Rudy Releases Video Of Himself Masturbating To Show What It Actually Looks Like

[edbermac]

WASHINGTON—In response to a compromising scene featured in the Borat sequel in which the president’s personal attorney claimed to be tucking in his shirt, Rudy Giuliani released a video of himself masturbating Thursday to show what it would actually look like.

“You thought that was masturbating? I’ll show you masturbating,” said Giuliani in a blurry iPhone video that he released to every major national news outlet, which showed the former New York City mayor getting completely naked and weeping as he vigorously pleasured himself.

“Hopefully, this footage of me beating my meat to toe-curling completion will dispel any salacious claims about what took place in that hotel. I’ve also shared this with the FBI so they can authenticate it. If you don’t see me standing in the middle of my living room jacking off to a family photo album, then you can rest assured I wasn’t masturbating.”

At press time, Giuliani vowed to release a new video of him masturbating every day until the election to help prevent the spread of disinformation.

https://politics.theonion.com/rudy-giuliani-releases-video-of-himself-masturbating-to-1845453299/amp?__twitter_impression=true

[unblock]

1. .

[BSdetect]

2. You'll get more traction if you mention something about a fly in your post

[George II]

23. How about this?

[BHDem53]

3. Ewww

[Yonnie3]

4. I'm gonna pretend that this isn't The Onion ...

and say Rudy should back off of the alcohol (with or without this story).

[COL Mustard]

18. Thank God

I thought this was a real story for a second!!!

[Sherman A1]

5. LOL

[BadGimp]

6. wtf

[NJCher]

7. urm

that was a bit graphic for me.

[DeeNice]

8. Pass the neuralizer please.

[tavernier]

9. Oh good.

Now I won’t need that ice cream I was trying to talk myself out of. Maybe won’t need it tomorrow either.

[LAS14]

10. Come on!! Ya gotta reference The Onion at the top! ANYTHING could be true these days. Poor Onion.

[Illumination]

11. Look @ the level that Rudy has sunk to! Like it's been said, everything & everyone

associated with Trump turns to sh**! That's especially true in poor little Rudy's case!

[agincourt]

12. I wonder what percentage of us

thought this was real? It seems more likely than many things in the newsfeed.

[mjvpi]

13. That'll help me loose my Covid 15lbs.

[RainCaster]

14. While he looks at a family photo album...

I love that line.

[myohmy2]

15. well...

...a Jagoff does jag-off...

...you've got to respect a 'toe-curling completion' at his age...

...

[Fozzledick]

16. This round of "Is it The Onion or Borowitz?" goes to The Onion!

Some headlines just beg for the question to be answered, even if they are obvious click-bait.

[Jirel]

17. When your brain says it's the Onion...

... but your brain also says “Waitaminnit, you need to check this,” you KNOW there’s a problem with the various players here.

[Autumn]

19. I would not have been a bit shocked if this were real and not The Onion.

[Neoma]

20. I could cry.

Of course I did not think it was the onion at first...

[Rural_Progressive]

21. Shows how completely f*cked up things have become

that my wife and I had no problem believing he actually had done this. Wasn't till we got to the ".....meat to toe-curling........" phrase before I started looking around to see if this was for real.

That is how far our society has fallen thanks to Swampman and the Noxious Creatures.

[Evolve Dammit]

22. He's in stiff competition with Jacket Off Jordan!

[ffr]

24. Is Tucker Carlson going to help him to prove a point?

Asking for a friend.