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Paul Ryan says his diet and exercise have turned his skeleton to titanium. (Original Post) porphyrian Sep 2012 OP
And raised his IQ to room temperature jsr Sep 2012 #1
Celsius n/t VWolf Sep 2012 #17
Yep. jsr Sep 2012 #21
Paul Ryan says he invented the Celsius scale. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #25
Paul Ryan says he's smarter than Einstein and Alex Trebek put together. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #24
Einstein, Hawking and Witten, perhaps. Let's leave Trebek out of it LOL VWolf Sep 2012 #31
Paul Ryans says he can create ten million jobs with one phone call. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #2
If that phone call was his announcing his support for Obama. IrishEyes Sep 2012 #5
Paul Ryan says his support would make Obama win the election. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #26
Paul Ryan can swallow a raw egg whole without breaking it. And poop out a live chicken. Erose999 Sep 2012 #3
Paul Ryan says he already did that. Twice. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #27
And both came out made of gold. nt Javaman Sep 2012 #133
Paul Ryan says he can jump onto the roof of the Sears Tower from Maine. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #4
Some say Paul Ryan is the Stig. lapislzi Sep 2012 #6
Top Gear Baby! n/t HangOnKids Sep 2012 #8
Paul Ryan says he was all of the Stigs. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #28
Paul Ryan says he's a commercial airline pilot. A professional...commercial...airline...pilot. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #7
Watch the monkeys flying out of Paul Ryan's butt. Blue Owl Sep 2012 #9
Paul Ryan says he does have butt monkeys, but they're invisible, so you can't watch them. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #29
Paul Ryan can run his fingers across dental floss and it will turn to a 14k Gold chain. HughBeaumont Sep 2012 #10
Double points for using "glockenspiel." n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #12
Paul Ryan invented the glockenspiel deutsey Sep 2012 #187
he didn't invent it, per se.. frylock Sep 2012 #465
Why do you hate America? deutsey Sep 2012 #466
Paul Ryan was the first person to ever accuse someone of "hating America" frylock Sep 2012 #468
LOL deutsey Sep 2012 #469
Paul Ryan says he can speak with the dead. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #11
No exaggeration there . . . look at his running mate. HughBeaumont Sep 2012 #13
Paul Ryan says that's not funny. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #30
Paul Ryan says it's not a tax, it's a fee. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #14
Yeah, but Timmy the Tool Pawlenty geardaddy Sep 2012 #51
Paul Ryan says he knew you were going to say that. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #15
Paul Ryan says he can reverse gravity with his will alone. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #16
"Did I ever tell you about the time Ryan went hunting? Ryan decides bullwinkle428 Sep 2012 #18
Paul Ryan says he wrote that skit for SNL. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #33
Oh yeah? Arkana Sep 2012 #19
Paul Ryans says yeah, but he's got the claws in his hands AND his feet. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #34
Paul Ryan says he uses his penis to pole vault. Lint Head Sep 2012 #20
Paul Ryan says that's how he won the Olympics. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #35
The guy thinks he's Putin! :) MatthewStLouis Sep 2012 #22
Paul Ryan says he created Photoshop and sold it to Adobe. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #38
He can even travel back through time aint_no_life_nowhere Sep 2012 #23
Paul Ryan says he created America by going back in time. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #39
The heat from Paul Ryan's awesomeness is what's melting the Arctic. randome Sep 2012 #32
Paul Ryan says he can reverse polar melting by striking a pose and staring at the water. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #40
Paul Ryan says he can touch the moon with his penis... pnwest Sep 2012 #36
Paul Ryan says that's how he gave scientists the idea for a space elevator. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #43
I'm dying here!! Tou gys are too funny! SaveAmerica Sep 2012 #390
Okay, that is really funny! smirkymonkey Sep 2012 #505
Paul Ryan destroyed the planet Krypton when he screwed Superman's mother. randome Sep 2012 #37
Paul Ryan says he's proud of that one. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #44
Paul Ryan Aerows Sep 2012 #41
Paul Ryan says that's how they invented the $.99 menu. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #45
Paul Ryan says that if elected as VP Aerows Sep 2012 #57
Paul Ryan says the reason Romney stutters and stumbles... randome Sep 2012 #42
Paul Ryan says he can cure glaucoma with his pecs. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #46
Paul Ryan says he can lie to Wonder Woman's lasso of truth. randome Sep 2012 #47
When Paul Ryan fires a bullet Aerows Sep 2012 #52
Paul Ryan says the Justice League is real, but they operate undercover. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #53
Ryan/Norris 2016! n/t Spirochete Sep 2012 #48
Paul Ryan says he and Chuck Norris always tie in kickboxing. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #56
I love this thread. geardaddy Sep 2012 #49
Paul Ryan says he predicted you would say that in 1988, but he didn't write it down. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #58
The full text of the Mayan calendar predicting doom in 2012 has been translated. randome Sep 2012 #50
Paul Ryan says the Mayans disappeared because they didn't cut enough social programs. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #61
Paul Ryan says Aerows Sep 2012 #64
I've wanted to create a compilation of "Paul Ryan Facts" Scootaloo Sep 2012 #54
Paul Ryan says he started Vin Diesel's career. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #65
Vin Diesel says he started Paul Ryan; Mrs. Ryan still calls. n/t Scootaloo Sep 2012 #72
Paul Ryan Aerows Sep 2012 #55
Paul Ryan says he went canoeing with Jon Lovitz, from Canada to Africa. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #67
Paul Ryan says he's really Paul Bunyan. nolabear Sep 2012 #59
Paul Ryan says he was the first lumberjack to wear plaid. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #68
Paul Ryan was the first lumberjack to jack lumber frylock Sep 2012 #467
Paul Ryan says his real name is Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum. n/t RKP5637 Sep 2012 #60
Paul Ryan says that's hot. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #69
LOL! and Paul says just call me Ayn for short, like in Ayn Rand. n/t RKP5637 Sep 2012 #105
Paul Ryan says Aerows Sep 2012 #62
Paul Ryan says he gave them permission to put that scene in Forrest Gump. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #70
Ever wonder what happened to this guy? pa28 Sep 2012 #63
Paul Ryan says he held that tank with sheer strength and that China is still mad at us for it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #71
Not only did Paul Ryan swim the English Channel... Lucy Goosey Sep 2012 #66
Paul Ryan says he swam all the way home with his family on his back. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #73
When Paul Ryan goes for a manicure, they haul out the steel wire cutters. randome Sep 2012 #74
Paul Ryan says he can cut his own nails with his abs. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #78
Paul Ryan carved the Rosetta Stone geardaddy Sep 2012 #75
Paul Ryan says he learned ancient Greek in one day to do that. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #79
Paul Ryan says he invented hieroglyphs. n/t geardaddy Sep 2012 #87
Paul Ryan's navel lint can cure cancer! randome Sep 2012 #76
Paul Ryan says cancer is caused by high taxes and welfare. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #83
Paul Ryan says Aerows Sep 2012 #77
