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Mon May 3, 2021, 12:57 PM

I've lost my best friend, and it's because of Trump

I have a friend that I've known my entire life. We've always been politically and religiously opposed, but we've accepted that and had an understanding to avoid those topics when we're together. When Trump came onto the scene, my friend embraced him wholeheartedly and enthusiastically joined the cult. While still polite to me personally, he didn't shy away from belligerent and offensive statements when other conservatives were present. He has revealed himself to be a true fascist.

Over the past year, I avoided him because of Covid. I knew he considered wearing a mask was beneath him, and now he refuses to get a vaccine. When asked, he'd say "Why should I?" It's almost like he's looking down his nose at me because I am vaccinated. This attitude disgusts me.

I miss the insightful conversations we used to have over a glass of whiskey. He is extremely funny and intelligent. But do I want to be friends with someone who fully embraces someone like Trump? I've seen him a couple of times in the last month when we can meet outside (I won't go into their house), and the conversations were very strained. I'm putting most of the blame for this on me because I don't know what to say to a person whose values are so different from mine.

Thanks for letting me rant. I am truly conflicted about what to do here. Do any of you have friends who are Trumpists? How do you deal with a friend when you know there's an ugliness deep inside them?

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Reply I've lost my best friend, and it's because of Trump (Original post)
Poiuyt Monday OP
Nevilledog Monday #1
drray23 Monday #2
kairos12 Tuesday #97
llashram Monday #3
cilla4progress Monday #4
doc03 Monday #5
USAFRetired_Liberal Monday #20
doc03 Monday #38
slumcamper Monday #29
LastLiberal in PalmSprings Monday #47
cayugafalls Monday #6
slumcamper Monday #42
Paladin Monday #7
Atticus Monday #65
BlueNProud Monday #8
dchill Monday #45
TraceNC Monday #9
niyad Monday #34
Frustratedlady Monday #10
magicarpet Monday #11
lucca18 Monday #12
moonscape Monday #13
Baitball Blogger Monday #14
Downtown Hound Monday #15
slumcamper Monday #43
ShazzieB Monday #63
Evolve Dammit Tuesday #100
pandr32 Monday #16
ripcord Monday #17
Wingus Dingus Monday #18
GoCubsGo Monday #19
DemUnleashed Monday #21
Poiuyt Monday #31
Upthevibe Tuesday #91
catrose Monday #22
lagomorph777 Monday #23
GaYellowDawg Monday #24
hay rick Monday #25
EmeraldCoaster Monday #26
EmeraldCoaster Monday #27
Delmette2.0 Monday #28
kimbutgar Monday #30
Zen Democrat Monday #32
MLAA Monday #33
DFW Monday #35
Tiger8 Monday #36
FakeNoose Monday #37
Trueblue1968 Monday #39
caraher Monday #40
pazzyanne Tuesday #84
The Blue Flower Monday #41
chia Monday #44
kirkuchiyo Monday #46
aggiesal Monday #48
drmeow Monday #49
Loge23 Monday #50
CharlieTuneA1 Monday #51
aggiesal Monday #58
uponit7771 Monday #68
Poiuyt Monday #69
MustLoveBeagles Monday #71
Mr. Steve Tuesday #83
Evolve Dammit Tuesday #101
pazzyanne Tuesday #86
Irish_Dem Tuesday #107
Maggiemayhem Monday #52
catbyte Monday #53
slumcamper Monday #54
Evolve Dammit Tuesday #102
Warpy Monday #55
budkin Monday #56
LittleGirl Monday #57
Bettie Monday #59
RVN VET71 Monday #60
ananda Monday #61
MustLoveBeagles Monday #72
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Rustyeye77 Monday #64
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Coventina Monday #67
Martin Eden Monday #70
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OMGWTF Tuesday #96
Evolve Dammit Tuesday #98
Evolve Dammit Tuesday #99
Kablooie Tuesday #104
Grins Tuesday #105

Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:01 PM

1. ...





Luckily, I don't have any RWNJs in my bubble.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:02 PM

2. I sympathise. My wife and I had the same experience with a couple

we had know for a long time. We went to their house for dinner (that was pre-covid, during the Trump regime) and were floored to discover they were unabashed Trumpers, pretty much bigoted, xenophobic. She has a PhD in psychology, he was a former air force and commercial airline pilot. Both very educated. Yet they had swallowed the whole Trump cult nonsense whole.
We no longer see them. Life is too short to have to deal with this. Maybe after Trump dies, they will slowly get back to their senses. Who knows.

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Response to drray23 (Reply #2)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:00 AM

97. Life is too short to stand next to a smelly garbage can. That's always been my thinking.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:04 PM

3. the final choice

was your friends choice. Racist, fascist? A choice also. No pity here except for your friend's willful ignorance. Lemming followed the leader to demise.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:04 PM

4. As I bet others here have as well -

I've spent HOURS struggling with this!

You nailed it when you said it's about basic values, and ethics, I would add. Not to mention they are batshit cray. What are they capable of?

It's not like the old days where the differences between Rs and Ds were far more broachable - within normal range.

I've managed to maintain superficial relationships, while strictly avoiding any discussion of politics, with these friends.

I also find myself more actively seeking out relationships with those who share my views.

It is what it is, as they say.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:08 PM

5. I have become more of a loner since most everyone

is a Trump supporter. You can't even talk about fishing, sports or anything without them turning it to politics.
So I just avoid everyone as much as I can.

