ... don't even think about cutting his arms off.

They STILL think Red Don's racism, child abuse and being a crook hurts anything and has had little effect on them unless their taxes went sky high like it did in orange county and KCK.

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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 09:52 AM

11. It is possible his apparent

Support is based on something really shallow. Like the economy is ok and so the president must be. That is why Iím afraid Dotard could win. People who donít get into the news and have no idea about the awful things he says and does.

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Response to CanonRay (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2019, 12:32 PM

14. My sister's husband is a Trump fan.

I know that, and he knows I'm far from being a Trump fan. So, we ignore politics when we are together. My sister has Alzheimer's, as does my 94-year-old mother. My brother-in-law does a lot to help my parents, since he and my sister live in the same town they do. I live 2000 miles away.

So, when I'm there, BiL and I talk about things we have in common, like my sister and my parents, or we talk about old cars, which is his big hobby, and about which I can talk intelligently. We do not ever talk about politics, beyond an occasional tease about our viewpoints.

We know we're avoiding politics. We agree to avoid politics. Sooner than later, I'll be the executor of my parents' estate. We'll avoid politics then, too.

Some things are more important than politics. They just are, and family is one of them. I can deal.

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