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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWelp, Guess We're Talking About Demon Spooj Today. (Ferret/Shower Cap)
I really dont understand how we got here, friends. I think one overlooked possibility is that somebody found a magic lamp and wanted to see what it would look like if Gordon Gekko sold Wonderland to the shittiest people he knew. Im certainly open to other theories, particularly any that imply I will magically wake up somewhere else someday. Until such time, let's do the news...
(Yup yup, this post, WITH nifty news links, can be found here: http://showercapblog.com/welp-guess-were-talking-about-demon-spooj-today/)
So, the Fox is for Cucks Ill Show You REAL Right-Wing Disinformation loons at Sinclair Broadcasting were all set to air a segment featuring some disgraced Plandemic nutjob accusing Dr. Anthony Fauci of creating the coronavirus, presumably as part of some slow-burn revenge scheme for all the death threats his family has been getting over his role in the response to the outbreak, yeah hes also a time-traveler in this scenario, I mean, why the fuck not ANYWAY the skeevy little weirdos were actually shamed into pulling the fucking thing for once.
Look, I am always thrilled when the insanity of the Turd Reich bumps up against boundaries of any kind. So nations leading epidemiologist actually caused global pandemic is a bridge too far? I mean, okay. I wouldve stopped a couple of bridges ago, but Im legit comforted to learn that there is still a bridge, however distant from decency and reality, worthy of being deemed too far. Little victories, yknow?
I see some enterprising young terrorist burned down the Arizona Democratic Partys headquarters, though I seem to have missed Hairplug Himmlers tweet condemning this vile property destruction perpetrated, no doubt, by anti-American hooligans who must now be tear-gassed and beaten by heavily-armed agents of the state. Tell you what, little firebug, you can have the office, well take the take the U.S. Senate seat, and the electoral votes. Shit, Ill even throw in 1,045 hours of America Online for free.
And today in Right Wing Slap Fights, the Reagan Foundation says the Committee to Re-Elect the Taintfungus is no longer invited to join in any of Ronnies reindeer games. When two delusional Cults of Personality clash like this, what can one do but point and laugh? You will not sully our racist senile assclowns good name by associating it with YOUR racist senile assclown, how dare you, they growl, through trembling jowls. Its all very silly.
The Pulitzers will be adding a new category next year, celebrating excellence in field of journalism on How Ron DeSantis Turned Florida Into a Thriving Tourist Destination...for the Coronavirus. WaPo is out to an early lead, but theres a great deal of work being done in the genre, probably because Ron-Ron is doing such a crackerjack job stimulating his states suddenly-booming funeral home industry. Every photograph of DeSantis these days seems to capture a man who doesnt quite understand why nobody is breaking down his door to arrest him for his crimes, have you noticed that?
Jeez, Tom Cotton wants to be the next Trump soooooo badly. Hes continuing his Look Ma, Im a Racist Autocrat media tour, talking about the necessary awesomeness of slavery, hoping Cult45 will be so enthralled by his devotion to white nationalism, they wont notice his Gregory-Peck-on-Valium charisma. Cotton is like the creepy kid at the kegger trying to lure everybody out to an after-party at his uncles goat farm. Tom, I know you dream of inheriting this mob, and riding their adulation to a throne crafted from the bones of your libtard foes, but you aint likable enough, son. If Hillary wasnt likable, youre actively, off-puttingly, seriously-were-shipwrecked-in-the-uncanny-valley-level unlikable. Looking forward to watching you fail, though.
Well, the Duchess Melania looked out upon an America trembling with worry over an unemployment crisis teetering on the brink of transforming into an eviction crisis, and said, Fear not my children, I have picked this extremely appropriate moment in time to give the Rose Garden an expensive makeover in my own inimitable, super-classy style! What sort of Clockwork Orange Versailles bullshit is this? Lady, if youre not planting a tasteful vegetable garden with the intent to donate the bounty to local food banks, sit your I Really Dont Care Do You plutocrat ass down.