Paul Ryan says he cut down the trees by punching them. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #84
Paul Ryan says Sarah Palin was once a well-spoken, intelligent woman. randome Sep 2012 #80
I saw Paul Ryan in hand to claw combat with a velociraptor lapislzi Sep 2012 #81
Paul Ryan invented the Internet so we could talk about him more! randome Sep 2012 #82
Paul Ryan says he was Marie Laveauís voodoo king before Handsome Jack and Ronald Reagan MrTriumph Sep 2012 #85
When Paul Ryan takes off his socks, they try to put themselves back on! randome Sep 2012 #86
You know that asteroid that narrowly missed Earth last month? Paul Ryan. randome Sep 2012 #88
The missing dark matter of the Universe has been found... randome Sep 2012 #89
Paul Ryan can hang glide without a glider. randome Sep 2012 #90
Paul Ryan is a part-time exorcist on the side. He just shows up and then goes home. randome Sep 2012 #91
Paul Ryan and his brother Rambis Sep 2012 #92
Paul Ryan is why bats hide in the dark. randome Sep 2012 #93
Paul Ryan floated over Bhutan and they converted to capitalism. HughBeaumont Sep 2012 #94
In grade school, a kid shot a spitball at Paul Ryan. randome Sep 2012 #95
Paul Ryan says he can detect radioactive material by scent. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #96
Julian Assange once accidentally leaked an unauthorized photo of Paul Ryan. randome Sep 2012 #97
Paul Ryan drove this site underground. randome Sep 2012 #98
Paul Ryan doesn't 'tweet'. He 'obliterates'. randome Sep 2012 #99
His fans must live in a sterile corporate bubble Populist_Prole Sep 2012 #100
Paul Ryan won the Civil War single-handedly. n/t geardaddy Sep 2012 #101
The reason Congress gives so much in subsidies to farmers... randome Sep 2012 #102
Paul Ryan says he will change the office of Vice President to the Miami Vice President. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #103
AT&T has an entire department dedicated to giving Paul Ryan's cell phone first rate service! randome Sep 2012 #104
Stephen Hawking thought he had solved the riddle of the Universe. randome Sep 2012 #106
When Paul Ryan cross-dresses, women weep. randome Sep 2012 #107
Paul Ryan says Romney has never contradicted himself. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #108
Paul Ryan says the moon is made of green cheese. KamaAina Sep 2012 #109
When Paul Ryan puts an extracted tooth under his pillow, the Tooth Fairy gives him a blow job! randome Sep 2012 #110
LOL bongbong Sep 2012 #111
Paul Ryan is the reason Godzilla stopped attacking Japan. randome Sep 2012 #112
Paul Ryan says he can touch magma without getting burned. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #113
Paul Ryan and Tommy Flanagan are both married to Morgan Fairchild. lumberjack_jeff Sep 2012 #114
Paul Ryan says, "I'm Paul Ryan." And people run! randome Sep 2012 #115
Paul Ryan says he can drink as much alcohol as he wants and still drive perfectly. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #116
Paul Ryan put his parents in a nursing home. And then put the nursing home on Mount Olympus! randome Sep 2012 #117
Paul Ryan eliminated the letter '~' from the alphabet! randome Sep 2012 #118
Paul Ryan owns the copyright to the alphabet. -..__... Sep 2012 #424
Paul Ryan can't swim in lakes because his sweat will instantly brine all the ducks. flvegan Sep 2012 #119
Paul Ryan says that song is about him, but he's not vain. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #120
Paul Ryan says he will be Vice-President. WinkyDink Sep 2012 #121
The recent earthquakes in Indonesia were caused by one of Paul Ryan's farts! randome Sep 2012 #122
Paul Ryan was the inspiration for comic book character Wolverine Hugabear Sep 2012 #123
Wait! What? Paul Ryan is actually Chuck Norris???! Matariki Sep 2012 #124
Chuck Norris? PFAH! Chuck Norris calls Paul Ryan for hints Buns_of_Fire Sep 2012 #199
Paul Ryan Aerows Sep 2012 #313
Paul Ryan slapped Superman until he cried, then stole his cape. Ikonoklast Sep 2012 #125
Paul Ryan replied to this message. randome Sep 2012 #126
When Paul Ryan heard the Soviet Union shot a puppy into space, he broke it up! randome Sep 2012 #127
Paul Ryan's urine is highly anabolic, on the World Anti-Doping Agency's banned substance list. flvegan Sep 2012 #128
Paul Ryan says he makes his own flour by round kicking wheat. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #129
Paul Ryan communicates with whales. Every time he goes to New Jersey! randome Sep 2012 #130
Paul Ryan says he can play Metallica on guitar - with his lips. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #131
Paul Ryan says Aerows Sep 2012 #132
Paul Ryan says he will decriminalize marijuana so that he can recriminalize it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #134
If Paul Ryan truly wanted to pass a bill... randome Sep 2012 #135
Chuck Norris is not amused. nt Javaman Sep 2012 #136
Paul Ryan says he called permanent shotgun. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #137
The Sun never rises until it checks with Paul Ryan first. randome Sep 2012 #138
Paul Ryan completely understood LOST. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #139
LOL smackd Sep 2012 #316
Paul Ryan says he can break your arms with just a thought Taverner Sep 2012 #140
Lips of lyin' and sh-- for brains Thinkingabout Sep 2012 #141
Paul Ryan's spellchecker NEVER reports an issue! randome Sep 2012 #142
There is a secret underground bunker where Paul Ryan masturbates. randome Sep 2012 #143
"The Pope told Ryan it was okay to have a mistress." bullwinkle428 Sep 2012 #144
Paul Ryan designed Microsoft's new Metro OS. randome Sep 2012 #145
Paul Ryan says Firefly was NOT canceled. randome Sep 2012 #146
Paul Ryan is the reason Doctor Who won't stay in one place! randome Sep 2012 #147
Paul Ryan can make a swan scream. randome Sep 2012 #148
Paul Ryan found Princess Peach in the first castle. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #149
I think he was either very scrawny or overweight when he was a kid and in HS loyalsister Sep 2012 #150
Paul Ryan CAN piss six feet in the air without getting wet. HughBeaumont Sep 2012 #151
Paul Ryan is the result of a one-night stand between Bill Brasky and Chuck Norris. MjolnirTime Sep 2012 #152
Paul Ryan guided Apollo 11 to a safe landing. By pointing. randome Sep 2012 #153
Paul Ryan says he only drinks 200% milk. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #154
Paul Ryan says he fills his own cavities by chewing on silver. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #156
Paul Ryan's security clearance says 'Paul Ryan'. randome Sep 2012 #155
Here's a good one. Paul Ryan walks into this bar... randome Sep 2012 #157
Paul Ryan says the fifth letter of his name is both silent and invisible. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #158
Paul Ryan's calendar is ALWAYS open. And has 22 months. randome Sep 2012 #159
Time flows in only one direction. Whichever way Paul Ryan happens to be facing! randome Sep 2012 #160
The molecules in Paul Ryan's body cannot be divided into anything smaller. randome Sep 2012 #161
Paul Ryan says he's gonna come at you like a spider monkey! Like a spider monkey! n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #162
I love you guys. renie408 Sep 2012 #163
Paul Ryan made the Kessel Run in less than EIGHT parsecs. flvegan Sep 2012 #164
Paul Ryan knows the last digit of pi. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #165
Paul Ryan once defeated the Dallas Cowboys in a pre-season game... randome Sep 2012 #166
Paul Ryan is the only thing the Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger gives a shit about. flvegan Sep 2012 #167
LOL! smirkymonkey Sep 2012 #332
ROTFLMAO Aeroette Sep 2012 #340
The pirate Captain Agorn once ran afoul of Paul Ryan. randome Sep 2012 #168
Paul Ryan says he makes mustaches cool without even growning one. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #169
Paul Ryan says he can juice a diamond. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #172
Count to one. You still won't be fast enough to stop Paul Ryan! randome Sep 2012 #170
