Well, it was a nice high while it lasted.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

Gotta vent somewhere, as I'm feeling a bit down today.

(So congratulations--you guys win. Sorry for unloading on you.)

Some of it relates to just the total bullshit being disseminated attempting to delegitimize the election.

No, I don't think it will ultimately be successful. Like everything else the past 4-5 years, it's all easily debunkable bullshit. But the fact that it will continue to have a wide audience, and that Trump will continue to push it until he's removed from the White House, kicking and screaming, is so sobering and depressing.

Then this morning I got an instruction from my mother-in-law, which was to defriend anyone on my wife's side of the family because apparently they were giving her grief for my postings about the election. Which I will add were respectful and non-confrontational towards everybody but Trump himself. I even attempted to insist it wasn't even a Democrat-Republican, left-right thing, that it was only a right-wrong thing.

(And for anyone who wants to give me grief for being on Facebook, please, just today, spare me. I like being on social media and that's that. So please...not today.)

For years, I didn't raise a peep at whatever nonsense they posted. For friends and classmates, it's different--I was able to have that back and forth debate. But when it's family, especially a matter of your spouses family and you don't want to be viewed as an agent of discord or division, I drew a line and I held back and bit my tongue.

You have to understand that I don't like defriending people as a matter of right. I always hold out hope that people's minds can be changed--not right away, but with gentle guidance and true facts, they might gradually be turned around. I'm an optimist like that. And I like to celebrate what I have in common with other people despite our differences.

But I guess not. I guess the people who decry others as "snowflakes" can't dare to see a well-stated opinion that they don't agree with.

And if it's that bad, there's always the "unfollow" option (a favored tool of mine, which allows me to control my own news feed while still remaining friends and being able to to check up on them as I might so choose), or, God-forbid, unfriend me if it's too much for you to take.

That I have to be the one to unfriend...well, it just depresses me. So much for trying to remain positive.

I just worry about the toxic levels that Trump brought and how it is destroying relationships, and I worry it will continue to linger long after he's gone.

And now I have to worry about my own family dynamic, and possible negative repercussions this might have on that. I did all that I could on my end never to disrupt--I never, ever talked politics because it was the one social circle I didn't want to interfere with, for my wife's sake.

And it's still not enough.

I'm just...dispirited at the moment.

Sorry. End rant/musing.

[MissB]

1. I'm sorry!

Look, if they are irritated at what you’re posting then let *them* unfriend or unfollow or block you.

Not your responsibility. Which you know.

Just let your MIL know that it’s not how this works.

And hang in there. They’ll only complain for the next century.

[niyad]

10. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Sending a virtual hug, and a reminder that your

DU family is here for you.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

16. Thank you.

Luckily my own family (parents and siblings) are on our side and we have all been beside ourselves the past few days.

Same goes for my close friends and my boss.

So I still have them there, thank God.

My wife is not extremely political in either direction. But I worry that this tension between myself and her family (unilateral on their part; again, I didn't care whatever they posted, and would simply roll my eyes and keep on scrolling) will cause unnecessary problems.

[Rorey]

2. I think you should just tell your MIL you'll think about it

And then promptly ignore her instruction. She's not the boss of you. Do what you want.

[Kali]

7. this

[Tommy_Carcetti]

12. I know.

My wife herself is not very political. And I'm fine with that.

Her family (including MIL and FIL), however, are extremely right wing, as are just about everyone in the extended family. And despite this, I've managed to get along fine with them by consciously avoiding politics, which I do for my wife's sake. Because I don't want to put her in the position between her husband and parents.

Lord knows, if the situation were reversed I wouldn't really want that either.

So at this point, with the whole extended family, I'll just do the proverbial shaking the dust off my feet and leaving. Sucks, but if they're not going to listen, what else can I do?

