I never wanted anything to do with the high school I graduated from, and then this came

[DFW]

I had become disillusioned with the school I was going to in Washington, though I hear good things about it now (Obama sent his girls there). So I was offered the chance to live in Spain and go to school there, and jumped at it. A new world to explore. But then I had to come home to finish high school, and I didn't want to return to the school in DC. It professed to be a Quaker school, but was full of Republicans, war champions (this was Vietnam War time) and phony religious ideologues. So I took a chance on the offer from a boarding school in Massachusetts.

Talk about frying pan into the fire. I would have suspected something was wrong if I had met the son of the alumnus who interviewed me, but I only met his dad. He was a nice enough guy, but I knew nothing about him other than he was a Congressman from Houston. His name was George H.W. Bush. How was I to know who the guy was? Or, worse yet, what his son was? So, the school had even MORE military types than my old school in DC (headmaster was Colonel something), more emphasis on religion (though I managed to outsmart them on that), and harassment by the school administration of students who didn't fit the mold (and, man did I NOT fit the mold!). I absolutely hated my year there.

So, after graduation, I disassociated myself from the place completely. That is now nearly fifty years ago. And suddenly I got this in my alumni email:

"Please join me in congratulating Raynard and welcoming him and his family to our community. Raynard and his husband, Peter T. Daniolos, M.D., along with their two sons, are planning to move to Andover next summer."

The man who will take over as head of school AND HIS HUSBAND, along with their two sons? I'm straight, but DAYYAM! Progress, it seems, comes even to the most stodgy of places if you wait long enough. Fifty years too late for me, but it's a far cry from the Colonel, and maybe future generations will even find the school a positive experience even if you are NOT the child of a Republican establishment figure. Maybe I should even fly over for my 50th class reunion?

Naaaah! Let's not get carried away, here..........

[patricia92243]

1. Go! You'll have fun and not regret later that you didn't go.

[DFW]

7. Bad timing.

The reunion will be right about when our daughter will give birth to our second grandchild.

I care a lot more about being there for that than I care about seeing a bunch of guys who didn't give a rat's ass about me 50 years ago, and wouldn't even remember my name now.

[patricia92243]

13. You're priorities are right-on. Congrats on new Grandchild,

[DFW]

14. It took me a while to decide

About half a second. Maybe even three quarters........

[Baitball Blogger]

2. Do it! Go, but be aware that you will still be surrounded by conservative alumni

your age. There may be difficult conversations to wade through, but it might not affect you because it's such a short time to invest. But go to meet the new head of school, if nothing more than to offer support. They may need it if conservative alumnis withhold their donations until the changes meet their approval.

I went to a very conservative college but was not affected by the closed doors to social opportunities because there were just enough pleasant experiences to keep my spirits up between the trips back home where I could re-energize with people that were more like me. What I mean is, that there were enough good moments in college to make up for the gut wrenching ones. But the most important thing, there were progressive teachers in my field that convinced me that I was there for all the right reasons.

So you see, that was a big difference about me from the the kind of alumni who usually attend these Reunions. I was there solely for the academics. Based on my family expectations, it was the only real reason to attend college. If these Reunions had more people like me attending, there would be vibrant progressive debates out in the open. Or atleast, people wouldn't be afraid to debate openly. It is, afterall, a college!

And if the Reunions were spread more apart, I think I would have been able to continue the connection. But as these things go, Reunions are determined by those who are most inclined to attend them. 95% of the conversations are talking about the kind of silly-hijinks that the students did as members of their fraternities and sororities and I didn't belong to one, so rehashing other people's good times eventually got old. Yes, they had great times, and it's entertaining to hear those stories about the first fifteen times. I still love the people I met in the years that followed graduation, but it's depressing in the sense that I'm at a time in my life where I need to re-energize with people that are more like me and that connection was lost a long time ago.