Speaking of the Turd Family Robinshart, young Barron Trumps school will not, it turns out, be reopening in the fall, because doing so would be unsafe; we are in the middle of a pandemic, you see. Your children are not to be given the same consideration of course, no, your families are to be conscripted into President Crotchrots re-election campaign, as extras in their Busby Berkeley spectacular, Everything Is So Very Normal, We Promise! and no, the campaign will not reimburse any funeral costs, not even the child coffins even though theyre smaller.
I confess I had completely forgotten just which sycophantic nitwit happens to be Shart Garfunkels National Security Advisor this week; I knew it wasnt the unregistered Turkish agent or the Murderstache guy anymore, but keeping track of these disposable hacks keeps getting trickier as the bottom of the barrel gets scraped clean. Turns out its some dude named Robert OBrien, who is perhaps most famous for testing positive for COVID-19 the other day.
And so once again, the virus works its way into the White House without making that one last leap the whole world is wishing for. This is worse than waiting for Tony and Angela to get together, probably because Tony didnt get a thousand people killed every episode by being shitty at his job.
The Velveeta Vulgarian announced he will not pay his respects to John Lewis while the civil rights icons body lies in state, saying hes seen too many Indiana Jones movies to fall for that one. Honestly, after the lightning strike on the Statue of Liberty the other day, I cant say as I blame the treacherous shitstain.
Ok, so we all know Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot views Dr. Fauci as a rival, because the epidemiologists approval ratings are better than his own, and yes, thats atomic madness all by itself, but its only the set-up for this next little insanity dumpling: you see, in a fit of jealous rage upon seeing Fauci was selected to throw out the first pitch of the Washington Nationals season, Littlefinger immediately proclaimed hed been invited to throw out a first pitch of his own, by the New York Yankees, even though...he hadnt. And then he remembered hes much too big a pissbaby to risk throwing a ball with those humiliatingly diminutive digits of his, and backed out of the invitation he made up for himself, and this shit is so embarrassing at this point, Im surprised its not happening to Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents.
Wooooooooooo we are in trouble, friends. This is the moment when the mad king stumbles out onstage for his soliloquy, and Shakespeare lets us see just how far gone he is, and how deeply fucked the situation in the kingdom will remain so long as his HEY NONNY NONNY WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FIRST PITCH TWOULD HAVE BEEN ass sits on the throne. Act V is gonna be a doozy.
Seems Mitch McConnell finally noticed the coronavirus stimulus bill House Dems sent to his desk in May and went, Hmmm, while I have drastically reduced unemployment for idiot right-wing ideologues by appointing them to federal judgeships, it would appear other sectors of the economy are not fairing quite so well, and so his caucus of fascism-enabling Koch puppets finally, weeks too late, scribbled down their own version, a predictable fiscal taint punt to the millions of Americans still out of work due to their Turd Emperors deadly dithering.
Republicans also want to replace the funds Government Cheese Goebbels pilfered from the Pentagons budget to pay for his big dumb wall, effectively ceding Congress power of appropriations to the executive forever, and oh yeah, finance a new headquarters for the FBI that oh-so-coincidentally would block an expected competitor for Wee Dons shitty D.C. hotel. You might not think theres much going on behind those empty eyes, but the man is always, ALWAYS grifting.
I see Doctor Dotard is out there pimping hyrdroxychloroquine again, because hes so warped by a lifetime of Daddys money bailing him out of every jam that he cant fathom the concept of a problem that wont simply disappear. Plan A is wait for a miracle cure to appear, Plan B is golf.
The latest snake oil spokesmoron is Stella Immanuel, whose credentials in the prestigious field of Telling Wingnuts What They Want to Hear have perhaps overshadowed her extensive record of publicly ranting about alien DNA and demon spooj. Now, we use a lot of hyperbole here at the Shower Cap Blog, so lets take a quick moment to clarify that this is not a case of oh, this person says such crazy things she may as well be talking about demon spooj, but rather of, no, she really believes endometriosis is caused by copulating with demons in your dreams, but really, the big question here is when does Gwyneth Paltrow starts expanding her candle line?