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Response to doc03 (Reply #5)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:52 PM

20. Yeah I noticed that, too

You can't even talk about fishing, sports or anything without them turning it to politics.


Yep, no matter what the outing or topic of conversation it always became political when I was around those types....you could be fishing like you said, everyone would have trouble catching anything....then all of a sudden someone would say “this is all Obama’s fault because of _____.”.....and I would be like what the fuck does Obama have to do with this.

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Response to USAFRetired_Liberal (Reply #20)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:45 PM

38. If you do Facebook same thing someone can post

something about any subject and it is always a Trump supporter that makes some asinine comment about socialism or Democrats. You can say something about the weather and they start something about it proves climate change is a hoax.

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Response to doc03 (Reply #5)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:15 PM

29. Yep, that's what I do.

At present, social avoidance is the most effective means of averting conflict, for me. The less I go out or interact with others, the better. RWers have lost their cookies, and I just don't deal well with such ignorance and mean-spiritedness.

It truly IS a matter of values, principles, ethics, and a profound conflict between opposing sides' sense of civic virtue. How we could have possibly drifted so far away from shared conceptions of fairness, justice, equality, and yes--the responsibilities attendant with individual rights and liberty--is beyond me.

This is a very ugly time, and the people I avoid are the face of it.

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Response to slumcamper (Reply #29)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:08 PM

47. Remaining silent and looking at them with pity is another approach.

Sighing and nodding your head sympathetically also works. At least it does with my SIL.

The important thing is not to engage them. They will never change their mind, even if T***** does. Look at their reaction to Fat Donnie finally getting a vaccine and suggesting that others do the same. Nothing changed. They're still operating from the "COVID is a Democratic hoax," meme.

"Never try to teach a pig to sing—it wastes your time and annoys the pig." Robert Heinlein, "The Notebooks of Lazarus Long"

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:08 PM

6. Ideological divides are to big for a band aid.

There is no good solution to the problem. If you value the conversation more than the ideology he espouses, then continue on, if not, end it. Perhaps, you feel that you can help him see the errors of his ways, but is that really a battle you desire to engage?

I do understand, I have a brother who is full on....it is never easy.

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Response to cayugafalls (Reply #6)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:53 PM

42. That's good, sound perspective and advice there, cayuga. TYVM!

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:08 PM

7. You're well-rid of your "friend."

And lose the "I'm putting most of the blame for this on me" attitude. trump lunatics are not entitled to such deflections.

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Response to Paladin (Reply #7)

Mon May 3, 2021, 07:00 PM

65. Amen. nt

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:10 PM

8. Move on. Your ex friend will excuse any behavior even murder.

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Response to BlueNProud (Reply #8)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:01 PM

45. Demonstrably, he already has.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:12 PM

9. Same. This is pretty common, I've found.

One thing to remember with old friends is that if you ask yourself “would I be friends with this person if I just met them” and the answer is “no,” then that “no” applies now. Move on.

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Response to TraceNC (Reply #9)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:31 PM

34. Welcome to our DU family.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:12 PM

10. I can't be around so-called friends or family who are Trump Humpers.

I have a sister who I talked to a few months ago...for the last time, I might add. If she happens to call me, I'll talk to her about family, but I will never speak to her again about Trump or the Republican party. I have lost what little respect I have for the party and their members who insist on following him. I live by the suggestion that if you can't say anything nice, change the subject.

I have a new neighbor from Utah who is moving in and I pray they are not Trumpers/Republicans. Right now, I would not be the least bit friendly and that goes against my grain. I no longer have the tolerance to put up with people who lie and I don't want to play silly games of pretending to be tolerant. As with my sister, I will keep my distance if I have to rather than give the impression I believe what she has to say. If you are so weak you accept the lies of Trump and his followers, I can't waste my time with you. Simple as that.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:14 PM

11. Don't cast all the blame on trDUMP,....

... you stated your friend is a full blown fascist. Yes trDUMP is also a fascist.

Myself,... I refuse to befriend fascists,.. primarily because I fear if I do I give them a vote of confidence that being a fascist is okay.

Fascism is detestable and horrible thing and I position myself as far away from it as I possibly can.

You do you and be true to yourself - but anyone who worships the ground that trDUMP walks on like he was a messiah or something is not someone I particularly want as a friend or seek to buddy buddy up to.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:16 PM

12. I can relate, as the same thing happened to me.

We “were” best friends.
We grew up in New York and met right after high school.
She was the sister I never had.

Eventually along the way, she moved to San Antonio Texas, and I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area.

I would visit, and watched her children grow up.
Overtime, she started to change.

She is now a “full-blown” Trump supporter (or should I say follower).

So sad.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:20 PM

13. I empathize as I went through nearly

identical with a very good friend of 45 years. We were at university together, both moved to Manhattan, vacationed in Paris, stayed in regular touch after I left NYC and was there for me when I got cancer. Then, Trump.

He is a retired attorney, gay, been on a cocktail for HIV since the late 80’s, and I could never understand his conservatism but accepted it and our friendship endured with the agreement we would back off political discussions.

I don’t understand how someone intelligent could fall for Trump but it revealed things about him I could not get past. In the end I cut off communication, thanked him for his friendship all these years, the wonderful memories, but that I was unable to continue and wished him everything good in life. Asked him not to call or write but he did (an unpleasant response) so I blocked his email addresses and did not have to see any further he might have sent.

