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Fri Aug 16, 2019, 01:59 PM

Denmark Offers to Buy U.S.

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”

“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added. A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us

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Arrow 56 replies Author Time Post
Reply Denmark Offers to Buy U.S. (Original post)
Zorro Aug 2019 OP
tblue37 Aug 2019 #1
Va Lefty Aug 2019 #2
NewJeffCT Aug 2019 #3
lpbk2713 Aug 2019 #4
volstork Aug 2019 #38
John1956PA Aug 2019 #51
Cyrano Aug 2019 #5
Sanity Claws Aug 2019 #12
volstork Aug 2019 #39
geardaddy Aug 2019 #56
Gothmog Aug 2019 #6
barbtries Aug 2019 #7
FoxNewsSucks Aug 2019 #8
pangaia Aug 2019 #29
murielm99 Aug 2019 #9
gldstwmn Aug 2019 #10
dalton99a Aug 2019 #11
calimary Aug 2019 #13
volstork Aug 2019 #14
Haggis for Breakfast Aug 2019 #35
volstork Aug 2019 #37
Fritz Walter Aug 2019 #15
roamer65 Aug 2019 #16
kairos12 Aug 2019 #17
Politicub Aug 2019 #18
FailureToCommunicate Aug 2019 #36
bhikkhu Aug 2019 #44
erronis Aug 2019 #19
riversedge Aug 2019 #20
Bluepinky Aug 2019 #47
treestar Aug 2019 #21
sinkingfeeling Aug 2019 #22
cab67 Aug 2019 #23
Sneederbunk Aug 2019 #52
Paladin Aug 2019 #24
SouthernProgressive Aug 2019 #25
mainstreetonce Aug 2019 #26
Sneederbunk Aug 2019 #54
The Wielding Truth Aug 2019 #27
dchill Aug 2019 #28
rurallib Aug 2019 #33
Larrybanal Aug 2019 #41
aggiesal Aug 2019 #30
Uncle Joe Aug 2019 #31
ginnyinWI Aug 2019 #32
jcgoldie Aug 2019 #34
The Liberal Lion Aug 2019 #40
AllyCat Aug 2019 #42
PatrickforO Aug 2019 #43
Upthevibe Aug 2019 #45
SunSeeker Aug 2019 #46
oasis Aug 2019 #48
Raster Aug 2019 #49
malthaussen Aug 2019 #50
Heartstrings Aug 2019 #53
ReformedGOPer Aug 2019 #55

Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:02 PM

1. K&R for visibility. Love Borowitz. nt

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:04 PM

2. SOLD!

I want my European socialism!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:05 PM

3. with the massive amounts of debt the nation has

the price is a lot lower than it could be

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:09 PM

4. Moe Greenland






"You don't buy me out. I buy YOU out."


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Response to lpbk2713 (Reply #4)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 05:15 PM

38. LOL!

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Response to lpbk2713 (Reply #4)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 10:06 AM

51. Great connection! n/t



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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:10 PM

5. Why don't they just buy NY, CAL, and three or four other wealthy states

That way, all the money transferred from those states to states that refuse to raise any taxes, will be fucked.

Let them live with no schools, subsides to their favored businesses, and graft to their political class.

How long do you think it will take before those states become Trumpian "shitholes?"

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Response to Cyrano (Reply #5)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:32 PM

12. I live in NYC and want to ask Denmark to buy us from the US

If Denmark has any money left over, they can buy Boston, Seattle, and a few other good blue cities.
Can anyone send a tweet to Denmark and ask them to buy us?

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Response to Cyrano (Reply #5)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 05:16 PM

39. They already ARE

trumpian shitholes.

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Response to Cyrano (Reply #5)

Wed Aug 21, 2019, 04:02 PM

56. I live in Minnesota and we pay loads toward the deadbeat states

Denmark can buy us!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:11 PM

6. I love good satire

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:20 PM

7. i actually wish that could be true.

how sad is that.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:24 PM

8. Sometimes I wonder about republicon's massive debt

that they have put on the US. 22 trillion and climbing.

Just now wondered if maybe the actual plan is to loot as much as possible on debt, bankrupt the US and then MF45 will LITERALLY sell us out to Putin. Cheap.

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Response to FoxNewsSucks (Reply #8)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:46 PM

29. If Denmark is cagey about it.

they can leave out the REALLY rural areas.. let them pay off the debt. They voted for these racist fuckers...