The Human Centipede was Paul Ryan's idea. randome Sep 2012 #171
Paul Ryan built Mary Shelley. randome Sep 2012 #173
Paul Ryan says everywhere he's slept, he's lied. pnwest Sep 2012 #174
Paul Ryan lights candles by threatening to cut their funding! randome Sep 2012 #175
Paul Ryan says he can browbeat a kodiac bear into cuddling with him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #176
The Church of Paul Ryan is all you need to know. Ever. About anything. randome Sep 2012 #177
Paul Ryan's fantasy football team has a 45,000 seat stadium. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #178
"If I had a hammer..." randome Sep 2012 #179
Paul Ryan once made a man LITERALLY pull himself up by his bootstraps! randome Sep 2012 #180
They use Ryan's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Miller Park. bullwinkle428 Sep 2012 #181
Paul Ryan cut NASA funding because he can toss their next probe to Mars for free. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #182
Paul Ryan says he's the reason Spanish is a Romance language. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #183
Paul Ryan's manicurist is a fireman with advanced experience with the Jaws of Life. flvegan Sep 2012 #184
When Paul Ryan laughs out loud, everyone temporarily forgets the number '4'. randome Sep 2012 #185
Paul Ryan scrubs his toilets with the maid. For fun. randome Sep 2012 #186
When Paul Ryan sings a lullaby, coma patients wake up! randome Sep 2012 #188
Paul Ryan farts in four part harmony. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #189
Paul Ryan never claps out of fear of creating strangelets. flvegan Sep 2012 #190
Paul Ryan doesn't NEED a keyboard for his iPad. It does what he tells it to do! randome Sep 2012 #191
Paul Ryan says only HE can prevent forest fires. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #192
Paul Ryan used his xray vision to see Kate Middleton's breasts months ago. flvegan Sep 2012 #193
Paul Ryan's phone number is unlisted. randome Sep 2012 #194
Paul Ryan read the Bible. Jesus lived, blew up Rome and scored with Mary Magdalene. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #195
Paul Ryan eats nothing but sunshine and air. randome Sep 2012 #196
Paul Ryan says St. Paul was named after him. nt tblue37 Sep 2012 #197
Paul Ryan could end global warming by using a hand fan 30 minutes per day. flvegan Sep 2012 #198
Paul Ryan's birthday is tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. randome Sep 2012 #200
so? riverbendviewgal Sep 2012 #201
Paul Ryan's mother is the galaxy Andromeda. He doesn't speak about his father. randome Sep 2012 #202
Paul Ryan's shoelaces are the basis of String Theory. randome Sep 2012 #203
Paul Ryan Week is replacing Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. flvegan Sep 2012 #204
Too late. The Discovery Channel is being replaced by The Paul Ryan Channel. Buns_of_Fire Sep 2012 #211
Paul Ryan hasn't told George RR Martin who Jon Snow's parents really are yet. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #205
The Hubble telescope spontaneously fixed itself when Paul Ryan came in its sights. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #206
Steve Jobs once requested a favor from Paul Ryan. We all know what happened to him! randome Sep 2012 #207
Paul Ryan can clap with one hand. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #208
In sand volleyball, when Paul Ryan spikes the ball, people die. randome Sep 2012 #209
Paul Ryan's car elevator is his own two arms. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #210
Paul Ryan is the king lording over The Knights Who Say Ni. flvegan Sep 2012 #212
Paul Ryan knows the airspeed velocity of any species of swallow. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #217
Paul Ryan was the slayer of the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh flvegan Sep 2012 #224
Paul Ryan does routines and chorus scenes with footwork im-pec-able. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #310
Mitt Romney is Paul Ryan's idea of a practical joke! randome Sep 2012 #213
As a child, Paul Ryan flew a kite to the Moon! randome Sep 2012 #214
Paul Ryan says he's never wrong, he's just greater degrees of right. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #215
Time and tide do wait for Paul Ryan. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #216
Paul Ryan's heart beats twice as fast as a hummingbird's! randome Sep 2012 #218
Paul Ryan knows if Schrodinger's cat is alive or not! randome Sep 2012 #222
But is resting heart rate is 5 because of his extreme level of fitness. Evasporque Sep 2012 #253
Paul Ryan says he's discovered a new element and named it ryaninium... porphyrian Sep 2012 #219
Paul Ryan says he eats Nigerian "yellow cake" uranium on his birthday deutsey Sep 2012 #220
Paul Ryan can eat just one potato chip. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #221
Paul Ryan flipped the switch when God said "Let there be light." LeftyMom Sep 2012 #223
When Paul Ryan draws a line in the sand... randome Sep 2012 #225
Paul Ryan can split atoms through mere suggestion. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #226
Paul Ryan says he can bend light around his bicep. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #227
"Paul Ryan" should always appear in bold type and size 5000 font! randome Sep 2012 #228
Children don't make noise in Paul Ryan's neighborhood. randome Sep 2012 #229
Paul Ryan says he can do sit-ups all day without farting at all. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #230
Paul Ryan says he will calm the Middle East by playing a metal ballad solo. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #231
Paul Ryan doesn't need to recycle anything. He just eats it and excretes rainbows! randome Sep 2012 #232
Habanero peppers start to weep when they get a whiff of Paul Ryan. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #233
Paul Ryan says he was on every episode of Romper Room. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #234
Paul Ryan got high once. The result was a platypus! randome Sep 2012 #235
Paul Ryan says he only uses mirrors for trick shots. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #236
Paul Ryan's former black girlfriend was Asian when she started. randome Sep 2012 #237
Paul Ryan says pi is equal to 3. KamaAina Sep 2012 #238
Paul Ryan is a free wi-fi hotspot for up to 15 nearby users. flvegan Sep 2012 #239
Paul Ryan says fundamentalists follow his word to the letter. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #240
Paul Ryan punched Mitch McConnell's chin clean off his face! randome Sep 2012 #241
Paul Ryan is the Walrus. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #242
Paul Ryan says he always gets a discount without the coupon. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #243
Paul Ryan wears color contacts to make his eyes less blue. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #244
Paul Ryan discovered Cheap Trick at the Waukesha Bowl....nt Evasporque Sep 2012 #245
Paul Ryan was EVERYONE's date for Prom Night. Including the teachers. randome Sep 2012 #246
Paul Ryan wrote the dirty lyrics to "Louie, Louie" LeftyMom Sep 2012 #247
Ryan asked me one time if I wanted to join him for a drink. We go off looking bullwinkle428 Sep 2012 #248
Paul Ryan speaks fluent Vulcan. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #249
Oscar Mayer weiners wish they were Paul Ryan. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #250
Paul Ryan says he can produce chocolate breast milk for starving babies. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #251
Paul Ryan's coffee is so strong, he drinks it from a cup made of nuclear fuel rods! randome Sep 2012 #252
Paul Ryan broke Hank Aaron's homerun record in a single season of baseball. flvegan Sep 2012 #254
Paul Ryan says he creates the lag you experience when gaming online. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #255
Paul Ryan says Facebook stocks dropped because he logged out. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #256
