Rules for Black Thanksgiving

[StarfishSaver]

The 2019 Rules and Revisions for Black Thanksgiving

For black families, Thanksgiving is an entirely different holiday than the traditional feast enjoyed by the dominant culture ... Here are the 2019 rule changes and revisions:

Food certifications

In 1962, BLACC’s executive macaroni committee decided to limit all macaroni and cheese making to grandmothers, aunts and anyone over 50 with a sufficient supply of the upper-arm fat known as “church lady muscles.” In 1984, we extended those qualifications to dressing and sweet potato pies ... We have also removed the age limit for Kool-Aid, iced tea and other beverages technicians, although measuring cups are still not allowed. It does not matter if you are a STEM graduate from a prestigious HBCU, the “Holy Ghost technique” is still the official BLACC method for drink-making: You pour the sugar into the container until God speaks to your heart and tells you to stop.

Menu requirements

While Thanksgiving meals vary depending on geography and tradition, all BLACC-approved Thanksgiving menus must have the following:

Turkey: This goes without saying. It can be fried, baked or even smoked but if there is no turkey, you’re just having a family meal. A big hunk of turkey breast does not count, but turkey wings or legs do.
Dressing: Not that stovetop bullshit either. That’s “stuffing.”
Macaroni & Cheese: Aside from the above rules, there must also be someone present to regulate the size of macaroni scoops so you won’t run out of the “good” macaroni. Mac & cheese should be served in descending order from best to worst because anyone who is late doesn’t deserve top-level, auntie macaroni.
Giblet gravy: Anyone who serves packaged gravy at Black Thanksgiving is eligible for excommunication and must immediately surrender their black card.
Greens: Turnip, collards, cabbage, mustard—it doesn’t matter as long as they are sufficiently cleaned.
Pies: Cakes are cool for church picnics and birthday parties, but there must be at least one pie present at Blacksgiving. After an emergency hearing, our sweets committee has determined that peach cobbler qualifies as a pie...

Dinner conversation

Unlike White Thanksgiving, no subject is off-limit at Black Thanksgiving. Feel free to talk politics, religion or even money.
...

*A brief word about white people

While all are welcome at Black Thanksgiving, all non-black attendees are required to pass an oral examination before arriving at the festivities. Usually, this quiz is given in the car on the way to the event. This is not racist. It is for everyone’s legal and physical protection.

https://www.theroot.com/the-2019-rules-and-revisions-for-black-thanksgiving-1840024400?fbclid=IwAR3wahEq8UUcXyXmVEXh0Z0jeZrz8LU82xsvAsaN-08CeSlUWX3nU9Raw2Q

[ret5hd]

1. Hmmm...any black families out there with an open seat?

Especially if you got mustard greens.

Pretty sure I can pass my oral examination.

[StarfishSaver]

3. Come to our place

We always have room for one more.

[ret5hd]

15. Oh man, dammit...I have been informed by my spouse that my presence...

is mandatory! No greens for me.

My thanks and appreciation tho!

[xmas74]

2. My answer at homecoming is always

"I'm feeling blessed, God willing and the crick don't rise." It seems to be accepted.

[FailureToCommunicate]

4. Happy Thanksgiving StarfishSaver

[brer cat]

5. LOL

What a fun read. Happy Thanksgiving, Starfish!

[MLAA]

6. Love it.

I know all about ‘the good’ Mac and cheese from southern family reunions as a kid

[betsuni]

7. I didn't know about the macaroni & cheese tradition until I saw the movie "What's Cooking."

I'm jealous thinking of all the turkey eating going on. I don't live in the U.S. and can only find two places online to order turkeys, but they're American turkeys and pumped full of salt and preservatives. I'm not about to pay anywhere from the equivalent of $90 for a large one to $44 for the smallest for a juiced factory fowl.

The roasting turkey smell is one of the most nostalgic smells, that's what I miss most.

I know someone who recreates her childhood Thanksgiving for her non-American family and goes about it in the most American way possible. Has to be the same brands, so these items are lugged across an ocean at great expense: Butterball Turkey, Ocean Spray Cranberries (the canned jelly), Libby's Canned Pumpkin and Carnation Condensed Milk for pie, Stove Top Stuffing, French's French Fried Onions and Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup for that green bean casserole, instant potatoes and a gravy mix (can't remember those brands, probably Betty Crocker and Lawry's), and she makes Chex Party Mix. It's a commercial.

[Karadeniz]

8. That was fun! Thanks!

[NBachers]

9. I read the article and all the comments! This is our first Thanksgiving together, Starfish Saver,

and I'm thankful that you're here with us.

[Stallion]

10. I Don't Like Macaroni & Cheese

(probably because I've never had BLACC certified Macaroni & Cheese)

but you guys probably never had authentic Arroz Con Pollo cooked for Thanksgiving by a Spanish grandmother-I pity you!!!

[calimary]

11. The whole thing sounds delicious!

I’m always intrigued by famous family recipes, especially that Auntie Macaroni!

[liberaltrucker]

12. Collards!!!

/Lilly white dude from Alabama

[Anyone]

14. Meteor Campaign

Awesome sticker!

[LeftInTX]

13. I burnt my sweet potato casserole!!!

I may need to ditch the Mexican Thanksgiving this year!

I followed a recipe at Food Network. Too much flour coating on the pecans and now they're burnt!!! I might have a salvage plan, if not I may need to go elsewhere!!! I'm getting ready to be banished from the in-laws.....

(I've been making this casserole for about 20 years. Usually by the seat of my pants or from recipe I find online. This is the first time it has messed up. But I usually cook the sweet potatoes and then put the pecans on in the last few minutes, so they don't get burnt!! The flour was supposed to prevent them from burning. Next time I'm sticking to my old routine)