[SophieJean]

28. I don't understand

the mindset of "not being very political." What is happening in this country has evolved far past politics. It is good vs evil. It seems to me that talking to your wife about this issue with her family members might be a good idea if you haven't already. I'm sorry but if they were decent people they should be concerned about maintaining family relationships and it should definitely not fall solely on your shoulders.
During the Bush years, one of my brothers became a right-wing nutcase. As it turned out, he had other despicable qualities as well and I had to say goodbye. I don't regret it. Sometimes it's very difficult to continue a relationship with a delusional, even abusive individual-which too many trump cult members are. Take care of yourself, and I hope things improve.

[Rorey]

29. That's it

What a lot of these ugly political arguments are doing is divulging who people are. I don't have any feelings of guilt about "unfriending" people online or in real life when I find out who they really are. Anyone who can still support OrangeLoser after everything that is now public knowledge is just not really a very good person.

It matters too much to give these despicable things a pass. People have died. Lives have been ruined. The planet is being ruined. It is not okay.

It's fine to have different beliefs on some policies. This going way beyond that.

Good for you for having the courage to stick up for what you believe and say goodbye to your brother.

[Ms. Toad]

25. Agreed -

But I might make the concesssion of remaining silent on matters of politics, without unfriending them.

(I've got similar family members - a few I talk with, but some I stay quiet with for the sake of family dynamics.

[Kali]

3. sounds like Mom-in-Law is the one that needs to change settings on her own account

WTF? telling someone else what to do with their FB account? if she doesn't want to see grief from her own family on her page SHE needs to adjust some settings.

Of course you have to say it diplomatically, but really WTF?

[Tommy_Carcetti]

13. She's not on Facebook herself.

My FIL is.

And I was rather saddened to see that he had unfriended me rather quietly a couple of years ago. But I just took that for what it was. It's weird because in real life there's been no real friction between me and my FIL. Guess he couldn't take the fact that his daughter married a Democrat. (And honestly, I rarely even get political on Facebook--most of my posts are about sports or TV or my kids).

I'm thinking the requests were coming from some extended relatives. Who, again, no real life friction, and we would send each other birthday wishes and everything.

[Kali]

26. well, I guess you could post some kind of request for "family" that is offended to please

unfriend you. there is probably a fraction that are the complainers and others might feel hurt if you just cut them off all of the sudden. throw it back on them?

[sagesnow]

4. I am now imagining

how people must have felt during the Civil War, with families and friends being torn apart.
Sending Peace and love to you friend.

[Croney]

5. You wrote, "I got an instruction from my mother-in-law."

As a mother-in-law to several people, I'm just trying to picture any of them saying that. Hmm. Food for thought.

[Rorey]

30. I can't imagine telling my DILs to refrain from posting something on social meda

Of course as far as politics go, their views are in line with mine. We do have differences on some subjects, and that's okay. They get to have their own thoughts.

There's a lovely freedom to not having to be a control freak.

[joshcryer]

6. Get out of the bubble.

You will hear the fraud crap for the next four fucking years until Trump runs again.

[mr_lebowski]

8. Sorry man ... that sucks.

My inability to do what you're attempting is part of why I failed at 'being a husband' ... and no longer am one.

[Aviation91]

9. I would imagine

Trump supporters are feeling what those of us that voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016 felt. Did we go to the lengths some Republicans are gong to now that Biden has won? No, we didn't. There huge protests but nothing like attempting to de-legitimize the election. What we are going to have to deal with is the aftermath of Trump. Sadly his followers have been in the grip of a cult-leader and I hope and pray that they will soon come to their senses! Good luck to you!

[coti]

11. Well....the Facebook giveth, and the Facebook taketh away. nt

[spanone]

14. I don't blame you one bit

The republicans need to find another country to fuck with.

We have laws.

We have a Constitution.

We have free elections.

They are only interested in power and money.

That's not America.

I'm thoroughly sick to death of them.

[Stand and Fight]

15. "Instruction" from your mother-in-law?

