Said on the TeeVee

[Scuba]

Leno


Even though Rick Perry came in fifth, he is not quitting. He said it's on to South Carolina. And then today, he said, "Which way is that?”

A man who calls himself the grand warlock of Mexico has predicted that President Obama will not win re-election. The grand warlock's real name? Juan Hannity.




Conan

Tonight is the new season of “Jersey Shore.” It promises to have all of the name calling, sex scandals, and backstabbing of the Republican primaries.

Mitt Romney has come under fire for his pledge to eliminate federal funding for PBS. Romney said, “When I'm president, the only operated puppet speaking to kids will be me.



Ferguson

The show's back in New Jersey this season. Last season was in Italy and before that it was Miami. They were in Miami at the same time as the Kardashians. It was the first year in recorded history that Miami citizens were fleeing to Cuba.


Fallon

I read that Facebook is hosting a Republican debate on Sunday. Candidates will be seated based on their poll numbers, with Romney in the middle, Gingrich on the side, and Rick Perry down the street at the MySpace debate.

[JohnnyRingo]

1. My theory for which I have absolutely nothing to back it up....

is that he returned to Texas "to think about quitting" and a Super Pac made his campaign an offer he couldn't refuse: If he stays in for a while, they'll spend a few million on commercials sliming Romney for him.

I can't think of any other logical reason for him to continue, and I know no one is sending in donations anymore. It's illegal to coordinate with the candidate so we'll never know, but if he has a bunch of attack ads running for him now....

[Scuba]

2. My unsubstantiated theory is that his masters told him to get his ass back in the race....

... their motives are evangelical, so the fact their guy is a dumb shitstain bothers them not at all. In their eyes, the end justifies the means, even if it means further bankrolling a loser.