It’s very sad thinking of all the interpersonal damage among close friends and families that went on the last 4 years and continues. Very sorry you are in this club.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:20 PM

14. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

If you see him again, eventually there will be a blow-up. Atleast by avoiding him there's a chance that something will happen in his life that will bring him back to reason.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:26 PM

15. Same.

The difference between you and me is, I refuse to blame myself. I blame my friend. Why? You said it yourself, my friend is a fascist. There's no beating around that bush, Trump is a fascist. If you support Trump, you support fascism. And that makes you a fascist.

I've known this friend since junior high school. He was always a bit of a bone head, but he was a loveable bone head. We pounded quite a few beers in our 20's, smoked quite a few bowls, worked out at the gym, did a whole bunch of stuff together. But the loveable bone head turned into a violent, gun-humping bigot when Trump hit the scene, and I refuse to be a part of that in any way. I refuse to support fascism in any way.


Our friendship finally ended when he started mocking trans people on facebook and I called him a "Trump toe sucking , fascist ass-licking lapdog." He did not take kindly to that, and we haven't spoken since. If that makes me guilty of "liberal intolerance" as my friend and many conservatives like to say, then I'm guilty. And guess what? I'm fucking damn proud of it. If only more Germans had done the same in the 1930's, a great tragedy could have been avoided. Life is too short to spend it with people who don't reflect your values.

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Response to Downtown Hound (Reply #15)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:56 PM

43. NOTE TO SELF:

Commit to memory "Trump toe-sucking fascist, ass-licking lapdog."

"Trump toe-sucking fascist, ass-licking lapdog."

"Trump toe-sucking fascist, ass-licking lapdog."

YES. Nails it!

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Response to Downtown Hound (Reply #15)

Mon May 3, 2021, 05:10 PM

63. Agreed, but I'd word it just a little bit differently.

Life is too short to waste it on people who don't reflect your values.

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Response to Downtown Hound (Reply #15)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:05 PM

100. If only more Germans had done the same in the 1930's, a great tragedy could have been avoided."

I think you nailed it. We are at that time it seems. A watershed of sorts. May it be resolved without the tragedy of that time.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:27 PM

16. The disconnect from reality is too hard to deal with

If it were a learning or mental disability it would be easier to accept and cope with.

The point is that it is something more--a total brainwashing because of biases that already were there.

The added layers of fabricated disinformation (through so many routes) transported them into another place, but sometimes they are still right there in front of us saying the sky is green and water is dry.

We are cut off at the knees with these people. They are supporting overthrowing our democracy, separating families, killing of Black people by police and halting their voices in every way they can, stripping women of their rights and any hope of equality, treating LGBTQ people as monsters, fascism, dictators, ending secularism and diversity, and on and on.

We have to accept that we can't reach them and continue on. Perhaps one day through some personal revelation or experience they will see they've been had and be open to joining the rest of us again, and perhaps not.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:31 PM

17. I was shocked when I saw a friend's post

This guy is college educated and has a responsible job at JPL so I couldn't understand it when he posted that he wasn't getting vaccinated because the believed it would alter his dna.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:32 PM

18. I have some family members on my husband's side who

are trump humpers. I don't speak to them or deal with them. One of them revealed her trump stupidity recently to other family members, which comes as a real disappointment to my husband and me. Always thought she was a nice lady, but now I know she's only nice to her small select "tribe" of family/fellow churchgoers/trumpy white people etc. Just because someone is selectively decent and kind to YOU, individually, doesn't mean that person is decent and kind--a lesson I've absorbed.

Since 2008 and Obama, a lot has been revealed about family and acquaintances that I formerly thought of as "good people". Racism, anti-immigrant sentiment, selfishness, maskholery, anti-vaxx nuttery, religious insanity, and just general assholery have bubbled up into view, mostly thanks to forwarded email jokes and facebook. Trump liberated them from having to hide it, or at least from feeling shame about it. I guess I'm glad to know it, so I can cut off contact.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 01:45 PM

19. Anyone who questions why they should get a vaccine

may not be as "intelligent" as you think they are. I had a friend like that at one time. Over time, I got more and more uncomfortable with her and her attitudes. Eventually, it was more comfortable to just move on and find other friends. Some of that was because she decided to marry her on-again-off-again asshole boyfriend, who liked to collect Nazi memorabilia, but mostly I got sick of feeling the way you do more often than not. I never looked back.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:01 PM

21. It's heartbreaking!

I have republican friends who in my eyes may as well be Qanon followers. I don't think they are but, to me, there is no difference. If you still support Trump at this point, in my eyes, you are crazy Qanon!

I am going to try and keep a couple of good republican friends of mine by seeing them outdoors only without talking politics. Another republican friend, I have no interest in keeping friends with. She still supports trump and it isn't worth it to me to keep my friendship with her...she's too Trumpian for me

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Response to DemUnleashed (Reply #21)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:20 PM

31. Qanon

That's another big point. I used to be able to have civil conversations with Republicans. Not anymore. They cannot agree on basic facts, so there's no basis for a conversation. They can't accept reality. They're in a fantasy world.

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Response to Poiuyt (Reply #31)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:08 AM

91. Poiut.....

Qanon is how I lost one of my very best friends.

She's not political (or at least I don't think she is) but she's always been a conspiracy theorist.

When the whole QAnon nonsense happened and she denied all that we saw and heard from trump, I let her know that QAnon was off the table. She let me know that she felt that I was censoring her. This was back in Sept. and we haven't spoken since. We used to talk on the phone every other day and had great conversations.