Like a lot of Republicans, Georgia Senator David Perdue has noticed the 300-pound-sack-of-monkey-shit-with-a-golf-club-shaped electoral anchor lashed to his ankle, putting his once-safe gig as an authoritarians loyal doormat at risk. Howm I gonna get out of this pickle? Perdue asked his campaign staff. Well, Ill just have to run on my record. Wait, why is everyone laughing?
Senator, the trouble is, voters may not understand just how Jewish Jon Ossoff is. Fortunately, I have just what we need, a nose-lengthening filter with settings ranging from Dog Whistle to Cookout at Richard Spencers House. Ill apply it to our campaign ads, and youll coast to re-election! And to think, some say theres a white supremacy problem in the GOP.
Bilious Bill Barr testified before the House Judiciary Committee, claiming that systemic police racism is fake, though roving antifa hordes are totally real, and yknow, maybe we should spread a few of those cognitive tests liberally around the executive branch. Bill certainly brought his Lying Pants, and also his Feigning Indignity Cufflinks. Remind me to buy something special to drink when this fascist fuck makes his final stroll out of the White House.
As of posting time, there was no word as to whether Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal intended to return AG Barrs wee autocrat testicles to him following their confrontation during the hearing; perhaps he can arrange to rent them from her on special occasions, like his birthday.
Anyway, if anybodys wondering how my day is going, well, I just watched the President of the United States flee the briefing room because he couldnt handle questions about why he thought platforming the Satans Jizz lady was a good idea, how bout you?
Aaaaand thats just about all I can take. Im sure my nightly howl of despair has been accepted as routine by my neighbors by now, sort of a reverse rooster crow, signifying theres a lid on for the evening. Stay safe out there, Resisters, shit is truly, madly, deeply cray.
underpants
(182,585 posts)oh I cant wait to read this.
Dr. Stella is truly a gift from God isnt she?
Before any of the background was out I replied to a Facebook friend who posted the video hold on. This is going to get fun this morning. I could just FEEL IT.
JoeOtterbein
(7,699 posts)...Indica works great on nights like this!
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,515 posts)Ponietz
(2,934 posts)flibbitygiblets
(7,220 posts)flying rabbit
(4,622 posts)Laelth
(32,017 posts)I would laugh, but I lack the energy. This has been a truly exhausting day, once again, dutifully chronicled by TheFerret.
Thank you.
-Laelth
Cha
(296,773 posts)https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/phoenix/2020/07/25/county-members-fight-back-tears-discussing-fire-during-convention/5510979002/
crickets
(25,950 posts)something to laugh at -- again. Thank you, Ferret!
littlemissmartypants
(22,534 posts)MontanaMama
(23,294 posts)That is all.
murielm99
(30,712 posts)calimary
(81,085 posts)Lugnut
(9,791 posts)Tommymac
(7,263 posts)"I just watched the President of the United States flee the briefing room because he couldnt handle questions about why he thought platforming the Satans Jizz lady was a good idea, how bout you?"
That shit was supposed to only happen in movies and such....
voteearlyvoteoften
(1,716 posts)☕️☕️🌎
Hugin
(33,032 posts)
EVERYBODY DIES!
Oy!
Is it prescience? Foreshadowing? Intoxication? A good guess? Precognition? A bit of spoiled beef in the stew?
Only Act V will tell...
Thanks for everything, SC.
Please continue to wear a goddamned mask and see you at the polls.
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)Poetic genius!
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)Damn this is genius!
cp
(6,615 posts)Love your Dumpy/Raygun smackdown, You will not sully our racist senile assclowns good name by associating it with YOUR racist senile assclown, how dare you, they growl, through trembling jowls."
Thank you Ferret/Shower Cap!