Paul Ryan ended world hunger by playing Farmville. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #258
Mars was once teeming with life. But Paul Ryan packed everything up and moved it here instead! randome Sep 2012 #257
Paul Ryan says his pet panther uses a litter box filled with human skulls. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #259
Paul Ryan says he stopped a tornado by turning the other way. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #261
The gods are not amused. They are frightened of Paul Ryan! randome Sep 2012 #260
Parallel lines intersect for Paul Ryan. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #262
Paul Ryan doesn't wipe himself. He still smells like roses and honeysuckle! randome Sep 2012 #263
Paul Ryan's twin sister was Phyllis Diller. She had a traumatic childhood. randome Sep 2012 #264
Paul Ryan lifted the lintels up on Stonehenge for the Druids. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #265
Ripley would rather face the alien queen than Paul Ryan! randome Sep 2012 #266
Paul Ryan CAN divide by zero. Amaril Sep 2012 #267
Paul Ryan says he leads in the polls in the states of solid, liquid and gas. Plasma is iffy. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #268
Paul Ryan beat both Kasparov and Deep Blue in chess! Blindfolded! randome Sep 2012 #269
Paul Ryan says he can break a chain letter and you will have bad luck. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #270
Paul Ryan can tug on Superman's cape, he can spit into the wind, he can pull the mask Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #271
Paul Ryan has many leather-bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany flvegan Sep 2012 #272
Paul Ryan says he speaks telepathically, just like that. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #273
Paul Ryan doesn't believe in Evolution. Nothing led to him and nothing leaves. randome Sep 2012 #274
Paul Ryan says he got DeLorean busted so his car would be worth more. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #275
Paul Ryan changed the answer to Life, the Universe & Everything Amaril Sep 2012 #276
Paul Ryan says he can burn calories outside of his body. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #277
Paul Ryan says he knows exactly where Sopchoppy is. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #278
This message was self-deleted by its author littlemissmartypants Sep 2012 #279
Onions cry in Paul Ryan's presence. randome Sep 2012 #280
Paul Ryan doesn't need to mow his lawns. He trained the squirrels and rabbits to do that for him. randome Sep 2012 #281
Paul Ryan's brain is a tesseract AND a moebius strip! randome Sep 2012 #282
Paul Ryan says he is The Creator in the new American mythology. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #283
He also has lyin' lips and sh-- for brains Thinkingabout Sep 2012 #284
Paul Ryan joined a dating service once. No woman thought she was good enough. randome Sep 2012 #285
Paul Ryan knows if Santa has been naughty or nice. randome Sep 2012 #286
Paul Ryan says he'll use nanotechnology to create a smaller government. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #287
An African swallow once carried Paul Ryan across the Atlantic! randome Sep 2012 #288
Paul Ryan says he is the law. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #289
Paul Ryan says he uses a comb with real teeth. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #290
The three little pigs are more afraid of Paul Ryan than the big, bad wolf! randome Sep 2012 #291
Car alarms go off in Paul Ryan's presence! randome Sep 2012 #292
Paul Ryan says he can survive for a year on only water and the sorrow of starving children. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #293
Paul Ryan says he did expect the Spanish Inquisition. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #294
Paul Ryan says we can all drive home now! randome Sep 2012 #295
Heh, heh. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #296
But can he beat up Chuck Norris? There's a right wing wedge issue for ya'. hughee99 Sep 2012 #297
When Rick Astley clicks on a link, he gets Ryan-rolled. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #298
Paul Ryan wrote the Book of Love. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #299
When Jesus takes communion, the priest turns the host into Paul Ryan's body. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #300
Paul Ryan Never Gets Jet Lag Yavin4 Sep 2012 #301
Paul Ryan's Real Name is Dick Whitman n/t Yavin4 Sep 2012 #302
Bigfoot and Nessie hope to spot Paul Ryan one day. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #303
Paul Ryan's Magic 8 Ball always says 'Yes'. randome Sep 2012 #304
Paul Ryan says Rachel Maddow would be cute if she were a Conservative. randome Sep 2012 #305
At 7 years of age, Paul Ryan sold his own urine at a lemonade stand. randome Sep 2012 #306
Other than my own Twitter account... randome Sep 2012 #307
Simon says, "What does Paul Ryan say?" randome Sep 2012 #308
Che Guevera wears t-shirts with Paul Ryan's face on them. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #309
Paul Ryan can cure scrofula Generic Other Sep 2012 #311
Paul Ryan was the model for Michelangelo's statue of David. randome Sep 2012 #312
Bump for justice! \O/ cecilfirefox Sep 2012 #314
Paul Ryan has seen the tax returns. randome Sep 2012 #315
Paul Ryan invented sausage when he threw a cow through a chain link fence. Systematic Chaos Sep 2012 #317
Paul Ryan doesn't get wet; water gets Paul Ryan. Systematic Chaos Sep 2012 #318
Muhammed Ali recently conceded that Paul Ryan is actually the greatest. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #319
Paul Ryan says his other car is a battleship. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #320
Hendrix was wrong. The wind cries "Paul Ryan." Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #321
Paul Ryan ended famine in Africa by playing Farmville for an hour. Systematic Chaos Sep 2012 #322
Paul Ryan checks for duplicates. LeftyMom Sep 2012 #323
Well then Paul Ryan can give HIMSELF ocular cancer by scanning this entire list. Systematic Chaos Sep 2012 #329
In 1999, Paul Ryan could get online with AOL instantly. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #324
Paul Ryan posted the video on YouTube. randome Sep 2012 #325
At 2 a.m. bartenders tell Paul Ryan that he doesn't have to go home and he CAN stay there. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #326
"The Guinness Book of World Records" is changing its name to "Paul Ryan's Diary". Systematic Chaos Sep 2012 #327
Paul Ryan says he was the first to successfully send a V17 route in the 70's... Earth_First Sep 2012 #328
Paul Ryan says that when he eats out, the wait staff tips him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #330
A guy that is that taken by himself has secrets that will come out. bluestate10 Sep 2012 #331
Paul Ryan says his smile makes roses bloom. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #333
Paul Ryan says he can cook minute rice in two seconds. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #334
Paul Ryan says he never gets sick because bacteria obey him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #335
Paul Ryan says ice is just water that's too lazy to move. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #336
Paul Ryan says he can flatten a train with a penny. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #337
Paul Ryan says he knew that article in The Onion was just a joke. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #338
Paul Ryan underestimated the number of mountains he's climbed. randome Sep 2012 #339
Paul Ryan says he gets Yahtzee every time he throws the dice. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #341
Paul Ryan's ant farm was the inspiration for the movie 'Them!' randome Sep 2012 #342
Paul Ryan says the homeless are happy to carry him around the city on his throne. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #343
Paul Ryan says Babe Ruth collected his signature. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #344
