General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsHow important is "partying" to your life? I'm an introvert, and I don't relate.
I've been like this all my life, even when I was in my teens and twenties. Sure, I enjoy being with friends at times, but even then it's usually a small group, or just one good friend. Incredibly rarely do I attend anything that could be described as a party. For me one of the most frightening words in the English language is "mingle".
If you are the outgoing, partying type, how important is it to you? It it just that you really enjoy time spent with a big group of people, or is it more than that? Does it feel like an actual hardship to stay home and away from large groups of friends and/or crowds of strangers, to be alone or only with small groups of family and friends?
Phoenix61
(17,002 posts)I like the energy and meeting new people. I especially miss concerts.
Turin_C3PO
(13,964 posts)Theater and movies too.
Silent3
(15,201 posts)...I do get some feeling of energy from being in a busy restaurant or a shopping mall, so the mere presence of other people (even without meeting them or talking to them) has some value for me.
Initech
(100,063 posts)I should be going to Ducks games right now and they're not even starting the new season until January.
I also love live music and miss that more than anything!
Turin_C3PO
(13,964 posts)teens till about the age of 26 I partied every Friday and Saturday night. I stopped because my hangovers started lasting two days and I couldnt handle it. Nowadays, Im much more introverted and dont have a desire to return to my old ways. DU, Netflix, and Hulu are enough company for me these days.
Silent3
(15,201 posts)Music and friends and conversation aren't enough without the chemical enhancements it seems for many people. That's never held much appeal for me. I'm not totally against drugs and alcohol, but it does seem sad to me when those are a big part of someone's life, especially when the whole idea of "fun" becomes inseparable.
Turin_C3PO
(13,964 posts)the fun I had in my early days were completely due to alcohol consumption. Now I very rarely drink (I did have some champagne last Saturday when the race was called for Biden). Im not against it or anything but it just doesnt appeal to me anymore.
northoftheborder
(7,572 posts)LiberalLoner
(9,761 posts)madaboutharry
(40,207 posts)For some, working from home is tough.
Ferrets are Cool
(21,106 posts)We have a large theater room. We used to invite people over on the weekends to watch movies and have fun. Until things change, those days are gone.
russiamommy
(244 posts)I wouldnt describe myself as an extrovert, but I truly miss our weekend dinners with a small group of friends, going to restaurants, concerts. Mostly I miss traveling. Its been decades since I went nowhere in eight months. 😢
Lucky Luciano
(11,253 posts)...and zero travel besides that. Travel us my favorite thing in the world by far. I especially love to travel to remote locations although my wife is disinterested in that, so Ive gone pretty vanilla in my travel lately.
Vivienne235729
(3,383 posts)Now that I am approaching 50, my idea of partying is jamming to my radio on my way home from work Friday nights. My idea of social is having lunch w my girlfriends every so often. But I can't imagine "partying" at this stage of my life. I got it out of my system long ago and don't feel the need or the want for it. As for "mingling" I am a pro at it when I have to be. But it also exhausts me.
marmar
(77,073 posts)..... I'm a city person, so crowds of people, in all their diversity, gives me life (sounds cheesy, but it's true). Concerts, dining out, coffee houses, festivals -- I miss all of that greatly.
LakeArenal
(28,817 posts)Never liked parties
You wind up having the same conversation with twenty people.
In college, we might have called them parties but they were really destructive and was never into them either.
jmbar2
(4,874 posts)"Having the same conversation with 20 people". Especially painful if you've been isolating.
"What have you been doing during isolation?"
"Yeah, me too."
onetexan
(13,036 posts)do i find that i meet ppl in the party scene where that relationship becomes a lasting one.
TheFarseer
(9,322 posts)Going to concerts, live comedy, sports events and getting together with a group of say 20 to 30 friends. The most I have done is watch a game with around a dozen people. I was actually relieved that my favorite college basketball team is not allowing fans because I dont think I could have justified going to the arena, even with masks.