It's horrible what's happened because of trump and QAnon.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:03 PM

22. I'm sorry for your loss, which is real.

Things are simpler now. We used to make excuses, give second chances, practice tolerance: Now we know that anyone not wearing a mask (and now not getting vaccinated) does not care about their community, even their family, and is fine with your dying so he's not inconvenienced by a mask (what tender li'l snowflakes they are). He's fine with all the burden of herd immunity falling on you so that he can live his life however he wants, and those stores, bars, and restaurants better stay open for him, by God.

TL;DR: Maskless=sociopath
They have no redeeming features for me to want to be within 66 ft of them.
The virus is also real and has killed more people than the 20th C wars, those wars to end all wars.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:05 PM

23. I got rid of my friends who went Trumpist. They showed themselves to be unworthy of my time.

I will not associate with toxic people.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:05 PM

24. I know how you feel.

I've apparently lost a 30 year friend because I was overjoyed that Trump got turned out of office. After our last conversation in January, I got sent to voicemail a few times in a row and then decided to see if he'd ever call me. Nope. I put a lot of work into keeping contact with him over the decades and it's heartbreaking, especially as I get along very well with his wife and stepchildren. But if Trump is more important to him than I am, then there's nothing I can do about it except let him go.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:06 PM

25. Friendship presupposes mutual respect.

When respect disappears, friendship is reduced to distasteful tolerance. No thanks.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)


Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:11 PM

27. I abuse them verbally and with text.

I tell them they are in a cult and need deprograming. They get mad I tell them they are batshit crazy, but I am here to help them. I say I am brow beating you the way I would want you to me if I was in a cult.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:13 PM

28. I lost two friends.

One I knew for almost 25 years. Just before the2017 inauguration we were at a local concert. As usual she asked me how have I been? I answered that son e the election I have been sick to my stomach.
She said nothing, just turned away. And we were done.

My other friend was never very social. But I would call her about once a month and we would have a glass of wine. We could talk for 3 hours and she said she always had a good time. Just after the Covid ramped up late March I decided to wait for her to call. She never has.

Now I consider it a relief to have them out of my life.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:18 PM

30. I lost two of my long time girl friends I've known 30+ years because of mf45

And I have another friend who lives in Missouri that I’m afraid to call because i don’t want to find out if she’s a MF45 supporter.

That is the one awful thing about MF45 and the right wing media, now they have divided family and friends. It is so awful and the slogan divide and conquer will be the downfall of the USA. China doesn’t divide its citizens and they will overtake us as the world’s leaders because Americans can no longer think for themselves that have to be told how to think.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:27 PM

32. Get new friends or keep your own company.

There's no real friendship between pro-and anti- fascists and nazis. No matter how much you liked your former friend, if he's a true believer in the doctrine of hate, he'd be one to "turn you in to the authorities" or, the fuhrer of the moment.

I wouldn't lament, I'd RUN. Shake the dust from your shoes and beat feet! Unless, you happen to enjoy condescension from the ignorantsia, and having your head filled with nonsense and outrageous lies, which you obviously do not, move on to healthier and happier brains!

Best of luck. I've been there and had to end a couple of close former friendships because of callous indifference to the truth. Please be aware, at THIS point, there is nary a TrumpPissed who is NOT racist, no not one.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:30 PM

33. I dropped the couple of trumpers that I was either friends with or acquaintances.

Even dropped a family member. I can’t be supportive of anyone who is destroying democracy and is racist.

I do t feel even a twinge of guilt. I feel regret that they went so far to the side of woeful ignorance and hate.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:37 PM

35. I know people like that

I do not consider them friends.

I have had people who were friends evolve into people like the one you describe. They are friends no longer. Friends are people who can count on me in times of peril, and on whom I can count on in times of peril. It works both ways. The trust must be there. If it's not, then friendship just isn't part of the equation. An inner ugliness is a wall that friendship, for me, at least, has never been able to penetrate.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:44 PM

36. Yup. Both friends and family.

Every conversation, at the very least, had right wing bullshit hanging in the air.

I sensed this nervous energy, ready to defend against even a random observation that might expose a weakness to Trumpism....or an opportunity to twist my words into proving Trumpism.

It's as if they've become empty shells - dedicating their entire life energy into furthering Trumpism. Nothing else matters.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:44 PM

37. I'm sorry for your loss & pain - it's something we all share

Chump, Putin, Magats, Q people, and libertarians have joined together and they are actively trying to destroy our country. Who's pulling the strings? What do they gain from all of this?

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:45 PM

39. i've just about lost my sister, niece and 3 nephews. SAME REASON AS YOU LOST YOUR FRIEND

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:51 PM

40. It's been more with family for us

My sister-in-law, across the country, is a Trumper and anti-vaxxer. We were discussing possibly seeing our 16-year-old niece in late June when she comes out this way, but she is not vaccinated. When we said we'd love to see her but we'd like her to get vaccinated before spending hours in a tiny car with her, after rubbing elbows with hundreds of strangers in airports, my sister-in-law insisted that vaccination makes people more vulnerable to new variants, and ended with a dramatic declaration about whether or not we ever wanted to see her or her family ever again, "your choice."

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Response to caraher (Reply #40)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:11 AM

84. Same.

All my remaining siblings, except my youngest brother, are all trumpers. I live in a very red area of my state. In order to survive, I refuse to talk politics with anyone except my brother, and the occasional Democrat I run across by accident. If someone starts their repub screed, I simply say that I don't talk politics or religion and change the subject. If they don't I walk away. I refuse to abandon my life-long morals to anyone.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 02:51 PM

41. Me too

I met this friend in 7th grade and we roomed together in college. She's lived in a remote part of south Florida for 50 years. Politics and religion were never an issue until the orange anus. I never hear from her anymore. It's sad.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:00 PM

44. Trump ran a bright line right through the middle of my family. It's heartbreaking.

And it seems unfixable.

