About time I weighed in...

[Aviation Pro]

Last edited Tue Sep 25, 2012, 01:11 PM - Edit history (2)

...on Lurch the Fucking Stiff's^TM stupid fucking comment on aircraft windows in a pressurized airplane.

1. You stupid dumb fuck, the design of the windows is based on overall aircraft design, which allows the packs - don't ask me to explain, you're too fucking stupid to understand - to deliver air to the cabin to pressurize the airplane to a level of 8,000'. We, who understand science and the principles of differential pressure, know that if you - and you, being a fucking moron would - open a window at 30,000' you would equalize the pressure causing an explosive or rapid rate of decompression, leading to the next point.

2. A person exposed rapidly to an altitude of 30,000', you fucking walking wad of brown splat, is unsurvivable due to the lack of oxygen at that level. In addition, lickspittle, the temperature at that level - what us pilots, something you could never be, you fucking wannabe poser, call FL300 - has a standard temperature of -45C (so you don't burst that pin head of yours that's about -48F), which would turn your pasty body ice stiff (well, maybe for you, you Fucking Stiff, that's a natural state). Point is, fuckstain, you have a Time of Useful Consciousness of about 60 seconds or less at that altitude and a normal person would be turned into a block of ice.

3. The crew, that would be the folks in the front of the airplane who actually passed calculus and physics courses, are trained to manage an emergency like smoke in the cabin and did exactly what they needed to do to ensure a safe outcome to the event. In this case, they made a rapid descent to 10,000' and landed at the closest suitable airport. Good on them, they saved your despicable, detestable wife, I hope you thanked them, but I'm betting you didn't do that. In addition, the cabin crew, whom I know you didn't deign to thank were an integral part of the safety process during the event, but, of course, they only earn about 25K so you probably didn't even acknowledge their existence.

So fuck you, you fucking sack of shit. Stay the fuck out of my business and go fuck yourself with a pitot tube.

Edited to correct the pitot tube reference, it's a pitot-static system.

[rug]

1. Righteous!

[tosh]

18. Righteous indeed!

[lonestarnot]

2. Are you kidding me? He built that plane himself.

just in case.

[nichomachus]

115. Here's the plane that Romney built -- lots of fresh air

[w8liftinglady]

3. LOL!!!!

Too bad I can't quote you directly on the DMN...Excellent!

[Aviation Pro]

5. I'm a naive pilot....

...what's DMN?

[w8liftinglady]

10. Dallas Morning News...hehe

I blog there.

[LiberalAndProud]

4. Can we surmise, then, that Mitt can't count on the aviator vote?

Will he be alarmed, or are you all some of that irredeemable 47% already?

[Aviation Pro]

7. A lot of pilots...

...are sand stupid when it comes to voting and often vote against their best interests. Not me, and sometimes I'm a thorn in their side.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. I recently retired from a major airline, and

I worked with pilots (I was an instructor). And I could never understand how so many of those militant, hard-core ALPA guys could be so conservative? I mean, how can you be a union guy and a Republican?

[Aviation Pro]

15. I trained a bunch of those folks...

...and it's a duality I just don't get. They bitch and moan about unions while proudly holding their ALPA card. Guess that's why I stayed in training and didn't fly the line.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

17. Maybe ALPA is special and not like the other unions

that are made up of, you know, common blue collar people, or worse, public employees. What really cracked me up sometimes is when the most conservative ones would complain that ALPA wasn't strong enough and wasn't representing them adequately against the evil management bosses.

[Doc_Technical]

52. Perhaps they remember the PATCO strike of 1981

and they don't want to be put on the street like the ATCs were.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

54. They know that won't happen. The airlines need them and can't replace them.

And ALPA has some legitimate gripes, especially with respect to fatigue and work rules. I just think it's kind of funny that such conservative people would be such staunch union supporters (as long as it's their union).

[Bombero1956]

106. not really

I'm a retired firefighter and lots of them vote Republican too. Mostly because many are hunters and take their marching orders from the NRA. So on the national level the IAFF endorses the Democratic ticket and the local guys do not.

