You may be a republican if...

[porphyrian]

...you hate liberals, communists and socialists, but can't really define any of the terms or describe how each is different from the other.

...you have $2.47 to your name, thousands of dollars in debt, don't yet own your house and think Romney's economic "plan" is best for America.

...you are "pro life," as well as pro-war, pro-death penalty and against using tax dollars to take care of unwanted children.

[whistler162]

1. You post you maybe threads!

[L0oniX]

114. -1

[porphyrian]

117. Ha!

[porphyrian]

2. ...you judge patriotism by the number of American flags and ribbon magnets someone has. n/t

[porphyrian]

3. ...you insist the media is liberal until it says something you like. n/t

[Indpndnt]

78. And completely miss the ludicrous paradox of doing so.

I really love this thread! [url=http://www.cosgan.de/smilie.php][img][/img][/url]

[porphyrian]

81. Thanks.

[porphyrian]

4. ...you believe you engender Christianity in your hatred of homosexuals, Muslims, compassion... n/t

[porphyrian]

5. ...you go out of your way to destroy an Obama sign, then complain that Biden was a "bully." n/t

[porphyrian]

6. ...you preach intolerance of homosexuality, then get caught with meth and a male prostitute. n/t

[lonestarnot]

7. Or you hate children, old people, in between people, sick people, homeless people, animals, the

environment, equity, justice, citizens rights and you embrace violence and grifting.

[porphyrian]

10. . n/t

[Tennessee Gal]

8. I have a few.

You may be Republican if .........

...you rail against those who you think don't pay taxes .......... but support a candidate who has millions of dollars in off shore accounts to avoid paying taxes.

...you scream about not being paid fairly .......... but support a candidate who belittles you as being a moocher or leech.

...you send your hard earned money off to the NRA for membership dues because they have convinced you that Obama wants to take away your guns, even though he has not taken the first step to do so .......... but support a candidate who signed a law banning the sale of assault weapons while Governor of Massachusetts.

...you rant about Obama not releasing certain records .......... but support a candidate who won't release more than two years of his tax returns even though his own father released twelve years as a candidate.

[porphyrian]

11. Good. n/t

[yardwork]

109. Good, but small correction. Romney hasn't even release two years' of full tax returns.

My understanding is that Romney has released only portions of the two years' returns. I don't think we've seen a complete final return yet. He released his 2011 return but he has time to amend that later, so it doesn't really count.

Missing is the number he claimed each year for actual income. I suspect that it was quite low after he finished writing most of his income off - thinks like the dressage horse, which he wrote off as a "business expense."

[Flashmann]

9. You may be a republican if...

Your head is constantly numb....

[porphyrian]

12. Heh. n/t

[RichGirl]

13. ....if whatever Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh says...

...goes into your ears and comes directly out of your mouth. Instead of making that oh so important detour through your brain!

[porphyrian]

18. Nice. n/t

[begin_within]

14. ...you cannot offer a definition of socialism, communism, Marxism or even capitalism

[porphyrian]

20. ...or be bothered to look any of them up. n/t

[tarheelsunc]

15. ... protecting your values means making the values of others illegal.

[porphyrian]

21. ! n/t

[2theleft]

55. the TRUTH!

[liberalmuse]

77. THIS!

[begin_within]

16. ...there is a sawhorse with a piece of carpet over it in your driveway for 12 years

[porphyrian]

22. Ha! I had that neighbor... n/t

[porphyrian]

17. ...you believe Fox News isn't "fair and balanced," it's too damn liberal! n/t

[theKed]

19. You may be a republican if...

...you preach right-to-life and family values, then force the girl you're sleeping with on the side to have an abortion.

[porphyrian]

23. Right? n/t

[Flashmann]

24. Now DAMMIT!!

That's gonna leave a big bruise......

[begin_within]

25. ...you think that going to church for 1 hour on Sunday makes up for what you did during the week

[porphyrian]

26. Bible Belters go on Wednesday, too, just in case. n/t

[Flashmann]

28. Hey..I recognize that

That's the religion I grew up with........Lutheran.......

[gr8dane_daddy]

27. You may be a republican if...

you pontificate the virtues of "family values" and pro-life only to be busted pressuring your mistress to get an abortion.

[porphyrian]

30. Surely none of these would run for office, though... n/t

[Flashmann]

34. Surely none of these would run for office

Of course not!....That would be the height of absurdity.....

[pscot]

97. And if they did, surely the voters

in their wisdom, would reject them as unfit for office.

[Flashmann]

98. Oh.....Yes.....Of course....

Absotively!......Posilutely.....

