A Modest Proposal for preventing the poor people in PA. from being a burden on their State (satire)

[JPZenger]

Last edited Wed Jan 11, 2012, 02:55 PM - Edit history (1)

by Governor Tom Corbett, with apologies to Jonathan Swift

It is melancholy for people to drive through this Commonwealth when they see the streets crowded with women and children in a line for a food pantry. These mothers employ too much of their time seeking sustenance for their children. As these children have grown up, they have either turned to thievery or to fight in useless wars in Iraq.

These children add to the present deplorable state of Pennsylvania. Therefore whoever could find a cheap and easy method of making these children useful would deserve to have his giant statue set up as the preserver of the Commonwealth.

I find it amazing that we have allowed these wretched breeders and their families to receive Federal food assistance even if they have $2,000 of assets to pay for their medical bills, burial expenses, tax bills, car repairs or other emergencies. I have ordered this food assistance to stop in May.

I now humbly propose the following, which I know will not experience the least objection from our huge majorities in the Legislature.

I have been assured that a young healthy child well nursed is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve well in a fricasie

I propose that the youngest children be offered for sale to the persons of quality and fortune, after advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled.

Those who are more thrifty may dress the skin, which will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are concerned about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed. I have thought about how to ease so grievous an incumbrance. But I am not in the least pained by that matter because it is known that they are every day dying by cold and disease as fast as can be reasonably expected.

My intention is to address not just children and the aged, but all persons who have benefitted from our past assistance. I wish to continue several schemes:

Firstly, thanks to the most burdensome of new paperwork, we have had great success in reducing the numbers of these poor who receive medical assistance. We have ended the burden of low cost insurance for health expenses, which now allows us to use tobacco settlement money for more prisons to house the resulting thieving refuse.

Secondly, I had found it amazing that children of these wretched breeders were able to attend our public universities for less than $15,000 a year. That continues to be my priority to make this education only fit for the priviledged.

Thirdly, we have done everything in our power to divert monies from the public schools that serve these poor, so that we can adequately fund for-profit cyberschools run by our most generous benefactors.

Fourth, we will soon have a law in effect that will turn away many of the darker, wretched, carless, disabled and elderly from voting if they do not have a current state-issued photo identification card.

I know that no wise man will find other solutions to these dilemmas that are equally cheap, easy, and effectual.

I profess that I have no other motive than the public good of my Commonwealth, by avoiding taxes upon gas extraction, preserving the Delaware loophole, reducing Democratic voter turnout, and giving some pleasure to the rich.

[JPZenger]

1. Link explains PA.'s proposed massive cutback in food stamp eligibility

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1074200

[PRETZEL]

2. I know you called it satire,

however, I called it the Corbett State of the State if he were allowed to write it himself.

[JPZenger]

3. Article: Pa. $2K limit on food stamp assets called heartless

http://thetimes-tribune.com/news/food-stamps-asset-test-condemned-as-idiotic-heartless-1.1256186#ixzz1jAuaDF9d

from the Scranton PA. Times-Tribune

"The condemnation from area social service providers was as swift as it was universal as the state Department of Public Welfare confirmed Tuesday it plans to deny food stamps to otherwise income-eligible people under 60 with more than $2,000 in savings and other assets. A limit of $3,250 would be set for those over 60.

"It's stupid, idiotic and, quite honestly, heartless," said Gary Drapek, president of the United Way of Lackawanna and Wayne counties. "I can't understand it. I can't understand the rationale behind it."

He and other critics decried the policy as another unwarranted assault by Gov. Tom Corbett's administration on the state's working poor and struggling seniors - one that will further stress an already flimsy safety net.

"My immediate reaction was: Who is advising the governor on this?" said Monsignor Joseph P. Kelly, executive director of Catholic Social Services. "I mean, this is terrible public policy. Do we really not want to feed people in the United States of America?"

[JPZenger]

4. good column: Kicking People When They Are Down

http://susiemadrak.com/2012/01/11/kicking-people-when-theyre-down/

excerpt:

Everything Gov. Tom Corbett does comes right out of the ALEC playbook. But because he rarely speaks to the press, preferring to fly under the radar, there are no outrageous sound bytes on the local news and public outrage is hard to generate.

... “We all know that families need to save money to get off government assistance and achieve self-sufficiency,” according to a press release from Carey Morgan, Executive Director of the Greater Philadelphia Coalition Against Hunger.

“So it’s not only inhumane, but counterproductive to force people to drain their savings before they can get any help. Someone with less than $2,000 in the bank would easily be wiped out by one visit to the emergency room.”

[...] “Food stamps are really the only functioning part of the safety net,” the New York Coalition Against Hunger’s Joel Berg told The Nation. “It’s the only thing left.”