[Not Sure]

126. ALPA wouldn't be unique if that were the case.

There are plenty of freepers in the BLET and UTU. It's mind-boggling arguing with these guys - their entire worldview is inconsistent with their chosen line of work.

[av8rdave]

107. I generally keep politics out of the cockpit because of the attitudes of the vast majority

Most pilots are work with are hard core right wingers who will ignorantly vote against themselves time and time again.

[flygal]

122. Oh god I love your avatar!

so true

[av8rdave]

128. Thanks..that one was a lucky find

Believe it or not, I bought it at a coffee shop in Alabama - about as red as a state can get!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

123. I know a handful of very liberal pilots from my old job.

Chances are you will fly, or have flown, with them. It's good to know there are some.

[av8rdave]

129. They are out there, but few and far between

I have met and flown with a several of them. Unfortunately, the vast majority are staunch conservatives.

[Stargazer09]

116. Aren't many commercial pilots former military pilots?

Most of the military guys I knew were hardcore republicans, so I could see them carrying that brainwashing over to the commercial aviation world.

[Aviation Pro]

118. About 20%...

...it's been a shrinking pool for awhile. See, pay, low, for initial entry pilots at regional airlines.

[treestar]

6. Thank you!

It never occurs to the Mittwit when he does not know something, which is the true sign of ignorance.

[Tennessee Gal]

8. "walking wad of brown splat"

[lumpy]

58. The colorfull descriptions of Romney gave me a good old laughing fit, also.

Best yet

[WheelWalker]

64. +1

[EnviroBat]

92. That has been one of my favorite so far...

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. I have been almost hysterical over this one

ever since I heard about it. It's a problem that you can't open airplane windows? Mitt, I realize that maybe this isn't as big an issue as, say, health care reform or the Middle East, but how can you not know that you can't open the windows of a pressurized airplane? And that the reason you can't do this is, as the OP eloquently explains, if you did somehow get a window or door open you'd probably fucking die?

When I worked as a flight instructor sometimes - when it was really hot - we'd fly around in the old C-172 with the windows open. But that's a little bitty unpressurized airplane with a service ceiling of 13,000 feet at best, and mostly you are just putting around at about 3,000 feet. And even at only about 110 knots it's as windy and noisy as hell and stuff blows all over the place. How can he not understand that if you're in a pressurized airplane at FL350 or so, there's not enough air pressure to breathe and it's really cold and you'd experience a rapid decompression and fucking die?

Mittens, how do you not know this? Did you not have any science classes at that tony prep school you went to? Do you not read the safety card in the seat pocket when you fly? Or do you figure you can get to the Planet Kolob without having to go through the stratosphere?

[Aviation Pro]

12. Did the chicken wing thing....

....didn't you?

I fondly remember those days.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

13. Yep, those nice floating windows

and all the crap blowing around in the airplane. It was great fun.

[xxqqqzme]

40. He doesn't read the

card because I seriously doubt he ever flies commercial - ever.

[tavalon]

14. Well, I guess he can write off the pilot vote......

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. Not necessarily. An awful lot of airline pilots

are a bit to the right of Darth Vader. I'm not sure why, since they are often militant union guys, which to me requires ideological schizophrenia. Maybe it's the military background of a lot of them.

[pangaia]

27. Perhaps because they want something from the union

but don't realize it is a union. get it?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

31. Oh, they know it's a union.

Most pilots can quote chapter and verse of the contract and have memorized the Railway Labor Act. They just haven't made the connection between right-wing politics and union-busting, and I don't know why they don't get that.

[Aviation Pro]

86. They'll get it...

...when the restrictions on cabotage are lifted under a - God forbid - Republicant President.

[Mopar151]

65. Bullies?

Elitetist/classist/snob/horse's ass????

[A HERETIC I AM]

19. I'd like to add one thing;

He should turn the Pitot heat ON and to "High" (if so equipped) before insertion.

[awoke_in_2003]

39. He would need...

to put the aircraft on jacks- on Gulfstreams the weight on wheels switches prevent the pitot from turning on while on the ground.