[begin_within]

29. ...you are in favor of tax cuts for the rich because you are sure that someday you will be rich

[porphyrian]

31. They think that right up until they retire and try to live on Social Security and Medicare. n/t

[lalalu]

32. At first I thought I fit one criteria.

I thought I only had $2 and change in my wallet. I actually had $10 and change in my wallet. That was close.

[porphyrian]

36. Sorry about that. n/t

[lalalu]

44. LOL, I am just kidding you.

I really like your thread.

[porphyrian]

46. Thanks.

[porphyrian]

33. ...you are alive to call the French "cowards" because people in the Underground died saving your...

...father's ass in WWII.

[zbdent]

35. you keep up the premise that tax cuts are a miracle cure for every ill ...

[porphyrian]

38. If only they cured hypocrisy. n/t

[begin_within]

37. ...your forwarded e-mail messages display all the recipients, and include all previous forwardings

[porphyrian]

39. Hey, now, that's an effective way to stop those e-mails, too. n/t

[Flashmann]

42. LMAO!

That is EVERY e-mail my wife gets from her batshit crazy,teabagger Aunt.....

[treestar]

56. They get back the emails they forwarded themselves

when the people they forwarded it to forward it on!

[begin_within]

62. ...and can't figure out why or how to change it

[darkangel218]

40. Awesome thread, thanx for posting x n/t

[porphyrian]

41. Thank you.

[porphyrian]

43. ...you believe all welfare should be cut, as long as you aren't getting it yourself. n/t

[Risen Demon]

102. and the "nee-grows" and "mex-hi-cans" aren't. n/t

[porphyrian]

140. Right, no brown people at all. n/t

[porphyrian]

45. ...you think we should be drilling for fossil fuels in national parks to bring down gas prices...

...but oppose nationalizing the companies that will sell off those resources to the highest bidder instead.

[lonestarnot]

50. If you outsource jobs to China and make money off that and are a defendant in an anti-trust suit.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/10/us/politics/as-romney-repeats-trade-message-bain-maintains-china-ties.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

"Mr. Romney, who has as much as $2.25 million invested in three Bain funds with large stakes in Asimco and at least seven other Chinese businesses,


http://www.scribd.com/doc/109656055/5th-Amended-Complaint-Kirk-Dahl-v-Bain-Capital-Partners

[porphyrian]

51. Hmm...I wonder what his taxes show... n/t

[lonestarnot]

54. You mean the ones we will NEVER see?

[porphyrian]

58. Surely he has nothing to hide... n/t

[lonestarnot]

72. No, he's paying someone to do that for him.

[porphyrian]

80. ...

[lonestarnot]

85. He's a "creator."

[porphyrian]

87. He really is. He creates bullshit. He creates conspiracy. He creates comedy routines... n/t

[lonestarnot]

154. Bullshit Mountain and in a real way, it is not comedy, but reality.

[porphyrian]

155. Sad, but true. n/t

[porphyrian]

47. ...you believe you're a patriot, but actively try to disenfranchise American voters. n/t

[porphyrian]

48. ...you practially worship the military, until the soldiers come home wounded or traumatized. n/t

[porphyrian]

49. ...you would rather subsidize a multimillion dollar corporation than give a poor single mother...

...$400 a month.

[liberalmuse]

82. I especially love this one.

The Reagan-perpetuated "Welfare Queen" myth was just smoke and mirrors to deflect attention away from the welfare king corporations.

[porphyrian]

84. The Reagan years were the first time I noticed homeless people on the streets.

Even though I lived in Ft. Lauderdale until 1980, we just never went where homeless people were (or the police kept them out of sight). Then, we moved to Tallahassee, which is the biggest city near the state mental hospital in Chattahoochee (yes, that's a real place). By 1982 or so, there were a bunch of homeless people around. It turns out that cuts to funding of the state hospital had them turning out "stable" patients for bed space. However, once on their own, many of those patients stopped taking their meds and they ended up wandering around or in shelters. Republicans are so compassionate.

[begin_within]

52. ...your definition of "liberal media" is ABC, CNN, NBC and MSNBC

[porphyrian]

53. ...you believe anything that comes out of Paul Ryan's mouth. n/t

[begin_within]

57. ...you vote against tax increases yet complain that government services are inadequate

San Diego County voters had several opportunities to increase the sales tax to pay for increased firefighting capability, and voted them all down... then complained loudly that firefighting coverage in the 2003 and 2007 wildfires was inadequate... then even after that voted down another increase...

[porphyrian]

61. Maybe they think the Santa Ana winds are part of the liberal global warming conspiracy to raise...

...taxes.

[begin_within]

67. wouldn't surprise me,

in fact I hope John Coleman, the nutty right-wing weatherman on KUSI never hears that idea, otherwise he'll be saying it every time a Santa Ana condition is prevailing...