A sibling I can, and have dealt with. But a child... so different.

We're civil, we're polite... and we're also more distant now. Carefully walking circles around the GQP elephant in the room.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:01 PM

46. My mother is a Trumper

I haven't spoken to here in a year and have no intention of ever interacting with here again. She was a horrible person before, this just sealed it.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:10 PM

48. I wrote the same thing about 8 months ago ...

The straw that broke the camels back was when my friend shared a facebook posting that was one of the most vile, racists posting I've ever seen.
I called my friend out on it and the response was, that is how my "friend" felt.

I flat out called my former friend a racist.

My threshold is that I'm no longer willing to live with racists attitudes.


You'll have to set whatever threshold you want to determine at what point that threshold is crossed.
You may have already reached/crossed it.
Do not hesitate to drop him as a friend and let him know why.
Maybe he'll realize his attitude and start coming around when he's no longer a Trumpette.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:14 PM

49. I have a friend like this

Fortunately we don't live near each other and she's ready to avoid. I started hiding her FB posts when she posted racist shit about Obama but I would still occasionally go to her page to see what was up. I stopped being willing to do that when she went full MAGAT.

On the other hand, some friends who were old school Republicans or who I assumed were so have either moved to the left or I've learned they are more left than I feared.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:22 PM

50. We lost a few.

Still talking to a few as well, but the issues never comes up.
It's not necessarily the ugliness inside them as much as it is the utter stupidity of believing in a con.
It has caused us to reassess the relationships; who wants to associate with an idiot? And it's that - the idiocy, that is the bridge too far.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:23 PM

51. This is just like my family.

This is my first post on the forum. I've been a longtime observer, and mostly like what I see and read here. I have a similar issue with a certain member of my family.

I'm 71, the oldest of 5 siblings, and we all live in the same county. We haven't seen one another since Christmas 2019. My sister, an avowed Trumpster, refuses to wear a mask, or get a vaccine. When I asked her, very nicely, to get vaccinated, so that we can get all together (my brother has advanced pancreatic cancer), she said that she was not a "sheeple," and accused me of being a bully. (I did say please.) I said that she would have to live with the consequences. She said that she would rather lie and say that she got the vaccine, than to actually get it. If we're together, I guess I'll just stay in another part of the room.

This pandemic is a public health matter, but now it seems to have become such a political issue. Are some people just angry because their candidate lost the election? It's just f-ing stupid.

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Response to CharlieTuneA1 (Reply #51)

Mon May 3, 2021, 04:01 PM

58. Let me be the first to welcome you to DU ...



Very cool site and DU members have the best sense of humor.
Enjoy, and don't be a stranger.

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Response to CharlieTuneA1 (Reply #51)

Mon May 3, 2021, 09:33 PM

68. damn, sry bout that ... I know two people who's brains have strained Trump & feel they know better

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Response to CharlieTuneA1 (Reply #51)

Mon May 3, 2021, 09:56 PM

69. Welcome to DU!

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Response to CharlieTuneA1 (Reply #51)

Mon May 3, 2021, 10:31 PM

71. Welcome to DU



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Response to CharlieTuneA1 (Reply #51)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:08 AM

83. I too have lost a lot of family

About eight of my family are tRump cultists. I have not been able to have any meaningful conversations with any of them for a few years. One goes so far as to talk about a second amendment solution for me. Fortunately, I am in one part of the country and they are in another. Two have asked if I have the "China Sickness," and another has asked about my "woolly fleece." It is sad that I do not have much family around me, but if this is the sort of family interaction I can expect, then let it be away from me. I do not need the irritation. I am 75 and do not expect to be around for much more, so the lack of their harassment is not all that bad.

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Response to Mr. Steve (Reply #83)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:26 PM

101. Eight is a lot of family. I am so sorry.

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Response to CharlieTuneA1 (Reply #51)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:21 AM

86. Welcome to DU!

My DU family is what has kept me sane since 2016. Hope your experience is the same.

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Response to CharlieTuneA1 (Reply #51)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:55 PM

107. The GOP politicizing health care during a deadly pandemic was one of the worst things

they have done.

If there is a hell, they are headed straight there.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:24 PM

52. I dropped Republican friends awhile back. I have no energy for them.



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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:42 PM

53. Sorry to hear that. I cut loose any trump humping friends/acquaintances in 2017

Their attitudes disgusted me and life is too damned short.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:44 PM

54. What exactly is it about him that brought the vile to the surface of people?

His persona was so clearly toxic to us. Yet, he easily aroused and cultivated the worst aspects of so many others.

The cultish embrace of him by so many speaks poorly of the character of nearly half our nation.

The dogged, rabid adherence to such a loathsome person tells us that they thirsted mightily for such a monster that they might bare their true nature.

Their continued embrace in spite of all that is so bad, and their wholesale rejection of facts and truths speak to an irrational nature and gullibility that can be easily exploited by those with evil designs.

Sorry, but I'm not very confident that we will survive this.

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Response to slumcamper (Reply #54)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:29 PM

102. Well stated and I share your concern.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:53 PM

55. Emily Post showed us the way many decades ago

by putting religion and politics discussions away in polite company. There are things I really don't want to know about otherwise pleasant people and those two top the list.