If my mother-in-law, or anyone else for that matter, ever deigned to tell me what to do, she'd best be prepared for some choice words from me. Why do you find it acceptable that she's giving you instructions? That's not a relationship based on mutual respect -- that's an expectation of your subordination to her. Not cool.

Assert yourself. Set boundaries. She should know better and you should stand up for yourself. Period.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

18. I only did it for my wife's sake.

Because I don't want her caught in the middle of a situation.

Rest assured, absent that dynamic I wouldn't have paid it any heed.

[Stand and Fight]

23. I understand. Hang in there.

[orwell]

17. People's minds can't be changed...

...unless it is through an existential crisis (cancer diagnosis, surviving a near death experience, etc.)

It is rooted in the nature of being and perception. There is a "matrix" but we create it every second.

We all do it every waking moment. It is impossible to see "reality" unless you shut up and listen.

It took me most of my life to understand this, and I still grapple with it every day.

We must influence people who haven't yet made up their minds. That is why this election was hopeful. Young people turned out in droves for the things we believe in.

Don't get me started on Facebook. I am so glad I am one of the 3 people that never joined. I saw this for what it is a long time ago...a weaponized propaganda platform that leads to tribal warfare. (It helps to have had over 30 years in the IT industry.)

I am sorry to hear that it is dividing your family. My sister is going through much the same experience with some of our relatives.

It is hard to argue with people who have their own set of "facts".

Go out and take a walk. Breathe. It is a beautiful crisp Autumn day in Northern California.

We are all fortunate to be alive in this moment. Be thankful.

[pandr32]

19. Our country has been exploited and too many don't realize they've been used

It is so exhausting to deal with the bullshit.

Meanwhile, people are dying at an alarming rate and nothing is being done to help.

We need to transition properly and quickly.

[Kaleva]

20. Don't worry about things you can't control.

Your comment:

"I just worry about the toxic levels that Trump brought and how it is destroying relationships, and I worry it will continue to linger long after he's gone."

Let them worry about their relationships.I'm on Facebook as it's the best way for me to keep up with family doings and communicating with them and despite most of them being Trump followers, I've never had an issue with any of them over that. It takes at least two to argue.

[Statistical]

21. My wife says there is a way to makes groups of friends on facebook

then you can share posts with only some friends. So you could have a MAGA group and human group and then limit your election posts with humans.

Then again I don't use facebook I find it a complete and utter toxic cesspool so I could be completely wrong. However my wife was excited about that tool to avoid disrupting the MAGAts so it might be worth looking into.

[BusyBeingBest]

22. You take instruction from your mother in law?

Do your own thing, post what you want, stop worrying about it. Your wife can manage her own relationships, she's a big girl, right? If you don't personally attack or harass these family members or anyone else, but simply post your thoughts on politics, then who cares? If they don't like it, they can suck it.

[nolabear]

24. I'm sorry. People are so all over the place about this.

I think people who really are bound together are seeing those bonds stretched badly and sometimes broken by things that lie outside the foundations of the relationship. There’s so much anxiety, fear, rage, all tangled up with the potential shame of accepting they’ve been used and abused by someone who is actually laughing at them. Having that in front of them is hard on people, whether it’s utterly vital for us to hold on to our own fight against the madness of this whole thing or not.

I don’t have answers, just support. I have relatives who don’t know I’m not talking to them because if I did I’d tell them what I think, and that would hurt others I don’t want to hurt. I have relatives I’ve never FB friended and wouldn’t on a bet, because they’re both deluded and condescending, and I’m not going to take that crap. And there are the ones I do love and we mince around one another.

It’s lonely. But I try to be patient and hold out hope that once he’s gone they’ll eventually realize their lives are better.

Hang in there. The only thing that’s certain is change.

[LizBeth]

27. I put up a reminder yesterday,, a 5 yr ago memory, where I said that yup, my FB was all that and you

do not want to see it, please, unfriend me. It will not hurt my feelings, I do not take it personally and i love you anyway. So, ball in their court. They don't want to see my stuff, the can unfriend.