What surprised me was how few of those who returned still didn't have the same interests that I have. You would think that a lifetime of experiences would fill some holes, but what I learned over time is that everyone returned to home environments that supported their views. So the Reunions always feel like rehashing a moment frozen in time, where no one grows. Which means that to me, it feels like I was rushing a sorority. And the one or two other progressives I might encounter are savvy enough to know to keep their politics to themselves, because that's key in assimilating in conservative circles.

I can't say that in forty years I have ever engaged in a progressive conversation on or off campus with my peers where it didn't end with someone looking at me in disdain or doubling-down on the FoxNews points which has the effect of ending a conversation.

There was only one sign that the school was getting more progressive. They hired a black chaplain, which I would see once a year at Christmas time when the chapel holds a service with Christmas carols. Over the years I have seen the changes. The first year the vibrant chaplain interjected African music and instruments into the music selections. I still remember that distinct sound of what I believe was a beaded shekere. The energy was bouncing off the rafters! But I felt a certain dread and worry for this chaplain, because this is not how things usually are on campus.

Last year my concerns may have been realized. The chaplain's tone was somber and the music was back to the usual anglo selections. I mean, it's a wonderful service. Just not fully diverse. I could be wrong. Maybe there was one or two African songs last year, but it was nothing like the chaplain's first year. It seems the only thing that survived the assimilation process was the shekere.

So, that's why you should go to the Reunion. You MUST give that head of school your support. They will have some tough times ahead, especially since alumnis can show their disapproval by withholding their donations.

[DFW]

8. I've never been to a reunion of any kind ever

I was recruited for my outfit about 15 months after graduating college. I was a one year senior, so the chances are that no one remembers me anyway--not worth running all the way over to North America for that. I have run into Andover classmates exactly three times since graduating college. None had the slightest idea who I was, even though one of them was at the 2008 Denver DNConvention where Obama was nominated. Funny--Obama, who had met me exactly once before that, remembered me, but my classmate did not.

My second grandchild is scheduled to be born around that time here in Germany. She/he will be taking precedence, I'm afraid.

[Baitball Blogger]

11. Then maybe you can send a letter of support?

It's up to you. You have good reasons for not attending.

In my case, maybe I should follow my own advice.

[DFW]

12. I will let them know and why

The class correspondent is a guy who, though not one of the 3 or so "outsiders," as I was, didn't quite fit the total preppie mold, and has responded to my explanation as to how the harassment I suffered there left deep scars with understanding.

[rainin]

3. Great story! Thanks for sharing!

[DFW]

6. I read it twice to be sure I had gotten it right.

Andover? MY Andover? ("Aaaaaandovah" )

To give you an idea--at sports events, someone would break into a spontaneous "give me an A, give me an N, give me a D, etc etc." and at the end, "what's that spell?" and they'd all yell "ANDOVER!" I usually ate meals at the table with the black guys, as they were token scholarship guys from either inner cities or the rural south, and the ONLY solid group of guys there with their heads screwed on straight. No right wing preppies from suburban Connecticut at OUR table! They once started the same thing at dinner. Give me an A, give me an N, give me a D...and at the end, after give me an R!, one would yell, "What's that spell?" and they all yelled in unison, "MINDFUCKER!"

Biggest mistake of my life was to go there, although it WAS a learning experience--just not the kind the Andover of 1970 envisioned. A month after graduation, I saw the film "If..." and thought, "so true."

Things have indeed changed for them to send out a notice like that. No need even to say "first gay head of school," but instead just treat it as if it had been no big deal all along. To someone who suffered the 1969-1970 school year there, it was a big deal to read that, believe me!

[rainin]

9. As a parent of a trans daughter, stories like this give me hope. n/t

[DFW]

10. I can relate

The fact that such a stodgy, rigid place (in my memory, anyway) can mention it in passing, giving it no more significance than his favorite brand of cereal, is not a step, but a leap.

[kag]

4. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when...

some of your conservative classmates read that email. I'm envisioning some serious head explosions.

[DFW]

5. Those heads that might explode...

They can do so with my blessings!