I'm guessing that the glue that kept you together was made of a lot more subjects than those two.

My own first rule for living is "never argue with a crazy person." When someone I otherwise enjoy starts ranting, I wait until they come up for air and ask "Are you done?" and change the subject. There are a lot of ways to shut down political or religious rants and that's the one I've found most effective when you have no interest in encouraging or engaging them.

If you do want to engage them, "where did you hear/who told you a silly thing like that?" wrong foots them and they can't get defensive over it and often they're the ones who change the subject.

The alternative to going Emily Post on them is leaving them floating around in the right wing hellscape with no potential reality checks available since the only people who tolerate them are in the same disinformation bubble. I'm not sure that's wise.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:59 PM

56. It's happened to all of us. Trump tore the nation apart.

He poured gasoline onto the fire of racist resentment after Obama was elected. I'm not sure we can ever go back.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 03:59 PM

57. I gave up at least 13 FB friends,

My sister is hard core, so we haven’t spoken since September. My brother since November and a childhood friend in 4 years. Frankly, I am so disgusted with that half of the country thinking liberals are the enemy that I Cannot associate with them anymore. I don’t support the con, the grift, the lies, endless Big Lie and how we’re the problem not him. Fake news, fake Fauci crap just tests me and I’m done. If they come to their senses and come to say hello, my stipulation is that his name is never spoken in my presence.

Otherwise, I’m a big nope!

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 04:04 PM

59. I have a close friend

well, had. She was not political, until that orange thing.

Now? She voted for him. Twice.

I never asked, but following the last election, she told me. She also expressed how stupid she thinks I was for voting for Biden.

I don't look at her the same way anymore.

I just don't talk to her.

I get it. It is hard.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 04:30 PM

60. Just remember that they don't give a crap about you

They lock you out because the Chosen One, ex-President Flubbo is their Way, Truth, and Light. You may feel upset but, trust me, they do not give a flying fornication about you any more than the fundamentalist buttwad who disowns his own child because he or she has come out gay cares about that child.

Cold hearted and super patriotic, they’d attend your lynching if it came to that and share a beer with the unwashed dude standing next to them with his spittle-covered beard.

Seriously. And don’t think to yourself for a second that oh, that’s not Bobby. He’s just confused but he’s a good guy at heart. Because no he isn’t a good guy at heart. His heart is stone and its a stone badge he wears proudly, and screw the man who says anything against it, including you.

The guy who was my Best Man turned up on Facebook a few years ago and we reminisced, shared old jokes, etc. it was cool. Until he started touting hateful -- seriously hateful -- views about muslims who, in his clearly confused mind, he said were all responsible for 9/11 which, he also says out of the other side of his mouth, was actually the result of a conspiracy between George Soros and George W. Bush plus a lot of big-money international jews. Yes, he did say that! I pointed the contradiction out to him and he nit-picked my grammar, deflected, whining about Obama being a "half-negro" [that’s a Fat Asspimple Limbaugh-ism] muslim traitor.

I kept in contact with him because I got a certain bang out of catching him in his many, many logical fallacies and he finally unfriended me. This guy is a PhD, but lacks poetry, as Pope Francis put it: when a person lacks poetry his soul can but limp through life.

And so it goes.

Still, to see a person long befriended turn into a RW animatron before your eyes might leave you bewildered and sad, but, shoot, they’ve chosen the that transformation, embraced it, and walked into the darkness. Willingly and with their goddamned eyes open.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 04:41 PM

61. I lost an old HS and college friend last week.

She was so afraid of Covid that she didn't go
to doctor for tests, suffered unimaginable
pain and other symptoms, and died of
pancreatic cancer a month after she finally
got diagnosed.

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Response to ananda (Reply #61)

Mon May 3, 2021, 10:34 PM

72. I'm sorry for your loss

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 05:07 PM

62. I to lost a friend of 50 years

But when you think about it, were they ever a friend? I don`t worry about it anymore because it is what it is and you won`t change them not one bit. But yeah it is Trump's fault and the ones who drank his Koolade like my friend of fifty years.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 05:24 PM

64. Friends, like all relationships, can be tricky.

Sometimes friends separate for a time only to come together later on.

If he was a friend all these years, he only has this one ugliness.

you could call this person and say

"i'm sorry that we disagree recently but I dont want to upset you...if you ever want to call me, please do."

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 08:39 PM

66. I came to offer condolences because your friend died of COVID19. glad he/she is still living

sorry your friend is stupid

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 08:46 PM

67. You didn't lose him because of Trump. He chose to end your friendship by no longer

treating you as a friend.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 09:58 PM

70. Did Trump change the character of his admirers ...

... or reveal it?

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 10:51 PM

73. This Sounds Like Something I Could Have Written

I had nearly the EXACT same experience with a long-time friend back in June. In the end, my intelligent, insightful, thoughtful friend became angry and irrational, and would become borderline violent anytime anyone DARED question the omnipotent Donald Trump. We haven't spoken since June.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Mon May 3, 2021, 11:46 PM

74. I've "lost" my son because of TtRUmp.

He is still here, but his mind is full of BS.

Drinking the koolaid, yelling at Biden on the TV.

I try to think where I went wrong... Taught the kid to think for himself, but who knew he'd find it easier to let someone feed him BS on a stick?

He won't believe the election was fair. He thinks CNN made tRump lose by "lying about him" and has a Tic Tok video to prove it.

