Well, here we go.

[mahatmakanejeeves]

Let me know how this turns out. It's time for my monthly colonic cleansing.

AUGUST 7, 2020
President Trump News Conference from Bedminster, New Jersey
President Trump holds a news conference from his resort in Bedminster, New Jersey.

[Newest Reality]

1. Oh...

I think I will go chew on some glass, razor blades and nails instead. It's much more interesting and satisfying.

I may also resort to some good ol' self-flagellation while sprinkling salt on the welts.

[underpants]

2. Executive Orders to make it look like HE is giving money to everyone

As requested by Mnuchin.

Unemployment
Eviction moratorium
Student loans

[smirkymonkey]

3. Oh, fuck him!

He's on with the "more testing means more cases" shit again. He is such a fucking moron!

That was all I could take. Someone else is going to have to summarize the rest for us.

[soothsayer]

5. Drug prices, Portland

[soothsayer]

6. Defund the police

[mahatmakanejeeves]

4. He's kind of like bagpipes with the world's worst combover and bronzer applied by

someone undergoing heroin withdrawal, isn't he?

[CaptYossarian]

7. It's amazing how a 74-year old with his dimensions can kiss that part of his anatomy.

[mahatmakanejeeves]

8. C-Span just pulled the plug.

Right after the cheering section kicked in.

Trump's paying Bedminster customers boo when a reporter points out that many of them aren't wearing masks, violating New Jersey law. Trump defends them by describing them as "peaceful protesters" of the media, then ends the news conference to a round of applause.

Link to tweet

I hope they save his brain. Think of the advances in dementia research we could learn.

Link to tweet

[Baked Potato]

9. The hair is really getting Frankenstein-ish.