General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI feel the pain of those of lost one who passed alone and their family's that are grieving because..
they were not able to be there...
last Sunday early morning, my beloved wife had a stroke. She has a history of Minigenome tumors in her brain and has battled them for 16 years... 2 operations, 1 radiation, and at present time, Gene therapy, so her life has been filled with many doctors and hospitals. Every time, she recovers and every time, the tumor returns. This battle has been brutal.
So, Sunday she had a stroke, went to the hospital, and found out she had a blood clot. They removed the most of the clot, but were unable to get it all....because of the stroke, her left side of her body will is paralyzed and she is now entering physical rehabilitation. With all the chaos of the last few days, We get her into a Rehabilitation hospital...on the first day, we are told that the hospital is restricting any visitors due to COVID-19, which means I can no longer see my wife and help her in her recovery as I have done for the last 16 years.
I felt hopeless....I cant help my wife in her time of need.....
Now I know how all these millions for my fellow Americans are feeling at this present moment as their love ones are being care for, yet we cant see them.... It is so heartbreaking. I feel their pain as if it was my own, because it is my pain too.
I know that the doctors and nurses are doing everything they can, the hero's this country can look up to as witnessed these last 4 days by me and their care for my wife... I know that even if I can't be there to help in my wife's recovery, these people will do what ever it takes to heal her.
For those grieving, I want you all to know that millions of us feel your pain deep down into our souls as we experience that very same pain you are. We are all here for each other, as we wonder through this nightmare of COVID.....And for the love of God...WEAR A MASK!
LizBeth
(9,952 posts)Progressive Jones
(6,011 posts)FeelingBlue
(677 posts)Our very best wishes and prayers. You will figure out how to stay connected with your wife. We are so sorry about her suffering- and yours. Wishing you great perseverance and courage and love that lasts forever.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)love_katz
(2,578 posts)Acornsouth
(298 posts)and I send my love and prayers for your loss of your mother.... I understand the pain you are feeling and hope that you can find some comfort that they may be gone, but will never be forgotten. and remember, you are not alone even if it feels like it now.
cate94
(2,810 posts)MissMillie
(38,549 posts)I had a chance to see my mom before she passed (back in July) but only because a staff person mistakenly TOLD us we could visit, but only 2 per day. (It turns out she was allowed 2 visitors, but only the 2 that were on the visitors list--which was my dad and my sister.) When my other sister and I got there, they let us in anyway. (I think this was because the nursing home had been Covid-free for several weeks.)
My mom passed the day after I got to see her.
A blessing and a curse. I got to say good-bye, and to thank her for being such a great Mom. But every now and then I dream of her on her death bed (not a pleasant memory).
I wish for you nothing but good memories of you mom, and a path to peace in such a horrible situation.
mercuryblues
(14,530 posts)Virtual hugs.
It is hard enough to lose a loved one. Losing that last bit precious time with them is the worst.
love_katz
(2,578 posts)We couldn't be there to provide any support, comfort, or love while she passed. Thank you for caring.
kas125
(2,472 posts)My ex, who is still the love of my life and best friend, is in the hospital right now. He had surgery Monday for colon cancer and the kids and I are aren't allowed in the hospital at all. It's really hard not be able to be there. My heart goes out to you.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)I have to put my faith into those that are taking care of our love ones, just as you are doing the same thing. They are SAINTS in my eyes, They are doing dual jobs, helping our love ones to heal, and to stand in for those that are not there. It is a hard thing to ask them to do, yet they do it selfishly. I will say a prayer for your wife and hope she is home soon... and thank you for your love that you send
StarryNite
(9,443 posts)You speak for so many who are currently having similar experiences and for those who will have to face this same thing in the future. I hope your wife gets to go home to you soon.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)cate94
(2,810 posts)And Im sorry for both you and your wife that you cant be together in this trying time.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)moonscape
(4,673 posts)broad and deep. Im so sorry they reached beyond the disease to affect you both.
Tough times. Small consolation but you know your wife feels you with her.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)that I have done for many years, it seems hollow as she goes through this alone. I know that many family's are feeling the same way I am right now.
