# General Discussion

Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums# Paul Ryan says his diet and exercise have turned his skeleton to titanium.

Paul Ryan says he got laid at four years old.

Paul Ryan says he can bench press a church.

Paul Ryan says his daddy can beat up your daddy.

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#### jsr

(7,712 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### VWolf

(3,944 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### IrishEyes

(3,275 posts)He could save a few jobs.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Erose999

(5,624 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Javaman

(62,038 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### lapislzi

(5,762 posts)#### HangOnKids

(4,291 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Blue Owl

(48,252 posts)n/t

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### HughBeaumont

(24,461 posts)Paul Ryan dug his way out of Alcatrazz using nothing but a nostril hair . . . when he was 12.

Paul Ryan, using nothing but Craftsman tools, tungsten and 24 hours, transformed a 1971 Nova into a Time Machine.

Paul Ryan composed and recorded an hour long live symphony with 350 random-filled water glasses, six wood blocks and a glockenspiel.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### deutsey

(20,166 posts)#### frylock

(34,825 posts)but he was a consultant.

#### deutsey

(20,166 posts)#### frylock

(34,825 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### HughBeaumont

(24,461 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### geardaddy

(24,867 posts)said that first.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### bullwinkle428

(20,608 posts)he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

PAUL RYAN!!!!!

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Arkana

(24,347 posts)Well my diet and exercise have turned my skeleton to ADA-FUCKIN-MANTIUM. Deal with it.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Lint Head

(15,064 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### MatthewStLouis

(903 posts)(Any bored photo shoppers out there?)

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### aint_no_life_nowhere

(21,925 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### pnwest

(3,250 posts)...but he has to fold it in half first.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### SaveAmerica

(5,342 posts)#### smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)However, I am pretty sure the opposite is true. He probably has a tiny little whisky weenie, which would explain A LOT.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)once kicked a McDonald's and it turned into a Wendy's.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)His first move will be to create the $.01 menu.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)...is because he got a look at Ryan with his shirt off.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)Wonder Woman's magic bracelets can't deflect it.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Spirochete

(5,264 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### geardaddy

(24,867 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)It ends with the words 'Paul Ryan'.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)that the Aztecs disappeared because they didn't sacrifice enough already born children.

#### Scootaloo

(25,699 posts)In the vein of chuck Norris and Vin Diesel facts.

Looks like you're ahead of me!

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Scootaloo

(25,699 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)is married to Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket, he says.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### nolabear

(41,670 posts)And Mitt's Babe the Blue Ox.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### frylock

(34,825 posts)#### RKP5637

(66,750 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### RKP5637

(66,750 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)the he once took a walk and invented the smiley face by wiping his own with a fan's t-shirt.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### pa28

(6,145 posts)Now you know.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Lucy Goosey

(2,940 posts)...he swam the Atlantic to *get* to the English Channel!

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### geardaddy

(24,867 posts)and left if for Napoleon's troops to find.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### geardaddy

(24,867 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)that he was born in a log cabin that he built by himself.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)But then she spent ten minutes with him alone and the rest is history!

#### lapislzi

(5,762 posts)While riding on the back of a T Rex.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### MrTriumph

(1,720 posts)And he has the one-eyed snake and a three-legged dog to prove it.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)...in Paul Ryan's dreamy eyes.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Rambis

(7,774 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### HughBeaumont

(24,461 posts)Paul Ryan ate Pol Pot. Alive.

Paul Ryan turned himself into a tub full of bath beads and seduced your wife.

Paul Ryan wins karaoke contests by mimicking Steve Perry to pitch.

Paul Ryan can juggle machetes with his bare feet.

Paul Ryan defeated all of Brad Wesley's henchmen using nothing but fists and his dick.

Paul Ryan can walk on his tongues.

Paul Ryan can rip subways in half.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)The EPA still keeps the area off limits.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)That's the real reason he's in hiding.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Populist_Prole

(5,364 posts)He looks like a typical anal retentive white collar dork to me.