[A HERETIC I AM]

41. Then remove them from the aircraft and hard wire them!! N/T

[awoke_in_2003]

77. That would go against...

regulations. I know it is funny to think, but you do nt defy the FAA if you want to continue to fly

[A HERETIC I AM]

78. Wellllll...in this particular instance....

we, or rather the OP, is suggesting the candidate self impale.

I'm merely trying to make it easier for all involved.

I mean...a pitot up the klermungle isn't really airworthy anyway, is it?

[snort]

124. He's so full of shit and hot air

that pitot would be indicating a speed of at least 500 knots.

[Applan]

20. Couldn't have said it better myself

As an aerospace engineer I could have explained the facts but not nearly as eloquently!

[Xyzse]

21. Had to post here so I can find this again.

[bleever]

22. Payne Stewart

Right?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

25. No, there was no open window in that case.

There was believed to have been a pressurization failure.

[bleever]

29. Not an open window, but the same catastrophic

consequences of depressurization, and failure to get supplemental oxygen to the pilots.

Or maybe you're pulling my leg about any plane having an open window.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

36. There was some initial speculation

that a window had failed or blown out, but that was ruled out by the military planes that followed it. There was one interesting instance where a windshield blew out of the cockpit of a British Airways plane and sucked the captain halfway through it. Fortunately they were below FL180, but the guy got pretty banged up anyhow. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Airways_Flight_5390

[ronnie624]

85. Amazing.

How fortunate the flight crew couldn't release him, even though they thought he was dead, out of fear that his body would be sucked into an engine.

[Aviation Pro]

51. No, the Payne Stewart accident was the result...

...of an insiduous or slow depressurization, which is much more dangerous because the crew might not notice the change in cabin pressure in time to take action. Hypoxic Hypoxia sets in slowing their thought process and eventually they reach a state of unconsciousness.

[bleever]

113. Thanks.

Also for the OP.

[Richard D]

23. He invited the pilots over to dinner to thank them

But those people had to use the back door.

[Timbuk3]

24. Rec'd for

"I hope you thanked them, but I'm betting you didn't do that."

I won't take that bet. Not even for $10,000.00.

Mitt's a self absorbed POS. I can't believe, at this point, that he has a chance of winning, but if he does I'm SO ashamed of the morons who voted for him.

What am I saying?

I'm ashamed of the morons who will vote for him, anyway.

[WinstonSmith4740]

26. You have NO idea how much I needed your BRILLIANT post!!!

Just a rough day at school today...between attitude queens, & insubordinate mouthy little jerks who think they have to right to tell me what they are and aren't going to do in my classroom, I was in a fairly foul mood when I got home. Then I read your post and had to pick myself up off the floor.

Thanks, Dude! And seriously, tell us how you really feel about Romney.

[mike dub]

28. LOL! - great line, Aviation Pro: "F yourself with a pitot-static tube."

As an aviation enthusiast, I know what those are (without having to consult the google) and, Ouch, that'd leave a mark!

[hlthe2b]

30. I doubt there is a third grader who doesn't know the reason plane windows don't open...

Seriously...


What an embarrassing moron. Didn't we just deal with 8 years of Bush*? Gawd.

[Mira]

32. I'm sending this to some friends with the notation:

"I dare you to read this out loud..."
Feedback is awesome. So is your post. Recommended.

[plethoro]

33. Exceptional. Are you really John Stewart?.........................nft

dddddddddd

[awoke_in_2003]

34. So, I take it...

you don't like Romney.

[mucifer]

35. Don't hold back Pro, Tell us what you really think!

[malaise]

37. Holy Shite

I love your rants

[tridim]

38. That's some good old fashioned potty-mouthed fun!

[Skittles]

42. I loves me some Aviation Pro!

when I read Mitt's comment I thought, what a MORON. But then I realized, even a MORON doesn't wonder why airplane windows do not open....a moron may not understand WHY airplane windows do not open but they do not find it a "problem".

[Kyad06]

43. don't hold back

how do you really feel about Willard ? And what is lickspittle ? LMAO !

[ejbr]

44. I don't know what a pitot-static tube is,

but please tell me it's really, really thick...