LearnedHand
(3,387 posts)And Im still connected to people via the science fiction dream-come-true video calls. I do miss travel, though. A lot. But quarantine? Ive trained for this shit my whole life.
triron
(21,999 posts)Archetypist
(218 posts)I was much more of an introvert in my teens. I enjoy parties but not if I don't know anyone there. I need to know at least a few people there. I also like going to micro breweries, and frequently have interesting conversations surg total strangers. I will talk to anyone. I can learn something new from every person I meet. The more people I meet, the more they surprise me (not always positively).
I am multilingual and one of my guilty pleasures is hanging out in some cafe corner (usually when traveling) and just listening and observing, and trying to guess people's country of origin before I can hear them speak, then once they're in range I try and figure out what they're saying. It helps me pick up a local language, at least enough that I can quickly start using basic phrases. Did this in Russia once, and after two weeks I could follow basic conversation about 50%, enough to get the gist.
So yeah, people watching ..but not the voyeuristic kind.
Amishman
(5,555 posts)I love getting together with a dozen or so people I like and care about.
Haven't been doing that due to covid risk, it's wearing me down.
MerryBlooms
(11,767 posts)My sister is 77 and has many health issues... She understands why we're isolating, but she's depressed. We used to have people over several times a week and she misses all the socializing, especially with family she hadn't seen in many years.
Codeine
(25,586 posts)I don't think I understand the gravity of the quarantine situation because I just don't care to be around so many people. I've gone to maybe 4 concerts in my life and it is a balancing act between really wanting to see a performance by a person/group that I love and absolutely hating the crowd.
I don't mind big cities too much, I grew up near NYC, but there is an appealing way of feeling very alone even when you are surrounded by people in a place like that.
Response to Codeine (Reply #21)
CatLady78 This message was self-deleted by its author.
BusyBeingBest
(8,052 posts)that comprises what's left of my social life. I don't do facebook or keep up with old friends, haven't made any new ones as I got older, either. I have gotten very shy/introverted in middle age for some reason, just easier not to bother with people. So this pandemic stuff hasn't really changed much for me, other than not being able to visit family as much as we'd like.
bif
(22,697 posts)I used to go to parties, and drinking helped me mix with strangers. Now that I'm sober, I absolutely hate it. I avoid it at all costs. And now with the pandemic, forget about it!
Codeine
(25,586 posts)crowds and parties; Ive never had alcohol so Ive never been in the right state of mind to enjoy that kind of gathering. Give me three or four friends and a boardgame and thats about my limit.
Even better? Give me a book, a lap cat, and a hot cuppa.
SWBTATTReg
(22,112 posts)know, odd, I guess? Don't you know the answer to this question already? Your personality traits dominate what personality traits that you have and similar types of personalities seem to gather together. Most of us have seen this (partying) in our high school days. Perhaps you're asking this question to see if the 'silent' type of personalities are more common that you originally suspected.
Personally, in answer to your question, it is important (partying). Not as much when I was younger of course, when we all came up for air (out of the home for the first time), were starting on our college tours, as well as our first job(s), but I count these days as a learning experience and thus, part of life as it were. Sure we all experimented, we tasted the forbidden fruit, we saw the X-rated movies that our parents wouldn't let us watch, etc. But there comes a time when things settle down.
Now, I'm far more comfortable with a small, more controlled environment because of my hearing loss, so the fewer the people, the better for me (in hearing what's said). But others are totally opposite of me, seem to thrive in such extroverted environments (my other half), but that's okay, after all, one must keep on top of everything I think, in order to experience life to the fullest. If you hide in a shell your whole life, think of all that you possibly missed experiencing?
Take care!
Silent3
(15,201 posts)...that other people feel differently than I do, that's not the same as having a more outgoing, partying person describe what it feels like to miss doing these things. Is being in quarantine more like not being able to get chocolate, but having plenty else to eat (yeah, you miss it some, but no biggie), or does it feel more like being deprived of oxygen, or like being an alcoholic desperate for a drink?