[porphyrian]

143. ...

[JackN415]

59. subversive to progress and human decency

[porphyrian]

66. Republicans or this thread? n/t

[JackN415]

73. republican philosophy, modus operandi in one word = subversive

[porphyrian]

75. Check. Thanks.

[2theleft]

60. you think corporations are people, too.

[porphyrian]

63. ! n/t

[newspeak]

83. yep, you might be a republican if you believe

that corporations, any corporation (global or domestic) need more rights than you. you might be a republican if you believe those corporations and WS need deregulation, because hey, those regulations are getting in the way of making moolah; even if those regulations protect your sorry arse from dying of poisons or being monetarily screwed. you may be a republican if you believe that brown nosing alone will give you a decent wage and a safe work environment. you may be a republican if you believe ryan's plan of just giving a windfall of SS money to WS will instantly make you a millionaire and who's enron or madoff? you may be a republican, if you worked for it or scammed it or screwed to get what you've got, "I've got mine so screw the rest of americans." you might be a republican if you've got american tattered flags fluttering on your vehicle, but go out of your way to mock those who have fought, have been on the line (kerry, duckworth, cleland, lynch) for not agreeing with your brand of patriotism-and think those who actually survived their ordeal shouldn't be taken care of by the government that sent them in harms way.

and I could go on and on.

[2theleft]

64. you push adoption instead of abortion, but you have never adotped or fostered one of thousands..

of children in the system.

[porphyrian]

69. ...and don't want tax revenue to pay for them, either. n/t

[YoungDemCA]

65. You believe that YOU will still be able to take advantage of the "safety net"....

..even after Romney and Ryan gut it (if they get into office, of course...)

[porphyrian]

68. No office for them! n/t

[brewens]

70. You own guns and hunt but also vote for people that will boot you out of your favorite

hunting territory. Let them privatize that federal land and we'll see who is allowed to hunt it.

[porphyrian]

71. Right? Why would a corporation clear cut and pave over ten acres of forest?

[porphyrian]

74. ...you spend hours each day ranting about society's parasites from your room at your mother's house.

[porphyrian]

76. ...you talk authoritatively about things Jesus hates. n/t

[Indpndnt]

93. You worship Jesus, but loathe everything He practiced and preached.

And don't see the dichotomy there. Anybody today who does what Jesus did for people and says the things He said about how to treat others, would be branded "a socialist commie, gawddammit!!1!"

[porphyrian]

103. Right on. n/t

[porphyrian]

79. ...you defend corporations' rights to fire employees, are anti-union, anti-Obamacare...

...and blame the homeless for their plight.

[porphyrian]

86. ...you have no problem with everything Romney says being corrected later by his spokespeople. n/t

[porphyrian]

88. ...your children have been busted multiple times with crack in a zero tolerance state...

...but have never gone to prison.

[begin_within]

89. ...you believe that privatizing something will make it cost less to you

[porphyrian]

105. Empirical data states the opposite, but they don't let the facts get in the way of doctrine. n/t

[begin_within]

90. ...you believe that if something horrible happens to someone, "it's God's will"

[porphyrian]

106. That one's particularly offensive. They use it to justify their successes, too. n/t

[begin_within]

91. ...if a Democratic politician does something wrong, they need to be crucified, but if a Republican

politician does the exact same thing, they just need "forgiveness."

[porphyrian]

107. Newt Gingrich was a contender for republican candidate. Family values? 'Nuff said. n/t

[William769]

92. Recommended.

[porphyrian]

108. Thanks. n/t

[JDPriestly]

94. Sums it up.

Judging from what I saw at a college recently, you may also be Republican if you are young, a business major and believe that you, too, will be rich one day (even though you are majoring in business because you can't do math).

And you may be Republican if you are a college co-ed hoping to marry rich so that you don't have to ever really teach school and you joined the Republican Club on campus so you could meet a young Republican who is a business major, believes he will be rich one day and can't add two plus two.

And in the latter case, you may be a Republican because you think Republican guys are the ideal candidate for a fat alimony settlements if you divorce them.

[porphyrian]

110. Aren't young republicans so introspective and deep? n/t

[JDPriestly]

146. Sorry about my horrid grammar in that post.

[porphyrian]

147. No problem.

[LWolf]

95. You blame teachers

for societal failures.

[porphyrian]

111. Long enough to bust their unions and end tenure, anyway. n/t

[11 Bravo]

96. You can perform a colonoscopy on yourself by simply opening your eyes.

[porphyrian]

104. Ha!

[VWolf]

99. You attack the wrong country

in retaliation for a terrorist attack that happened on your watch. And then you use said war to score political points.

