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Are_grits_groceries

(17,111 posts)
Wed Sep 5, 2012, 12:17 PM Sep 2012

'I Have Not Shot Her Yet' (Dorothy Parker writes a friend while in the hospital - LOL)


In May of 1927, during an irritating and uneventful stay in hospital, celebrated poet, satirist, critic, and founding member of the Algonquin Round Table, Dorothy Parker, wrote the following letter to her friend, Seward Collins, and gave him an entertaining update on her visit.

Related: Parker's telegram to her editor in 1945.

(Source: The Portable Dorothy Parker; Image: Dorothy Parker in 1943, via.)

The Presbyterian Hospital
In the City of New York
41 East 70th St.

May 5, I think

Dear Seward, honest, what with music lessons and four attacks of measles and all that expense of having my teeth straightened, I was brought up more carefully than to write letters in pencil. But I asked the nurse for some ink—just asked her in a nice way—and she left the room and hasn't been heard of from that day to this. So that, my dears, is how I met Major (later General) Grant.

Maybe only the trusties are allowed to play with ink.

I am practically bursting with health, and the medical world, hitherto white with suspense, is entertaining high hopes—I love that locution—you can just see the high hopes, all dressed up, being taken to the Hippodrome and then to Maillard's for tea. Or maybe you can't—the hell with it.

This is my favorite kind of hospital and everybody is very brisk and sterilized and kind and nice. But they are always sticking thermometers into you or turning lights on you or instructing you in occupational therapy (rug-making—there's a fascinating pursuit!) and you don't get a chance to gather any news for letter-writing.

Of course, if I thought you would listen, I could tell you about the cunning little tot of four who ran up and down the corridor all day long; and I think, from the way he sounded, he had his little horse-shoes on—some well-wisher had given him a bunch of keys to play with, and he jingled them as he ran, and just as he came to my door, the manly little fellow would drop them and when I got so I knew just when to expect the crash, he'd fool me and run by two or even three times without letting them go. Well, they took him up and operated on his shoulder, and they don't think he will ever be able to use his right arm again. So that will stop that god damn nonsense.

And then there is the nurse who tells me she is afraid she is an incorrigible flirt, but somehow she just can't help it. She also pronounces "picturesque" picture-skew, and "unique" un-i-kew, and it is amazing how often she manages to introduce these words into her conversation, leading the laughter herself. Also, when she leaves the room, she says "see you anon." I have not shot her yet. Maybe Monday.
<snip>
more:
http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/09/i-have-not-shot-her-yet.html

That child was lucky he didn't disappear from the face of the earth.
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'I Have Not Shot Her Yet' (Dorothy Parker writes a friend while in the hospital - LOL) (Original Post) Are_grits_groceries Sep 2012 OP
Does this belong in GD DURHAM D Sep 2012 #1
ROFL. I must read more Dorothy Parker before I die! kestrel91316 Sep 2012 #2
This message was self-deleted by its author AnotherMcIntosh Sep 2012 #3

Response to Are_grits_groceries (Original post)

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