#### geardaddy

(24,867 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)...is so Paul Ryan has enough space to bury his enemies in the cornfields.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)But he still can't figure out Paul Ryan.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### KamaAina

(78,249 posts)And he oughta know, being a cheesehead and all.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### bongbong

(5,436 posts)Paul Ryan says he deflowered Madonna.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### lumberjack_jeff

(33,224 posts)Yeah! That's the ticket!

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### -..__...

(7,776 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### WinkyDink

(51,311 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Hugabear

(10,340 posts)Wolverine has an adamantium skeleton, which is the strongest metal known to man (in the comic book world).

He has the ability to rapidly heal himself.

Just like Paul Ryan.

#### Matariki

(18,775 posts)#### Buns_of_Fire

(16,816 posts)on how to be so totally awesome that if you gaze upon him without protective eyegear, your brains turn to cottage cheese, your heart turns to stone, and your genitals fall off.

#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)gagged Chuck Norris with a spoon.

#### Ikonoklast

(23,973 posts)Paul Ryan thought he made a mistake once...but he was wrong.

Paul Ryan made the Kraken wished he was never released.

Paul Ryan can impregnate a woman just by winking at her.

Paul Ryan walked solo across Antartica, in gym shorts and flip-flops.

Paul Ryan is the person Ghandi wishes he was.

Paul Ryan once told Paul McCartney that yesterday, all his troubles seemed so far away.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)But computers can't process that amount of awesomeness!

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Aerows

(39,961 posts)You have so much body fat, even God couldn't lift your spirit.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)...the speed of light would no longer be limited.

#### Javaman

(62,038 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### Taverner

(55,476 posts)#### Thinkingabout

(30,058 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)That's why the center of the Earth is a churning ball of fire!

#### bullwinkle428

(20,608 posts)That one works on SO many levels!

#### randome

(34,845 posts)No one is brave enough to tell him it's wrong.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)To this day, friends and relatives gather at his house to watch the latest episode.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### loyalsister

(13,390 posts)He is overcompensating way too much to not have lived much of his life as an insecure whiner.

#### HughBeaumont

(24,461 posts)Paul Ryan stands under Niagara Falls when he wants to wet his whistle.

Paul Ryan surfed on a Juggernaut through the streets of Kolkota and the hordes threw flowers at him.

Paul Ryan once kicked Ronald Reagan in the balls, threw his head back and laughed maniacally.

Paul Ryan does morning back-flips from Union Station to the Lincoln Memorial and doesn't once stop for traffic.

#### MjolnirTime

(1,800 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)...Now laugh, damnit! Before he finds out it's not funny!

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### renie408

(9,854 posts)This is the funniest, smartest group of people on the internet.

It is so hard where I live to be a liberal Democrat. I cannot believe I forgot how much I love this place! (as much as it drives me CRAZY sometimes!)

#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)...that left many of the players weeping and calling for their mothers.

#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)That's just NASTY! Paul Ryan don't give a shit.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)That's how he became known as 'Captain Hook'.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)He said it was a touching love story and who are we to disagree?

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### pnwest

(3,250 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)...I'd bash my face in just to please Paul Ryan!

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### bullwinkle428

(20,608 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)Anyone who attempts to write it down ends up in rehab.

#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)His pores are wormholes into other dimensions.

#### tblue37

(63,134 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### riverbendviewgal

(4,221 posts)What does that have to do with being vice president?

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### Buns_of_Fire

(16,816 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)Sorry, work.

#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Evasporque

(2,133 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)...but it only exists in his tears, so there is none on Earth.

#### deutsey

(20,166 posts)#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)...the sand turns to glass!

#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)There are few of them left.

#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### KamaAina

(78,249 posts)For all I know, he actually does say that.

#### flvegan

(64,306 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)#### porphyrian

(18,530 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### Evasporque

(2,133 posts)#### randome

(34,845 posts)#### LeftyMom

(49,212 posts)#### bullwinkle428

(20,608 posts)for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Ryan takes me into a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are!' Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Ryan yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found them!'"