Maru Kitteh
(28,339 posts)a stroke, let me first say - I am so sorry you are going through this confusing and hurtful event at such an awful time in our history. Your post tears my heart out. This is so very hard. Please, make sure you have some kind of support around you if possible, even if it is (because covid) just someone to talk to on the phone and share your worry and grief. You must take care of yourself in order to be ready to care for your wife when you can.
Now, let me offer you some hope. I always say, strokes are like snowflakes and fingerprints - they share basic forms, but they are all very unique to each individual. Before my mom had her stroke, she was still driving, shopping, going on trips with friends and enjoying a great retirement. Suddenly with the stoke, she was completely unable to speak, not even a word. She could not move any part of the right side of her body. She could not walk. She needed a feeding tube. That was the worst Christmas of my life, but you know what? With steady work, two years later she was walking again, eating regular food, enjoying dining out, talking and laughing with friends and shopping trips we took together. While she lived with me after the stroke, she was still very much independent.
Nurses and staff are doing everything we can to help fill the void we know our patients are suffering from not having their loved ones close. It hurts so much to see their loneliness and know that although we try, and we truly do care deeply for them, we can never bring the comfort of a loved one at the bedside.
You have my warmest thoughts and wishes for your wife, and for you. Please feel free to share with us again if it is helpful to you. This is a caring community. We're here for you.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)All through this ordeal, I have the up most respect and love for those that help others during times of crisis, and those that got my wife out of her crisis and into rehab, I can't say enough praise other than Thank You. And thank you personally, for your words of inspiration and hope. It goes a long way during this scary moment. Again, Thank you!
pnwest
(3,266 posts)and speedy recovery. Buried my mom this week, lost her to Covid. Your kind words of empathy in your OP are touching, praying your wife stays safe.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)Meowmee
(5,164 posts)I hope she will be ok and have a good recovery. I wonder if you are able to speak with her via phone or video etc.? I hope so. I hope you have a support system with others to help you in your time of need. One of my friends recently had a stroke in the middle of all of this as well. He was in the hospital and then rehab for a while and now back home, he lives alone. He is recovering well but he had to relearn some things like learning how to email again and things he had forgotten how to do. It was very hard for his family also who could not be with him mostly although they let his son and some other relatives visit with him, he is in CA so maybe that made the difference.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)Because Covid is ramped here in Michigan, they will not chance to allow Covid into the hospitals, so they restricted all visitors with the exception of ICU's. As I read through these comments, it gives me hope that things will work out, and an insight to the long road ahead... Again, thank you for your comments, you do give me hope...
Meowmee
(5,164 posts)I hope you can video with her etc. 🙏🏻 For you and your wife
Acornsouth
(298 posts)I guess you could say, we are old school, with land line still. I got to talk to her twice today, which really help. And yes, we do have hundreds of people that are showing support and love for the both of us... that part is kind of overwhelming, but I will take it!...and thank you for your comment, I appreciate it very much.
Meowmee
(5,164 posts)MissMillie
(38,549 posts)and a boat-load of strength for you.
spinbaby
(15,088 posts)Were in much the same situation. My brother is rapidly losing his battle with cancer. Due to Covid-19, only one family member can visit in the hospital. After he goes to the nursing home, no one can visit for 14 days and only one after that.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)I thank you for you comment, and I hope that the prayers he is getting are answered. again, thank you.
mopinko
(70,078 posts)it's killing me thinking about those dying alone, and the families that we used to support so well.
Acornsouth
(298 posts)that are dying and the family's that suffer pain... no amount of money is enough for your work, and I thank you for it!. A Saint, I say
!!
mopinko
(70,078 posts)i started doing i after my divorce, when my whole family imploded.
i got more than i gave. honest.
malaise
(268,930 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(11,591 posts)My condolences to everyone here who has lost or will lose a loved one this year. 2020 can't end soon enough.
mercuryblues
(14,530 posts)irisblue
(32,967 posts)I am so so sorry for your wife, it is hard in a medical setting anyway, but without your beloveds, it is not something I can imagine