If he were 8 it would be one thing, but he's 38, has kids and a wife and still lives with me because of how tRump destroyed the country. Yet thinks the orange haired bozo is the only one who can save us.

IF the world were a fair place, I could put him in a rubber room with a jacket where the sleeves tie up in the back.

I just point out the bulldozer size holes in his arguments, tell him to stop yelling at the TV.... if you don't agree with it, turn it OFF.
No one says you HAVE to watch it.

Ready to sell the house just to get him out of my yard.


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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:27 AM

75. I said GOOD RIDDANCE! to one today, there are many, many wonderful

people out there that are much more deserving to take their place.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 03:46 AM

76. Nope

I can't have relationships with people who support Trump or what the Republican Party now stands for...authoritarian destruction of democratic self-governance.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 05:48 AM

77. How intelligent can he be if he's a Trumper?

Sorry you lost a friend, but he doesn't sound like a good friend.

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Response to SunSeeker (Reply #77)

Tue May 4, 2021, 06:42 AM

79. the few very intelligent Trumper/BNP/SD types I know simply have decided to go full-blown white

nationalism. They justify the shitbaggery of Trump and the assorted Brit and Swedish white nationalist vermin as the price to pay needed to 'round up and consolidate' enough of the white voting block to stave off a diminution and destruction (their exact framing) of the modern 'white European culture and zeitgeist-generated nation state'.

Had an American female (have known her since I was 14 in an online game (Second Life), who is a California uni history professor (pretty much verified via mutual acquaintances, terrifyingly, although I do not know which one nor her real name) call Trump a dirty, chaotic, but extremely effective magnet which which to attract a critical mass of whites to 'keep America Western at its core of control'.

She was very open (with me, never in groups, and outright denies this when I have called her out in front of other RWers who ARE of the rube category) in her contempt for many of the MAGAts and their rube ways, but says they are useful idiots, tools need for the 'cause'.

She no longer talks to me. I tried to IM her about Trump losing (the last time we talked was early 2020) and discovered she had blocked me, plus I VERY rarely log into that game anymore anyway. She always said I was the exception (as I am multiracial and extremely educated) that proved the rule, as I (her words) 'was forged in the crucible of British upper class culture and education, but i am so rare in that regard'. I went bonkers when she said that, we had a huge row, and I stopped talking to her for over a year (this was mid 2017 to late 2018, around a month before the US mid-terms). She is in her late 50's, and utterly, immutably, set in her life's outlook. She is an extremely gifted orator, with a vast historical toolbox of knowledge, and is incredibly charismatic, despite the monster inside. Thank fuck she herself is an extreme exception in terms of the typical MAGAt.

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Response to Celerity (Reply #79)

Tue May 4, 2021, 02:42 PM

106. Being racist is not logical. It hurts the environment, causes untold misery and death.

Racists are in the end hurting themselves. If they can't figure that out, they're neither smart nor logical.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 05:57 AM

78. so sorry that this has happened to you, and NEVER blame yourself

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:33 AM

80. I have jettisoned every trumphumper from my life...

They have no heart or soul and I refuse to spend one second with any of them.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:53 AM

81. My former boyfriend of over two years

Revealed himself to me last year during the Floyd unrest.
I did know him to be conservative and we had our understanding. However, the statements and stance he made during that time ignited the end of our relationship.

I could no longer align with him on other fronts because of this. It got sort of ugly when I had a hard time relaying my feelings and where I stood on matters we were so far apart on. But. It came down to the fact that there were matters we were very far apart on and the chasm could not be filled or crossed.

He actually said to me that tRump was sent from God.
Last straw for me. Ripped those rose colored glasses right off.

It hurts like hell but once the bandage has been ripped off (or rose colored glasses) the healing can begin.

Take care of head and heart friend. Tell your friend adios!

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:49 AM

82. Lost a friend of 45 years to the Cult of the Sad Old Elvis.

Can't possibly be friends with a deluded fascist.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:18 AM

85. One of my old friends was a die hard Trump supporter

Same deal as you. We got along well, so could just agree to disagree. But at the height of the Trump presidency, he got so vocal about it that it was tough to take.

He ended up voting for Biden. Surprised the hell out of me, as I NEVER though he would vote Dem ever.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:23 AM

87. yep

walked away from my best friend since 5th grade. we're 74. i put up with the denials Obama was an american, climate denial and racism for years. but Charlottesville was the end. Defending fascists was it for me. We haven't spoken since then but i can only imagine his current opinions. bye bye.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:48 AM

88. Humpers and narcissists: the only thing to do is to cut them out of my life.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:54 AM

89. is there anything that you still have in common?

sports, hobbies?

You can't deal with someone when you are always thinking about the ugliness inside.

You have to find what you have in common. What isn't ugly.

or you must let go of (what little remains) of the friendship.

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Response to janterry (Reply #89)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:59 PM

103. It's really fking hard to have a conversation with someone who doesn't agree with reality.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:57 AM

90. I know. I'm 66 and

I've lost 2 old band mates from 45 years ago, a not too close friend from high school, and one friend I've known since about 3rd grade. I don't care about the one from h.s. but the others really hurt and disappointed me.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:39 AM

92. This person didn't change because of Agent Orange.

He just felt empowered enough to let his inner fascist out. I know this is very cliche now, but the "otherwise, he's a great person" is a "Yeah, but..." In the context of personal relations it's an example, writ small, of "But he made the trains run on time."

I'd be regretful, and definitely wish it wasn't so, but it is. You have to do what's right for you, but I'd not go out of my way to be around a person like this, and honour what was by being shade warmer than merely superficially polite.