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

49. It's not thick, but it's pointed and hot.

It's a little hollow tube that is mounted on an airplane, usually on the nose somewhere, or on the wing of a small plane, that registers the pressure of air when the airplane is in motion, and is used to determine airspeed. It is heated so it doesn't ice up.

[A HERETIC I AM]

60. Here's a couple pics;

[DemoTex]

74. A-330 config

[A HERETIC I AM]

76. MAC!!!! YA Bastid!!! Howarya!?!?!

Cool pic.

Stay safe, man.

You'll see Nick soon, eh?

All the best.

Paul

[Kyad06]

45. Are you a famous writer?

You have the same style as Tucker Max LOL

[Buns_of_Fire]

46. Bravo! Even The Rude One couldn't have done it better!

[calimary]

47. Heavens! GREAT rant! My husband is a pilot and when I read him this stuff, he just shook his head.

It's amazing. Just amazing. I'm glad both Governor and Mrs. Smug are safe and sound. And hopefully, comfortably AND PERMANENTLY installed in La Jolla, CA, with their car-elevator - or Michigan, or Massachusetts, or Utah, or wherever they claim their home turf is, in mid-November.

[porphyrian]

48. ! n/t

[amuse bouche]

50. Thank You Aviaton Pro

That was delicious...of course I don't mean that literally

[longship]

53. Mitt, Catheterize yourself with a pitot probe!!

A minor correction.

[JohnnyRingo]

55. Rec'd by the time I got to "moron".

I too am a lifetime av buff, but I don't think anyone should have to be explained to why business jets have sealed windows.

Why does he always refer to all airplanes as "aircraft"? It sounds rather formal and awkward when he says "I flew there by aircraft". He reminds me of the"Starman" movie with Jeff Bridges, where he learned the language on the fly.

On edit:
I'd love to hear your cockpit announcements. LOL

[Marie Marie]

56. Shakespeare be damned. I found my new favorite author.

A way with words that made my heart sing. And, if you are a pilot, that makes you double hot! Bravo sir!

[USMCMustang]

57. Obviously Knows Nothing About Aviation

We called angels max at 8,000 feet in the 46. In the A4, F-14, F-18 we had no ceiling. Dumas.

[SunSeeker]

59. You are fucking brutally hilarious. Don't ever get mad at me!

[Indpndnt]

61. This is brilliant! And inspired. Bravo!!

We know he didn't even think to thank the cabin crew. In fact, I don't doubt that he somehow blamed them for the incident. He is just that stupid.

[begin_within]

62. You should be in the debates.

They would be so much better with you there.

[WheelWalker]

63. Exactly. Kick and recommend for unambiguous clarity !!

[asjr]

66. Oh my.

[Initech]

67. Next week: Mitt Romney - "Why is there no screen door on this submarine?"

[a geek named Bob]

68. Best Post Of The Evening nt

[Jamaal510]

69. I didn't know that it's so cold at 30,000 feet.

But even I have enough sense to know why windows are supposed to be closed on a plane. I used to believe what some pundits said about Romney being "intelligent" and saw him as just some con-man, but I've seen him get caught in so many gaffes that I'm starting to wonder if the GOP may as well nominated Elmer Fudd. It's as if he is diagnosed with the Dumbass Disease and loses brain cells every day this campaign drags on.

[DemoTex]

73. Temperature and high altitude flight are critically linked

Thus concepts like the "tropopause," where the environmental lapse rate changes from positive (in the troposphere) to the negative rate of the stratosphere, become a daily concern of Learjet pilots and airline dispatchers. We always state these temps as ISA (international standard atmosphere plus or minus). If I were to go to a performance page in a Learjet flight manual to determine if I could fly at 47,000 feet at such-and-such weight, I might find that at ISA -5 I could do it, but at today's observed ISA +10 I can't (coffin corner, and all that rot).

But my favorite temperature trivia - which AViation Pro did not use and, I'd bet Mr. RMoney a $1000 on, is where the F and C temp scales cross. It is at -40. Minus 40F = minus 40 C.

[Aviation Pro]

75. Yep, and usually the only Met interview question....

....I had a couple of my students come back from interviews and tell me that was the only one they got.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

80. What's Met?

Yep, the old minus 40 trick question. I got it in Freshman Chemistry at the University of Houston (typical humongous state school).