And by the way, I'm hardly so isolated from people or different experiences that I feel like I'm "in a shell"
meadowlander
(4,394 posts)SWBTATTReg
(22,112 posts)most people do know themselves far better than anyone else, eh?
Happy Hoosier
(7,285 posts)I do miss visiting friends, going out to dinner, etc.
LymphocyteLover
(5,643 posts)I do miss concerts a bit but I'm old now and just don't go to concerts that much... biggest problem is not being able to go out to eat... also I do like ballroom dancing and that is very curtailed now
Binkie The Clown
(7,911 posts)I do, however, miss my Friday night poker games, my concerts (classical, opera, classic rock), and hanging out with a couple friends or family members.
lkinwi
(1,477 posts)Im somewhat of an introvert, but enjoyed mingling with friends and acquaintances in our neighborhood bar.
Aristus
(66,316 posts)My idea of the bed time ever is sitting by the window in my pajamas and bathrobe and reading a good book.
blueinredohio
(6,797 posts)So I don't worry when they come around because they don't go too many places. I could do without people except immediate family.
Response to Silent3 (Original post)
CatLady78 This message was self-deleted by its author.
Codeine
(25,586 posts)for being an introvert. Yeah, Im gonna miss that too.
Also, Ill miss masks. Not having to smile is great.
Response to Codeine (Reply #63)
CatLady78 This message was self-deleted by its author.
luvs2sing
(2,220 posts)And yet I was an introvert and a loner. Why? Because I was afraid if I followed my true nature and stayed home, I would never meet people and would die a weird old woman with thirty cats (I stopped at three). Everyone I knew partied, Alcohol was a great social lubricant for me. No one guessed the Tequila Queen really wanted to be at home with my cats and my knitting.
This all stopped when I met my husband and became a stepmother. He was a musician, so our nights out on the town were for his gigs. We didnt hang out at bars. And with kids involved, we didnt have time in life to recover from a hangover.
After a couple years, I realized my health had improved so much. I no longer got three or four severe respiratory infections a year. I had time for my dog and cats and knitting. I felt at peace.
Also, it became clear that the friends who were still living that lifestyle really had serious substance abuse issues. It was no longer partying, it was addiction. I felt sad when I got together with them.
These days, pre-pandemic, we got together monthly for dinner with our some of our old friends from those crazy days. We meet at a nice restaurant or, more often, have dinner parties. None of us drink more than a glass or two of wine with dinner. Its a good life.
I recently connected on Facebook with one of my best pals from those crazy days. He had a stroke last year and is in assisted living. We were great friends back in the day. He sometimes tried to make it more, but as much as I liked him, something always stopped me and I never knew why. In one of our convos, he brought that up, and it hit me. It was my inner introvert warning me off. He was the type of person who always had to be on the go. Total extrovert, life of every party, life of everything he was involved in. I knew he would quickly get bored of my true self, and he would quickly drive me crazy. When I told him this, he couldnt believe I was really an introvert. But then again, he probably never saw me when I wasnt drunk or on the way there. And he agreed with me. And the friendship continues on, both of us older and wiser.
Silent3
(15,201 posts)But they've come to believe that it's the thing that you're supposed to do, and do it out of a sense of social obligation or force of habit, an insufficiently questioned part of their life.
luvs2sing
(2,220 posts)dewsgirl
(14,961 posts)colsohlibgal
(5,275 posts)I like cuddling up with a good book too.
Read an interesting book some years ago discussing introverts and extroverts.
Some folks are pretty much one or the other but others are combos.
It fit me, I am an extroverted introvert. At heart Im an introvert but I can be extroverted. The difference between people like me and true extroverts is parties and such I enjoy but then I have to go back to my fortress of solitude. A true extrovert is ready to go go go always.
Merlot
(9,696 posts)and also identified as an extroverted introvert.
That book was so well written, I felt very relaxed just reading it. It was written by an introvert for introverts.