I hope you find what works for you soon.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:49 AM

93. We were a group of 7

6 of us in California, 1 in TN (long story)
4 voted for Trump in 2016
2 voted for Clinton
1 not sure

I have not heard from my TN friend and I am worried for several reasons.

3 of the 4 Trumpsters have been vaccinated
1 has refused
1 "not sure" got her shot

So far, it's me and my best friend. We haven't seen the others, very few chats. We had all been friends, growing up together with our children who are now in their 40s. The two of us "anti-facists" are happy to have each other and so far that is enough. As for the others, I may have lost my TN friend, at least 3 of the 4 Trumpsters definitely voted for him again in 2020 (I do not have proof, just mho). That leaves 1 or 2 people which could give us 4.
____________________
How many friends are left in this group?


Yes, I (a retired art teacher) have been doing 2nd and 3rd grade math home schooling and it shows.


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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:51 AM

94. I have a strategy

My first reaction when I learned of a long time (progressive) friend of mine supported Trump. This is back in 2015. She posted some very racist anti-immigration thing on facebook, so I took the conversation private, to email and tried to point out how Trump was a biggot and racist. She took great offense and we have not spoken since.

Since then, I have taken a different tack, because I still love her. I know there is good in her. But now I have no idea if she ever saw the error of her ways, or what.

For a couple other of my long time friends who are clearly now Cult 45 members, I have taken a different approach. However it was complicated with the fact that I used to work for the Federal Judiciary, (I was forced into retirement in March, but that is another story), but as an employee of the Federal Judiciary, I was prohibited from posting (or even liking, or having a sign in my yard) that was partisan in any way. So for years I had to sit on my hands when I saw something on faceCrack that I couldn't respond to.

I think in a way, that was a blessing in disguise, because I don't think I've been targeted for political ads. Instead, I get suggestions for animal rescue videos (and would you know, there are scams happening now even on animal rescue video click bait) I digress.... back to the Cult 45 supporters

For years, I would just scroll on, and not engage. I didn't want to unfriend because I honestly believe there is good in these people, that they just need to come to the realization that they have been duped.

They won't take my word for it, and I can post links supporting my position to articles until my fingers are worn to the bone, but they will just declare that as 'fake news' So I keep my comments to a minimum, but now that I'm retired I don't have that ability taken from me. But when I see something that is just totally awful, and so unlike this person that I've known for the majority of my life, I will say something.

Here is an example: My friend posted a photo of a T-Shirt that said in psychedelic writing: "Love, Peace, and Hollow Points." (my heart cries)...

I was going to post visual images and articles against Hollow Bullets, but I stopped myself. It wouldn't have mattered, and my research in that direction sickened me. Instead I just posted this: "One of these things is not like the other. My dearest , I fear you are heading down a very dark path."

I left it there. She didn't respond at all, and she knows how I feel about it. She still cares about me as a friend.

So, you can't argue with these people. You won't win. They close their minds if you try to give them facts. Instead of shutting them out of your friendship entirely, try to remain their North Star. If they want to talk politics, politely say something to remove yourself from that conversation. If they post something that you do support, be supportive. Show them you are there and listening.

I am hoping that eventually they will come around (for her, I think it is just a matter of her getting a new boyfriend, which I think happens fairly frequently, but now she is hanging out with biker dudes. In Hawaii, of all things). Eventually, I am hopeful that she will understand that I am here to support their new realizations (and hopefully new boyfriend).

Stand by your morals. Don't engage if there is no hope of them opening their minds, but be there when they do come around and show them that Love does conquer all.

It is the best that I can do.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:54 AM

95. Luckily no close family are Trumpists

But I do have a real estate friend who is one. She has done so much for my mom and me - giving my mom and me weekly rides to the store and sometimes helping out with loaning money, among other things. I don’t think she’ll change her mind and I certainly am not changing mine. We did have one argument but after that have been more careful to avoid politics.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:57 AM

96. My former Republican BFF of 36 years has ghosted me for two years now.

Her husband was in Reagan's cabinet and it was always understood between us that we don't talk politics, being that she's an R and I'm a life-long D. All of that changed with Trump. I reached out to her three times and got nothing. I know she's still alive and well because she's forever posting pro-Trump shit on her FB page. Frankly, I prefer my friends who aren't in a fascist cult. Fuck 'em.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:52 AM

98. I don't hear a rant. I hear pain, loss and resignation that you have lost a friend to the darkness

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:53 AM

99. I don't hear a rant. I hear pain, loss and resignation that you have lost a friend to the darkness

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 01:02 PM

104. Trump has damaged many decent people.

There was news yesterday that belligerent, disorderly airplane customers have increased from 100-150 a year to over 1000 this year. This is during a year when customer volume dropped tremendously.

I don't know why people embrace the dark side of human nature so easily just because an asshole becomes president and tells them it's okay.

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Response to Poiuyt (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 01:08 PM

105. "...he didn't shy away...when other conservatives were present"

Boom!

Know a terrific guy.
Robert, and his wife and all his kids.
He is VERY well-connected to the GOP in DC.
And a nice guy!!
Doesn’t push his politics, and can laugh at himself.
With Trump, took on a very low profile.
Never said anything good about Trump, nor bad either. Just kept it to himself.

BUT put him in the same room with “Ron,” a flaming loudmouthed, Reich-wing excuse/blame-the-Democrats factory, and it was like someone forgot to put the cork in the bottle and the “other” Robert came out.

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