[Aviation Pro]

84. Meteorology....

....the most feared subject of all pilots (aerodynamics comes in a close second, but then again you engineers know it as *shudder* fluid dynamics).

[nadinbrzezinski]

99. Yup, you science geek you

and it is 231.15 K.

(Yup, I had to look it up... but I did pay SOME attention in physics class)

[SammyWinstonJack]

70. heheheh

[dionysus]

71. +100000

[DemoTex]

72. As a retired Mad Dog captain (MD-80), I endorse Aviation Pro's comments

In fact, I had a near-disastrous slow decompression in a MD-80 at FL 350 (35,000 feet) in 2001. It was near-disastrous because the aircraft's CAWS (central aural warning system) failed, as did the system that automatically deploys the passenger oxygen masks above a certain cabin altitude (14,000? I can't remember). In other words, multiple simultaneous system failures (very, very rare and statistically improbable). But that particular aircraft had a history - it was a P.O.S.! In fact, the CAWS on that same aircraft had failed on me during the pre-flight ground checks in Philly two weeks before.

It was my first officer's leg to fly, but when we realized the problem I took over control of the aircraft for the emergency descent (high-dive, as we call it). In fact, this was the only emergency (or abnormal) situation in our QRM (quick reference manual) where the captain was to take control of the aircraft. However, you may be thinking of US Airways flight 1549 where my friend Sulley took over the controls of an Airbus A-320 from first officer Jeff Skiles. That was a non-QRM situation, but Sulley knew that Jeff was new on the "Bus" and on "high-minimums." That was a situation - too - where the captain was required to take control from the low-experience first officer.

I digress. Sorry. Anyway, we had a full boat that day (butt in every seat, with a jump-seating pilot from the training department (MD-80)). My first officer and I handled it a la textbook (the jump-seat training captain verified that!). It went something like this:

O2 masks on
Declare an emergency and start the "high dive"
F/O had to manually deploy the passenger O2 masks (I could hear the passengers screaming when the rubber jungle dropped from the overhead panels)
Lead flight attendant came up to make sure crew had on masks (what a GOOD idea!)
Leveled off at 10,000 feet rather quickly

Since we were nearer our destination (Pittsburgh - KPIT) than any other suitable airport, I elected to continue to KPIT. But I now had a daunting PR task as captain, the dreaded post-emergency PA announcement. Here it is, as best as I can remember:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the captain. We experienced a loss of pressurization at our cruising altitude of 35,000 feet. I am sorry that I was not able to give you any more warning of the sequence that followed. However, we are at a safe altitude of 10,000 feet and your oxygen masks are no longer necessary. We are 15 minutes from Pittsburgh, and will be landing shortly. I am aware that the cabin oxygen system generates heat and the flight attendants have informed me that it is quite hot in the cabin. We have turned the A/C down quite low to accommodate the high cabin temperature. I am aware, too, that the oxygen generation system has produced some undesirable fumes. I am slowing the aircraft down to 210 knots, and the flight attendants will soon be coming around to show all passengers in window seats a hidden switch to actually lower the adjacent window to get some fresh air into the cabin. Before the flight attendants come around, please remove all hats and wigs. And please keep any children - or child-like adults - from "flying" their hands in the slipstream. Thank you for flying US today. We will be on the ground shortly."

[A HERETIC I AM]

79. LOL....you cad. You old flyboys and your sense of humor.

Reminds me of this;

"I spy with my little eye...."

[DemoTex]

87. THAT is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen!

Mother of my dog! I can't see for the tears in my eyes. Thanks for that clip.

[northoftheborder]

125. Dittto

[Hassin Bin Sober]

81. "Lead flight attendant came up to make sure crew had on masks"

Is that procedure?

I agree. Good idea.

Scary thought.

I'm reminded of that Greek 737 where the FA gained entry to the cockpit where the pilots were unconscious only to run out of fuel and crash. Helios Airways Flight 522

[DemoTex]

88. Not then, but maybe now.

Her boyfriend was our jump-seater. But I always briefed the flight attendants on my flights to double check the cockpit during pressurization emergencies.