Paul Ryan's hair has its own Congressional staffers. randome Sep 2012 #345
Paul Ryan says his name is a killing word. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #346
Paul Ryan had Bluetooth implanted in both ears. randome Sep 2012 #347
Paul Ryan injured thirty seven bulls during the 'Running of the Bulls'. randome Sep 2012 #348
Paul Ryan says that he mints his own currency legally, but gay marriage devalues it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #349
When Paul Ryan goes swimming Robyn66 Sep 2012 #350
Paul Ryan says that when he does push ups, Earth's magnetic poles waver. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #351
Paul Ryan already solved the Middle East conflict. randome Sep 2012 #352
Paul Ryan is hired by Sherpas to haul their stuff up Everest. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #353
Paul Ryan says he READ Ulysses. nolabear Sep 2012 #354
Paul Ryan not only read Ulysses, Paul Ryan understood Ulysses. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #357
I was thinking the same thing! randome Sep 2012 #364
Paul Ryan killed Jason Bourne. randome Sep 2012 #355
Paul Ryan says he has no intention of running for God, but really already is. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #356
When in bed with a lover, God cries out "Oh Paul Ryan!" Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #358
GPS asks Paul Ryan for directions. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #359
Paul Ryan says he has a missle in his back yard, but you can't look at it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #360
Paul Ryan was the first man to have sex with Sinn Sage - ON CAMERA derby378 Sep 2012 #361
Paul Ryan is the most common cause of erectile dysfunction. randome Sep 2012 #362
Paul Ryan says that he can make an origami axe and chop firewood with it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #363
Paul Ryan decided the Chicago teachers' strike. randome Sep 2012 #365
Paul Ryan does not photograph well. randome Sep 2012 #366
Paul Ryan says he can see Russia from here because he has 1/1 vision. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #367
When Paul Ryan break-dances, the pavement melts. randome Sep 2012 #368
Paul Ryan says he always has change for a thousand. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #369
Paul Ryan says he takes No-Doze to go to sleep. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #370
When the lights go out...Paul Ryan still SHINES! randome Sep 2012 #371
Paul Ryan says he is building a pyramid in Wisconsin to hold his mummified remains when he dies. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #372
Paul Ryan says he is the world, he is the children. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #373
Paul Ryan says he already has an iPhone 6. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #374
Batman is afraid of Paul Ryan. So is Bane. randome Sep 2012 #375
If you want to get rich, invite Paul Ryan to a backyard barbeque. randome Sep 2012 #376
Paul Ryan says, "Be healed!" and the crippled walk again. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #377
Paul Ryan says his bite turns zombies into him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #378
Paul Ryan says he can still save his campaign, but thinks better of it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #379
Paul Ryan uses a silver spoon to eat everything - the one up rMoney's a$$ Tyrs WolfDaemon Sep 2012 #380
Paul Ryan says he found the recipe for the perfect beer and burned it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #381
Paul Ryan says taxis fight to give him a ride. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #382
Paul Ryan says he is the mother of all genetic diversity. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #383
Paul Ryan says that he will grant you three wishes if you rub it. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #384
Paul Ryan says he sold Rev. Sharpton the bridge he keeps trying to sell. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #385
Paul Ryan sez he can connect to teh interwebs wif his mindz so he can has all teh knowing. pnwest Sep 2012 #386
If any Republicans/Conservatives read this, remember... randome Sep 2012 #387
Paul Ryan PUT that pancake on that bunny's head. randome Sep 2012 #388
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, Paul Ryan can hear it anyway. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #389
Paul Ryan says he freed the slaves; twice. SaveAmerica Sep 2012 #391
Paul Ryan says he wrote the Constitution while building the white house and giving birth to George SaveAmerica Sep 2012 #392
Paul Ryan says he carved the shape of the US with his teeth SaveAmerica Sep 2012 #393
Paul Ryan built that. theKed Sep 2012 #394
Out of Legos! randome Sep 2012 #395
Paul Ryan says he eats bald eagle omelettes for breakfast. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #396
Paul Ryan says that when a mosquito bites him, it turns into a butterfly. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #397
Paul Ryan says he doesn't wear underwear, he is swathed in radiant energy generated by exercise. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #398
Paul Ryan says he forgave Jesus and made him cry. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #399
Paul Ryan says he designed Helvetica. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #400
Paul Ryan says he can outrun a bullet train on a unicycle - backwards. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #401
Paul Ryan dresses as Paul Ryan for Halloween! randome Sep 2012 #402
Paul Ryan went to a Motorhead concert and Lemmy left the stage. HughBeaumont Sep 2012 #403
Paul Ryan doesn't just 'take' a shower. The shower first has to show how much it wants him. randome Sep 2012 #404
Paul Ryan says Cheney shot him while hunting, too, but his body metabolized the buckshot. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #405
Paul Ryan says that the global demonstations are really his fans trying to touch him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #406
Paul Ryan says he can stack cups faster than that kid. Full cups. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #407
Paul Ryan can curl 300 tons with one hand. HughBeaumont Sep 2012 #408
Paul Ryan says that during Hands Across America, he closed a gap across three counties. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #409
Paul Ryan says that when he Googles "facials" or "watersports," he never gets porn results. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #410
Paul Ryan is so interesting... -..__... Sep 2012 #411
Paul Ryan says there are no secret videos of him because he can disrupt electronics at will. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #412
Paul Ryan says there is no Alpha and Omega... Amaril Sep 2012 #413
Paul Ryan says he made Coke switch back to its original formula. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #414
Paul Ryan ran yesphan Sep 2012 #415
Paul Ryan says he raised Atlantis from the sea. It is now called, "Europe." n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #416
Paul Ryans phone number is 1 -..__... Sep 2012 #417
Paul Ryan's poop is being used as currency in Argentina. bullwinkle428 Sep 2012 #418
Paul Ryan doesn't find Waldo... -..__... Sep 2012 #419
Paul Ryan doesn't fear for the future, he changes the past. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #420
Paul Ryan's flatulence was bottled and sold as Chanel No 6 -..__... Sep 2012 #421
Paul Ryan gets every "Wheel of Fortune" question correct, with only 1 letter on the board. -..__... Sep 2012 #422
Paul Ryan says he never buys vowels. They are donated to him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #425
Even Paul Ryans dog has an aircraft carrier named after him. -..__... Sep 2012 #423
Paul Ryan says Romney has done a good job of damage control, then laughs. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #426
When President Obama says he's the President of ALL Americans... randome Sep 2012 #427