LizBeth
(9,952 posts)people. Jobs, walking thru a grocery store, I am friends with everyone. Hear their life stories first meetings. My job as customer service had me very interactive with my guests.
But all my life, I come home and and draw the drapes. I would, but love the windows and sunshine. I do not have to see or hear from people for days. Just chatting with someone on the street walking the dog gives me my people time and good to go. Lol.
They need to pay me to do a study to see how healthy isolation really is for some.
moonscape
(4,673 posts)I'm in a group of people I'm extroverted and it both fuels and depletes my tank if that makes sense. It fuels a love of being around people, interacting, laughing, connecting, then my solitude recharges me as well.
I need both.
Tracer
(2,769 posts)If I'm obligated to go, I go --- and usually wind up ill-at-ease, and faking good cheer.
Once I had a good time. It was a theater cast's 'after party' and other than the guy-what-brung-me, I knew no one and all the cast people were busy laughing and talking to each other. Luckily, I sat down next to another woman who was in the same lonely position as me, and we had a great time chatting and laughing together.
frazzled
(18,402 posts)When I was young and now that I'm "old."
But I'm not antisocial. I just hate standing around in a noisy, crowded space (often in shoes that become uncomfortable very quickly) making chit chat with people I don't particularly care about. (I had to perform that role for many years because of my spouse's work, and did it relatively well, but hated it.)
What I do absolutely love is smaller get-togethers ... dinner parties sitting around the table with good food and drink and especially convivial conversation with interesting people I like (whether friends, family, colleagues, or the occasional visitors passing through). Love it, and miss it greatly during the pandemic.
panader0
(25,816 posts)Like "let's party", or "let's movie". Our language has deteriorated.
I only miss playing music every week with friends and the occasional dinner out.
Otherwise, I'm very happy to be alone on my land--there's always something that needs to be done.
Silent3
(15,201 posts)betsuni
(25,462 posts)Avoid people, wear a mask. Paradise! I feel sorry for the extroverts. This is the opposite of paradise for them. They get energy from being around people, being around people sucks all the energy out of me.
safeinOhio
(32,673 posts)I need. Very great full to have her.
Chili
(1,725 posts)As a teen, I was a part of 2-3 groups, not just one, and did go to parties. But I was mostly a wallflower unless my boyfriend or dear friend yanked me out onto the dance floor. I even tried hanging out when my friends drank, but turns out my body couldn't take it, and eventually had to give that up - haven't had a drink since 1982.
I joined a few fan groups over the years, loud and opinionated online but much more subdued and quiet when our large groups got together. I've always been that way.
But I usually do my thing alone. Went to Tahiti by myself - expensive hotel restaurants, beaches, island tours - loved it! Go to movies alone, now that I don't have my best friend to go with me, my Mom. Spent 28 years with her as a Cavs season ticket holder. I'm now a season ticket holder again, but with one seat now. I go to 30-35 games a year, alone now, by myself. And I am completely comfortable with that. But my friends think I'm nuts, especially being a woman. (women go to basketball games alone a LOT now).
So it's easier for me to stay at home, work from home, text and email with friends and co-workers... I DO miss my Cavs games, though. Don't know what I'm going to do when the new season starts in December or January... I'm too high risk for taking chances with crowds, crowds that I'm used to.
Sorry for the long answer - it's us quiet ones who blah blah a lot!
a la izquierda
(11,791 posts)I like being with my friends for a night out in the pub. I like concerts. I love people-watching in a pub.
Lockdown has been very difficult for me mentally and emotionally (and I'm prone to anxiety and depression).
Solly Mack
(90,762 posts)I miss not having to check my distance from people. I always kept a considerate, not-in-your-space distance but now is different.
I miss the option of going out when I want. Not so much the desire to be around a crowd. Now I have to factor in if being around a lot of Covid -19 deniers is really worth the trip. It isn't.
Options have been reduced. Store hours. Services that have stopped completely. Lack of adherence to the rules (by others) reducing my options even more.