[porphyrian]

112. "They tried to kill my daddy!" n/t

[meow2u3]

100. ...you scream bloody murder about nonexistent Democratic voter fraud

while your party has been repeatedly caught on video perpetrating voter registration fraud.

[porphyrian]

113. They're still under investigation, I understand. n/t

[We People]

101. ...if HYPOCRISY is your middle name

I'm picking up on the theme of Republican = Hypocrite (closely related to the tendency to Project their faults onto others)!

Of course, HYPOCRISY and EXTREME GREED being the two sides of the Republican coin...

[porphyrian]

116. Everyone is a hypocrite at times, but it's so much more obnoxious to be a self-righteous hypocrite.

Yes, of the Deadly Sins, they seem to have a monopoly on avarice.

[begin_within]

115. ..the only font you know is Arial and all your memes were done in MS Paint

[porphyrian]

118. I'm not sure they're aware of how to change the font, anyway. n/t

[porphyrian]

119. ...spelling is optional on your protest sign. n/t

[porphyrian]

120. ...you throw tantrums over how much tax money is wasted on things that spend less than 1%. n/t

[CheapShotArtist]

121. You believe your party is for liberty

while it constantly pushes policies that disenfranchise minorities and poor people, take away the right of women to be in control of their own bodies, deprive gays of the right to marry, and evaporate the spending freedom of 99% of the population in favor of 1% of the population.

[porphyrian]

122. ! n/t

[porphyrian]

123. ...you refuse to sit next to Jon Sununu and know why.

[MizzM]

124. You may be a republican...

If you think that the millions without health insurance is a small percentage of the whole and therefore are not worth bothering about.

[porphyrian]

126. They don't want tax dollars paying for all of those cosmetic abortions! n/t

[porphyrian]

125. ...you see nothing wrong with coercing your employees to vote the way you want them to. n/t

[begin_within]

127. ...you think class warfare is illegal

[porphyrian]

128. ...you have not mentioned G. W. Bush at all in 2012. n/t

[DireStrike]

130. Socialists vs. Communists is actually a complicated issue

Marx used the two terms interchangeably, and hardcore lefties will also.

For many people "Communism" has become synonymous with Stalinism. The actual definition is a classless, stateless society.

Socialism means anything from Communism to favoring government spending for any reason, depending on who you talk to. Some leftists speak of socialism as the dictatorship of the proletariat, preceding a truly communist society. Again, not how Marx used the terms.

Even many on the left think socialism is just a point on the spectrum in the opposite direction from capitalism; that you can have a "mix" of socialism and capitalism depending on how large your public sector is in relation to your private sector.

Of course, all of this confusion is due to propaganda; nearly 100 years of right-wing anti-communism, as well as the Stalin brand of "Ok, good work boys and girls! We're at communism now! Wave the red flag and eat your gruel!"

...you may be a republican if you didn't even click on this reply.

[porphyrian]

131. They would have turned off as soon as you said "Marx."

[porphyrian]

132. ...you need a convenient excuse to hang out with the openly racist. n/t

[porphyrian]

133. ...you blame the President for not creating jobs instead of the obstructionist republicans...

...in Congress that won't pass the President's jobs bill.

[porphyrian]

134. ...it's easier for you to believe that "illegal immigrants stole your job" than...

...to admit you just weren't the best person for the position.

[Risen Demon]

141. They took er jaaabs!

[porphyrian]

142. ...

[guardian]

135. you eat your own poo! n/t

[porphyrian]

136. Some dog owners won't like that one.

[porphyrian]

137. ...you spend more time worrying about how others use their genetalia than how much you use yours.n/t

[Bonobo]

138. ...you support drone strikes, charter schools,

Draconian marijuana prosecutions, wireless surveillance, whistleblower prosecution, Alaska oil-drilling, secret assassination programs.

[porphyrian]

139. ...you think lynching an empty chair from your tree in the South is a funny political statement.

Or if you think you're sending a serious message with it.

[Bozita]

144. ... your shoe size is five points higher than your IQ

[porphyrian]

148. They don't believe in numbers unless they are in their bank account. n/t

[bluethruandthru]

145. You think it's treasonous for anyone to criticize the president during a time of war...but only

if that president is a republican!

[porphyrian]

149. Why do they hate America?

[Arkansas Granny]

150. You may be a republican if...

...you get all the "facts" you need from the bible.

[porphyrian]

151. ...and disregard the parts that contradict what you believe.

[porphyrian]

152. ...you believe grandma is OK with using coupons to get her Medicare. n/t

[porphyrian]

153. ...you home school your children to protect them from the theory of evolution. n/t