The reason the expansion of the Universe is accelerating: fear of Paul Ryan! randome Sep 2012 #428
While waiting at the DMV, Paul Ryan is given a foot bath and neck massage. randome Sep 2012 #429
Paul Ryan returned all the SS Money he mooched - He paid it back to himself to be safe n/t Tsiyu Sep 2012 #430
Paul Ryan says he has opened a new bank. It is called, "The Bahamas." n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #431
Paul Ryan says he is the Big Paul Theory and God SaveAmerica Sep 2012 #432
Paul Ryan says he wears a disguise to church so that people won't worship him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #433
Paul Ryan once tripped on a rock and got himself pregnant. randome Sep 2012 #434
There is no Congressional gridlock. There is only Paul Ryan's hypnotic stare! randome Sep 2012 #435
Paul Ryan says he is proposing legislation to balance the budget by taxing China. He likes jade. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #436
Paul Ryan says he is close with the Romneys because their ancestors rode dinosaurs together. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #437
Paul Ryan says the 47% figure is actually low, given the attendance at the country club. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #438
Paul Ryan says that there are no disabled people, just some that are extra lazy. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #439
Paul Ryan killed Bambi's mother. randome Sep 2012 #440
Paul Ryan says he's against cloning because two of him would disrupt the time/space continuum. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #441
The Incredible Hulk is Paul Ryan's footstool! randome Sep 2012 #442
Paul Ryan says the Pope kisses his ring on visits. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #443
Paul Ryan says he doesn't put milk in his coffee, he uses butter. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #444
The Umbrella Corporation is owned by Paul Ryan. randome Sep 2012 #445
Paul Ryan sweetens his tea with the blood of baby seals. randome Sep 2012 #446
Paul Ryan says he would support farmers if the government would just give him a fief. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #447
Paul Ryan says he can rap. porphyrian Sep 2012 #448
Paul Ryan says he gave the cursed tiki to the Bradys. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #449
Paul Ryan says he's a family man; the Bush family, the Cheney family, the Perle family... n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #450
Paul Ryan's pubic hair was used for the Stradivarius. randome Sep 2012 #451
Paul Ryan says poverty is easily cured - send the poor to war. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #452
Paul Ryan says that he can get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop in one lick. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #453
Paul Ryan says MMA fights are too girly. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #454
Paul Ryan wrote the final episode of Battlestar Galactica. randome Sep 2012 #455
Paul Ryan says he doesn't support white supremacists, he just takes their money. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #456
Paul Ryan's farts turn into living beings aint_no_life_nowhere Sep 2012 #457
That explains so much! randome Sep 2012 #459
The stinkiest flower in the world, the Titan Arum from Indonesia... randome Sep 2012 #458
Paul Ryan says that you wouldn't need health care if you would just work out more, fatty. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #460
Paul Ryan says that he supports small businesses, as long as they are owned by large ones. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #461
Paul Ryan says that his economic plans are 100% effective for at least 1% of Americans. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #462
Paul Ryan says he doesn't age, he ripens. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #463
Paul Ryan says he can still convice you to vote for him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #464
Paul Ryan says he was the first person ever to yell "Free Bird!" deutsey Sep 2012 #470
Paul Ryan says he's climbed every mountain...on Mars. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #471
(randome's daughter here, couldn't resist) randome Sep 2012 #472
Nice. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #473
Paul Ryan says HE built this city on rock and roll. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #474
Paul Ryan says when there's a bustle in his hedgerow he doesn't get alarmed. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #484
Paul Ryan defended Czechoslovakia when Obama abandoned it. Initech Sep 2012 #475
My Paul Ryan can beat up your Paul Ryan as he runs up a mountain 2 Botany Sep 2012 #476
Paul Ryan says he inspired "Atlas Shrugged." n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #477
Paul Ryan says he modeled for the original Atlas statue. n/t geardaddy Sep 2012 #478
Paul Ryan says the biceps should have been bigger, though. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #479
Paul Ryan says Charles Atlas is insanely jealous of Paul Ryan's physique. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #485
Paul Ryan THREW Icarus into the Sun! randome Sep 2012 #480
...but the Sun did not melt Icarus' wings, Paul Ryan's Objectivist radiance did. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #481
Paul Ryan says he's going to kick the droopy, wrinkly asses of the AARP seniors who just booed him. Arugula Latte Sep 2012 #482
Paul Ryan says he is not the second coming of Jesus because he is not so forgiving. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #483
Paul Ryan says he's not an obstuctionist, he's giving legislation the freedom to fail. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #486
Paul Ryan says he didn't need those old people votes anyway. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #487
Paul Ryan says he was in Pink Floyd's "The Wall." porphyrian Sep 2012 #488
I don't know how to respond to this. randome Sep 2012 #492
... porphyrian Sep 2012 #495
I think something is leaking behind my eyes. randome Sep 2012 #503
Yeah, it's a masterpiece. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #504
Paul Ryan says Romney's skin wasn't dyed, he has facial chromophores. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #489
Paul Ryan says he is watching you poop. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #490
Pyan says if he lived in Michigan he would call himself Wolverine Ryan... WCGreen Sep 2012 #491
Paul Ryan says he has a mascot: himself. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #493
Paul Ryan thinks hes the coolest politician that ever came from Janesville,Wisconsin... undeterred Sep 2012 #494
Paul Ryan says that he created the first spork while working at NASA. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #496
"He's more machine now than man.... Proud Liberal Dem Sep 2012 #497
Paul Ryan says all roads lead to him. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #498
Paul Ryan says fuck milk, he does a body good. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #499
Paul Ryan says he CAN pick a friend's nose. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #500
Paul Ryan invented Chuck Norris, demwing Sep 2012 #501
Paul Ryan says he did all of Norris' stunts in "Good Guys Wear Black," too. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #502
Paul Ryan says that if you support Obama, Jesus will eat a puppy. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #506
Paul Ryan says republicans aren't crying, they're cleansing their eyes of Democratic success. n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #507
Paul Ryan says polls are for losing losers and you're FAT!!! n/t porphyrian Sep 2012 #508
Paul Ryans says that wasn't a small audience at his speech, it was only those strong enough to be... porphyrian Oct 2012 #509
Paul Ryan says he's so good a ninja, you can't even tell he's wearing a ninja suit. n/t porphyrian Oct 2012 #510
Has it been a year already? My, how time flies. randome Oct 2013 #511