But I enjoy being alone with myself, so...
Thyla
(791 posts)Happy enough to stay at home with the wife and kids. Not really one for doing much of anything social unless it´s for the kids benefit.
A good(to be fair it´s also a bad part) part of living OS is being too far away from friends and family so you don´t have to turn up at whichever monthly birthday or get together that is inevitibly planned. Jeez even my Mum still goes out for drinks weekly, I feel like the grown up one now.
It didn´t use to be like that but having your own family changes things.
Now I know we´ll head back to Australia at some point but there is no way I´ll be going back to my home town aside from a visit and I already dread the idea that we´ll have to go to the pub and catch up and other meaningless nonsense.
I´ve grown acustomed to having enough space between us to avoid the pop in or invitations to something you don´t want to do. Thankfully Australia is a big place and can still have that sort of space quite easily, even if in the same state.
Kaleva
(36,294 posts)Being on the internet and having pets is enough to get me by.
Codeine
(25,586 posts)to spend an entire weekend without speaking to anyone.
Kaleva
(36,294 posts)And that isn't even considering time that could be dedicated to hobbies.
Tree-Hugger
(3,370 posts)I miss people. I miss connections. I miss gathering. I am NOT a party person. I do not drink and do not desire to do so. I do not like being around intoxicated people. That's never been an important part of my life. That said, I miss going to dinner with friends or just hanging out at their houses. I miss going for coffee. I miss dance classes, troupe rehearsals, performances, dance events. I'm very active in my daughter's school and I miss that. Yeah, we have virtual classes and we chat online, but it's not the same. It definitely hurts my already fragile mental health. But, we gotta do what we gotta do to strangle this virus out. I am so pissed at all the fuckwits who refuse to take this seriously and contribute to prolonging the pandemic.
Bettie
(16,089 posts)I like to go out occasionally and hang out with others.
Right now, I see no one and that isn't good for me.
Even introverts need some human contact.
ismnotwasm
(41,976 posts)Quit hard partying 30 years ago, and now I avoid all wedding showers, baby showers, weddings, even funerals if Im not obligated.. etc.
Small family gatherings I enjoy. Crowds annoy the crap out of me.
LizBeth
(9,952 posts)Big drinkers, but that is not what the need is. They cannot do alone. They bounce off the walls.
There is nothing in me that feeds off groups. The opposite. The energies of so many people mess me up and I can't breathe. I do not do crowds and have no desire to be a part of a crowd ever. Never have. Five minutes chatting with a neighbor gives me my people time and good to go for days.
But, I tell people, I am never bored. Never. I am always doing something like thinking, reading, playing with the dog, taking pictures, watching leaves fall, dancing, taking walks, watching wildlife, whatever, never bored.
These people bore easily. They are always whining about being bored. Their entertainment is people.
Meowmee
(5,164 posts)Small gatherings are better. But you can get / spread covid at any size gathering if that is what you are referring to. Or even in a crowd of 2.
Skittles
(153,147 posts)yes INDEED
marie999
(3,334 posts)Oh yeh, family. Also free range.
EarthFirst
(2,900 posts)Were Dead/Phish-heads.
We have voracious appetites for live music.
As a result; we see the same bands a dozen or more times a year whenever possible.
Add into the equation the other genres of music we enjoy and the regional music scene; and were seeing multiple dozens of shows a year; approaching the hundreds.
We love the scene; the family aspect; and dont get me wrong; we still enjoy to party on occasion...
However:
We fully understand the ramifications of the pandemic.
We havent been out socially since March.
This isnt our lifestyle; however weve made drastic changes to our lives because this isnt just about us: its about everyone.
We havent even gotten into the whole drive-in concert scene; because we just dont believe its 100% fail-proof.
The sooner we all get on the same page; the one thats dictated by science and career medical staff; the better off were all going to be.
We cannot wait to get back to where we can all socially intermingle with our family on the road; however were just not there yet...
