Got family and friends in debt? Here's the best gift you can give them...no expectation of presents

[Demovictory9]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/12/05/got-family-friends-debt-heres-best-gift-you-can-give-them/

Got family and friends in debt? Here’s the best gift you can give them.
This holiday season, give loved ones with financial worries peace of mind by letting them know you don’t want or expect anything.

During the holiday season a lot of people — eager to please — toss financial common sense out the window.

They shop until they drop, racking up debt.

So, I try to get them to see the light. As I often say, it’s about your presence, not the presents. This is the message I gave to a reader recently who was struggling with the guilt of not buying gifts this year. She and her husband have $62,000 in credit card debt.

This column generated a lot of comments. Here’s what some had to say about the couple deep in debt:

— “Do not allow yourself to be bullied into buying gifts. You must protect your family and your future. People who expect you to buy gifts are not your friends. And if they're your family, you need to put some distance between yourself and them.”

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Then I received an email from Gisele Gauthier from Cape Cod with a message for the family and friends of folks trying to dig out of debt.

“The most precious gift anyone can give me is to take good care of themselves,” Gauthier wrote. “This includes managing their finances in a thoughtful way. I feel like the people who know and love me best want me to take care of myself and would never dream of asking me to hijack my and my children’s future by spending money I do not have.”

[JoeOtterbein]

1. K n R ! Thanks for posting!

An idea that helps me!

[TexasBushwhacker]

2. I only give gifts to the kids in the family

My parents are both dead. My brother and I exchanged stacks of CDs for several years, then did the gift card swap for a few more and finally I said "Let's stop the X-mas gift silliness". We're not even Christians! We do go out for dinner and a movie on our birthdays though.

[Demovictory9]

3. i did the ridiculous gift card swap with a friend

[shanti]

5. Same

Only my 4 grands get anything. I don't celebrate Xmas otherwise.

[lunasun]

4. I remember one time it was a bad year for me and some friend told me I HAD to buy gifts

What f'n Christmas spirit and Joy is that ? Very stressful and I took gifts I received from one and just gave it to the other etc.
I have known people that overspend and then have to pay out to CC year long .
Each to his own if that's what you want I guess but like the OP said do not be bullied to overspend on holidays birthdays anniversaries graduation whatever if you don't have it and you yourself don't want to spend it .
Resist all the marketing aimed at being in the club
From the link
Holiday spending
There are a lot of people planning to go into debt for the holiday season.
A survey by CreditCards.com found that 61 percent of consumers who carry a credit card balance are willing to add to this debt for the holiday season.
In a Bankrate.com survey, 63 percent of U.S. adults say they have felt pressure to overspend on gifts or travel during this time of year. And when is the pressure felt the most?
Retailers certainly do their part to encourage holiday spending

[3catwoman3]

7. As the old saying goes, "With a friend...

...like that...”

I hope you told him/her to butt out.

[lunasun]

10. No I was very young so peer pressure . I m not good friends anymore but I know that person

and the other two friends involved have not done well financially as life went on .
Perhaps they shouldn't of been buying so much either!
Like I said I just took one gift I received from one and gave it to another that year but waste of time and stressful as I felt guilty regifting, instead of the joy of giving commercialism portrays
Yes now I would say butt out and get real

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

6. So true.

I have often been amazed and dismayed by how much some people spend on Christmas gifts. Right now the only person I'm buying for is my son, and he's the only person buying for me. He likes coffee and I buy him a bunch of different coffees at World Market and he's quite happy. He gets me Godiva chocolates and I'm happy.

Sometimes it helps a lot to have been relatively poor early in life.

[tblue37]

8. I stepped off the Xmas train a long time ago. nt

[Jedi Guy]

9. I work in audit and compliance for a sub-prime lender.

Our interest rates can be very high because we'll extend loans to people the banks won't even consider. What constantly amazes (and depresses) me is how people will take out high-interest loans for things that are just stupidly frivolous. People will take out enormous loans to buy Christmas presents or go on vacation. It blows my mind, because to my way of thinking, high-interest loans should only be considered if it's a dire need, like a family emergency, you're gonna get evicted from your apartment, car repairs, etc.

And of course, since most of these people are not at all financially savvy, they have no idea how anything to do with money actually works. That sort of thing should really be a required part of every high school curriculum, in my opinion.

[lunasun]

11. They do offer it in public HS here but not required . We are making both teens take it . One is in

it now and already said thank you ( she didn't want to take it at first) I think it's called personal Finance or Econ

She also just turned 18 so a credit card app came in the mail right away of course
We sat down as a family and asked her now why do you think some body wants to give you a credit card when you don't have much of anything? Then we opened the offer up
I want to say the rate was 37% and a yearly $129 fee ? Something outrageous !
We laughed and said that's almost a loan shark rate
Of course then she asked what a loan shark is too....

If they are coming to your company as an established risky borrower they are just digging in way deeper .
Yes I understand some times illness or an emergency get a person at your high interest loan door but a dream vacation should not . "

[CozyMystery]

12. I have often advised my kids to give coupons ...,

Gifts of their time and effort, essentially.

Will they? No!

I would love gifts that cost no money, but involve doing things for me. My mother often said all she wanted was one phone call a week from her children who lived far away. (She was being silly -- my sister called her daily and I called her several times a week.)

I'd like coupons for cleaning, yard work, repairs and maintenance of the house (that require labor only), taking dog for a walks, doing the grocery shopping (labor only), making dinner, baking, yard work, anything involving a drill and/or an assembly required item.

Or handmade items. Some of my kids are really good at that.

Never gotten even one.

My theory is that it is easier to spend money than to spend time and physical or verbal (in the case of phone calls) effort. Even if it gets someone in debt or unable to pay bills in a timely manner.

The people who need coupons the most are those who have young children -- especially single mothers and parents who both work full-time, the elderly, and people who are ill or disabled.

I bet coupons like these would be a lot more appreciated than a purchased gift.

[central scrutinizer]

13. Our whole extended family stopped giving gifts years ago

Everybody puts money in a hat (sliding scale) and the name of a progressive nonprofit organization in a second hat. A name is drawn, the money is bundled and sent off. Done.

[Delmette2.0]

14. I don't buy gifts for Christmas either.

I told my son and his wife that I just can't buy a gift just for the sake of wrapping something up. I told them that I will not buy birthday or Christmas gifts. What I will do is buy them something they really but can't afford during the year, they never know when I will recognize an opportunity. That makes the gift all the more special.

[raccoon]

15. My family quit doing that years ago,

My family quit doing that years ago,When a sibling had fallen on hard times.

What’s the point of buying expensive gifts for adults who could easily buy whatever they wanted or needed for themselves?