HughBeaumont

(24,461 posts)
10. Paul Ryan can run his fingers across dental floss and it will turn to a 14k Gold chain.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 12:26 PM
Sep 2012

Paul Ryan dug his way out of Alcatrazz using nothing but a nostril hair . . . when he was 12.

Paul Ryan, using nothing but Craftsman tools, tungsten and 24 hours, transformed a 1971 Nova into a Time Machine.

Paul Ryan composed and recorded an hour long live symphony with 350 random-filled water glasses, six wood blocks and a glockenspiel.

bullwinkle428

(20,608 posts)
18. "Did I ever tell you about the time Ryan went hunting? Ryan decides
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 12:33 PM
Sep 2012

he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

PAUL RYAN!!!!!

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
505. Okay, that is really funny!
Sat Sep 22, 2012, 06:09 PM
Sep 2012

However, I am pretty sure the opposite is true. He probably has a tiny little whisky weenie, which would explain A LOT.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
42. Paul Ryan says the reason Romney stutters and stumbles...
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 12:47 PM
Sep 2012

...is because he got a look at Ryan with his shirt off.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
50. The full text of the Mayan calendar predicting doom in 2012 has been translated.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 12:56 PM
Sep 2012

It ends with the words 'Paul Ryan'.

 

Aerows

(39,961 posts)
64. Paul Ryan says
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:03 PM
Sep 2012

that the Aztecs disappeared because they didn't sacrifice enough already born children.