Dagstead Bumwood
(3,623 posts)so parties were never a big priority for me. I attended some in my 20s, my "drinking days," but it's been ages since I've been to anything even approximating a "party." Mrs. Bumwood is even more of an introvert than I. Painfully so. So, we're not really missing the social engagements.
What I am missing is sporting events. May falls and winters are usually occupied by football and hockey games, including the NFH/NHL and our local college. I miss all of that. I also miss getting my steps in at the mall on the weekend, where I'm an unofficial mall-walker.
As someone stated upthread, I just miss the energy of being in a group of people, even though I may not be interacting with any of them.
Progressive Jones
(6,011 posts)I like concerts. I like all kinds of music, and I've always gone to a lot of live shows since the 70s. Sometimes, certain types of fellow concert goers can annoy the shit out of me, but I'm not there for them. I'm there for the music, and to hang with friends.
I'm a musician. The extent of my performing live has always been local/regional. I'm certainly missing the live shows I've always loved playing. It may sound cliche, but there is nothing like the feeling one gets when they are giving their all onstage, and the audience is getting into the music. I also miss the open mic jamming, and casual gatherings/jams with those in my music circles. We've been doing some "Zoom" jams, but it's not the same. Huge loss of chemistry and spontaneity.
End of the day: Better safe than sorry.
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,490 posts)with coffee or his/her drink of choice and good insightful personal conversations. I despise large, loud crowds and when I've had to go to parties, I corner an interesting individual or two and chat with them.
I do miss going to visit my daughter and granddaughter across town and it's just my son and I here making do until COVID-19 is done with us.
KY
H2O Man
(73,536 posts)I'm of an age that the word "partying" brings back memories of hanging out with a group of friends, drinking, smoking pot, and.or tripping. I would speculate that "partying" then is one of the reasons that only half of the old gang is still above soil.
"Partying" was a phase I went through. I grew up poor, on a small family farm. Other than farm work, my brothers and I invested all of our time engaged in the sport of boxing. The end of my boxing overlapped with the beginning of college. I had zero social skills -- still don't -- and so "partying" became my social life. Eventually, though, I got married and became a father, and life changed.
I don't "party" these days. And I am not comfortable in crowds. But I do enjoy talking with my old friends about the past, present, and future. Usually that is on the telephone or internet though. I enjoy being a hermit.
Iggo
(47,549 posts)Give or take.
MustLoveBeagles
(11,591 posts)I don't like large parties, never have. I spend most of evening trying not to having a panic attack. It's exhausting. I much prefer the smaller parties with 10 or fewer people. Those I do miss.
gay texan
(2,442 posts)That is hard to pin down if i am honest.
While i enjoy the comforts of a real peer group (those of us who bounce along the gender spectrum and wish to express it for a day/night) those moments are rare.
For the most part, i simply stay at home with my comforts of hobbies, chores, and complete control of my environment. I can express whatever gender i feel at the time without any remote fear of judgement.
Isolation has it rewards to the introverted in the midst of a pandemic i suppose. While it's hell for other people, it's routine for me.
I really have no friends of my persuasion out here i suppose, that's the cost of being isolated in the middle of nowhere. There are times i wish i could afford to live in San Francisco where people like me are not looked down upon, rather accepted as the norm.
There are times when i wish i could be myself doing normal things in July in a sundress and sandals and nobody fucking cares.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)drinking. I am glad I am not going through this as a younger person. I think it would be much harder. The older I got, the more introverted I became - or maybe I just started being more authentic and became who I really was in the first place. I have always hated large crowds. I feel trapped and suffocated by them.
Now I don't miss it at all. I'm very introverted and almost reclusive. I do miss going out to dinner with friends or just hanging out at a cafe and chatting. I mostly really just miss restaurants though. However, this has not been all that hard for me. I will be skipping T-giving w/ the family this year, and that will be a little lonely. The verdict is still out on Christmas, but I may be skipping that as well. It's just not worth the risk.