Top 10 things Paul Ryan has accomplished during his lifetime
10. It was Ryan who was actually the first person to set foot on the moon. Who do you think took that photo of Neil Armstrong?
9. Sprinted across the beach at D-Day, scaled the cliffs without any special equipment, and killed 27 Nazis with his bare hands. He would have killed more if he hadn't stopped to perform emergency surgery on wounded American soldiers.
8. Wrote, directed, and starred in the movie Star Wars. That was him behind the Darth Vader mask.
7. Sculpted Mount Rushmore using only a butter knife and some sandpaper. Almost included Reagan but stopped himself realizing it would have created an anachronism.
6. Lobbied unsuccessfully to be included on the show Deadliest Catch, despite using only a row boat and a few chicken coops. Still caught more crab than anyone else.
5. Outran Paul Revere to warn the colonists about the approaching British.
4. It wasn't aliens who built the pyramids...it was Paul Ryan.
3. Only person to have won American Idol, Survivor, Big Brother, Celebrity Apprentice and Project Runway...and did it all in one season.
2. Won the Nobel Prize in Physics for coming up with the Unified Theory of Everything (sorry...that's in the year 2018, spoiler alert).
1. Made Ron Paul look absolutely sane.
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Good one 