[Cali_Democrat]

82. Rec

Love this!

[cecilfirefox]

83. What on earth are you talking about? O_O nt

[spiderpig]

89. 16 years in the commercial aviation business and I'm still LMAO

Funniest post in a long while. Copying it to show to my airline mechanic spouse when he get home.

[JBoy]

90. This is why Mitt's campaign gets no "lift"

Things go over his head at the same speed the rug is being pulled out from under his feet.

[Courtesy Flush]

91. Honestly, I did not need that much informtion

I think we all have a general idea of the consequences of depressurization. I have no science background, and hardly ever fly, and I'm convinced of the dangers.

But Romney probably has flown a few times per month for forty years. How could he be more ignorant than I am about this? I last flew in 2009. I've probably flown less than a dozen times in my 53 years. Every school child knows these things, whether they fly or not.

This seems to be a characteristic of the conservative mind. There's a natural lack of curiosity about things. Just as Sarah Palin couldn't name a single newspaper, Romney apparently never had a conversation with a flight crew, or expressed any interest in anything that wasn't going to make him a profit.

[Hepburn]

93. Wow....just fucking WOW!!!!

[TrogL]

94. Oh, my. Tell us what you really think.

[freshwest]

95. LOL@Time of Useful Consciousness of about 30 seconds...

[nadinbrzezinski]

96. I liked Rachel's take on it last night too

I was going to suggest a Fahrenheit for that Centigrade you put in there. Some of our readers ain't too current with a global term of temperature measure. Now if you want to get fancy and leave the rest of us in the dirt... USE KELVIN.

[Aviation Pro]

101. Fine....

K = 228

Don't mess with a guy who can figure out Mach speeds in his head.

[nadinbrzezinski]

102. LOL we all gotta keep a sense of humor

[barbtries]

97. thank you for weighing in Aviation Pro

i don't understand a lot of that either but i get that the jet is pressurized and an open window is a catastrophe. i even knew that already.

[MrMickeysMom]

98. Woot! AP...

I just posted on another thread where a 5th grader explained this (in front of his mom, using 5th grade language)...

I'll just say that NOW that I know RMoney actually wondered about this phenomenon, we ought to ride this one Yee-Haw style, as you did...

As a respiratory therapist, Mitt should know that pressure always goes from a state of "higher... to lower..." This seems to be what Mittens continues to do to his campaign, is it NOT?

[BB_Smoke]

100. You're not the Rude Pundit...

You're the Rude Pilot.

[Aviation Pro]

103. I always bow to his Rudeness....

...Lee is in a class of his own.

[WilliamPitt]

104. This gives me joy.

[Bombero1956]

111. enjoy your short stay

[Hubert Flottz]

108. I loved your OP and...

Fuck anyone in America who would be stupid enough to vote for an Idiot like Mitt.

It would be about like putting Jethro Bodine in the White House, if Mitt was able to steal this election. Of course the guys funding Mitt, want a stupid puppet just like Bush(only even more stupid)who they can dictate every move to.

[hunter]

109. Hey, Mr. Big Shot Pilot, we could pay a Chinese girl a dollar an hour to do your job...

... and she wouldn't even have to be on the plane.

-- Mitt Romney

.

.

.

.

.

[boobooday]

110. Thank you for the hearty laugh

On an otherwise "meh" kind of day.

[Aviation Pro]

112. And as I read some of the comments....

...a two-ship of F-16s just launched from the local AFB.

On afterburner and headed toward the south practice area.

Bet you those pilots know a thing or two about pressurization.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

114. Next time, please don't hold back! NT

[Caeser67]

117. You lost EVERY Republican, when you said

Science.

[KT2000]

119. that was satisfying!!

Thanks

[AAO]

120. Not sure what a "pilot tube" is, but would love top watch you shove it up Shitts assshole! n/t

[AAO]

121. Thoroughly enjoyable, very articulate, and high-minded righteous rant! I kneel before Zod.... n/t

[AlinPA]

127. That was fun reading! Many thanks for the post...best in a long time.