Paul Ryan dug his way out of Alcatrazz using nothing but a nostril hair . . . when he was 12.
Paul Ryan, using nothing but Craftsman tools, tungsten and 24 hours, transformed a 1971 Nova into a Time Machine.
Paul Ryan composed and recorded an hour long live symphony with 350 random-filled water glasses, six wood blocks and a glockenspiel.
he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."
Well my diet and exercise have turned my skeleton to ADA-FUCKIN-MANTIUM. Deal with it.
However, I am pretty sure the opposite is true. He probably has a tiny little whisky weenie, which would explain A LOT.
...is because he got a look at Ryan with his shirt off.
It ends with the words 'Paul Ryan'.
that the Aztecs disappeared because they didn't sacrifice enough already born children.
In the vein of chuck Norris and Vin Diesel facts.
Looks like you're ahead of me!
the he once took a walk and invented the smiley face by wiping his own with a fan's t-shirt.
...he swam the Atlantic to get to the English Channel!
But then she spent ten minutes with him alone and the rest is history!
While riding on the back of a T Rex.
And he has the one-eyed snake and a three-legged dog to prove it.
Paul Ryan ate Pol Pot. Alive.
Paul Ryan turned himself into a tub full of bath beads and seduced your wife.
Paul Ryan wins karaoke contests by mimicking Steve Perry to pitch.
Paul Ryan can juggle machetes with his bare feet.
Paul Ryan defeated all of Brad Wesley's henchmen using nothing but fists and his dick.
Paul Ryan can walk on his tongues.
Paul Ryan can rip subways in half.
That's the real reason he's in hiding.
He looks like a typical anal retentive white collar dork to me.
...is so Paul Ryan has enough space to bury his enemies in the cornfields.
But he still can't figure out Paul Ryan.
And he oughta know, being a cheesehead and all.
Yeah! That's the ticket!
Wolverine has an adamantium skeleton, which is the strongest metal known to man (in the comic book world).
He has the ability to rapidly heal himself.
Just like Paul Ryan.
on how to be so totally awesome that if you gaze upon him without protective eyegear, your brains turn to cottage cheese, your heart turns to stone, and your genitals fall off.
Paul Ryan thought he made a mistake once...but he was wrong.
Paul Ryan made the Kraken wished he was never released.
Paul Ryan can impregnate a woman just by winking at her.
Paul Ryan walked solo across Antartica, in gym shorts and flip-flops.
Paul Ryan is the person Ghandi wishes he was.
Paul Ryan once told Paul McCartney that yesterday, all his troubles seemed so far away.
...the speed of light would no longer be limited.
That's why the center of the Earth is a churning ball of fire!
To this day, friends and relatives gather at his house to watch the latest episode.
He is overcompensating way too much to not have lived much of his life as an insecure whiner.
Paul Ryan stands under Niagara Falls when he wants to wet his whistle.
Paul Ryan surfed on a Juggernaut through the streets of Kolkota and the hordes threw flowers at him.
Paul Ryan once kicked Ronald Reagan in the balls, threw his head back and laughed maniacally.
Paul Ryan does morning back-flips from Union Station to the Lincoln Memorial and doesn't once stop for traffic.
...Now laugh, damnit! Before he finds out it's not funny!
This is the funniest, smartest group of people on the internet.
It is so hard where I live to be a liberal Democrat. I cannot believe I forgot how much I love this place! (as much as it drives me CRAZY sometimes!)
...that left many of the players weeping and calling for their mothers.
That's how he became known as 'Captain Hook'.
He said it was a touching love story and who are we to disagree?
...but it only exists in his tears, so there is none on Earth.
for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Ryan takes me into a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are!' Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Ryan yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found them!'"