 

Scootaloo

(25,699 posts)
54. I've wanted to create a compilation of "Paul Ryan Facts"
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 12:57 PM
Sep 2012

In the vein of chuck Norris and Vin Diesel facts.
Looks like you're ahead of me!

 

Aerows

(39,961 posts)
62. Paul Ryan says
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:01 PM
Sep 2012

the he once took a walk and invented the smiley face by wiping his own with a fan's t-shirt.

 

porphyrian

(18,530 posts)
71. Paul Ryan says he held that tank with sheer strength and that China is still mad at us for it. n/t
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:10 PM
Sep 2012

Lucy Goosey

(2,940 posts)
66. Not only did Paul Ryan swim the English Channel...
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:06 PM
Sep 2012

...he swam the Atlantic to get to the English Channel!

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
80. Paul Ryan says Sarah Palin was once a well-spoken, intelligent woman.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:16 PM
Sep 2012

But then she spent ten minutes with him alone and the rest is history!

MrTriumph

(1,720 posts)
85. Paul Ryan says he was Marie Laveauís voodoo king before Handsome Jack and Ronald Reagan
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:20 PM
Sep 2012

And he has the one-eyed snake and a three-legged dog to prove it.

HughBeaumont

(24,461 posts)
94. Paul Ryan floated over Bhutan and they converted to capitalism.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:26 PM
Sep 2012

Paul Ryan ate Pol Pot. Alive.

Paul Ryan turned himself into a tub full of bath beads and seduced your wife.

Paul Ryan wins karaoke contests by mimicking Steve Perry to pitch.

Paul Ryan can juggle machetes with his bare feet.

Paul Ryan defeated all of Brad Wesley's henchmen using nothing but fists and his dick.

Paul Ryan can walk on his tongues.

Paul Ryan can rip subways in half.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
97. Julian Assange once accidentally leaked an unauthorized photo of Paul Ryan.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:31 PM
Sep 2012

That's the real reason he's in hiding.

Populist_Prole

(5,364 posts)
100. His fans must live in a sterile corporate bubble
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:32 PM
Sep 2012

He looks like a typical anal retentive white collar dork to me.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
102. The reason Congress gives so much in subsidies to farmers...
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:36 PM
Sep 2012

...is so Paul Ryan has enough space to bury his enemies in the cornfields.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
106. Stephen Hawking thought he had solved the riddle of the Universe.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:40 PM
Sep 2012

But he still can't figure out Paul Ryan.

Hugabear

(10,340 posts)
123. Paul Ryan was the inspiration for comic book character Wolverine
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:52 PM
Sep 2012

Wolverine has an adamantium skeleton, which is the strongest metal known to man (in the comic book world).

He has the ability to rapidly heal himself.

Just like Paul Ryan.

Buns_of_Fire

(16,816 posts)
199. Chuck Norris? PFAH! Chuck Norris calls Paul Ryan for hints
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:01 PM
Sep 2012

on how to be so totally awesome that if you gaze upon him without protective eyegear, your brains turn to cottage cheese, your heart turns to stone, and your genitals fall off.

Ikonoklast

(23,973 posts)
125. Paul Ryan slapped Superman until he cried, then stole his cape.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 01:53 PM
Sep 2012

Paul Ryan thought he made a mistake once...but he was wrong.

Paul Ryan made the Kraken wished he was never released.

Paul Ryan can impregnate a woman just by winking at her.

Paul Ryan walked solo across Antartica, in gym shorts and flip-flops.

Paul Ryan is the person Ghandi wishes he was.

Paul Ryan once told Paul McCartney that yesterday, all his troubles seemed so far away.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
143. There is a secret underground bunker where Paul Ryan masturbates.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:13 PM
Sep 2012

That's why the center of the Earth is a churning ball of fire!

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
146. Paul Ryan says Firefly was NOT canceled.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:16 PM
Sep 2012

To this day, friends and relatives gather at his house to watch the latest episode.

loyalsister

(13,390 posts)
150. I think he was either very scrawny or overweight when he was a kid and in HS
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:18 PM
Sep 2012

He is overcompensating way too much to not have lived much of his life as an insecure whiner.

HughBeaumont

(24,461 posts)
151. Paul Ryan CAN piss six feet in the air without getting wet.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:21 PM
Sep 2012

Paul Ryan stands under Niagara Falls when he wants to wet his whistle.

Paul Ryan surfed on a Juggernaut through the streets of Kolkota and the hordes threw flowers at him.

Paul Ryan once kicked Ronald Reagan in the balls, threw his head back and laughed maniacally.

Paul Ryan does morning back-flips from Union Station to the Lincoln Memorial and doesn't once stop for traffic.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
157. Here's a good one. Paul Ryan walks into this bar...
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:25 PM
Sep 2012

...Now laugh, damnit! Before he finds out it's not funny!

renie408

(9,854 posts)
163. I love you guys.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:34 PM
Sep 2012

This is the funniest, smartest group of people on the internet.

It is so hard where I live to be a liberal Democrat. I cannot believe I forgot how much I love this place! (as much as it drives me CRAZY sometimes!)

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
166. Paul Ryan once defeated the Dallas Cowboys in a pre-season game...
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:36 PM
Sep 2012

...that left many of the players weeping and calling for their mothers.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
168. The pirate Captain Agorn once ran afoul of Paul Ryan.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:38 PM
Sep 2012

That's how he became known as 'Captain Hook'.

 

randome

(34,845 posts)
171. The Human Centipede was Paul Ryan's idea.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 02:41 PM
Sep 2012

He said it was a touching love story and who are we to disagree?

 

porphyrian

(18,530 posts)
219. Paul Ryan says he's discovered a new element and named it ryaninium...
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:14 PM
Sep 2012

...but it only exists in his tears, so there is none on Earth.

bullwinkle428

(20,608 posts)
248. Ryan asked me one time if I wanted to join him for a drink. We go off looking
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:27 PM
Sep 2012

for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Ryan takes me into a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are!' Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Ryan yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found them!'"

flvegan

(64,306 posts)
254. Paul Ryan broke Hank Aaron's homerun record in a single season of baseball.
Tue Sep 18, 2012, 03:29 PM
Sep 2012