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:25 PM

9. This made me flash back to a movie called, "Americathon."

It had terrible reviews, but I loved it. I own a VHS copy of it.

Much of it has proven to be prophetic.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:25 PM

10. Yes please.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:27 PM

11. Kick

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:45 PM

13. Andy Borowitz!!!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:45 PM

14. I'd gladly let

the Danes take over.

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Response to volstork (Reply #14)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 04:41 PM

35. Wasn't Denmark named one of the happiest countries on earth ?

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Response to Haggis for Breakfast (Reply #35)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 05:15 PM

37. Most of the Scandinavian nations

consistently top that list. They don't fear bankruptcy and destitution like Americans do.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:48 PM

15. And wind turbines EVERYWHERE

Including and especially on the land surrounding Drumpf properties!

Even in the ocean next to Mar-a-Loco!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:51 PM

16. Hey Denmark, Michigan is for sale!!!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:57 PM

17. With Trump you are buying a s--hole

country. Don't think so.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 02:59 PM

18. Sold!

I, for one, welcome our Danish overlords.

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Response to Politicub (Reply #18)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 04:49 PM

36. Tak!

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Response to FailureToCommunicate (Reply #36)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 08:14 PM

44. Tusen Takk!

If they want a toe in the door, I'd suggest buying the West Coast first. Maybe I'd prefer Norway bought us, but Denmark is cool too.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:10 PM

19. Gofundme, please. I'll send all my loose change and some big bills too!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:12 PM

20. "A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Tru




William Sommers
@fight_extremism
·
3h
Denmark Offers to Buy U.S.
🥊


“A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.”
🥊


#GreenlandPurchase


?s=20

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Response to riversedge (Reply #20)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 08:35 AM

47. Relocate Donald Trump, his family and his Nazi supporters, too.

And don’t forget Moscow Mitch.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:12 PM

21. If they are going to relocate Donald Trump to another country

deal is on! I welcome our Danish overlords.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:13 PM

22. I wish

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:23 PM

23. How much are they offering?

I'd be willing to consider an offer.

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Response to cab67 (Reply #23)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 10:08 AM

52. They think it is a fire sale.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:31 PM

24. Denmark: Throw in mandatory capital punishment for the trump regime, and let's talk.

God bless, yet again, Andy Borowitz---somebody who knows how satire is supposed to work.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:32 PM

25. Sorry Denmark.

 

We have been sold to Russia.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:35 PM

26. Do we get unlimited Danish pastries?

Let's talk...

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Response to mainstreetonce (Reply #26)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 11:54 AM

54. Yes, and as much snuff as you want.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:39 PM

27. That would make most of us Great Danes.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 03:46 PM

28. I am sad that this is not true.

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Response to dchill (Reply #28)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 04:21 PM

33. don't worry. China will be buying us soon enough.

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Response to rurallib (Reply #33)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 06:32 PM

41. china already bought us

 

they just haven't started demanding payment yet

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 04:09 PM

30. Sold! Maybe now we'll get universal health care. n/t

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 04:16 PM

31. Kicked and recommended

Thanks for the thread Zorro.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 04:21 PM

32. How about restoring the Mason-Dixon Line,

Move the trumpies down there in their own country and let Donnie be their king. Mara Lago the capitol. Build a big beautiful wall to keep them there. Allow them no military except for their own “well regulated militia.” See how far they get without US federal aid. It can be a hereditary monarchy so Donnie jr. can succeed his dad.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 04:21 PM

34. I'll throw in my farm

Especially if they swap me a little space for my goats over there.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 05:39 PM

40. This would be awesome

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 07:30 PM

42. I vote yes!!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 07:45 PM

43. Let's do it! We'll all have healthcare, free college and

liberal safety nets!

We won't be a sh**hole country any more!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Fri Aug 16, 2019, 10:05 PM

45. I love it! n/t

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 01:26 AM

46. Go for it! nt

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 08:39 AM

48. Talk to Putin. nt

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 09:57 AM

49. I welcome our new benevolent Danish overlords...

...and bid FUCK YOU and FAREWELL to the tRump* family as they head to their new home in Russia*.

Dasvidania, bitches.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 10:03 AM

50. Sold!

Especially since Denmark banks are now offering negative-interest mortgages.

-- Mal

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 10:41 AM

53. If only...........nt

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 17, 2019, 01:57 PM

55. Perfect

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